uniqueone Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 What are you doing to get out of your rut? Sure, you can still want them back...and might get them back...but in the meantime, you might as well do other things. Don't waste so much time ruminating and doing nothing else. As for myself, I've been biking, gardening, cleaning, organizing...... I've also gone to a park that I haven't gone to before just for a change of scenery and of people. I didn't care for it enough to go back but I gave it a shot. There's still another one I might try too. I prefer my usual stand-by but it's nice to see what else--and who else--is out there. And at the park that I go to, I've tried to be more open to people who are being friendly too. I've also tried joining a few new sites. One was a dating site that was geared towards those into fitness. I didn't care for it because of the quality of people contacting me, so I'm off of there now. Another one was a friendship/dating site that someone here told me about and it turns out that I didn't care for that one either because the people contacting me were all in other countries. So, those didn't work, but at least I tried them. Yesterday I joined three different meet-up groups (which just about every city has). I can't say if I'll actually follow through and meet up with the groups or not, but I'm making the effort and I'm considering it. I'm admitting that because I'm not a "group" person but I think if some people on there e-mail me first, I'd feel more comfortable going to some of the events. We'll see what happens. So....what are YOU doing to get out there....to take charge of your life.....to keep on pushing forward? Remember, that doesn't mean you're giving up hope on your relationship with your ex.....consider it putting it on hold temporarily. He/she will still be there.....they're not going anywhere. If you're NOT doing anything to push forward, then come up with a list of five things that you CAN do to move forward and post them here. I want to see posts everyone!
9Lives Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I am moving forward because I have no choice. I just cant get him off my mind and I still cry alot. Trust me, I am not sitting around waitin for something that might not happen. It is just hard.
Author uniqueone Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 I am moving forward because I have no choice. I just cant get him off my mind and I still cry alot. Trust me, I am not sitting around waitin for something that might not happen. It is just hard. I'm not saying you need to get him off of your mind. I'm just saying you need to do things for you. So what are you doing for you?
Author uniqueone Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 Ok, I see that everyone has jumped on the bandwagon here....... I'm not telling anyone that they should stop thinking about their ex or stop feeling anything or should forget about it all. But...at the same time....do something. And no one is doing anything?
BeyondThePale Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I had a goal list of things posted on my refigerator. I have completed two of them, cover up the ex's name on my back (I know, I know, NEVER again) and buy a computer. Since I moved I have made a point to do something every day to my apartment to make me feel better, whether it's organizing or cleaning. I also am going back to school and trying to get a better career. Is that what you were talking about?
frd150 Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Well,lets see. Its ben months and im still aching so keping busy is still a main priorety in my life. Im very concious of it. 1. Bought a new bike(as you know unique) 2. Became closer to some friends that I already had. They keep me busy. Thank God for them. 3. To add to #2 I became closer to old friends that me and my ex had sort of written off for reasons that were un just. Im glad I woke up. 4. Im Wakeboarding more. Something I was always into but had back off whn dating my ex despite the fact she had a family home on the water. I was always the boat driver now i am the one behind the boat.(sorry S. I always enjoyed pulling the kids around). 5. The gym. To keep the 20 lbs off I lost after she dumped me. 6.I made big changes at work. I am back on my game without all the stress. (you see S. you never thought I could do it. I was working on it for you and us.I did it) 7. All you guys. I found this outlete. thank you to all, I would be a mess without you. 8. most importantly..... My family and I are closer. I hate to admit it but it may have been a blessing in disgiuse but God, I still feel so alone without her:(. Have to move forward.
smwhtshy Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Hey unique one, good idea to do this. SO, what I did..? I trained for and competed in a triathlon..and, I'm not that super fit or anything, its just something I had always wanted to do, so I thought I'm gonna do it. I had thought about it when I was with her, but there never seemed to be the time. And, she's gone now, so like the Nike ad says "just do it!"...(-: And it was great...for many reasons. First, it completely occupied my mind for about six weeks, planning a workout routine, figuring out a bike to ride (I rented one for a day), finding a place to practice swimming, etc. And secondly, each evening I was so sleepy and tired from running or whatever, I slept like a rock, the dreams tapered off (about you know who), the constant CONSTANT thoughts about "waht is she doing? who is she seeing?" also tapered down, and before I knew it, six weeks had gone by. And I went to the event alone, I tried to snag a buddy to go with, but it didn't work out, though looking back, it was really better that I did it alone. Something about the physical exertion helps the sadness...must be a chemical thing (endorphins?), or maybe the mind is only "big" enough for one set of focused thoughts..and if you're thinking about something huge, like an athletic event, you can't think about the sad sack stuff that brings the tears, or worse, my schtick of trying to fiure out if my inadequacies were what doomed the relationship. I hate when I do that "take all the blame" stuff. Coming home, I listened to this song by Fergie called"Big girls don't cry", and even though I'm a guy, the lyrics are 100% apppropriate,....have a listen if you get a chance.. (PS..I finished third in my age/gender class..woohoo!)
