The spanking debate.

[tinktronik]

i used the fair but consistent method. it seems to have worked for me. i think when they get the idea from you of what their boundaries are - things will settle down.

 

in the meantime - be patient... i know it's harder said than done. but it will pay off after they have been with you again after a bit of time passes.

It does get better over time and I susperct they did not get enough structure at their other house . The rules were not firm enough.

Thankyou Sunny2.

[love necessity]

A serious offence would be endangering the life of one of your siblings purposly .

 

Has that happened?? What happened??

[love necessity]

I'm being lazy, let me read the thread, and I will comment later...I'm sure you have that incident in here somewhere.. TTYL

[tinktronik]

Has that happened?? What happened??

Yes I have 3 boys. Its a whole 'nother' ballgame.

 

One gets mad at the other and decided while way up in a tree to punch the other in the face till hes dangling 25 feet from one arm . Or one pushes the other and later whils crossing the street he one to get beack pushes him into traffic .

 

They just don't understand the seriousness of thei actions because none of them has been seriously hurt.

 

There was another time ,that we were all on our bikes riding to the top of a ound of mulch, about 4 1/2 feet high. My oldest thought it would be funny to push the little guy over the edge. He fell the bike landeed on his neck pinning him. It could have been really really bad , thank god we all had helmets and pads.

Its basically normal boy horsing around , but taken to an extreme because they just don't get it.

[2sunny]

you need to have them understand about boundaries!

 

not only for themselves - but life in general... hop to it!

[tinktronik]

you need to have them understand about boundaries!

 

not only for themselves - but life in general... hop to it!

I've had them back for 5 months now , it was like recieving the children from "nanny mcfee". Did you see that movie , except they are wobbling back and forth knocking each other around.

The boundaries are in place , Im working on them. But it takes time. I have tried to make the rules simple .

1. when I tell you something do it , no arguing.

2. There is NONONONO hitting kicking, spitting, throwing things at, slinging, knocking, biting ect.

3. Do not embarrass me in public. (they know what this entails)

 

So for now those are the rules and the rest I just stay righ on top of them about , I figure I will give out more complicated ones once they get the basics.

[love necessity]

I know that I am only 21 and have no children, but I am very educated when it comes to "child" psychology. I have taken two Psych courses in college and have worked with children.

 

My boys are 5 6 and 8 . I have for years practiced consistant time outs ,groundings, removal of privliages, talking toos and taking away toys . I have just come to the conclusion that it is possible to raise a child without spanking them but not 3 boys.

 

When you discipline your boys do you stay firm? You don't keep on threatening them-telling them that they will be put in time out if they get out of hand? They won't respond well to that, because they know they have so long before you actually put your foot down.

I will never believe that physical abuse is the answer to rearing children, I think it only shows children that your boss, and that it's ok to show violence in times of frustration. What will that teach your boys? Take things away that they enjoy--don't expect them to react to violence, because it just doesn't work that way. You'll only make yourself superior and they will resent you for that in the future.

I actually spoke with several well adjusted adult men that I respect and that grew up in multiple boy household and they all said the same thing , their mom did the spankings they obeyed and respected her and that was all there was to it.

That may be well said and done, but spanking a child 20 yrs ago was more acceptable in that time. Now a days, if your child has so much as a funny scratch on his body, it is highly possible that you would get investigated by CPS, and I know you love your children and wouldn't want to make that risk that.

Please read this article

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/11/051114110820.htm

 

 

 

I am honestly just exhausted with my boys running roughshod over me because they know I will not physicall punish them . I am to the point where it is just a matter of time before one of them seriously injures another .

 

Are you a single mother? Are you married? Does your husband help out?

You may not physically punish them, but that doesn't mean you can't be tough. I don't mean start verbally abusing them either. Get down on their ground--face to face--and act pissed, in a deep mean voice and you tell them...Be firm...Who cares if they pout? Let them, they're suppose too, that's what you want. You run the house, not them, but you...

Try this for me please....You want to see some good behavior mommy, try these things..

