mspikes Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Currently, I'm in the 3rd day of a one month request for "some space" from my partner.. It's gotten kinda hard to deal with but, since I've seen other postings up here about it, I thought that I would ask for other people's opinions on what it might mean. Here's the story: I met this guy 6 months ago and unfortunately when I did, he was about a week out of leaving a messy LTR (3 1/2 years I believe) in which the two of them had gotten together, moved in together, broken up, got back together, and so on... A week after we met, he allowed the ex to move into his new place because the ex had nowhere to go. The both of us had talked at length about it, and how I felt about it (which wasn't all that good, but I told him that I liked him enough that I would find a way to deal with it, and at times, he'd tell me flat out "I can't give you what you want" when it came to the ex still being there...) but, I told him that I cared enough and would give it time... so, we continued our relationship...and although the ex was living in his house, and it threw some kinks into our plans (namely me coming over to his house, and he sleeping over at my house) it continued to grow and flourish. However, as a few months passed, I started to wonder why the ex was still around... although the two of them would not go out (he spent most of his free time, and even time at work with me)..and whenever we'd talk about it he'd say "there's NOTHING there anymore".. I still got the pang from knowing that the ex was in his house. Finally, we got to our 5th month together, and I finally gave him a 1 month ultimatum that either the ex had to go, had to find out about me, be given an exit strategy of some kind or I was leaving. Things continued to move forward, and on our 6 month anniversary, I told him that I was canceling the ultimatum. 2 days later, on which would have been the technical end of the ultimatum, he suprized me by inviting me into his house, and showing me that the ex had finally moved out. He invited me to stay over (which I did), and the next morning while we were going out for breakfast, he showed me a text message that his ex had sent to him saying "I'm glad to see you've moved on so quickly. I heard your friend say 'thank you for inviting me over'. You suck!" I can only guess that somehow during the process of getting into the car that his phone got turned on and the ex overheard our conversation. When we get to the restaurant, he jumps out of the car, and says "let me take care of this"... and after a 15 minute conversation, in which part of it he disappeared, he came back and told me "now do you see why I might need some time to myself?" I wasn't all that shocked due to the fact that yes, he discussed with me a few times the fact that he met me at a very weird time, and was just coming out of that relationship and that he might need some time to collect himself... but he always spoke metaphorically, asking "what would you think if I told you that I might need some time by myself?" I'd say "well, it would be a little rough but, I'd have to deal with it and give it to you" So, any who after about 10 minutes of talking, he tells me that he needs some space and time to get things straight. I take him home, and during that time, he tells me that he'll probably be throwing himself into work but, he'll need a month. If you've gotten this far with me, THANK YOU. These first few days have been rough but, I keep telling myself that if it's meant to be, he'll come back. I really don't feel like this is a break up... but, there's always the chance. I truly do love him, and feel that he's a real special guy, however... I'm unsure of how to take this... I'm interested in hearing your opinons. Thanks again!
thegrilnextdoor Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I think everything will be fine. He just needs some time to sort out his feelings. Don't worry about it at all. Good Luck!
thegrilnextdoor Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Thank you for the help! The only thing I don't understand is how he could blame it on me. He knows I'd never intentionally hurt him. Keep me updated on you and your man. I want to know how it goes after the one month break. Though i'm sure everything will turn out fine.
Hazy Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I have to say that he's just not over his ex and he's just not that into you. Just because his ex was jealous and sent the text message is no reason for him to suddenly need some time for himself and blame you. If he was really into you, he would get over his "issues" of his exgirlfriend fast. Sorry, but he's a loser. Asking for a break is never a good sign, and if you do get back together, he will bail again to get his "space" or whatever. I believe he is still sleeping with his ex, also. He seems to pay a lot of reverence to her jealous feelings by even responding to her text. You didn't do anything wrong, leave the guy for good and stop being his doormat.
Reactor Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I agree with Hazy. People who aren't over their ex's just aren't worth the bother - trust me. I went out with a girl who (although I didn't know it at the time) wasn't over her ex that she had broken up with over 6 months ago (they had a 2/3 year relationship). Even though the guy was a jerk to her, she still loved him and they kept in contact. To be honest I ignored all the warning signs, like the dolt I am! Anyway, 1st warning sign ignored by me. I told her to break contact for her sake, she wouldn't listen, blah, blah the typical friends stuff. Then 3 months later she said it wasn't working out between us and she wanted to break up with me because she was afraid of being hurt and wasn't over her ex (even though she didn't know it at the time that these were the real reasons for her inability to move on relationships). And just like me you'll go into this relationship and think 'Wow! I really like this person' but they'll use you for what you can give them now and then do exactly what my ex did to me, what made it even more painful for me was that I helped her overcome this problem she had, and after we broke up she said 'I've blocked him (her ex, ex-bf) out of my life now' - nice one, a little to late now thought isn't it? Do you really want that? Do you really want to be used like that? I hope not. Trust me when I say this, if he needs a month to himself and its hurting you now, ditch him, I know it sounds nasty but really he doesn't deserve you, that month you're giving him could be a month you use to get over him and find a decent man, who can commit. Either that or say to him, cut contact with her completely for us - if he can't do that, well you have your answer and you should move on. Theres nothing worse than being held to ransom by someone, you feel sapped and drained and feel like you have to tip toe around them in order to make them happy - don't do it to yourself, you're worth more than that. You also believe that this space will make him change, the chances it won't, worries change people and the only way to get them back to who they were is to get rid of the worry - completely, it seems to me that he really hasn't sat down and mourned the passing of his LTR and as a result has lost himself, just like my ex, the problem is that you get lost with them, and when they do eventually leave you or vice versa you feel like a puppy abandoned on the side of the road. And it sucks, again, trust me on that one.
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