chill chic Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 This guy & I have gone out on occasion for the past few months, probably about twice a month depending on our work schedules. I like him, he seems to like me, we get along great, kiss & cuddle even, calls me baby, etc. Even though we talk about sex, we haven't had sex yet and he is still sticking around, which is good. Last weekend I was discussing what we want out of this relationship, and he told me since his work schedule keeps him busy, sometimes traveling, that at this time he couldn't give me as much time as I deserve. Later on that night we were talking about our night out, and we were talking about my long legs, and guys looking at me, and he asked me "so you can get all these guys, you're hot, you have everything going for you, but why would you like me?" apparently I'm one of the only so called hot chics that he's ever hung out with. He's a normal guy, not HOT HOT but just a good looking, nice guy. And I guess he's confused at why I'd be attracted to him. Anyway, with that, I'm not sure what we are, or how long I should wait or what I should do?? Please help, I'd like to pursue something with him, but without being pushy. Any suggestions??
spookie Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 He's already told you that he's too busy to have a girlfriend. He sounds decent because, with that in mind, he hasn't pressured you for sex, but honestly unless you are ok with this being casual again or getting into a free milk situation I would wait until he changed his mind about commitment. Keep hanging out and having fun. Don't have sex or fall in love.
Author chill chic Posted August 2, 2007 Author Posted August 2, 2007 I like the fact that it's a very different situation than I've been in with guys in the past. I actually get respect from this guy from what I can tell, and I admire that he hasn't pressured me into having sex, like most guys would try to. I can recognize from his actions and words that he respects me, and he'll go out of his way to make sure everything is okay with me and he helps me quite often, like he has a gentle side about him. Just the only thing is that he's busy most of the time, he told me that things will wind down this month with his job, so we'll see what happens. But in the meantime I want to let him know that I really appreciate that he's been a genuinely nice guy. How can I say that to him without seeming weird about it? Or being too forward? Like can I say "I just wanted to tell you, thanks for being a genuinely nice guy, I don't get that often" or should I leave out the "I don't get that often" part? I want him to realize that he's sorta special to me in that way.
lino Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 My opinion will probably differ from most other guys but I consider myself to be a 'genuinely nice guy' & in my opinion if you tell him "I just wanted to tell you, thanks for being a genuinely nice guy, I don't get that often" he will appreciate it, I know I would. I think only someone playing games or acting too cool will not like it & maybe think you're being weird. However if saying 'I don't get that often' worries you maybe you could say it this way 'Hey I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate how nice you are with me' and then stroke him or give him a small kiss. That would go well with me Hope this helps you Unfortunately when I've been told this sort of thing by a girl (quite a few times!) it either ended up being fake or as I was being dumped! I've read some of your other topics & you sound like a really nice level-headed person, I wish I could meet someone like that. Best of luck
bradford Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 If the guy really likes you - it's not going to matter too much what you say to him - chances are he wants to hear it. He said that he doesn't have time to give you that you deserve - but he didn't say he didn't wish he did have the time - I don't think he's copping out; i think he probably wants a commitment - even if time is an issue. The two really have little to do with each other when you think about it. As for what you can say ... Just tell him he rocks and you like him. Nothing wrong with that, and I don't know too many guys who wouldn't like hearing it - and the guys that wouldn't .. well you don't want anything to do with them anyway
norajane Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I like the fact that it's a very different situation than I've been in with guys in the past. I actually get respect from this guy from what I can tell, and I admire that he hasn't pressured me into having sex, like most guys would try to. I can recognize from his actions and words that he respects me, and he'll go out of his way to make sure everything is okay with me and he helps me quite often, like he has a gentle side about him. Just the only thing is that he's busy most of the time, he told me that things will wind down this month with his job, so we'll see what happens. But in the meantime I want to let him know that I really appreciate that he's been a genuinely nice guy. How can I say that to him without seeming weird about it? Or being too forward? Like can I say "I just wanted to tell you, thanks for being a genuinely nice guy, I don't get that often" or should I leave out the "I don't get that often" part? I want him to realize that he's sorta special to me in that way. When he does something nice, thank him and tell him he makes you feel special. When he takes you out, thank him and tell him how much you appreciate all the effort he makes to treat you so special. When he calls, end the conversation with a 'thank you for calling, or I'm really happy you called". My point is, you don't have to make a big deal out of it with some speech. Just make sure to show your appreciation for him all along as he's doing things that make you feel special.
