KATANYA Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Curious to hear from some of you as to how you handled the spouse who suspected there was something going on and confronted you about it? Would like to hear how others handled that situation and if you felt it was the "right" thing to fess up or shut up?
InfinitySymbol Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I recieved a phone call from the BW. She had already known pretty much everything from him. I lied and said we were just friends and I didnt have any feelings for him. Unknowing that he had already stated the truth. I didnt raise my voice. I let her yell and say what she needed to say. She told me to never contact him again and that him and I were over. She has children to worry about. Without going into the story in detail. We are still together. I still remember that phone call. Burned in my memory.
sadbuttrue Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 i had a meeting with the W and MM, it was mostly an argument between the two of them. i sat there and didnt say much, but i wished i had. she cried and yelled and was very angry. i tried not to show any emotion for fear of breaking down myself. i was so angry with him after that. during that meeting she had told him that we were not to have lunch together anymore, and do you know what? we have had lunch probably once since then, that was february. she should have told him he couldnt have sex with me anymore, because that is still happening. she ended up believing him when he said whatever she had heard were all rumors, and i was there to agree. although i didnt say anything, just didnt disagree with what he said. we are still together, and i am sure another confrontation will happen in the future, surely she will not be as naive again to believe him.
Hurt & Alone Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 When I received the intial call from her, I was in disbelief, I never confessed to anything but being freinds at the beginning. I found out the next day that he confessed everything. He couldnt stand the lying anymore, not he could he come up sith an excuse for the hard evidence she had found and put in front of him. So she started calling, way to much I never did tell her the complete story, I guess only bits and pieces. He is back with her I am left feeling like trash. But with all this said if she does contact me again, I guess she has the right to know the truth...Yes he has said that he loved me and it didnt take me 30 years to hear it.
TogetherForever Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I recieved a phone call from the BW. She had already known pretty much everything from him. I lied and said we were just friends and I didnt have any feelings for him. Unknowing that he had already stated the truth. I didnt raise my voice. I let her yell and say what she needed to say. She told me to never contact him again and that him and I were over. She has children to worry about. Without going into the story in detail. We are still together. I still remember that phone call. Burned in my memory. So she is under the impression that you & him are over & done with? Why couldn't you just tell her the truth that you two are in fact in a relationship? By lying, IMO, that just makes things harder on you & him & her & the kids.
InfinitySymbol Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 So she is under the impression that you & him are over & done with? Why couldn't you just tell her the truth that you two are in fact in a relationship? By lying, IMO, that just makes things harder on you & him & her & the kids. Just how i reacted at the time. Was looking out for him etc... At the moment i didnt care about my feelings but his. \
TogetherForever Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Just how i reacted at the time. Was looking out for him etc... At the moment i didnt care about my feelings but his. \ Was he worried about your feelings at that time?
InfinitySymbol Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Was he worried about your feelings at that time? actually believe it or not yes. He NEVER denied his feelings for me. He told her.
PoshPrincess Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Just how i reacted at the time. Was looking out for him etc... At the moment i didnt care about my feelings but his. \ Me too. Four months into the R with MM I received a phone call in the middle of the night from his W confronting me about our A. I denied even knowing him and told her she had the wrong number. Shock, more than anything, I think. She called again and I let her go to voicemail and she left me a message which I can still remember to this day, telling me that I was welcome to him. I didn't want to tell her the truth and drop HIM in it because I was too worried about screwing things up for HIM. I didn't know what HE had told her. All I imagined after this call was that MM and I would be over. The next day he called me and explained excatly what had happened - how she had found out. Of course, he pretty much denied as much as he could possibly get away with, telling me that he didn't want the kids to know the truth and that he was trying to protect them from being anymore hurt than they already were. We had agreed before this that when (haha) he left we would refrain from letting her know about me until at least a few months down the line as he didn't want to rub her nose in it, so to speak. Hmmm. Two days after DDay she texted to ask if he and I had slept together - we hadn't - and I told her as much. She promised that she would never contact me again and has kept her word. MM and I carried on seeing each other for another 5 months.