 

First if they have a lot of toys. Take all their toys and put them in a bin. Make each one of them choose 2 toys that they like the most, including video games and all. Make them work as a team. If one picks the PS2 with a game that's it, then suggest the one pick a game that they can all play together, because their a team. And the same goes for the other one. Then take all their toys and tell them that they can have one toy each once a month if they most mostly stars on their chart. Make a chart for each boy, and at the end of the day place a star on each day that is good. Tell them they can only have a frown face up to 5 times, and if they exceed that, then they don't get a toy. Also, make them work as a team say if you all get 7 stars in one week, we can go to X, where they like to go. same thing goes for junk food. Buy three jars and take them shopping if you don't already have tons of it ,and tell them they can pick goodies to fill their jars. At the end of the day or whenever you feel is necessary, tell them they can have a goodie if they do X..

I have a feeling that this could work. Make them work as a team. Have them donate things together. Like tell them about other children needing things and say I told these other children you would be helping them and they can't wait to see what you have for them so I want each of you to go to your room to pick out something special of yours to give to another the other children.....Sounds like fun.. I have so many more ideas too. if you're interested.

I have also watched my boys over a matter of time and what they respond to even in play is a matter of physicallity .

Im just at a loss .I feel as if I have tried every thing else and by the book litterally.

 

You may physically hit them to get your word across now, but doing that could make them anxious and aggressive as adults. Children get very stressed out when parents physcially abused them. I can remember my mother hitting me. Everytime I did something bad, I tried to hide, because I knew what I had coming. In return when I was old enough to drive and etc. I sneaked around keeping things from her, and was so afraid to go to her for advice, because I didn't know whether or not she would be mad and hurt me or give me advice? Today, I sometimes flinch, when someone moves, even though it's been years since I was abused. It was hard..

 

Also, I resort to conflict sometimes and I mean physcially conflict. It has gotten better over the years though. I got in to fights when I was younger, and beat people up pretty bad. I wasn't the greatest child, but my mother wasn't the greatest mom either.

 

I hope this helps you, I will continue to read your postings...

 

Kids can be a handful, and I know this from watching them. Do you meditate?

[love necessity]

I think the ? was more aimed at what to do after those things have failed . I have done all of these things. Thankyou for the suggestion, but I have infact done all of these. Even down to the chore list including washing the outside walls of the house because the house was spottless.

 

If you've done these things and stuck to your word and were firm, then there should have been no problem. You need to be more firm--become more convincing to your children by using eye contact, convincing body language, have that mean look, because that's what you need when your punishing.

 

Ex: Someone telling their child that they are going to take away x, but are shouting from another room will not be taken seriously. There's no eye contact, no body language suggesting anything. You need to be firmer and more consistent in your actions, because that's the only thing will help.

[silktricks]

Divide and conquer can work, but it can also spark even more internecine warfare, and thus more problems for the parents. I personally am an advocate of spanking, but ONLY when you are not angry or out of control yourself (and unfortunately, that's often when you most want to grab that old spoon, belt, or whatever!)

 

and in my opinion, spanking, like anything else should be measured. i.e. for offense A you will be two swats, for offense B you will get four. Not just swinging for the sake of getting their attention....

 

Gawd I'm glad my kids are grown and gone and I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore

[love necessity]

Yes , they do soccer baseball, martial arts. We also bike around the lake ( 3 miles) 5 days a week in order to burn off energy. We have pull up bars and gym equipment in the back that they play with regularly as well as bike ramps and trick bikes for all of them.I do the appropriate level of hooked on phonics math and reading with them every year in order to cement what they learned and are yet to learn in school the next year. We also play very physical games races, hide and seek things that involve burring off energy , climbing trees ect.

I think it is perhaps more to do withy the closeness in ages than anything else.

 

See, now this seems fun....I am happy to hear that you all do things as a family. It sounds like you know how to have fun with the boys.

 

Why not take away this stuff. Give them a chance to get it back by positive behavior. It's all about reinforcing positive behavior.

 

Go to google and type in "reinforcing positive behavior"

 

Hope this helps!! I know, I know I'm giving you too much info huh?

[tinktronik]

I know that I am only 21 and have no children, but I am very educated when it comes to "child" psychology. I have taken two Psych courses in college and have worked with children.

 

 

 

 

When you discipline your boys do you stay firm? You don't keep on threatening them-telling them that they will be put in time out if they get out of hand? They won't respond well to that, because they know they have so long before you actually put your foot down.

I will never believe that physical abuse is the answer to rearing children, I think it only shows children that your boss, and that it's ok to show violence in times of frustration. What will that teach your boys? Take things away that they enjoy--don't expect them to react to violence, because it just doesn't work that way. You'll only make yourself superior and they will resent you for that in the future.

