The OW

[East of Jupiter]

She did pass herself off as someone else. As you can see, I am very open about myself. She garnered sensitive information about me and then beat me with it in a most foul way.

 

Maybe we can discuss her behavior rather than my response TC.

 

What is up with the behavior? Why do OW hate the BW even though they don't know them and in most cases the spouse has done absolutely nothing to them? Can you comment on that?

 

< I have my OW's answer onthat in black and white. I'm curious what other say>

[East of Jupiter]

Honey, you need to start documenting the incidents and gathering your proof and then you need to get a restraining order. The OW that was in my life did the same thing to me. Finally both me and my now ex h had to get restraining orders because she went balistic. I can sympathise with you and I hope things get better soon. Document and save everything that she does, it will help you.

 

I have to really consider her husband finding out. I'm getting to the point that I don't give a flying duck anymore.

 

But this puts at risk not just her life and her kids, but my H's life as well. You just never know what an angry nutjob will do.

[East of Jupiter]

I don't understand why she is still with her H if he is so abusive and will do harm to his wife and children if he finds out she's cheated on him, let alone do what she's doing to you...

 

 

I don't judge her for that. I have lived long enough and seen and known enough to recognize that being an abused person is not easy to understand.

 

Heck, I can't explain why I have stayed with my husband who has caused me much emotional distress.

 

We all have out limits. Had my husband ever abused me or my kids, we would not be together. The only person who got away with abusing me was my father and that was when I was too young to defend myself. Had he done it later in life, I would have kicked his arse.

 

As a matter of fact I was homeless at 15 and on the streets. There was no way he was ever going to get a chance to abuse me physically or emotionally again. Oh, this only made it worse. My independence and stiff upper lip (the one that scares off men, women, children and small animals) pissed him off to no end.

 

But I have allowed my husband to emotionally take advantage of me. Go figure.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

It's kind of a double edged sword here. I also intended not to give OW the time of day. But if in anyway she continues to impose herself on my life I can fight ugly. I can't believe you haven't told her H. Have you discussed doing that with you H? Do you truly believe that her H is as crazy as you've been told or do you know that for a fact.

 

Best to ignore the people who would like you to believe that you have no right to defend yourself or to hold any ill will for your nutcase OW. The intrusion on your life is unbelievable. The only good thing that came out of it, I suppose is that your H will never want to lay eyes on her again.

 

We had a poster that had some similar issues as your own but she hasn't been on in months. Search RubyTuesday. She actually played along with her ow if I remember correctly. Myspace wars or something like that. I also had to change somethings that were important to me but that's all been handled for the most part now. I would file a restraining order in a moment though if there were any other intrusion into my world.

 

The consequences of her actions are her own. If her H is unstable, then she knew that quite well before hand. I can understand you fearing for your H's safety, though.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I can dress up as Madonna and walk around the street, is that fraud? :lmao:

 

Fraud is an intent to deceive. So, if you did it in order to deceive then, YES it would be fraud.

[East of Jupiter]

I can dress up as Madonna and walk around the street, is that fraud? :lmao:

 

Fraud is an intent to deceive. So, if you did it in order to deceive then, YES it would be fraud.

 

I would get arrested dressed up that way even if it were Halloween.

 

[East of Jupiter]

You know the reason I think boards are good for you is that interacting with others makes you think outside the box.

 

I have to take responsibility for myself. I am a difficult person in that I have a hard time with gray areas.

 

I have been living in gray for so many years out of love for my husband and my kids. I have a history of running from my problems. This works for me. I don't mean avoiding the problem, I mean cut your hair, pack your bags "I'm outta here" and join the circus. This whole experience has kept me in place and forced me to work through much of my old baggage.

 

I don't think I can be what he needs anymore than he can be what I need. It takes two to tango.

 

He's being friendly but that's about it. I'm being neutral. He has been texting me his whereabouts which I am not GAF about. I wonder how long I can NGAF? I would love that. Though I don't think it will help.