jj2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 As the W, I'll tell you how I handled the OW. First I took all the evidence I gathered to her husband and informed him of what I planned to do. He agreed with what I had in mind because it would protect the children(I have 2, he has 4). We decided to pool our money and hire the best lawyer in town. Then we sat back and waited. We feed them bait and when they moved on it we were there to capitalize on it. Because we all attend the same church, we had to see each other about 3 times a week . For over 4 months we gave them enough rope to hang themselves. They did! When they were served, needless to say they were shocked. The OW lost her husband, her home, and her children. Yes, she lost custody because she had sex with my hubby with her children in the house. In our state you have to be married for 10 years to receive spousal support, she didn't get that either. Now she has to pay child support and figure out where to live. My husband now works just to take care of me and our children. I hope the few months of unbridled joy he had with her will last him a while, because he doesn't have enough money to wine and dine her now, so she dumped him because he screwed up her life:rolleyes:. The funny part about is that I am so grateful for what they did, because I realize no one could love me like I can and I'm so happy with my life now I have forgiven them both and told them so to there faces. My husband wants me to let him come home. My response is I'll make sure you see your children whenever you want, but you made a choice, you must live with it. My last gift to her was to let her know how much God meant to me and that I would not be seeking revenge on her for her actions, but if she ever hurt my children again or even let their names cross her lips; I would rip her spin out through her butt hole and beat the crap out her with it. Then I would except any consequences God deals me. Then I hugged her in front of every nosy person there and told her I would never speak about the affair with her again. Yes, we all still attend the same church. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it covers the septic tank. You are awesome! I wish I could have used my head when I found out about my H's A but my emotions just took over.
TogetherForever Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 As the W, I'll tell you how I handled the OW. First I took all the evidence I gathered to her husband and informed him of what I planned to do. He agreed with what I had in mind because it would protect the children(I have 2, he has 4). We decided to pool our money and hire the best lawyer in town. Then we sat back and waited. We feed them bait and when they moved on it we were there to capitalize on it. Because we all attend the same church, we had to see each other about 3 times a week . For over 4 months we gave them enough rope to hang themselves. They did! When they were served, needless to say they were shocked. The OW lost her husband, her home, and her children. Yes, she lost custody because she had sex with my hubby with her children in the house. In our state you have to be married for 10 years to receive spousal support, she didn't get that either. Now she has to pay child support and figure out where to live. My husband now works just to take care of me and our children. I hope the few months of unbridled joy he had with her will last him a while, because he doesn't have enough money to wine and dine her now, so she dumped him because he screwed up her life:rolleyes:. The funny part about is that I am so grateful for what they did, because I realize no one could love me like I can and I'm so happy with my life now I have forgiven them both and told them so to there faces. My husband wants me to let him come home. My response is I'll make sure you see your children whenever you want, but you made a choice, you must live with it. My last gift to her was to let her know how much God meant to me and that I would not be seeking revenge on her for her actions, but if she ever hurt my children again or even let their names cross her lips; I would rip her spin out through her butt hole and beat the crap out her with it. Then I would except any consequences God deals me. Then I hugged her in front of every nosy person there and told her I would never speak about the affair with her again. Yes, we all still attend the same church. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it covers the septic tank. So, you are still married to this man but won't let him come back? Do you plan on staying married til death do you part? How do you explain that to the children?
herenow Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 So, you are still married to this man but won't let him come back? Do you plan on staying married til death do you part? How do you explain that to the children? I believe she said that she served him. I can only assume she meant that she served him with divorce papers. I'm sure she didn't serve him dinner.
bish Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 i had a meeting with the W and MM, it was mostly an argument between the two of them. i sat there and didnt say much, but i wished i had. she cried and yelled and was very angry. i tried not to show any emotion for fear of breaking down myself. i was so angry with him after that. during that meeting she had told him that we were not to have lunch together anymore, and do you know what? we have had lunch probably once since then, that was february. she should have told him he couldnt have sex with me anymore, because that is still happening. So you were soooo angry with him....yet still boink him on a regular basis? Uh....ok....
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