 

 

That may be well said and done, but spanking a child 20 yrs ago was more acceptable in that time. Now a days, if your child has so much as a funny scratch on his body, it is highly possible that you would get investigated by CPS, and I know you love your children and wouldn't want to make that risk that.

Please read this article

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/11/051114110820.htm

 

 

 

 

 

Are you a single mother? Are you married? Does your husband help out?

You may not physically punish them, but that doesn't mean you can't be tough. I don't mean start verbally abusing them either. Get down on their ground--face to face--and act pissed, in a deep mean voice and you tell them...Be firm...Who cares if they pout? Let them, they're suppose too, that's what you want. You run the house, not them, but you...

Try this for me please....You want to see some good behavior mommy, try these things..

 

First if they have a lot of toys. Take all their toys and put them in a bin. Make each one of them choose 2 toys that they like the most, including video games and all. Make them work as a team. If one picks the PS2 with a game that's it, then suggest the one pick a game that they can all play together, because their a team. And the same goes for the other one. Then take all their toys and tell them that they can have one toy each once a month if they most mostly stars on their chart. Make a chart for each boy, and at the end of the day place a star on each day that is good. Tell them they can only have a frown face up to 5 times, and if they exceed that, then they don't get a toy. Also, make them work as a team say if you all get 7 stars in one week, we can go to X, where they like to go. same thing goes for junk food. Buy three jars and take them shopping if you don't already have tons of it ,and tell them they can pick goodies to fill their jars. At the end of the day or whenever you feel is necessary, tell them they can have a goodie if they do X..

I have a feeling that this could work. Make them work as a team. Have them donate things together. Like tell them about other children needing things and say I told these other children you would be helping them and they can't wait to see what you have for them so I want each of you to go to your room to pick out something special of yours to give to another the other children.....Sounds like fun.. I have so many more ideas too. if you're interested

 

 

You may physically hit them to get your word across now, but doing that could make them anxious and aggressive as adults. Children get very stressed out when parents physcially abused them. I can remember my mother hitting me. Everytime I did something bad, I tried to hide, because I knew what I had coming. In return when I was old enough to drive and etc. I sneaked around keeping things from her, and was so afraid to go to her for advice, because I didn't know whether or not she would be mad and hurt me or give me advice? Today, I sometimes flinch, when someone moves, even though it's been years since I was abused. It was hard..

 

Also, I resort to conflict sometimes and I mean physcially conflict. It has gotten better over the years though. I got in to fights when I was younger, and beat people up pretty bad. I wasn't the greatest child, but my mother wasn't the greatest mom either.

 

I hope this helps you, I will continue to read your postings...

 

Kids can be a handful, and I know this from watching them. Do you meditate?

I am in a longterm R now. My H does help greatly. I do keep firm and consistent with them I know this is important. I do not threaten I tell fimly once and if they repeat the behavior , I punish in whatever way be it time out removal of a privlage, ect. I do not cave once the punishment has been given. I have removed toys and allowed very few toys , i have also done many structured team activities as well as seperated them and attempted to relearn them on HOW to play and then reintroduced them to eachother with my supervision on appropriate play. But the min. I turn my back the fighting starts up again. I have done rewards for good behavior and it works on one of the boys but not the other .

If one gets a reward he cannot play with his toy because one of his brothers will find a way to get it and break it.

You have very good suggestions here , but I have said it once and said it again, I have tried and tried andtried , there are just more of them than there are of me.

 

I spent years not spanking because I too was abused as a child and I feel I have done a disservice to them at thins point by not spanking them sooner. There is a difference between beating and a swat on the butt.

I do not plan to spank often or regularly . But something drastic MUST be done at this point.

[love necessity]

It sounds like you're heavily mired in everything they do. Why not slowly make the older one responsible for the younger ones, to an extent? Minor petty dictatorship also seems to work. It's a way to divide and conquer and generate a sense of responsibility.

 

What a nice way to make them all hate each other. Put all the blame on the oldest so he will be depressed and resentful..WOW!! That's a great way to treat your children...!!

[love necessity]

You've said this, but have you even considered anything I've said??

 

I spent years not spanking because I too was abused as a child and I feel I have done a disservice to them at thins point by not spanking them sooner. There is a difference between beating and a swat on the butt.

I do not plan to spank often or regularly . But something drastic MUST be done at this point.

