Mixed Signals

[Jibboom]

Hi I'm not entirely sure this goes in this forum so sorry if it shouldn't!

 

So I met a girl about 6/8 weeks ago at my place of work, and pretty much from the moment we met we hit it off (friends or something more i don't know..).

 

We've been getting along great and I've had people ask me about whether we're an item or whatever, so I don't think I'm imagining the signals she gives off (she casually touches me alot, tells me i make her laugh etc).

 

She's invited me out outside of work a couple of times.

 

One was a couple of weeks ago and mentioned I should come along with her and some of her friends to some bars in my town, I was ill at the time but said I might go and told her to give me a text about it later (i might have come off as being not very enthusiastic, lots of friends tell me i can seem to be). She didn't end up texting me by about 10pm or so, so i texted her to see if she was going out and she apologised several times (then and the day after) for not getting in touch with me.

 

So a couple of days later I think it was, and she invites me out again to some bars/clubs with some different friends of hers, this was about a week in advance so I just said 'yeah sure i'll probably come'. We were joking around and she said 'you better come cus i'm getting a taxi back with you.' I didn't mention it until a couple days before we were meant to be going and she was like 'I'm not sure if we're going now', her friends had apparently wanted to go on a different night or something, perfectly believable so I thought nothing of it.

 

So last week I decided to text her and she if she wanted to go see a movie. She said she couldn't this week (this week being last week) because she lives in the countryside and can only use a bus to get to places (she doesn't drive), and they were cancelled all week (due to flooding) but she said 'definitely next week'...I know what you're thinking, but this actually wasn't an excuse as I was with her when she found out a few days earlier.

 

So the next day (wednesday) she texts me when im at work and tells me that the buses are running again and that she can 'finally go out'. I took this as a good sign (and a hint) so asked her if she wanted to go see that film then, she said what day..i could only do friday as i had work thurs/saturday but she said she didnt think she could make friday, but she'd let me know.

 

I didn't contact her thursday or friday as i didn't want to seem too eager or anything, but got no word from her. I happened to be on msn on friday evening and she came online and said hi and talked to me a good bit and everything seemed good, and i saw her again at work on saturday and things felt a bit tense at times (this could have just been becaues of me though) but by the end of our shifts we were getting along as well as always, if not better..

 

I left the ball in her court the other night and let her know that i'd leave it up to her if she wants to do anything and to let me know. I thought this would solve my problem..if she wants to see me then its up to her when and where and she'll contact me or if she doesn't want to see me then she just doesn't need to do anything. She texted me the next day asking if we could go sometime next week and i replied (in a friendly way) saying i won't hold my breath. She's apologised and it seems sincere, and her reasons seem genuine enough but I know a woman whos interested ALWAYS finds time for a guy..at least that's what i've been told, and it makes sense.

 

I'm just really confused by this girl, I've never been so convinced of a girl being interested in me but I'm getting a lot of mixed signals. Am i pushing her away by trying to act 'hard to get' at times, does she need to see that i'm interested in her before she 'admits' to it? Or does she just want to be friends? If she wants to be friends though, I don't understand why she wouldn't want to go catch a movie or something. Argh I'm so confused.

 

Thanks for any advice you could give me and sorry for the stupidly long post.

[shockandawed]

You're both interested in going out, but neither one wants to come across too eager. At this rate, you will be doing this for the next year.

 

You need to man up and quit asking her out with text messages. I know it feels safer, but it doesn't allow for good and clear communication. You either need to do it in person or with a phone call.

 

You're both busy, fine. Call her up, tell her you would really like to go out with her, ask her what nights she will be free in the coming week. If she is interested she will give you more than one. If she does, then do everything possible to be available on one of them. Make definite plans at that point. "Great, you are open on Thursday, me too..how about I take you to XYZ restaurant at 7 and then over to blah blah afterwards?"

[Jibboom]

Thanks for the reply, I've been thinking she doesn't want to seem too eager but since she can't seem to make it this week I've gotta wonder if she's really serious about seeing me outside of work.

 

We get on great and because she asked me to go to a couple places first i took that as a great sign that she wanted to at least get to know me better but since I've been asking about doing something its very hard to get her to agree to something and stick to it (although ive asked her through texting as you know).

 

That's the most confusing thing about this I think, and i keep going back to what anyone says that if she can't be bothered to make time for you she's not interested.

 

She was telling me about the girl magazines she reads so no doubt she gets dating ideas or whatever from those, and Im wondering if she's 1) playing hard to get (like they may tell her to)... 2) isn't sure of my feelings towards her so is waiting for me to make a move (and doesn't consider a text asking her to 'see a movie or something' as a sign or move or anything)..or 3) whether she's not interested in me in that way, but her body language when we've been together has been telling me that she's VERY interested..ofcourse body language can be misleading sometimes but every 'sign of attraction' has been present.

 

I'm just super-confused and could do with some advice (especially a women's insight).

 

EDIT : I'm 19 and she's 18 if our younger ages make this different to a more adult relationship.

 

And do any other females consider a text to be impersonal and as a result would turn down a chance of meeting with the person because of it? I can understand that a text is more impersonal than a call/talking in person but surely it couldn't have that much impact.. or could it?