Author chill chic Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 thanks for all your replies, it really helps! he did something really nice, like out of his way nice and when I think of it, it makes me smile. I want him to know that I appreciated what he did, but now since it's been a week since he did that, would it be too long after the fact to tell him thank you again? or should I wait until he does something nice again like that?
norajane Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 If it was that extra-special to you, there's nothing wrong in telling him so again. Next time you talk with him or see him, tell him what you just said - that you were thinking about what he did and it made you smile and you wanted to thank him again.
lino Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I think it would be good to wait until next time he does something you like & then tell him you appreciate when he goes out of his way to do nice things for you, like in that particular instance & then also cite other examples from the past.
Author chill chic Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 will do!! I just don't want to mess anything up since he's literally the only guy that I've come across that hasn't wanted to jump on me right away, kinda sad to say, but it's true. he's truly respecting me in that manner and since we're not pressuring each other, he seems like he's going to stick around right? if he's stuck around this long right? sorry I haven't been in such a situation before, honestly
lino Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 No need to apologise, you seem to be in a similar situation to me except I'm a guy! I would love to meet a girl who is genuinely interested in having a LTR with me but the only types I seem to attract are the ones with a tonne of attitude & put on a good show but are fake & just want a fling You don't have a sister do you? haha I don't know if your guy will stick around because I don't know your situation so well but if he's genuine he will definitely appreciate you letting him know that you appreciate him & the things he does for you. I definitely would. All the best chill chic
alphamale Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 CC, why don't you two hop in the sack after the next date and see what happens after that?
DanielMadr Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Hi CC, He is hesitant to make the next step (sex). It can be because he is afraid that sexual advance would drive you off (like you stated in here and to him too). Or it can be because he is not sure you are worth the effort - doesnt see you as dating material. Open up for him, send him stronger buying signals and watch for reaction. Simple 'Id like to meet you for a chat and walk' will give him a clue you two are not the "groping on every second saturday night couple". As you say lots of guys(losers) see you as "hot and sexy" and nothing more. Let me tell you it gives many red flags. I would think there is a risk that you are attention wh0re/club girl. And there is nothing warm and beautiful under the hot layer. And I would think that you will dump him once you get his full approval/attention - when he wants to sleep with you. So called "hot and sexy" are individualities too but tend to be a little more emotionally unstable than the rest. And it is not always wort the effort to dig deep and connect with them. You have to do some work to prove him wrong. Let me ask you. Are you really interested in him or are you just curious why the hell doesnt he want to mount you just like the rest?
lraecg Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 If it was that extra-special to you, there's nothing wrong in telling him so again. Next time you talk with him or see him, tell him what you just said - that you were thinking about what he did and it made you smile and you wanted to thank him again. I'd go with that; your lasting gratitude demonstrates a strong element of humility and it's a nice thought for anybody that a good turn has been remembered even when your apart and time has passed. I'd personally always sway away from using the word "nice" - it's a quite a plutonic and overused phrase and, as another poster mentioned, quite often is used by women when they're rejecting a guys advances so I wouldn't take the risk; maybe use the phrase gentleman instead if it's not too out of tune with the lingo in your part of the world. Beyond that I'd personally recommend just keep things flowing as they are for these next few weeks and then see if he tries to progress things once he's got more time to spend with you. I hope it works out for you
Author chill chic Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 Hi CC, He is hesitant to make the next step (sex). It can be because he is afraid that sexual advance would drive you off (like you stated in here and to him too). Or it can be because he is not sure you are worth the effort - doesnt see you as dating material. Open up for him, send him stronger buying signals and watch for reaction. Simple 'Id like to meet you for a chat and walk' will give him a clue you two are not the "groping on every second saturday night couple". As you say lots of guys(losers) see you as "hot and sexy" and nothing more. Let me tell you it gives many red flags. I would think there is a risk that you are attention wh0re/club girl. And there is nothing warm and beautiful under the hot layer. And I would think that you will dump him once you get his full approval/attention - when he wants to sleep with you. So called "hot and sexy" are individualities too but tend to be a little more emotionally unstable than the rest. And it is not always wort the effort to dig deep and connect with them. You have to do some work to prove him wrong. Let me ask you. Are you really interested in him or are you just curious why the hell doesnt he want to mount you just like the rest? well I can tell he knows I have a genuinely sweet side about me, and I'm more of myself around him. to answer your question...I'm very interested in him, and it's like a test for myself, by waiting and doing the "dating" thing. it's actually proving to myself that I can get respect from guys, this one in particular is probably the first, so it intrigues me. and I guess the other part of the question...I just kinda answered, whereas I'm not used to this sorta thing. we connect on an intellectual level, yet still add some spice talk here & there. does that make any sense?
