teardrop86 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 Hello everyone, I am having a problem with an ex-girlfriend that I had started dating in March of 2007, we had broken up at the end of May (she is moving away to Kamloops in September or October.) I don't know if I am making a big deal over this or not, but I just can't seem to get over it. This relationship that I have had with her has taken me through a few first experiences. For one, I am 21 years old, and she is 18, and this was the first time I have ever slept with a girl in my life (she wasn't a virgin), and this is also the first time I have ever kept in contact with my one of my ex's (we work together and have been working together since September.) I have had a couple of relationships in the past and some flings. But, none of them resulted in sleeping with the person, this is partially the reason why I think I am feeling so down about this situation I am in, I gave my virginity to this girl. I feel lost...and I am very depressed. Things started off great when we first started hanging out, we would see each other all the time, go out for Dinner, Movies and would spend as much time as possible with each other. When we decided to split up because she will be moving in the next couple of months, things started to go downhill from there, and it seems even worse now. We are still good friends, and it is getting to the point where I am starting to really feel hurt because I still love this girl with all of my heart, and I don't think she feels the same way anymore. I try to be a great guy for her, I pick her up for work when we work together so she doesn't need to take a bus or a taxi. I buy her flowers once and a while, I always try to initiate conversations either at work or when we hang out, I always try to hang out with her at least once a week, sometimes two, just so that we can keep our friendship alive and well. I always try to be there for her when she needs support, because her Dad is always away for work reasons, and she doesn't get along with her Mom. I really care for this girl, and it is really hurting me to see her like this because I care so much about her, I am honestly about to break down and cry. I put so much effort and time into this relationship/friendship, and she barely reciprocates. My parents seem to think I am wasting my time with her, because when it is all said and done, she will be moving away (3 hour drive away from where I live.) My parents don't want to see me so hurt, and I am very hurt. Just the other night I had a chat with her about something that had really bugged me but we never had the chance to talk because the last couple of times that we had hung out, she was sick and the other time one of her best friends was moving away to Alberta and she had just found out that night. This chat her and I had on Tuesday night consisted of, her and her friends going to the Beach without letting me know, the story there is, a few people had planned to go to the beach after my ex came back from Merritt Mountain Music Fest, we were all set to go and then she gets a call from her Sister saying that her Sister and her boyfriend had gotten into a fight, so I drove my ex down to work so that she could tend to her Sister. I told my ex to call me if they decided to head down to the Beach; or just to call me at any point in the night to let me know how her Sister was doing. I didn't get the call that night, she claims to have forgotten. A couple of weeks later, ***I see pictures of them at the beach when my ex was wearing the sunglasses I had lent to her that day because she had forgotten hers at home. My ex gave me the sunglasses back the very next day.*** I confronted my ex about it on Tuesday, she still tried to say that it wasn't on that very day that they went to the beach without me. We got into a sort of heated argument, and ended talking about it more in depth and she kept trying to say that it wasn't on the day that we had all planned, but I know for a fact, because there are pictures of her wearing my sunglasses from that day. I told her that I wasn't angry at her, I was a little upset and very hurt and disappointed that she didn't even call me to let me know about it. We chatted briefly tonight she was too stoned to have a conversation, and I asked her how she felt about our conversation on Tuesday, she said that she was still kind of upset and I asked her how she was feeling, she said that she doesn't want to talk about it, and that they're personal feelings that she doesn't want to discuss, it just seems odd to me why she wouldn't want to discuss these things with me, and how could they be personal, if the conversation was about us, how are they "personal" person refers to one, she has also said in the past that she never talks about her feelings with anyone, and she just keeps them to herself! (so confused). I feel bad for bringing the whole scenario up with her, but I just couldn't take it anymore and there had been other little things that had been bugging me as of late as well, but the Beach was just the icing on the cake, I mean a guy can only take so much. She says that she doesn't know how to react to me because she has never had someone who cares or does so much for her, the words out of her mouth on Tuesday were, the only person who does this much for me is my Dad, she kept on saying she doesn't know how to react, it just doesn't make any sense to me, if someone is nice to you, you should reciprocate and be nice back, maybe my expectations of her are all wrong. In all honestly, she is a tom-boy and there is nothing wrong with that, she hangs out with a lot of guys, has very few girlfriends, wants to become an automotive mechanic, and she is a stoner who smokes a lot of pot, and smokes cigarettes too. Not to say that any of that stuff is bad, well smoking is, but thats a different subject entirely. There is nothing wrong with being a tom-boy, but not knowing how to show affection has nothing to do with it, I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I feel deep down, if you care about someone, you will go out of your way to make them feel good, do nice things for them, etc...you will do them naturally. I proposed that we take some time apart from each other so that we can let things simmer down, because we are both a little bit angry, and I don't want the situation to escalate even more. She seemed in agreement, but I know deep down inside this time apart is going to hurt me even more, it is already killing me and it's only been an hour. Not to mention I still will be running into her at work Thursday and Friday afternoon. I need some advice, am I wasting my time with this girl? Am I freaking her out or overwhelming her by doing nice things or always being there for her? Is she using me? Or will this time apart actually make her realize that she has a nice guy who is willing to make sacrifices to work things out so that we can still remain friends. Am I setting myself up for more heartbreak? Do I need to let her go? Any personal experiences would be greatly appreciated as well, anything to help me get through this. I am so very confused and very hurt. Sorry for the long post, I would appreciate any help, Teardrop...
101NEO Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 ok so i can tell that you care deeply for this girl so i'm sorry if anything i'm about to say is offensive or makes you hurt even more. you need to let her go. if she cares about you, or is into you the way that you are into her, she'll start calling and trying to be more a part of your life. the fact that she didn't call you about the beach thing like you agreed shows disinterest on her behalf. be patient, remove yourself from being readily available, let her make some of the moves. right now you are too easy for her. too a woman, just like men, that's boring. get out there and meet some new women. you might find that you aren't as in to her as you thought.
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