[silktricks]

You may physically hit them to get your word across now, but doing that could make them anxious and aggressive as adults. Children get very stressed out when parents physcially abused them. I can remember my mother hitting me. Everytime I did something bad, I tried to hide, because I knew what I had coming. In return when I was old enough to drive and etc. I sneaked around keeping things from her, and was so afraid to go to her for advice, because I didn't know whether or not she would be mad and hurt me or give me advice? Today, I sometimes flinch, when someone moves, even though it's been years since I was abused. It was hard..

 

Also, I resort to conflict sometimes and I mean physcially conflict. It has gotten better over the years though. I got in to fights when I was younger, and beat people up pretty bad. I wasn't the greatest child, but my mother wasn't the greatest mom either.

 

Usually children being spanked isn't what leads to aggression in adults or sneakiness in children. More often aggression is the result of being spoiled and feeling that they have the "right" to anything and everything. As for children being sneaky - that's pretty much what children do. They want what they want, and will most often will do whatever they feel they need to do so they can get it.

 

It sounds to me like you are wanting to blame your Mom for what's gone wrong in you. As you grow older, you'll find that there is no perfect person. No perfect Mom, no perfect Dad, no perfect child. Everybody screws up. And the things we screw up the worst at is usually the thing that we most want to do best at.

[tinktronik]

You've said this, but have you even considered anything I've said??

 

I spent years not spanking because I too was abused as a child and I feel I have done a disservice to them at thins point by not spanking them sooner. There is a difference between beating and a swat on the butt.

I do not plan to spank often or regularly . But something drastic MUST be done at this point.

Ofcourse I considered what you said. Im saying , I have done those things and still do regularly . But as of yet they do not work . Perhaps they work for certain kids , perhaps they will eventually work with my kids, but right now they do not . The nice approach is not one I can afford to take with children that endanger each others lives.

[love necessity]

Usually children being spanked isn't what leads to aggression in adults or sneakiness in children. More often aggression is the result of being spoiled and feeling that they have the "right" to anything and everything. As for children being sneaky - that's pretty much what children do. They want what they want, and will most often will do whatever they feel they need to do so they can get it.

 

I was far from spoiled-- very far from.....I have been living own my own since I was 16 yrs old and managed to make a wonderful life for myself, and taking care of myself ever since. My mother had an addiction, and she was very poor at parenting. I can remember going days without a decent meal, or sleeping in the dark because she didn't pay the light bill, or sleeping on the floor because we lived in a shack with no furniture. Like I said, I was far from being spoiled. I would've appreciated just staying in the same school for more than 1/2 year, but we moved like 20 times b/c she kept getting evicted for non-payment of rent.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

Hitting your child does in fact, cause stress and anxiety, why don't you look it up at wikipedia.com before you go giving advice on something your so blind too...

 

It sounds to me like you are wanting to blame your Mom for what's gone wrong in you. As you grow older, you'll find that there is no perfect person. No perfect Mom, no perfect Dad, no perfect child. Everybody screws up. And the things we screw up the worst at is usually the thing that we most want to do best at.

Wow, you don't know how to give advice, and you are so wrong.

I don't blame my mother...I still love her---from a distance. I have tried helping my mother on several occasions after I got my stuff together, but she doesn't want to change and will always be the person she is today. "Heartless"......I have tried, even after all the stuff I have been through with her, I tried. I tried because I know she had problems. She didn't have the best childhood and I understand that, I understand that completely. She didn't know how to love, because she wasn't loved as a child. There were men she ran too that treated her like garbage, but she didn't know how to hold a relationship with people, because she wasn't given that opportunity in life. I understand my mother completely, and I did still want to be apart of her life and I forgave her, but she hasn't forgiven herself, so there's not much I can do. She's depressed, but doesn't want help.

 

So, silktricks, before you go giving advice makes sure it's accurate please..Because you don't know me from adam..

 

And I have a wonderful life now, I'm happy I went through the things I went through because it has made me a less selfish person with a huge heart. I am more understanding than ever, and I am very independent.

[love necessity]

Of course I considered what you said. Im saying , I have done those things and still do regularly . But as of yet they do not work . Perhaps they work for certain kids , perhaps they will eventually work with my kids, but right now they do not . The nice approach is not one I can afford to take with children that endanger each others lives.

 

 

What do you think of the "chart" idea?? I know it would work, but you have to stick to it and give it a chance. Of course nothing will happen overnight silly:), but it will eventually and your children are still young, so give it time...