Author uniqueone Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 I had a goal list of things posted on my refigerator. I have completed two of them, cover up the ex's name on my back (I know, I know, NEVER again) and buy a computer. Since I moved I have made a point to do something every day to my apartment to make me feel better, whether it's organizing or cleaning. I also am going back to school and trying to get a better career. Is that what you were talking about? Yes, that's great! Sounds like you aren't just sitting around feeling sad.
Author uniqueone Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 Well,lets see. Its ben months and im still aching so keping busy is still a main priorety in my life. Im very concious of it. 1. Bought a new bike(as you know unique) 2. Became closer to some friends that I already had. They keep me busy. Thank God for them. 3. To add to #2 I became closer to old friends that me and my ex had sort of written off for reasons that were un just. Im glad I woke up. 4. Im Wakeboarding more. Something I was always into but had back off whn dating my ex despite the fact she had a family home on the water. I was always the boat driver now i am the one behind the boat.(sorry S. I always enjoyed pulling the kids around). 5. The gym. To keep the 20 lbs off I lost after she dumped me. 6.I made big changes at work. I am back on my game without all the stress. (you see S. you never thought I could do it. I was working on it for you and us.I did it) 7. All you guys. I found this outlete. thank you to all, I would be a mess without you. 8. most importantly..... My family and I are closer. I hate to admit it but it may have been a blessing in disgiuse but God, I still feel so alone without her:(. Have to move forward. Looks like you've had a lot of resources. You're very lucky to have those. I can't say that I do but I try to make do with what I have. Good that you're staying active. I think I've been eating more since it ended myself. Problem is, I'm bony mostly but feel like I've put on a gut! Ugh.
confused2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Quit smoking (Going on 3 1/2 weeks) Woohoo! Exercising: Running / Lifting weights 5 - 6 x / week Meeting women but not looking for anything serious Reuniting friendship Reading Starting a new, exciting and adventurous life with a stronger character!
loveinlife Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Confused, i did the same thing too. Quit smoking, 2 weeks strong at the moment. Going out and hanging out with friends. Searching for new things to do and start my creation for a better future. However, its still hard to move on. I am not looking for anything serious either, or play around with girls feelings, did that before and didn't like it because i know how it is to feel hurt. Gluck everyone!
Chinook Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Well... For me... it was more about 'finding me' which didn't necessarily equate with 'doing' anything. But... I've stayed offline (I'm sure my presence has been missed). I've closed down all my old email accounts and moved only to having a work account. For the simple reason, I spend enough time online for work purposes. I feel that if my life is to be rejuvenated and restarted, for me, that is only going to be through interacting with people.... in time.... here and now, not online. So I've done some reading. Historical biography, fiction, text books etc. I've been walking around the parks and canals where I live (only today two canal boats passed me as I was reading a book under a bridge and the inhabitants of the boats all smiled and waved). I've asked about taking kayaking lessons because I'd like to do something solitary which focuses the mind but which is also soothing. Water I find is soothing to me. I've driven and passed the time of day with friends and relatives which I would usually avoid. But largely, I've been careful. I know I need this time for me, to heal, to learn, for me not to rush and most of all for me to go forward. Just being 'out there' and moving 'forward' doesn't necessarily mean that's how it will stay. For me... taking my time now and being solitary and secluded is helping me to know me... without knowing me, how can I hope to give to someone who wants to know me..?!
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Hey unique one, good idea to do this. SO, what I did..? I trained for and competed in a triathlon..and, I'm not that super fit or anything, its just something I had always wanted to do, so I thought I'm gonna do it. I had thought about it when I was with her, but there never seemed to be the time. And, she's gone now, so like the Nike ad says "just do it!"...(-: And it was great...for many reasons. First, it completely occupied my mind for about six weeks, planning a workout routine, figuring out a bike to ride (I rented one for a day), finding a place to practice swimming, etc. And secondly, each evening I was so sleepy and tired from running or whatever, I slept like a rock, the dreams tapered off (about you know who), the constant CONSTANT thoughts about "waht is she doing? who is she seeing?" also tapered down, and before I knew it, six weeks had gone by. And I went to the event alone, I tried to snag a buddy to go with, but it didn't work out, though looking back, it was really better that I did it alone. Something about the physical exertion helps the sadness...must be a chemical thing (endorphins?), or maybe the mind is only "big" enough for one set of focused thoughts..and if you're thinking about something huge, like an athletic event, you can't think about the sad sack stuff that brings the tears, or worse, my schtick of trying to fiure out if my inadequacies were what doomed the relationship. I hate when I do that "take all the blame" stuff. Coming home, I listened to this song by Fergie called"Big girls don't cry", and even though I'm a guy, the lyrics are 100% apppropriate,....have a listen if you get a chance.. (PS..I finished third in my age/gender class..woohoo!) I think physical exertion is definately good for everyone and I recommend it. It always helps me even if only temporarily. Good for you.
