TogetherForever Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 My 12 year old son (13 in Sept.) doesn't want to visit with his dad as much as he has been for the last 6 years. I have primary physical custody & he sees his dad every other weekend. My question is : At was age is the child able to make the decision as to when he wants to visit with his dad? Thanks!!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Legally where I am it's 14. I have a friend with 2 children a girl and a boy. The girl is offically and adult and still visits her father, but admittedly because it's required of him to get the things he has promised her. The son (15)spent one week of the eight assigned to him by the courts each summer and HAD ENOUGH. Dad had promised him a new car ect... next year then said it was a no go if the child left. This kid could care less if he ever sees him again and his parents live close enough that it wasn't a matter of affecting his social life. Mom consulted a psych who told her, he's old enough to make his own decisions and considering the fact that you have encouraged him to "love" his dad for who he is, you should respect the childs decisions. A 15 year old turning down a NEW car says a lot in my opinion. If you have had no influence on his decisions then I would respect them. You could possibly do a search to determine what the age is legally in your area. My friend also had her son talk out his issues with a professional to be sure that she was helping a "child" (because they still are at the age, especially in their decision making processes) not to make a decision he would regret.
Author TogetherForever Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 Thank You IWWH!! My son has been going thru puberty or something & is very moody & has been a little mouthy to me & his dad lately. His father slapped him across the face & called him a worthless p o s. I on the other hand do not hit my kids. I will take away his cell phone, computer privs. etc... My son is back home today from being with his dad & does not want to go back any time soon. I'm stuck here. I can't keep my son from his dad but I will not force him to go there just because there is a court order.
nittygritty Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 They still have to go to visitation. The question your asking only applies to who the child wants to primarily live with, not visitation. A child of 12-17 may be able to influence the outcome of a modification of custody case but they don't get to decide not to exercise any visitation until they are 18. You will get a contempt charge if you withhold visitation without a temporary emergency order of protection.
amaysngrace Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 If you want to avoid a potential problem, you can petition the courts to change the order of visitation to "liberal". This way it isn't carved in stone when his father sees him. I think your son is going through a phase right now. He is playing you against his dad. His open hostility towards both of you implies he is doing the same thing that other kids have done. If you can work out a visitation schedule with his father and both work together to find a solution that is in the best interest of your son, that's the best bet yet. Sometimes when you both show a mutual interest and actually work together it is enough for your child to know he is cared about by both parents and nothing he does is going to escape the other. It will keep him from playing you both against the other, it will keep the power where the power belongs and it will also send him a strong message that both his mom and his dad love him. And want the very best for him.
possumgirl83 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 heres a link http://www.womansdivorce.com/ it has all kinda of great info on it
Author TogetherForever Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Thanks for the advice everyone!! He is supposed to go to his dad's tonite overnight. I think it's just getting too much for my son. He goes there every other weekend fri. to tues., every wed. to thursday & on the weekends he doesn't go he goes that monday from 6 to 8 pm. It's just too much back & forth. Not to mention, his dad has numerous girlfriends & my son isn't too fond of hanging out on dates with them. What a headache!! Thanks again for the advice & I'll keep you posted. TF
1stchild Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 TF, You will have to find out what the laws in your state are concerning your childs rights. Most states will listen to the wishes of the child, but it depends on the age of the child. Contact your attorney.
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