Probably nothing new here...

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

So I was seeing this girl since March. Took me until June until I went out with her as I didn't want to come across too available (she has alot of fans which ring/text her all the time) and to make sure she was properly into me and this wasn't going to be a bad mistake. I saw her deeply till June, we were basically going out just not officially.

 

We had some good times, lots to remember each other about, I go on two holidays and miss her like hell getting more and more into her all the time as I kept thinking about her. Her friends always told me she never shut up about me and when she was open with me I could see that she really was into me. Thats why I took the next step.

 

I got back off my second holiday and saw her twice in the few days after. We were getting on better then ever and the day before we split she was all over me and I recall one point her just staring at me and then going for it some more.

 

It couldn't be better.

 

Then next day I ring her up and we are speaking and I bring up about some guy that I had seen leaving her msgs trying to like add her to his whore list or something. So I just said do u speak to this guy alot etc? I didn't want to come over protective, but she does like attention etc.

 

She rang me later that night and told me there was something she wanted to talk to me about, she didn't know how to say it so I guessed and I was right - she didn't want to see me anymore.

 

At first her excuse was poor saying she wanted to concentrate on work...but she doesn't work out of hours and I would support her. I then got it a bit out of her that she basically stopped fancying me (which I found puzzling as she had been all over me etc day before) I asked how long she had been thinking of this and she said a day.

 

She asked if we could still be friends and I couldn't agree right there on the spot, I knew it was hard last time and NC was the best way. She then said 'promise me you'll speak to me again' and I was just silent...I couldn't do it right there and then.

 

When we got off the phone (yeah she done it by phone) I was very confused etc. That was on Wednesday and I was keeping NC till Sunday night when I thought I didn't want it to be like my last ex (possible hate etc loss of good friend) and rang her to apolagise for not promising to speak to her again. She was pleased to hear from me and said she had been very upset and angry with me because of it. She was on the phone to some guy at the time and told him she'd speak to him later to speak to me, we spoke for ages...it was like we hadn't broke up. Infact it was better, she hadn't been this chatty since we first saw each other! She said at the end of the call, well text or ring me if u get bored and I reversed and said you will get bored sooner then me as your off.

 

Next day I get a text at lunch saying hey thought i'd text you, how you feeling today etc? x I replied normally and she did once more. I then wrote back ending with 'well speak to you soon' and she wrote back 'ok speak to u later babe x'

 

The texts weren't too forward and were just chatty, didn't want to come across all over her. I haven't spoke to her since.

 

The breakup has made me realise why any negative thoughts I had in the past I left and tried to make things work, because I realise I am really into this girl. There's been some hurdles were I've doubting why I'm with her but as I said I wanted to make things work. I want her to be interested in me again, I can't see how she can say I love You (she told me that first) one day before and then thats it.

 

So whats the plan of action now?

 

Do I ring and be like all the other guys and be Mr Nice guy?

 

Do I just leave it and make her do the legwork? Or would she think I'm not interested cos I'm not bothering (or is she even bothered at all?)

 

I really don't know how to take it or what to do.

 

All I know is I would love this girl back in my life properly and have her commited to me properly. Not this 'friends' thing.

 

Thanks

[Reactor]

Wow, your situation is/was very similar to mine.

 

Basically I met a girl, she was all over me for 3 months, then she changes her mind and starts making excuses why we can't be together. I was of course just like you really into her (as I thought it would be reciprecated) ha, more fool me, she told me she loved me one night and then decided we should break up the next!!

 

Although, my ex didn't have the fan club yours does (I mean she had friends who were men but she wasn't constantly bothered by them). I can see similarities down the line.

 

Anyway, back to your problem! This is what helped me, first off do what you have to do. What do I mean by that? Well if you think e-mailing her and telling her your feelings etc will help the situation then do it. But honestly (and take this from me) she will probably either ignore it or put it down to you trying to tell her what she may want to hear (or may not!).

 

The problem here is that she seems to want to have 'fun', she doesn't really seem to want or need a stay in boyfriend. She seems to enter relationships on a whim and leave them when they become to deep or meaningful or the attraction has worn off. This was the same with my ex, she couldn't get deep to save her life (frightened of being hurt).

 

Do you know much about her past? Did she have one guy she really liked who broke her heart? What sucks here is that she just said 'We should call it quits' like my ex with no real reason or motive, she just did it.

 

I fought to be with my ex, because I really wanted the relationship to last and work, but honestly if only one person is 'fighting' for the relationship then it won't work at all, and to be honest, if one person has to fight to keep the relationship together, theres something very wrong anyway.

 

I would forget her and go NC, tell her you have to do it for you and if she can't understand why, well that tells you something about her anyway. I know its very hard and even I broke my own NC rules (after a month and a half) and e-mailed my ex 2 days ago, which I constantly hit myself for. But honestly the longer you stay on this path the more besotted with this women you will become, while she on the other hand will find herself a new man and leave you in a rut!

 

If, however you really want to remain in contact in hope of getting her back heres what to do, if she texts you, you leave it a day before replying. If she e-mails do the same. Never, ever return her calls (of course if she rings, you can choose whether to answer it or not - let it ring a bit perhaps!) or texts immediatly, no matter how much you want to. Keep her on a leash, make her want to know what you're up to. Also, go out and party, take photos and upload them to places where she hangs out (Facebook etc). Make sure she knows you're enjoying yourself. Do everything in your power to drive her insane with desire - you get the picture I'm sure. Its all about reclaiming your power.

 

However, honestly I would do the go out thing anyway and forget her, you'll be doing yourself a favour in the long run, if she doesn't stay in contact, well you might loose a close companion/friend but in the long run it will be less upsetting and will make your life much less complicated and stressful.

 

Finally, good luck!