 

I mean if he wanted a cold wife who doesn't care what he does as an excuse to go cheat ... he may just be in luck.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I remember looking H saying so THATS what you needed from me??? To believe your lies???? DUDE, you are SOOO outta luck!!:)

 

EOJ,

 

Do some research from both of your perspectives. It's always hard to see at the moment, but there's something to learn from almost anything! 'Course there are some lessons I could do without!

[Darth Vader]

I see I am going to have to be very careful with you.

 

Her husband may hurt her and the kids. I'm not sure why I'm still with my H other than I'm in love with him and we have a good marriage. At least that part is okay.

 

Yes, I do have a soft spot for hard luck cases. Being a part of the "Dark Force" that macho tude and trying to kill your own son will not win me over DV.

 

 

That thing about luke was nothing personal, It was just business!

 

Be afraid! BE Very Afraid! What? Me hurt someone, NEVER!

[Darth Vader]

Et tu Brutis?

 

I thought I burned down every copy of the OW Stupid Tricks Manual?

 

So what do you think? Do I just write her an update and get it over with? What if I cut my thumb with my Girl Scout pocket knife and offer to be blood sisters so we can sing cumbaya together?

 

 

 

\

 

 

I have my light saber, oh, you will need that thumb, won't you?:lmao:

[East of Jupiter]

I remember looking H saying so THATS what you needed from me??? To believe your lies???? DUDE, you are SOOO outta luck!!:)

 

EOJ,

 

Do some research from both of your perspectives. It's always hard to see at the moment, but there's something to learn from almost anything! 'Course there are some lessons I could do without!

 

Cut it out. next thing I know your are going to tell me you are 5'6, 38, 26, 34 and a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie, just like me.

 

[East of Jupiter]

I have my light saber, oh, you will need that thumb, won't you?:lmao:

 

You know you have quite a light side for being such a dark guy.

 

With my thumb out of commission I do have another finger free.

[Darth Vader]

I would get arrested dressed up that way even if it were Halloween.

 

 

 

Because chances are you would be naked, wait, did I say that?

[Darth Vader]

You know you have quite a light side for being such a dark guy.

 

With my thumb out of commission I do have another finger free.

 

 

Nah, that's just the lighting reflecting off my black suit! But, it helps one to reflect!

[Darth Vader]

You know you have quite a light side for being such a dark guy.

 

With my thumb out of commission I do have another finger free.

 

 

I'm afraid to ask, ok, I'll ask, to do what?

[East of Jupiter]

I'm afraid to ask, ok, I'll ask, to do what?

 

 

Are you the eternal optimist type DV? Might explain your question.

 

[IpAncA]

My mom use to be friends with a psycho stalking women and her family. Well to make a long story short we ended up becoming enemies with the whole family. I hated her kids, they hated me, etc....

 

Over the course of years and I do mean years, this family went psycho on us. They use to watch us at our house. Litterally stare at us thru the windows. They lived next door so it was easy to do. They would talk about us to neighbors and spread rumors.

 

I hated their girl who was around my age and she use to try and take my friends away from me and stare at me when I was outside. Really sick s**t. Her brothers were worse and their dad and my dad use to get into it.

 

Anyhow, over the course of years and I do mean years, this women followed her everwhere. They lived next door to us, followed my mom in her car, worked at every place she did, etc...

 

Finally we moved to another town. I moved to another school district and my mom still worked where she was at. This women STILL followed her from job to job. Eventually my mom got a job where this psycho couldn't and finally we had some peace.

 

So the only thing I can suggest is to just get away from her. Move do whatever you can so she can't find you. I know it sucks but its better than having some psycho around.

 

Trust me I know all about it and what I just wrote is mild to the crap we went thru. What your talking about is nothing.

 

If this is happening also on the internet, you can lose someone real easy. Why your having a hard time is beyond me. How is she finding out who you are on-line. Maybe someone else is helping her.

[East of Jupiter]

I made a mistake and I honestly under estimated her obsession. And I didn't catch my mistake you know? I was just going on with my life honestly as I have always done. I saw a pattern in my trackers and bingo. I stopped all of my activity and just sulked for a while. Then I said screw it and did some limited things. Now I'm at the poing that I don't much care. What harm can it do for her to know about my life?

