smoochygirl Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 I am 22 years old and my husband is 34. we are married for a year now, i have this huge problem about sex. My husband only have sex with me once a month and i feel like i have to beg for it whenever we do it. I don't feel that he is cheating on me, he always comes home on time, he spend his day off with me, he always have plans for me and him. He always say he loves me. Overall he is a good husband to me except that he doesn't have sex with me. Right now for almost 2 months we still don't have sex and i promise myself I'm not gonna make a move because sometimes whenever i do he tells me he is tired (ouch).. whenever he do that i feel like a girl hungry for sex. But i think i am normal, i think i am just a young woman who needs my husband sometimes. I do feel unwanted and ugly whenever he refuses to have intercourse with me. One day i told him that i feel unwanted and ugly whenever he refuses to have sex with me, he just smile. I try almost everything, i wear sexy clothes at home. I don't think i am ugly and I'm not fat either. Whenever i walk with him guy's stare at me and he always tells me he understand that because i am beautiful. But despite of all that he still don't have sex appetite. His not impotent either. sometimes i even started touching him and getting excited but even after all that all i get is " I can't do it my head is pounding" what can i do? what do you guy's think is wrong?
whichwayisup Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 At age 34 he should be having alot more sex, so it makes me wonder if he is depressed, or having negative thoughts, is stressed out etc...Will he go to the Dr to get a check up? This isn't about you, he loves you, thinks you're beautiful... Does he treat you well outside of the bedroom? How is the rest of the relationship? All you can do is try your best to not push sex right now because something is going on inside him.
snapper Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 you will see my story from today and i know all about wanting the sex and intimacy but not getting it. my situation turned into a ticking time bomb and i should have addressed it at the start of my relationship or at least before i got married and had kids. men are more complicated that we think and the stereo type that guys all always want to have sex is a myth. there are a lot of issues with how they were brought up, mother figures, views on sex and marriage and views on women that make them more complex. i strongly suggest that you try to talk it through with him and get to the bottom of it. my husband has always said i am beautiful and perfect as well - and i think therefore he can't see me in a sexual way....good luck
tommyr Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 my situation turned into a ticking time bomb and i should have addressed it at the start of my relationship or at least before i got married and had kids. ... i strongly suggest that you try to talk it through with him and get to the bottom of it. I absolutely agree with this. Talk about it NOW. Do NOT let this go on for months/years like many of us. I am now dealing with sex issues in my marriage and it would have been MUCH easier to deal with 3 years ago when the problems first began.
Zona76 Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 He may need to get a physical from the Family Doctor. A professional can figure the problem and explain it to the both of you. I suggest you insist on him getting an exam.
Enema Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 Yep, could be something medical. Some men just have much lower sex drives. I was similiar, never really had much interest in sex... all the plumbing worked, but I didn't have an urge to use it. Recently saw a doctor and had my bloodwork done to find my testosterone was on the low end of the scale. I've been using some testosterone cream/gel for a little while now and it really helps up the sex drive. Of course, this only works if your husband knows there's a problem and wants to do something about it.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 6, 2007 Author Posted August 6, 2007 Hi, I am still clueless until now what was wrong with my husband, just a year ago we have a really good sex almost every day, sometimes a couples of times a day. But he suddenly change. At first i understand because we just got married, he's the one working for both of us, as i am studying. At first we are struggling with our expenses. So i really do understand why he is acting that way. i always thought he maybe stress because of all this going on with our life. But this year he has no reason to have stress with expenses and to be doing that to me as we are not struggling anymore. I am not pushing him at all, i am patient wife to him. I would never think of cheating in our marriage even after this is happening to me. I just can't believe he is doing this to me. I don't really believe he has medical issue because like i said just a year ago we have sex almost 8 times a day but now i am lucky if i get once a month. We have a good relationship. I do not believe he is cheating either. I took your advice guy's i ask him why he don't have sex with me anymore he told me it is because sometimes we have a bad conversation sometimes. I think there is no perfect relationship, sometimes we don't have a good conversation at-least 1 every two weeks like any other couple's. and besides I'm not a nagger so i feel like his excuse is not valid. Then the other night i told him i want to have sex he said alright he will just go and make a quick "pee" when he get out of the bathroom he then told me his stomach is hurt because he is constipated, then he can't urinate much because of this constipation. i suddenly feel bad about his situation instead of sex i take care of him, make him tea and prepare soft food that might help his bathroom issue. Then today he was joking to me about sexy humor joke, i then told him stop making that joke since he don't have sex with me anyway, he told me "we will have sex" Then after a few minutes he went on his computer and get ready for work. I am afraid of this relationship will not last long because of my husband behavior but i do love him and i wish this relationship will make it.
