Friend's daughter and myspace

[JackJack]

A friend of ours, well really my wife's friend, but I know her through my wife. They are not that close but talk once in awhile and send emails on an occasion. She has a daughter who is 9 years old. If I remember correctly on myspace you have to be at least 13 to have an account.

 

Well this girl has a profile on myspace, and of course its set to private, and I'm sure her mother only lets her add people she knows. The thing that gets me is, her age says 15. So her mother signed her up, because she is only 9, and on top of that, doesn't even have it set at her being 13 which is a lie too but has her as being 15, and its obvious from her pictures shes not 13 or 15.

 

We saw the people that is in the girls friends list, and there might be maybe two or three kids who look 13 or 14 years of age, the rest are friends of her mothers in her daughters myspace page when her own mother has her own page.

 

The girls mother and father are divorced. Her dad found out his daughter had an account, he asked his daughter what her password was etc, he went in and deleted the account and told her she was way to young to have an account like that at 9 years of age. However, when the girls mother found out about, she said she was in the middle of creating her daughter another account because she wanted one.

 

My question is don't you think thats young to have a page at 9 years old? The father did the right thing.Obviously it was her mothers final decison to do so. I would think a kid of 9 has no business being on myspace. And yet her mother is creating her another one, I don't get it.

[IpAncA]

See this is why I did everything behind my parents back and glad my parents were stupid when it came to computers and had my own.

 

I don't know what her father was hoping to accomplish because another one can be made quite easy. She probably shouldn't have said anything to her dad. This is also why my mom and I kept things from my dad because there's lots he wouldn't approve of because I'm his daughter blah blah blah....too much over-reacting.

 

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it if it was tasteful. Plus it's set on private so it's not like everyones viewing it.

 

I don't know, I see no problem based on what you said with her having one. But I'm sure others will.

[JackJack]

I understand your point. My wife had asked her friend why she even had an account on there anywa. Her friend said so she could chat with her friends and put up pictures etc. Well for that matter she could chat with her friend's on IM or on the phone, and exchange pictures through email or something.

 

Plus what in the world do 9 year olds have to talk about so much anyway, especially when they see them at school and during the summer. Her daughter even told us one evening she loved myspace and was a myspace junky. I guess its no different than being a LS junky:laugh: or a kid being a video junky.

[IpAncA]

LOL!! Trust me, us girls talk all the time no matter how old we are. You think it just stops after school gets out? LOL!! Yeah right. I use to tie up the phone and internet just for my friends.

 

Also they probably do chat on the IM and e-mail. Myspace is just a fun thing to do. You can have your own page and add all kinds of stuff.

[nittygritty]

I think 9 years old is too young for a myspace account. I wouldn't let my daughter get one until she was almost 15. The agreement was that it was set to private and I had the email account and password and could access and monitor the account at all times. Also, that I could approve or disapprove of what she put on it and she knew that I'd be reading emails, comments and friend requests. She has to know the person making the friend requests to allow them access to viewing.

 

When she first got the myspace account she would get these friend requests from boy teens her age that looked like teen models. They were strangers from out of state. She thought it was because she was so popular and wanted me to see the cute guys wanting to look at her myspace. I thought it odd that these guys needed friends from out of state. When I looked at their myspace, I noticed that nobody making comments actually knew or went to school with them. I denied the friend requests, of course.

 

Pedophiles do set up myspace accounts and put fake photos of model looking teens on them to get access to viewing young people's myspace pages. Many parents don't know enough about internet safety or myspace or facebook to monitor the accounts. I think its really dangerous and I hope your wife's friend is aware enough to know what to look out for.

[manders0724]

Personally I think that if the right precautions are taken, Myspace isnt really dangerous. Simply set it to private, and dont add anyone you dont know. You can usually tell if the people adding you or messaging you are fake just by checking out their profile. Many people/businesses create accounts just to advertise. AKA spammers. I think it is just a little bit ridiculous to monitor what your child does on myspace at the age of 15. Myspace has ruled them responsible, so let them be. You should definately be able to trust your child and trust that they are being responsible on it. However, I think you should talk to your kids about rules on Myspace and safety rules to make sure they dont do anything that could put them in danger.