 

It'll work out!

 

Good luck!!!

[tinktronik]

Of course I considered what you said. Im saying , I have done those things and still do regularly . But as of yet they do not work . Perhaps they work for certain kids , perhaps they will eventually work with my kids, but right now they do not . The nice approach is not one I can afford to take with children that endanger each others lives.

 

 

What do you think of the "chart" idea?? I know it would work, but you have to stick to it and give it a chance. Of course nothing will happen overnight silly:), but it will eventually and your children are still young, so give it time...

 

It'll work out!

 

Good luck!!!

I have charts for them on each of their bedroom walls. They have the multiple colored star stickers and they lose a privlage when they get naughty marks.

[love necessity]

Good luck!!!

I have charts for them on each of their bedroom walls. They have the multiple colored star stickers and they lose a privlage when they get naughty marks.

 

So your already ahead of the game!!

 

Just so ya know!

Found this for ya:)

Disciplining Children Without Spanking

Children have to be taught discipline. They are not born with it. Little by little parents have to teach it to them. While teaching discipline does take time and practice, it gets easier as children learn to control their own behavior. And best of all, teaching discipline does not have to hurt either the parents or the children.

 

What is discipline?

Discipline is helping children develop self-control. Discipline is setting limits and correcting misbehavior. Discipline also is encouraging children, guiding them, helping them feel good about themselves, and teaching them how to think for themselves.

 

Is spanking necessary to have discipline?

No. Discipline should help children learn how to control their own behavior. Spanking is used to directly control children's behavior. Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do, as good discipline should.

 

Won't spanking teach children who is the boss?

Children do need to know that the adult is in charge, but spanking can teach children to be afraid of you. Good discipline teaches children to respect you. Respect goes both ways. Treat children with respect and let them have some control, and they will respect

you and listen to you.

 

If I do not spank, then what can I do?

You can do lots of things that will help your children learn self-control. You can:

• Help them feel good about themselves.
  
• Show them how a person with self-control acts.
  
• Guide them.
  
• Set limits. Correct misbehavior by talking to them.
  
• Teach them how to think for themselves.

What can I do to help my children feel good about themselves?

Let them know what they are doing right, as well as about the mistakes they make. Hearing good things makes us feel good and makes us want to do more good things. Say two nice but true things to children for every time you correct them. Remember, when they are changing their behavior, tell them how well they are doing, even if they only improve a little.

 

What do I need to do to guide them?

One thing is to set routines for bedtimes, meals and chores. Routines help children feel safe, because they know what parents expect.

• Young children have a hard time going from one activity to another. Warning them a few minutes ahead helps them get ready.
  
• Be clear about options your children have. Make them choices that you can live with.
  
• Remind them of your rules. just saying no is not enough. Children often need reminders.

How can I set limits?

• Start with only a few rules. The more rules you have, the harder it will be for your children to remember them.
  
• Be sure you know whey you are saying no. As a parent you must keep your children healthy and safe. You must help your children learn to get along with other people. And you must stick to what you believe in. Explain your reasons for saying no. Be sure your child understands your reasons.
  
• Give children a voice. Children need a voice in setting limits. They need a chance to tell you what they think and feel. When children help you make rules, they are more likely to obey them. You may set many limits together, though some may have to be set by you alone.
  
• Say what you mean. Be clear about your limits.

Will my children like me when I set down limits? Will they think I'm a “meanie"?

Setting limits does not make you a "meanic" forever, not if you are fair. when you stick to your limits, your children may not like what you are doing. Accept their feelings, but stick to your limits. Fair limits show that you care. If you set limits by yourself that are unfair and too strict, your children will try to get back at you. If you do not set limits, your children will push and push until someone sets a limit for them.

 

What do I do when my children break the rules?

Stay calm. Do what is fair. Do something that makes sense and will help them learn not to make the same mistake again.

You can use these problem-solving steps to help children think through what happened and figure out how they can help themselves not make the same mistake again:

1. Have the child say what the problem is.
   
2. Have the child come up with as many solutions as possible. At this point, the number of ideas is more important than how good the ideas are.
   
3. Discuss solutions together and have the child choose which solution to try next time. Be sure it is a solution you can both accept.
   
4. Try out the solution.
   
5. Check the results. If it works, great. If not, start again.

Read and tell me what you think?