Author chill chic Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 CC, why don't you two hop in the sack after the next date and see what happens after that? for a change...I'd rather feel this one out more
alphamale Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 for a change...I'd rather feel this one out more yea but you really won't know how your truly feel until you've done the deed. maybe he's bad in the sack and that will be the deal-breaker?
DanielMadr Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I'm very interested in him, and it's like a test for myself, by waiting and doing the "dating" thing. it's actually proving to myself that I can get respect from guys, this one in particular is probably the first, so it intrigues me. For one you are sexual hot chic and for another you are asexual intelectual friend. Maybe it is time to be both....a woman. He is giving you "respect". What are you giving to him?
DanielMadr Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 yea but you really won't know how your truly feel until you've done the deed. maybe he's bad in the sack and that will be the deal-breaker? She can train him if that eventuality occurs;) It never stops to amaze me, how girls who are really interested in a guy hold off sex. They did it with every sailor and then comes the One and they close the store
alphamale Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 She can train him if that eventuality occurs;) one can only train so much DM
norajane Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 It never stops to amaze me, how girls who are really interested in a guy hold off sex. They did it with every sailor and then comes the One and they close the store That's cause she'd get dropped like a sailor's whore if she has sex with the guy right away. Not always, but most often that's how it works. So it's a reaction to how guys treat girls who have sex right away...we've learned to hold off with a guy we like so he won't categorize us as the kind you have sex with instead of the kind you take home to mom.
Lizzie60 Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I think he will very much appreciate that you tell him how nice he is, blablabla... guys love to be needed and appreciated... very much. So, just like women love to be told how beautiful they are, etc... men also love compliments... Without 'overdoing' the compliment thing... you can tell him how appreciated he is... I'm sure you'll find the words... LOL Go for it! nothing to lose.
DanielMadr Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 That's cause she'd get dropped like a sailor's whore if she has sex with the guy right away. Not always, but most often that's how it works. So it's a reaction to how guys treat girls who have sex right away...we've learned to hold off with a guy we like so he won't categorize us as the kind you have sex with instead of the kind you take home to mom. A girl is categorised a minute we meet her. If a guy sees her as a girl who he might date, there is nothing an early sex can spoil. And if he sees her as temporary pleasure there is little she can do about it and holding of aka making "securing emotional connections first" wont help much. I mean its riddiculous to hop in the sack with someone you dont trust, respect, love and to wait and wait with someone you do trust, respect and love. Nevermind. To solve this paradox just dont sleep with any guys early on. OK? Are we clear?!
norajane Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 A girl is categorised a minute we meet her. If a guy sees her as a girl who he might date, there is nothing an early sex can spoil. And if he sees her as temporary pleasure there is little she can do about it and holding of aka making "securing emotional connections first" wont help much. Yes, but the girl doesn't know how you've categorized her. So if she doesn't care what happens relationship-wise, she might have sex with the guy if she's attracted. But if she does care, she waits to see if he sticks around
Cobra_X30 Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 That's cause she'd get dropped like a sailor's whore if she has sex with the guy right away. Not always, but most often that's how it works. So it's a reaction to how guys treat girls who have sex right away...we've learned to hold off with a guy we like so he won't categorize us as the kind you have sex with instead of the kind you take home to mom. Wise, True, and Insightful. My question is this... why does it take so long for women to figure this out? I thought you gals talked?
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