 

I personally have a Myspace account and have for quite some time, and i just dont see what all the hype is about. Its not that bad. All these things on the news about kids and Myspace and pervs w/e are crazy. That could happen on any website. It happens in the real world. Why people center it on one website that is well monitored makes no sense.

 

Anyways, just taking precautions and not adding ppl you dont know or talkin to ppl you dont know is pretty much good enough protection. Hell, my profile isnt even on private. No problems yet and its been 3 years

[nittygritty]

Teens start dating and going to parties, etc. at 15 and driving at 16, I don't think its ridiculous to know your kids friends and what their into.

 

My daughter made the Varsity cheerleadering squad last year at 14 in the 9th grade, she was the only freshman on the squad. Her high school is 9th through 12th grade. She also takes all honors college prep classes those classes have mostly Juniors and Seniors in them. I would still monitor her myspace, if I felt the need.

 

When I let her have the myspace she was 14 1/2 and she has no problem with me looking at it. She shows me emails, comments, pictures, etc., and her friends myspaces, I don't ask, its no big deal but 9 years old is too young IMO.

[IpAncA]

I think regardless of how parents feel, if kids/teens want one, they'll get one. Fooling yourself if you think not. Same goes with e-mails, IM, etc... Nothing you can do unless you stand behind them 24/7 or have your computer bugged so they can't. Even then they can use the school (some), friends house or library computers to access it. Like teens are really going to allow their parents to see/know EVERYTHING! Hahaha think again. Sure some may think they know everything now, but once their older, the monitoring stops because the older kids don't allow them to be monitored.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I have a 10 year old and he doesn't even have his own email. He's welcome to use mine. Computer time is supervised. Did you know that mispelling a favorite site (even a kids' site like cartoonnetwork) will bring up a porn site.

 

Noway Jose! My 19 year old has one, and I check it daily to make sure that it is set to private, which only partially protects. These kids message publicly about where they've been ane where they are going. There are many people out there impersonating kids. Heard a story where a local police dept had a buddies child targeted by a molester. The child was harmed and they started a group that pretends to be kids and then when they have identified the "victim" they go to the parents home personally and tell them how they gleened the information.

 

Over time kids will talk about sports teams they are on, schools, happening in their area and without realizing it they have given away their identity. I'm not against MySpace at all, I think it's a great tool, but a tween does NOT need unsupervised access to the net in ANYWAY. There is too much harm that could possibly arise, and it is MY JOB to protect MY kids from it for as long as I can.

 

I have my 19 yo's password but don't check it unless she calls to ask me to. I'm not a parent who goes through rooms, cars, or bookbags (well, I do have to sanitize the 10 yo's from time to time) to check up. The rule is you have your privacy until you loose it but I will not stop making smart choices as a parent as long as I am responsible for them.

 

Myspace can be dangerous. You wouldn't believe the information I have come upon from idiots on MySpace.

[nittygritty]

I have a 10 year old and he doesn't even have his own email. He's welcome to use mine. Computer time is supervised. Did you know that mispelling a favorite site (even a kids' site like cartoonnetwork) will bring up a porn site.

 

Noway Jose! My 19 year old has one, and I check it daily to make sure that it is set to private, which only partially protects. These kids message publicly about where they've been ane where they are going. There are many people out there impersonating kids. Heard a story where a local police dept had a buddies child targeted by a molester. The child was harmed and they started a group that pretends to be kids and then when they have identified the "victim" they go to the parents home personally and tell them how they gleened the information.

 

Over time kids will talk about sports teams they are on, schools, happening in their area and without realizing it they have given away their identity. I'm not against MySpace at all, I think it's a great tool, but a tween does NOT need unsupervised access to the net in ANYWAY. There is too much harm that could possibly arise, and it is MY JOB to protect MY kids from it for as long as I can.

 

I have my 19 yo's password but don't check it unless she calls to ask me to. I'm not a parent who goes through rooms, cars, or bookbags (well, I do have to sanitize the 10 yo's from time to time) to check up. The rule is you have your privacy until you loose it but I will not stop making smart choices as a parent as long as I am responsible for them.

 

Myspace can be dangerous. You wouldn't believe the information I have come upon from idiots on MySpace.

 

 

I agree!