[silktricks]

I was far from spoiled-- very far from.....I have been living own my own since I was 16 yrs old and managed to make a wonderful life for myself, and taking care of myself ever since.

My dear, I didn't say you were spoiled, didn't consider the possibility that you either were or were not. I was speaking of aggression in adults and what can trigger that aggression. You spoke of spanking, I respectfully disagree, and tend to believe that it comes more from an attitude of entitlement.

 

As for what wikipedia has to say, I've read a lot, and been educated fairly extensively. I've read a lot of things that people thought were true at one time, but found to be totally false at a future time, so I don't put a lot of stock in "expert" opinion any more.

 

 

Wow, you don't know how to give advice, and you are so wrong.

I don't blame my mother...I still love her---from a distance. I have tried helping my mother on several occasions after I got my stuff together, but she doesn't want to change and will always be the person she is today. "Heartless"......I have tried, even after all the stuff I have been through with her, I tried. I tried because I know she had problems. She didn't have the best childhood and I understand that, I understand that completely. She didn't know how to love, because she wasn't loved as a child. There were men she ran too that treated her like garbage, but she didn't know how to hold a relationship with people, because she wasn't given that opportunity in life. I understand my mother completely, and I did still want to be apart of her life and I forgave her, but she hasn't forgiven herself, so there's not much I can do. She's depressed, but doesn't want help.

 

So, silktricks, before you go giving advice makes sure it's accurate please..Because you don't know me from adam..

 

And I have a wonderful life now, I'm happy I went through the things I went through because it has made me a less selfish person with a huge heart. I am more understanding than ever, and I am very independent.

 

No, I don't know you from Adam, just like you don't know me. I calls 'em like I sees 'em, and what I see is a young person who is fond of giving advice and pretty defensive about getting it. As for your level of understanding, maybe you should re-read what you wrote to me, and see how understanding you are of a differing point of view.

 

Like I say, I hope you can forgive your Mom some day. 'cuz whatever you say here, you haven't yet. Bye now.

[love necessity]

My dear, I didn't say you were spoiled, didn't consider the possibility that you either were or were not. I was speaking of aggression in adults and what can trigger that aggression. You spoke of spanking, I respectfully disagree, and tend to believe that it comes more from an attitude of entitlement.

 

As far as aggression in adults..There are plenty of things that can trigger aggression, and spanking is one of those possibilities.

 

 

No, I don't know you from Adam, just like you don't know me. I calls 'em like I sees 'em, and what I see is a young person who is fond of giving advice and pretty defensive about getting it.

 

I didn't get defensive--I was a little surprised that you had the nerve to comment on something you probably don't know first hand of..??But I don't know you, so I could be wrong??

 

As for your level of understanding, maybe you should re-read what you wrote to me, and see how understanding you are of a differing point of view.

 

Like I say, I hope you can forgive your Mom some day. 'cuz whatever you say here, you haven't yet. Bye now.

 

 

For someone who is telling me I get defensive about giving advice "you have some nerve!"...it seems like you got defensive because I corrected you..

 

I am always willingly to accept advice from people, just like I LOVE:love: to give it. But, it's a different thing, when someone is telling me what kind of person I am and are so certain, but couldn't pick me out of a crowd of three.

 

You told me that I haven't forgiven my mother...Buddy your wrong from a long shot, because I forgave my mother years ago..That's done and over with...

 

Just because you read a few things about me, doesn't give you the right to assume anything about me, like I said---you don't know anything about me and you can't form your opinions on people with just by reading a few paragraphs about them. If that's how you base your decisions than sorry to hear that...But any who, must get back to reading and giving advice Thank you buh-bye!!

[Moose]

Spanking is used to directly control children's behavior.

And that is exactly why I use it.

 

Anybody, (who's been a parent) has been faced with having to take IMMEDIATE control over their child's behavior. I don't care how disciplined your, "disciplining" had been, your child will challenge you more than once and usually at the worst opportuned time.

Spanking does not teach children how to change what they do, as good discipline should.

A parent who spanks without the follow up disciplinary actions is simply an abuser.

Children do need to know that the adult is in charge, but spanking can teach children to be afraid of you.

Again, I beg to differ! Yes, the child needs to know who's in charge. There are some of us who don't run after our kids with a belt, grab their arms and start swinging.

 

We set them down, we explained the boundaries they've crossed, and they pay the immediate consequence for it, followed up with other priveleages being revoked for a time, or other methods.

