Filn Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Probably like many other here, I come looking for some advice; a little bit of insight, perhaps, that I have not considered. I am staring down a potential divorce and could use some other thoughts other then my own. I'll try not to get too long winded, so here is the deal: Wife and I have been married about 9 years. We go married young, both were 20 at the time. We are also of different race and she is a strong Christian while I am not. I mention that only because it may be of relevance. Right now we are separated, living in different countries with our own respective family's to help us out for the time being. So it happens like this: About 1.5 years ago we separated out of need, she had to move to Canada to go to school and I stayed in the US to work while I obtained my permission to work in Canada. She stayed with her parents while she went to school, and I with mine to save up some money. We visited each other about 4 times through the year it took me to get to Canada. No big deal at the time. Several months ago, I moved to Canada to be with my wife. I couldn't find a job and we were stuck under the roof of her parents and needed their support while she went to school and I looked for a job. Not really the best way to start things off, I know, but the options were limited at the time and well, we are poor. Through the 2 months that I was in Canada, my wife started to grow distant. She is stubborn and never really wants to talk about things when we have problems, but this kind of distance was greater. She would want to spend more time with her friends and doing other things that did not involve me. She would start to pick on menial things about what I did. Like housework and such. I wasn't able to find a job, so housework is the only thing I could do and her picking wasn't about doing them, but how they were being done. For instance, not doing laundry fast enough, or not putting my socks immediately in the hamper after taking them off. She would then start picking fights and yelling at me. I made a point that I never raised my voice. I know I am not completely innocent, however, even she admits that she started fights for no real reason. I've made my mistakes in the past and she her, but for some reason she says she loves me but not "in love" with me. It all comes down to this. One day, I got tired of getting yelled at and not being able to talk to her and left. She helped me pack without really saying anything and I asked here several times if she wanted me to go. I always got the response "I don't know." So, I left, back living with my parents because I had no where else to go. We have been apart for a few weeks and I talk to her via email from time to time. I say that I want to work things out by counseling and what not but all I get is "I don't know how I feel." or something along those lines. Other then that, I haven't talked to her. She has almost completely shut me out and left me hanging for what she wants. I'm a bit lost and confused.
notspiritual Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I am in the same situation. I am separated in different countries. Since you asked for insight, I’ll give you mine. Most women love MONEY and you are POOR, you have no job. It doesn’t matter that you have been married for 9 years, a woman will toss these years away like trash. It doesn’t matter that you left your job in the US and made the effort to move to Canada to find a job, you are POOR. She is at school; she’s meeting many young, RICHER and more educated men who are constantly hitting on her and her friends. So when she gets home and sees her maid of a husband, she is pissed off that she is stuck with you when her friends can get the dicks. That is why she starts fights and does not try to retain you when you leave. She is now free to bang the richer men. Don’t be sad, you are simply experiencing what millions of American men marrying western women are experiencing. 60% of marriage ends in divorce and 75% of divorce are initiated by women. My advice is to forget her. You did the right thing when you left. A man should not take any s*ht from any women and refuse to be yelled at. Feel lucky that you have no kids and little money that she could have stolen from you.
Author Filn Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 I think you are quite right on a lot of things. Her being in school and meeting younger and more well to do men is happening, I know that for a fact. And she is very good about being very subtle while mentioning them as well. A lot of her friends from her younger years that she still knows are well off as well, but awfully immature. You know, the kind of people who take things for granted and never really had to struggle for a lot of things. Being poor sure isn't helping, that is for sure. Never mind the fact that I want to go back to school and get more realistic about a job path, she won't allow it because it interferes with her plans. I am supposed to stay at job where I get mediocre pay to support her while she goes to school. I talked to her the other night finally and got nothing but grief. I got told how I always do things wrong no matter what I did and how I did it. It is beyond aggravating to have someone tell you that they care and love for you but then turn and make you feel like **** in the next sentence. I am very glad we don't have kids, that would make things so much worse. I guess if I ever marry someone again, if they are from a different culture, one has to be sure that understanding of different aspects of life are there and that they can accept that without making huge issues out of it.
notspiritual Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Never mind the fact that I want to go back to school and get more realistic about a job path, she won't allow it because it interferes with her plans. It looks like you have been pussy-whipped and you lost her respect. A man doesn’t need his wife’s authorization to improve his life. Never let a woman stop you from being the best that you can be. The good thing now is that you can pursue your studies. When you let a woman manage your life, it is a recipe for disaster. Most women are not very good with numbers and logic thinking. They have no sense of direction or have no idea how to manage their own life. You should have been the one studying and she should have been the one doing the cleaning (she’s so good at it apparently as she corrects you). Everyone should do what one is best for and usually women are better in the kitchen than men.
sumdude Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Everyone should do what one is best for and usually women are better in the kitchen than men. Yes of course ... and this is why most master chefs are ... men.
notspiritual Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Yes of course ... and this is why most master chefs are ... men. I was not talking about culinary art. Of course, women can't compete with men in that field: It takes genius and hard work to reach mastery level. I was talking about the kitchen at home.
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