 

Yes, someone else may be helping her but I don't have any online friends anymore. At least none that know me from then.

 

 

 

By the way, we had a similar family live next door to us when we were kids. We knew that we could not set foot on their property so one day we just drug one of them onto our yard and kick the snot of her. They moved. We were crazier than they were!

[Tomcat33]

No there isn't anything she has done that is illegal. Though I'm sure her employer would not look kindly on her using their computers to surf the web.

 

This is not difficult to understand. It's harassment. Plain and simple old fashioned harassment. And while she may have not broken any laws, that does not give her the right to stalk and cause me grief.

 

I could see it after the affair ended but ten years later? I'm creeped out okay? I want her out of my life, is that too much to ask?

 

How do I know it is her? Have you read my previous posts? I don't put myself out there for "strangers" to find me. One has to SEARCH me.

 

I also have trackers and this is not rocket science. I can trace a visitor almost practically to their door. I know where she lives and it is a small town in a rural area. One doesn't have to be a genius. How many freaking people in that town interested in Jupiter? Over a ten year period?

 

Like I have said repeatedly I believe she WANTS ME TO KNOW she visits and like so many of the OW stories I read who can't let go, she settles for haranguing me if she can't get to my H.

 

I was understanding for years but I have had enough.

 

Any OW out there who is behaving similarly and would like to enlighten me? Help me figure out how I can get this over with? I welcome that.

 

 

Again, unless I don't know what the meaning of harassment is then simply looking at a profile or things you put up for people to see online is not a harrasing act.

Is she breaking in in to a closed network of your firends and peers and passing herself off as someone you know in order to do so? If so that's indeed harassment. And you should report her, done deal.

 

 

Otheriwse, anyone can see things we post onlined, it is at the point that they make contact and after you have asked them NOT to contact you that something becomes and invasion of privacy. I think my point is being missed because I never said don't protect yourself from harassmend, you think this woman is spying on you be it while you are in your home or at the mall and she hiding behind a pillar watching you, even that by law is not considered harassment in and of itself. BUT if you were to present a well documented statment of all the encounters you have had with this woman because she keeps infringing on your freedom to live by sneaking around and being everywhere you freuqent then I think you would have a pretty strong case to take it to the authorities and explain what is going on and what your Hs history with her is.

 

If there is a restraining order against her of course she cannot as much as come near you by ten feet, and that would very well be considered breaking the law or invading privacy. But if someone is just looking at you online that's not harassment, it just so happens you have a bad history with this woman and you want nothing more to do with her. If you can prove that she is passing hereself off as someone else in order to contact you online THAT'S harsassment 100%

 

And no one is denying her actions are sick, but how they infringe on you is how much you want your own interaction to revolve around this woman's acitons. Do you see what I am getting at? If you have to track down who is looking at you online with tools then you are giving it more imporance than need be. you can track her all you want but unless she makes a move she can still continue to do so.

 

I'm sorry perhaps we are just not communicating effectively because the information provided here is inonclusive. Unfortunately cyberspace is a free for all and there are no hard rules, UNLESS they initiate contact with you ie. send you weird messages and subliminal emails and you know for a fact it is her then that is very much harassment. If this is what she is doing then you have every right to go straight to the authorities and let them deal with it accordingly.

 

EOJ I like that you are open to bouncing ideas back and forth, I hope you understand that I would never come on here and tell you "ah don't worry about it"about something that is clearly overstepping boundaries and causing your life havoc, no one deserves to go through that. Things are just a little unclear that's all.

 

 

IWWH

To the madonna example I stated previously. If I dress up as a well known figure and I walk around in public looking that way I am not commiting any fraud, that is RIDICULOUS to say that it's fraud. You may never know my intent if it is based on your speculation, you have JACK. But if I stop someone and they ask me are you Madonna? and I say why yes I am, then of course I have dressed myself up with the intent to cheat people. If I simply walk around town looking that way because I am nuts and I like to dress like celebrities, but never confirm that I am indeed trying to be her, it is all other people's speculation, I'm just walking around dressed like M. If that were the case jails would be filled with fraudulent inpersonators on Halloween :lmao:

 

EOJ A few months after I broke up with my ex he tracked me down online and took out a fake profile on this site to contact me. He tried to Im me and at first I thought he was someone else. After a few times of talking to him I realised the style of speaking was him to a T. He was trying to pump me for information re. if I was dating someone etc how I felt about the break up etc he was trying to befriend me it wasn't instant questioning. You can read about it here in back posts, it was quite crazy. When I started to suspect I lead him on and when I finally was 100% sure it was him I told him I know it's you and I have saved all our conversations, of course he tried to deny it but I told himd things to make him believe I had tacked him with online tools, he bought it.