Good discipline teaches children to respect you.

And GREAT discipline includes spanking.

Help them feel good about themselves.

Show them how a person with self-control acts.

Guide them.

Set limits. Correct misbehavior by talking to them.

Teach them how to think for themselves.

All of these things should be done on a consistent basis whether or not your in, "discipline" mode. Nevertheless, a child will still rebel and call their mother a bitch in front of company.

 

You're darn tootin' I'm pulling that one out of the room and delivering a beltin'. Afterwards, they'll wash their mouth out with soap, apologize to their mother, then spend the rest of the week in their rooms without priveleages.

 

Kids ARE NOT STUPID! It's been my experience with my 5 kids that past age 5 they don't need much guidance if any at all to understand what respect is.

 

Lastly....your whole post didn't say one single thing about BOTH parents being 110% on board with this methodolgy, as well as the CONSISTANCY from BOTH that is required.

[tinktronik]

And that is exactly why I use it.

 

Anybody, (who's been a parent) has been faced with having to take IMMEDIATE control over their child's behavior. I don't care how disciplined your, "disciplining" had been, your child will challenge you more than once and usually at the worst opportuned time.A parent who spanks without the follow up disciplinary actions is simply an abuser.Again, I beg to differ! Yes, the child needs to know who's in charge. There are some of us who don't run after our kids with a belt, grab their arms and start swinging.

 

We set them down, we explained the boundaries they've crossed, and they pay the immediate consequence for it, followed up with other priveleages being revoked for a time, or other methods.And GREAT discipline includes spanking.All of these things should be done on a consistent basis whether or not your in, "discipline" mode. Nevertheless, a child will still rebel and call their mother a bitch in front of company.

 

You're darn tootin' I'm pulling that one out of the room and delivering a beltin'. Afterwards, they'll wash their mouth out with soap, apologize to their mother, then spend the rest of the week in their rooms without priveleages.

 

Kids ARE NOT STUPID! It's been my experience with my 5 kids that past age 5 they don't need much guidance if any at all to understand what respect is.

 

Lastly....your whole post didn't say one single thing about BOTH parents being 110% on board with this methodolgy, as well as the CONSISTANCY from BOTH that is required.

And thus Moose you have explained the poot cause of these problems. Kids with 2 households and 2 different parenting styles . I neen the kids to understand that while they may not have to follow the rules at 1 house they do here.

[Moose]

And thus Moose you have explained the poot cause of these problems. Kids with 2 households and 2 different parenting styles . I neen the kids to understand that while they may not have to follow the rules at 1 house they do here.

I wouldn't know what that's like to be honest. However, I would simply explain that to your children, and to you ex.

 

When I read your post it read to me like this:

 

"While they may not need to follow the rules OF house number 1, you will need to follow them here"

 

It should read, and be explained like this:

 

"You may not have to follow the rules when your at "__________", BUT you will follow MY rules when you're here"

[love necessity]

And that is exactly why I use it.

 

Anybody, (who's been a parent) has been faced with having to take IMMEDIATE control over their child's behavior. I don't care how disciplined your, "disciplining" had been, your child will challenge you more than once and usually at the worst opportuned time.A parent who spanks without the follow up disciplinary actions is simply an abuser.Again, I beg to differ! Yes, the child needs to know who's in charge. There are some of us who don't run after our kids with a belt, grab their arms and start swinging.

 

We set them down, we explained the boundaries they've crossed, and they pay the immediate consequence for it, followed up with other priveleages being revoked for a time, or other methods.And GREAT discipline includes spanking.All of these things should be done on a consistent basis whether or not your in, "discipline" mode. Nevertheless, a child will still rebel and call their mother a bitch in front of company.

 

You're darn tootin' I'm pulling that one out of the room and delivering a beltin'. Afterwards, they'll wash their mouth out with soap, apologize to their mother, then spend the rest of the week in their rooms without priveleages.

 

Kids ARE NOT STUPID! It's been my experience with my 5 kids that past age 5 they don't need much guidance if any at all to understand what respect is.

 

Lastly....your whole post didn't say one single thing about BOTH parents being 110% on board with this methodolgy, as well as the CONSISTANCY from BOTH that is required.

 

I can understand why your stance on physically harming your child is ok, I mean it's coming from a guy who posts about literally strangling his son who has heart problems..