Nur Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Hi all. I find myself in a sticky spot. My boyfriend of two years and I broke up a week ago. We'd felt the strain for a while, and due to his independent nature, he hadn't shared any of the inner stresses he was going through with me, but tried to internalize it all. When he couldn't take the pressure, he snapped and ended the relationship. Meanwhile I've been flooded by guys asking me out. A lot of them have known me for a while, and truly appreciate and admire me. I'm not that attracted to any of them, but I know a nice guy when I see one, and they are all very nice. I wouldn't want to hurt any of them. Yesterday my ex came over and we talked. He revealed the reasons for breaking up -- surprisingly, his feelings for me were as strong as ever, and he was afraid that he was using me too much for his motivation. He said that he would love to take me back, and I know our relationship would be great if he was just able to communicate his unease with me. He pretty much opened up his soul and spilled out all that had been troubling him, and told me that he hadn't even shared his fears and doubts with his parents or sister. His is from a Latin culture, and they view that as weak. I explained that I didn't find that weak at all, just human. Ultimately what we decided is to keep contact. I told him that I can't take him back right away because this is the second time we've broken up, and last time he promised to change (although, admittedly, the problem we thought at the time for the break up was not the true problem). I want to be really, really sure before I take him back again, because I don't ever want to go through this again with him. I told him that we could stay in contact, but that he was at an even playing field with any other guy and had to prove to me that he's capable of communicating his problems and sharing his emotions. I also want both of us to be alone for a while so that emotions don't cloud our judgment. This puts me in a really confusing state, because I have so many conflicting feelings. I just feel tangled in a web bound to hurt someone -- I can't really try relationships with anyone else because that would hurt my ex (he got really jealous when he'd heard I'd cuddled up next to one of the guys I'm dating) but I can't really experience true singleness with my emotions tied up to him. I hope I did the right thing, but I have no experience in the matter. Should I do something different? What warning signs should I look out for? Did I make the right choice? Please, You of Experience, help.
Aliddy Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 (he got really jealous when he'd heard I'd cuddled up next to one of the guys I'm dating) Hi, I have been reading your post, an am a little confused. Do you mean you broke up with your partner of two years a week ago ? Are you saying you are now confused over the other guys you are dating and him ? If so this all seems rather quick....
Author Nur Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 It does seem quick, you're right. These guys literally swooped in less than 24 hours after we'd broken up. I know a lot of them from school and a lot of have been hoping exactly that the breakup would happen -- they'd carried secret crushes a long time. But mostly my confusion pertains to the future -- how will this all work out? I just want to know if it seems like I am making a wrong move. I don't want to sit around and wait for my ex to change or not to change, but at the same time it's hard to move on when there's still feelings. I might want to get back together, but I don't want to waste two years to see if that might or might not happen. If I start a relationship with a guy who I like and who likes me, I am figuring my ex will just have to move on. I don't want to be a slave to my ex's whims, to see when and if he'll be ready to start our relationship anew. And I don't want to rush back into it only to make the same mistakes. Can you see the conflicts facing me? Am I doing the right thing?
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