 

So I said "if you so much as come near me one more time with another contact I will show all these IM to your W I will call her again and show her you broke her promise YET again." Well he disappeared, three weeks later he was at it again, this time another profile another name....then he deleted that one and came back again with a third profile begging me to talk to him beacause he was so lonely and hurt and missed me and needed to talk to me. I never responded. He then called me from some weird #s and finally got me after several tries, and I answered not knowing it was him and it was him. He was quite desperate and needed to talk so I heard him out he basically wanted to pick up as if nothing talking like the old times, WHAT A NUT JOB because he missed me so much. Talk about not getting the message. Needless to say I said if you call me or contact me online again I won't go to your W I am going straight to the police. He finally got the picture. A few more months have gone by and he sends me the odd email...I never respond. He is not well. What can I say, of course I won't go to the police I don't want to hurt him like that. I just wanted him out of my life. so far so good.

 

As per the profile he still has all three profiles up and the system lets me see when he looks at my profile he looks at it almost daily. That in itself is not breaking any boundaries yes he has to search me on there to see me but he is not contacting me so really he is harassing me as much as I wanna see it as that. I just look at it as a lost soul who doesn't really know what to do anymore. I can only feel sorry for him.

 

I understand your sit is different though...being it that the OW is your enemy not an ex lover. So I can appreciate the difference.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

IWWH

To the madonna example I stated previously. If I dress up as a well known figure and I walk around in public looking that way I am not commiting any fraud, that is RIDICULOUS to say that it's fraud. You may never know my intent if it is based on your speculation, you have JACK. But if I stop someone and they ask me are you Madonna? and I say why yes I am, then of course I have dressed myself up with the intent to cheat people. If I simply walk around town looking that way because I am nuts and I like to dress like celebrities, but never confirm that I am indeed trying to be her, it is all other people's speculation, I'm just walking around dressed like M. If that were the case jails would be filled with fraudulent inpersonators on Halloween :lmao:

 

 

Seriously, I could use some of whatever you are smoking. WHAT I said was that fraud is an intent to deceive. I don't give a rat's a$$ who you dress up as or how you get your jollies!

 

Jeesh! No one here is interested in reading War and Peace!

[East of Jupiter]

I completely understand what you are saying and I agree TC. I don't want to waste my time checking on her and that is why I started this thread, so that I can put the breaks on this one way or another.

 

I am not looking for any legal action. I was looking for solutions for myself and venting a long term frustration.

 

I have been playing with the internet for a very long time and trackers are a hobby. It's a gee whiz kind of thing. For instance in the last two weeks I have had visitors from Australia, Africa, Argentina ... to name a few. I am an obsessive thinker and this type of exercises helps me not obsess about other things IRL -- such as my mother's illness or my FIL being near death, my child's chronic illness, my own health. I have suffered from mild depression all of my life so I find ways to keep my brain occupied.

 

It was only recently that I noticed a pattern in my visitors that stood out.

 

And here I am. I have already switched twice and I am pissed about doing it again. That is the question.

 

You advised I just live my life. I wonder, as an OW, would you remain curious and check in on the wife to check up on them? And if OW are presently doing this, I am curious to understand what the point is?

 

By the way, I take you at face (font?) value. And I appreciate your taking the time to think about my issue and respond kindly.

[Tomcat33]

I made a mistake and I honestly under estimated her obsession. And I didn't catch my mistake you know? I was just going on with my life honestly as I have always done. I saw a pattern in my trackers and bingo. I stopped all of my activity and just sulked for a while. Then I said screw it and did some limited things. Now I'm at the poing that I don't much care. What harm can it do for her to know about my life?

