Streetspirit Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 Hey guys, I haven't posted on here in months, but I did want to give an update on my situation. It's been about 8 months since I broke up with my ex who I came home to early from work with another guy. Man, its been a long road since, but it does seem pretty distant. I heeded the advice I read on here and it's worked pretty effectively. I want to thank everyone who read my posts and gave feedback. I no longer feel any pain or long for the ex, and looking back its almost embarrassing to see how emotional I was about the whole thing, but at the same time, I guess thats what emotions do. They're anything but rational. Anyway, I just wanted to say that No Contact was totally the way to go. Its not an easy thing to do, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It pretty much forces you to get on with your life. It takes a few months at least to get a feeling of having your life back in order, but use that time wisely. You've just got to acknowledge the misery, look at it like a death in the family. Mourn, and move on. Take lessons from it. Use what you've learned to make yourself a stronger person, and a better mate for the next person that comes along. I've dated a few new girls since, but haven't felt nor wanted anything serious, which has been great. I've got my independence again which is priceless at the moment. Going through this has made me aware of what a great person I am, and refined the qualities I look for in women now. As horrible as the experience was when it happened, I'm kind of glad it did. The saying is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Cheers and Good Luck, Mike
funkybassplayer Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 If we can let go of a loved one, there is always a lesson to learn about yourself and them, and sometimes its how life teaches us, and sets us up for the new challenges to come. The key is to be happy on your own, to love yourself, b/c then you will not need to be with someone to feel whole. A partner will add to your happyness, and we choose the people we do to fill whats missing from us. when we feel ready, we will meet our soul mate.
smwhtshy Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 SS, thanks for the update and the very timely post. It really gives me hope. I just completed 4 months strict NC, and feeling pretty good, though still have my sad times, and for some reason yesterday and today have been fightin extremely hard not to contact her in some way. Why after 4 months? The nice thing is, it seems to be passing quickly, and the urge to contact is not as strong as it was the first month or two.. Then I read your post... When you said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, it seems like you've reached that point where you're seeing the breakup as a positive, not a negative in your life. You said as much. Wow, I envy that feeling, and hope I'm getting closer to it, faster than I was a couple months ago, when I cried all the time, the dreams, the "what if.." stuff that absolutely rules your mind..horrible. But, the worst of it is over...and I got on LS today, just to find some encouraging words about NC (to keep me from doing it..ha), and find your great post. It reminded me that its like a drug, or quitting smoking, not so much about love now, and that if I can resist, and focus elsewhere, the urge does pass and the next time it comes up, its not as strong. Thanks man, your words were perfect for me today...
Author Streetspirit Posted August 2, 2007 Author Posted August 2, 2007 That's great! I'm glad the post was encouraging. Relationships can be like an addiction in a way, I found myself saying that at times, and they really are. Once you're used to being so close to someone, you actually do form an emotional addiction and I feel like the loss from a break up is like withdraw. No contact is pretty much like quitting cold turkey. Hard at first, but you adjust over time. I was there too.. the crying and the dreams and everything. It's consuming. But over time, everything becomes more and more the past. Easier to deal with. One of my close friends told me to just take things a day at a time.. Days turned to weeks, months, and now I feel like I'm myself again. She has tried to come over and call, but it is easy to resist. She's trying sink the teeth back in but its really an annoyance now more than anything. Do your grieving as soon as possible and get it out of the way. It might take awhile, but when its done its done. Form a support network.. good friends to let you vent. Meet new people. Work on yourself, distractions are great. The key is passing time. When you realize that other people and things can make you just as happy, you start wondering what was so great about the ex. I had it pretty bad. Somewhere deep down I was hoping No Contact would in some way make her want to come back. Thats how I started it. 8 months later it's like I'm seeing her with different eyes. oh, and yeah bassplayer you hit the nail on the head.
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