Replicant Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 I took your advice guy's i ask him why he don't have sex with me anymore he told me it is because sometimes we have a bad conversation sometimes. Bad conversations you say? That's what Make up sex is for! If he went from throwing it to you 8 times day to absolute zero, that indeed is something that needs to be investigated medically or discussed personally. Maybe you broke it
FrequentFlyer Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 Sorry to sound so simplistic, but something is clearly wrong here. I think you need to stop saying "having sex" and call it making love. Also tell him straight out that physical contact is one of several important ingredients to a great relationship. Tell him you are aware that the frequency has dropped off (considerably). But also let him know that you will NOT initiate it, because getting turned down/blown off/rejected is unacceptable, and truly hurts your feelings. So inform him you won't bug him about it, but he will need to initiate it. But he better not take too long. He needs to start being on the level with you. If he wasn't physically up to it, there are other things he could be doing -- to help satisfy you. That's only fair. Something's up.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Bad conversations you say? That's what Make up sex is for! If he went from throwing it to you 8 times day to absolute zero, that indeed is something that needs to be investigated medically or discussed personally. Maybe you broke it I probably broke it:lmao:
Author smoochygirl Posted August 7, 2007 Author Posted August 7, 2007 Sorry to sound so simplistic, but something is clearly wrong here. I think you need to stop saying "having sex" and call it making love. Also tell him straight out that physical contact is one of several important ingredients to a great relationship. Tell him you are aware that the frequency has dropped off (considerably). But also let him know that you will NOT initiate it, because getting turned down/blown off/rejected is unacceptable, and truly hurts your feelings. So inform him you won't bug him about it, but he will need to initiate it. But he better not take too long. He needs to start being on the level with you. If he wasn't physically up to it, there are other things he could be doing -- to help satisfy you. That's only fair. Something's up. Maybe something is up. I just have no idea what is it yet. i hate being clueless. I am planning on working soon and working to get my driver's license so i can do something other than school and thinking when he will give it to me ha ha. Sometimes it makes me less of a women and a wife when i think about my situation. I can't believe at my young age i am on a sexless marriage.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 9, 2007 Author Posted August 9, 2007 My husband and i just resolve our differences last night, we made love finally and it was great. His the only man i want and i will fight for him. I put God in our relationship all the time.
Jesika Posted August 9, 2007 Posted August 9, 2007 I am having the same problem except I am 31 and my boyfriend of 2yrs is 23. I get the same excuse everytime ............." I'm tired"..........sometimes I wish he was impotent cause it would make it easier to deal with. I wish I could offer some advice......I have done all the things you have done to try and make something happen. I started my own thread about this too. Sorry you are going through this.........I know how it feels. *sending a big hug* Jes
Vixen01tx Posted August 11, 2007 Posted August 11, 2007 I don't think i am ugly and I'm not fat either. Whenever i walk with him guy's stare at me and he always tells me he understand that because i am beautiful. This may not have anything to do with it. You may not know what you are doing when it comes to sex. I mean, this is hardly a problem for most newlyweds. Ask him what he would like for you to do, rather than making assumptions. You also mentioned that you tried talking to him once about how it makes you feel and all he did was smile. That is not showing you respect and he needs to know that.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 12, 2007 Author Posted August 12, 2007 I had talk to him about this and i realized now what was wrong. He almost got me pregnant when i was 20 years old when we were just engaged but both of us are not ready to have a kids yet. I want to finish my college and have a good job and own a house before we can finally have a kids. He want to own a house and have more saving before having a kids with me. This is bothering him everytime with have sex we both always wait every month for my period to make sure i am not pregnant one of the reason why he is the way he is. Ok it is our fault, we don't used condom ( we are both busy and lazy or forget or just don't want to use condom). I am not comfortable using birth control pills as it change my mood when i am using it. I am more moody and it makes my breast sore. So now we do it every now and then and manage to talk about it and try using calendar when i am fertile. I am young and can easily get pregnant base on my doctor so we are very careful. I'm glad i had this talk to him. It makes our relationship easier and it makes me not worry about our relationship. I told him that it makes me worry and makes my life miserable to think that my husband doesn't love me anymore, he said i am silly. He told me i know better, He love me and want's the best for our relationship. We talk about our culture differences and love making and How to entertain each other more. Thanks for the advices. I was shy to tell him how i really feel as i don't want to sound like a sex maniac but after reading your post here i realize that sex isn't just about physical pleasure.
Enema Posted August 12, 2007 Posted August 12, 2007 There are many more forms of birth control you can use besides the pill. There's no excuse for not using contraception.