 

I wouldn't give a 9 year old a cell phone either.

 

Parents are foolish to think that their doing their kids a favor by giving them freedoms their not old enough to know how to act responsibly. It certainly isn't an act of love IMO.

 

Its your job as a parent to look out for your kids safety.

 

I don't have any reason to snoop through my kids stuff in their rooms either but I would if there was a good reason to. You can have a good relationship with your kids and still parent them.

 

Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchey, Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears and her sister are all good examples of how having too much freedom and too much given to them at an early age harms young people.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm going off topic here, but on the cell phone issue. My D gave my son a friends old cell that was a buy minutes type option. He took his own money from Christmas and bought minutes. He called everyone in the family who told him gotta go, over and over. Spent like $75 dollars in a day or so for nothing, then came down stairs after not being able to sleep one night to tell us what he could have bought with the money!!!!

 

I love it when they learn their own lessons. Most kids in our neighborhood have their own to save the parents from having to track them down! Whatever happened to call me if you go in someone's house????

[nittygritty]

I'm going off topic here, but on the cell phone issue. My D gave my son a friends old cell that was a buy minutes type option. He took his own money from Christmas and bought minutes. He called everyone in the family who told him gotta go, over and over. Spent like $75 dollars in a day or so for nothing, then came down stairs after not being able to sleep one night to tell us what he could have bought with the money!!!!

 

I love it when they learn their own lessons. Most kids in our neighborhood have their own to save the parents from having to track them down! Whatever happened to call me if you go in someone's house????

 

My Mom gave my daughter a cell phone when she turned 13. This was before we had unlimited calling and text messaging plans in our area. You can guess how long it was before the phone bill was sky high! She lost the cell phone privileges until she was able to pay off the phone bill and she never did it again.

 

Back on topic. Kids need something to look forward too. Each age should allow new responsibilities and privileges, if you start letting them have myspace accounts and cell phone's at 9 years old your just asking for trouble.

[JackJack]

I think one of the things that tripped me out the most was, since the age to have an account is 13, her mother had her being 15. 2 years older than what she was supposed to be to even have an account. :laugh:I mean she's 9, so forget saying shes 13 just to have an account if, they're going to do it, might as well lie some more and say 15 instead of 13. :laugh:Maybe some parents want their kids to grow to fast. I dunno.

[whichwayisup]

At 9 years old, she's too young to have a myspace account. An email account is fine - As long as both parents have the password.

 

The parents should be communicating this as they are co-parenting together, even though they're not under the same roof.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I think one of the things that tripped me out the most was, since the age to have an account is 13, her mother had her being 15. 2 years older than what she was supposed to be to even have an account. :laugh:I mean she's 9, so forget saying shes 13 just to have an account if, they're going to do it, might as well lie some more and say 15 instead of 13. :laugh:Maybe some parents want their kids to grow to fast. I dunno.

 

I meant to comment on this. When my D started myspace at 15 it was the first I had heard of it. She showed me all of her friends spaces when explaining what it was. EVERYONE of them put their age as older than they were accept for her. I was talking to a friend with a 15 year old the other day and she said the same thing!

 

The younger teens just can't wait to be older.

[LoveLace]

9 yrs old? Absolutely too young. My Space is too much like that of a dating site, for one thing. Friends add friends and sew on, the wrong person is going to think she's really 15 and something bad could happen.

 

How come it can't be enough for parents that their kids get enough socializing while they are in school? Maybe some other mothers gave hers the idea to lie about the daughters age. One of those things where "everyone else is doing it" so they do it, too. The little girl might have friends whose mothers lie for them also....and 9 is about that age for little girls to start feeling peer pressure...and mommy will give little princess what ever she wants....ridiculous.

[PandorasBox]

IMO 9 is to young. At 9 I was still playing with dolls some. Of course times have changed too, kids are growing up quicker, developing sooner etc, and to many parents wanting to be more of a "friend" than a parent.

 

You said that the dad found out about it and deleted the account, but yet the mom has turned around and in the process of making the child another page because she wants one? It sounds more to me like the parents are seeing who can piss the other one off more. One deletes it, one re creates it etc.

 

What makes the mom think that, next time the dad wont just delete this account she's creating? Sounds like tug of war between the parents to me and the child is caught in the middle.

