Superfudgey Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Hi everyone, I am a new poster. I have been reading on this site now for nearly a year I think. Just never felt the need to register and post about myself. But, Im in a situation now and I dont really know what to do. I could use some independent opinions! Its going to be long, but Ill recap at the end for those of you who cant be bothered to read everything! Ok, Im 23, still at university. My boyfriend of 2 years is 29 and working. I own my own appartment, have my own car, and so does he. As said, we've been together for 2 years now. The first year I thought was great. We saw each other every weekend and a night during the week, worked fine for me. There was a female friend of his which I didnt trust. I didnt like the way they interacted and grew suspicious. Just before our 1 year anniversary I decided I needed to know the truth about them. I checked his phone, and his chat sessions, and found out he had been talking sexually to her all year. Also saying things like, youre gorgeous, youre the best, I want to kiss you all over etc. You get the picture. Anyway, this was a big deal for me. I confronted him, he said he was sorry, and cut off contact with her. Since then, this was nearly a year ago, I just dont trust him anymore. I love him to death, we're great together, but I just cant trust him with girls anymore. I find myself obsessing over every little thing. I hate him going out with his friends. I hate him texting or chatting on internet, because I constantly fear that he is up to no good again. He swears he's learned and wouldnt do it again. Then there's the porn thing. He watches it all the time, even when Im there, but turns sex down 7 times out of 10, saying he's tired or just not in the mood. He doesnt like kissing me as often as I like. Im always the one to initiate it. I hate it, he says he's not a trained monkey and doenst have to do things he doesnt want to, like kissing me or having sex with me, every time I want to. I get that, its just ironic that he'll watch porn, and talk sexually to this girl for a year, but then proceeds to turn me down regurlary. He was very kissy feely with his ex girlfriend, always french kissing in public, hugging etc. He is not like that with me and gets annoyed at me when I try. He's very outgoing and flirty when we are out and about with friends. He will talk, laugh etc all the time. At home, he wont say anything, is quiet and just a different person. I just dont get it. I dont really know what to do. He is my dream guy in so many ways, but he also is not. -I dont trust him anymore -He wont be intimate with me, but will watch porn, talk sexually to other girl and is different than he was with his exgf. -He acts different when alone with me I guess Im trying to find an answer to this question: Should you settle for someone who has a lot of qualities you look for, but also is a person with traits you absolutely dont want in a partner? I can not get over his one year online affair with that girl. She was a friend, they saw each other every week for dinner, a movie etc. He really betrayed me and I just dont see myself trusting him anymore. I have talked to him about it, he says: then leave if you dont trust me anymore, then I dont want to be with you anymore. What do you think? Should I stay, although Im unhappy in a few areas? Any imput is welcome. Thanks, I needed to vent!
miss snoopy Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 You need to leave before you're in too deep. My ex did stuff similar to yours and the grave mistake I made was taking him back after ditching him, only for him to eventually break up with me and leave me feeling like I'd lost control of a situation I could so easily have called the shots in, given I had "intelligence" on him, like you do. Guys like this are bad news and we often minimise their flaws and maximise their good points. Talking with another girl in a sexual way and going out with her that regularly is a huge no-no in my books and that's enough to end it, porn etc aside.
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