Vixen01tx Posted August 15, 2007 Posted August 15, 2007 This is bothering him everytime with have sex we both always wait every month for my period to make sure i am not pregnant one of the reason why he is the way he is. This sounds like a lame excuse. It is 2007 my friend, there are plenty of ways to keep from getting preggers besides the pill or condoms. If you accept his reasoning as satisfactory, then more power to you. This is just an outsider looking in.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 17, 2007 Author Posted August 17, 2007 This sounds like a lame excuse. It is 2007 my friend, there are plenty of ways to keep from getting preggers besides the pill or condoms. If you accept his reasoning as satisfactory, then more power to you. This is just an outsider looking in. I just don't feel he is cheating on me or else i will be in infidelity forum. He is a very good husband to me. I am now trying to get a drivers license so i can work soon beside on studying. He hug me the other day and told me that he is also excited of me going to work soon as we were always together and he jokingly told me that we might do it a lot more when I'm finally out of the house ha ha. Ill make an appointment for OB so i can take a contraceptive pills. Yes i am justifying my husband action as i am trying my best to understand his actions.
Vixen01tx Posted August 17, 2007 Posted August 17, 2007 Ill make an appointment for OB so i can take a contraceptive pills. Good idea.
Mrs.C. Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 good luck. The only thing worse than being in a sexless marriage is being in one for years and years. Talk about a depressing existence. Slightly off topic - definitely a morality question: Is it ever okay for someone to "get sex elsewhere" if they keep their heart and home but can't get laid in their own marriage?
tommyr Posted August 21, 2007 Posted August 21, 2007 Slightly off topic - definitely a morality question: Is it ever okay for someone to "get sex elsewhere" if they keep their heart and home but can't get laid in their own marriage? I hate to admit that this idea had occurred to me last year. Never acted out on it but my brain was beginning to make it seem justified (it isn't). Fortunately I made the decision to work hard on having a "sexfull marriage" , and if that was not possible, I would end the marriage. I never used that as a threat to the wife (not sure if she even knew our marriage was on the line) but the work has paid off and instead of divorce our marriage is better than ever. Her alarm just sounded. Maybe I can bring her some coffee and get things started....
portableversion Posted August 22, 2007 Posted August 22, 2007 i can understand the bad conversation part in my situation my wife would spout off some hard core radical feminism about how sex is degrading and violence and all this other stuff and it would make me feel guilty for being the hornn ball i am...... at age 32 and yes i love the idea of gettiing her pregnant too or the other day she said something and i told her straight up thank god for affairs one of these days marriage will be banned and I will advise all againstgetting married and i was so pissed off @#@$@ i finally did read some of the books andrea dworkin and what not and i stood up to fight for who i am and thats a horn ball!!! i need lust and love i'm not here to dominate and degrade im here to enjoy my life before i die but still my sex life friggin stinks good luck girl once a month here if im lucky and it continually frustrates me to no end forgive me if ive trailed probably had a little too much armagnac tonight
Author smoochygirl Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 Slightly off topic - definitely a morality question: Is it ever okay for someone to "get sex elsewhere" if they keep their heart and home but can't get laid in their own marriage? To answer your question I think cheating is really a bad idea even-though it is just for sex it is still cheating. I would rather leave my husband then start a new relationship than sleep with another men on his back. It is a commitment we made when we got married so we have to be a real person and stand for it. Unfortunately until now i am still trying to understand my husband and i hope that he will change. I don't want to leave him but i can't live a life this for the rest of my life.
Author smoochygirl Posted August 22, 2007 Author Posted August 22, 2007 i can understand the bad conversation part in my situation my wife would spout off some hard core radical feminism about how sex is degrading and violence and all this other stuff and it would make me feel guilty for being the hornn ball i am...... at age 32 and yes i love the idea of gettiing her pregnant too or the other day she said something and i told her straight up thank god for affairs one of these days marriage will be banned and I will advise all againstgetting married and i was so pissed off @#@$@ i finally did read some of the books andrea dworkin and what not and i stood up to fight for who i am and thats a horn ball!!! i need lust and love i'm not here to dominate and degrade im here to enjoy my life before i die but still my sex life friggin stinks good luck girl once a month here if im lucky and it continually frustrates me to no end forgive me if ive trailed probably had a little too much armagnac tonight I understand what you meant, did it ever occurred in you're mind to find another person to satisfy your sexual needs? Sometimes I'm thinking that maybe i am young and doesn't have much experience with guy's so now i am living with someone i thought i could finally explore the sexual world. But i just would never cheat on my husband. But i hope he don't wait to long for me to finally realized that i can't waste my life in a sexless marriage.
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