 

Yes, someone else may be helping her but I don't have any online friends anymore. At least none that know me from then.

 

 

 

By the way, we had a similar family live next door to us when we were kids. We knew that we could not set foot on their property so one day we just drug one of them onto our yard and kick the snot of her. They moved. We were crazier than they were!

 

 

I missed this post. THIS is what I was getting at but did not know how to put it out there in a way that you would not think I was undermining your thoughts about what she was doing. You see that's just it, what harm can it do you for her to know about your life, how will this truly affect you? that's just it, that's what I meant by allowing yourself to give her actions more importance than need be. I don't however think you should offer ANY information about your life. Your life is yours and of no concern to her coming from your mouth, or fingers. But if she wants to perpetuate her tie to you and your H after all this time the harm is for her, not for you. She is living in her own hell. Does that make sense?

And I can certainly appreciate your feeling of creepiness it is INDEED very creepy, I can empathise with that.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Cut it out. next thing I know your are going to tell me you are 5'6, 38, 26, 34 and a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie, just like me.

 

 

 

I'm 5'7 36, 24, 36, a wide eyed, green eyed, blonde! And I'm a virgo! That's not really me in my avatar, it's a friend!

[Tomcat33]

I completely understand what you are saying and I agree TC. I don't want to waste my time checking on her and that is why I started this thread, so that I can put the breaks on this one way or another.

 

I am not looking for any legal action. I was looking for solutions for myself and venting a long term frustration.

 

I have been playing with the internet for a very long time and trackers are a hobby. It's a gee whiz kind of thing. For instance in the last two weeks I have had visitors from Australia, Africa, Argentina ... to name a few. I am an obsessive thinker and this type of exercises helps me not obsess about other things IRL -- such as my mother's illness or my FIL being near death, my child's chronic illness, my own health. I have suffered from mild depression all of my life so I find ways to keep my brain occupied.

 

It was only recently that I noticed a pattern in my visitors that stood out.

 

And here I am. I have already switched twice and I am pissed about doing it again. That is the question.

 

You advised I just live my life. I wonder, as an OW, would you remain curious and check in on the wife to check up on them? And if OW are presently doing this, I am curious to understand what the point is?

 

By the way, I take you at face (font?) value. And I appreciate your taking the time to think about my issue and respond kindly.

 

 

First of all I am very sorry to read you have so much on your plate, that is a lot to deal with at once. And sometimes I get bogged down over sucj petty daily things, I read something like you have just shared and I am ashamed for dwelling on stupidity in my life when there are real things people have to suffer through that we tend to forget.

 

You know I can totally see what you are saying about the trackers and I can see how that could become somewhat addictive, I won't even venture I know myself too well...gees LS alone has become quite addictive for me, never mind trackers .

 

But I will answer you honestly since I have no reason to lie. At first yes I was somewhat concerned with wanting to know things about him, never about his W. If only I have thought about ways to contact her would be to express my regret in having let the situation with her H happen, I had mini daydreams about doing that but it's part of the catharasis of dealing with my own feelings of shame and guilt about my part in the situation.

 

But I know that it wouldn't matter, I don't think my thoughts at this point would be welcomed, and might even be seen as crocodile tears. As far as wanting to know about her or them, the feelings are only as real as the natural curiosity we have as human beings but I understand that what I had was with him and what he has with his W is of no concern to me

I have no right to find ways to educate myself on two people's lives that

are completely independant of my life. It just so happens I had something with the man, but that is done. It is their life and my life now and the two don't meet.

 

So to contact her or to know about them or to pass by their house or to call their house or crazy things like that I have no desire for that sort of thing. I guess it boils down to acceptance, and I have 100% accepted that part of my life is over, and should stay in the past.

[East of Jupiter]

I'm 5'7 36, 24, 36, a wide eyed, green eyed, blonde! And I'm a virgo! That's not really me in my avatar, it's a friend!

 

Would 't you know it? I always hit it off with gorgeous blonde women. They always make a good sidekick to my brunetteness.