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Quit smoking (Going on 3 1/2 weeks) Woohoo! Exercising: Running / Lifting weights 5 - 6 x / week Meeting women but not looking for anything serious Reuniting friendship Reading Starting a new, exciting and adventurous life with a stronger character! I have to give you a BIG applause on quitting smoking! That's fantastic! I've never smoked but I know it's incredibly hard to quit. Good thing you're quitting you because I've known those who waited until they were older to quit but the damage they'd done to their health was already done. So how are you going about meeting women?
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Confused, i did the same thing too. Quit smoking, 2 weeks strong at the moment. Going out and hanging out with friends. Searching for new things to do and start my creation for a better future. However, its still hard to move on. I am not looking for anything serious either, or play around with girls feelings, did that before and didn't like it because i know how it is to feel hurt. Gluck everyone! Another congrats on quitting smoking!
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Well... For me... it was more about 'finding me' which didn't necessarily equate with 'doing' anything. But... I've stayed offline (I'm sure my presence has been missed). I've closed down all my old email accounts and moved only to having a work account. For the simple reason, I spend enough time online for work purposes. I feel that if my life is to be rejuvenated and restarted, for me, that is only going to be through interacting with people.... in time.... here and now, not online. So I've done some reading. Historical biography, fiction, text books etc. I've been walking around the parks and canals where I live (only today two canal boats passed me as I was reading a book under a bridge and the inhabitants of the boats all smiled and waved). I've asked about taking kayaking lessons because I'd like to do something solitary which focuses the mind but which is also soothing. Water I find is soothing to me. I've driven and passed the time of day with friends and relatives which I would usually avoid. But largely, I've been careful. I know I need this time for me, to heal, to learn, for me not to rush and most of all for me to go forward. Just being 'out there' and moving 'forward' doesn't necessarily mean that's how it will stay. For me... taking my time now and being solitary and secluded is helping me to know me... without knowing me, how can I hope to give to someone who wants to know me..?! Yeah I have wondered why I haven't seen posts from you. I do think it's important to "get out there" but I wouldn't discount being online as not being real life. I never could understand why people say that about being online. It IS real life. We're all here...we're all expressing ourselves and sharing our thoughts...how is it any different than a room ful of friends doing the same thing? Only the room ful of friends might not have gone through what we've gone through recently so they don't want to discuss it like we do. Of course I don't think that people should sit online and do nothing else....not by any means. I do quite a LOT with my day besides being online but I know there are people that don't do a lot of other things and that's not too healthy. But I have to disagree that being online isn't real life....it's part of a real life.
ruby_gloom Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 And no one is doing anything? not me. i think i died. oh well. better luck next life.
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 not me. i think i died. oh well. better luck next life. Hey, there might not be one, so looks like you're going to have to work with this one instead. Look, if *I* can keep going, despite all that I've dealt with in my life, despite how crappy I've been treated by far too many people, despite battling depressive thoughts.....then YOU can too! Trust me on that.
confused2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 I have to give you a BIG applause on quitting smoking! That's fantastic! I've never smoked but I know it's incredibly hard to quit. Good thing you're quitting you because I've known those who waited until they were older to quit but the damage they'd done to their health was already done. So how are you going about meeting women? Yes, it's very difficult but worth the long battle. As far as the ladies, mainly through my single buddies. Thank God for them, and thank God for LS. I know this isn't related, but does this site allow PM's? How do you turn them on/off bc I don't see it anywhere.......
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Yes, it's very difficult but worth the long battle. As far as the ladies, mainly through my single buddies. Thank God for them, and thank God for LS. I know this isn't related, but does this site allow PM's? How do you turn them on/off bc I don't see it anywhere....... For PM's, see my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1267880#post1267880 (don't get your hopes up...)
confused2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Well... For me... it was more about 'finding me' which didn't necessarily equate with 'doing' anything. quote] That's a good point. The reason I've been trying so hard to better myself and my life is to build up my confidence and ego while I'm "finding myself." That way I'm not saddened through this oh so lengthy process.
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=125775
tinke Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 quitting smoking at any age is a huge feat..congratulations! and...i believe no offense was intended...but, let's be encouraging to the "more mature" age group who is on LS..it is always a good plan to quit smoking...
confused2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=125775 Thanks for the link. Looks like I haven't made it yet
Author uniqueone Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 quitting smoking at any age is a huge feat..congratulations! and...i believe no offense was intended...but, let's be encouraging to the "more mature" age group who is on LS..it is always a good plan to quit smoking... I'm...er..of the "more mature" age group myself. And I definately wasn't discouraging those who are older from quitting. I was just stating that it's especially good for him to be quitting early. Peter Jennings quit at age 47 but relapsed during 9/11 and died of lung cancer at age 67 (in 2005). He had a good 20 something years of smoke filled lungs already. Sure, quitting definately was good at age 47 and greatly improved his quality of life for the next few decades. But the damage had been done and that's why quitting early is crucial. Just like sun exposure when you're young increases your chances of skin cancer....that doesn't mean you shouldn't stay out of the sun when you're older. You definately should. But if you can convince somebody younger to stay out of the sun.....all the better. Didn't mean to sound like a public service announcement here. Just wanted to explain what I meant.
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