[LoveLace]

IMO 9 is to young. At 9 I was still playing with dolls some. Of course times have changed too, kids are growing up quicker, developing sooner etc, and to many parents wanting to be more of a "friend" than a parent.

 

You said that the dad found out about it and deleted the account, but yet the mom has turned around and in the process of making the child another page because she wants one? It sounds more to me like the parents are seeing who can piss the other one off more. One deletes it, one re creates it etc.

 

What makes the mom think that, next time the dad wont just delete this account she's creating? Sounds like tug of war between the parents to me and the child is caught in the middle.

 

I agree it also sounds as though maybe mom is trying to be the "good guy" in her daughter's eyes and dad doesn't agree.

[DoomFlake]

Nine is too young for social networking on the web. I think you^ are right about the parental control thing, mom and dad are playing tug of war. With kids, safe is always better than sorry. If Mom finds myspace indispensable, than the kid's stuff can be done via hers.

[JacenR]

I think what it comes down to as a parent is whether you setup your child's account which you can monitor, or forbid them from having an account which will likely (assuming all they're friends are on myspace) force them into creating an account without your knowledge that you can't monitor.

[reddog63]

I think regardless of how parents feel, if kids/teens want one, they'll get one. Fooling yourself if you think not. Same goes with e-mails, IM, etc... Nothing you can do unless you stand behind them 24/7 or have your computer bugged so they can't. Even then they can use the school (some), friends house or library computers to access it. Like teens are really going to allow their parents to see/know EVERYTHING! Hahaha think again. Sure some may think they know everything now, but once their older, the monitoring stops because the older kids don't allow them to be monitored.

 

There is something you can do. You act like a responsible parent and do the best you can. Which means, you do not allow stuff to go on that is not age appropriate. You do not worry if the child will be mad at you. You do not give in simply because "if they want one they get one".

 

I would not allow my child to have one that young. It only invites trouble. Heck, if I used that philisophy, why not let her smoke a joint now, she will get it on her own eventually.

 

And I do not fool myself........I am smart enough to know what is going on. If my child is spending time on internet, I know more then her, and I will find out. This girl is only 9?? Do you think they have a minimum age for a reason.

 

Plus I find it appalling that the women goes behind the dad's back to do something like that knowing he is in disagreement.

[JacenR]

I would not allow my child to have one that young. It only invites trouble. Heck, if I used that philisophy, why not let her smoke a joint now, she will get it on her own eventually.

 

The difference is one is a free socialisation tool used to keep in touch with friends and can reflect on their social status among peers, and the other is a prohibited substance which generally costs money, is not common among pre-teens, and would generally not be allowed by the parents of her peers.

 

If you forbid her a myspace account when her friends have them (with their parents consent) then you are virtually guarenteeing that she would simply set one up at a library/school PC or at a friends house...unless you're planning on watching her 24/7 and forbidding her any social interaction with friends without your own supervision.

 

And I do not fool myself........I am smart enough to know what is going on. If my child is spending time on internet, I know more then her, and I will find out.

 

My father is an engineer who has been programming mainframe computers since before I was born with advanced network engineer qualifications while I was growing up. He also had the family PC in the parents bedroom and allowed only an hour or two per day of Internet access (this is the late 90's).

 

That in no way prevented me from downloading porn, playing online games, visiting whatever site I wanted to, whether at home or not. And I have no doubt that todays generation of kids are far more computer literate/able than I was 10+ years ago.

 

In the majority of cases, children will find a way to use the Internet in ways that wouldn't be approved of by the parents. In the case of Myspace it *can* be harmless, but it's up to you whether you want to be able to monitor it and make sure your child does not start chatting with and planning to meet up with people she met through that website etc.

 

lus I find it appalling that the women goes behind the dad's back to do something like that knowing he is in disagreement.

 

Maybe the reason is that the mother might be more familiar with the socialisation needs of her daughter than a father would be? Regardless, it's fairly common for mothers to share secrets with their children to keep from their fathers, and vice versa. My own mother secretly took me out to buy soccer boots in high school when my dad refused to saying I should be studying after school as opposed to taking sports (it's a cultural thing). I don't see why it's so 'appalling'.