typeguyo Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I'm in my mid twenties and met an amazing woman who I had a short, but progressively serious relationship with. We were really compatible in terms of humor, interests, and just hanging out, but even though she is beautiful (physically and mentally), my sexual desire died. Other than slight physical turn-offs and not being the satisfied in bed, I think I may have mentally turned myself off to the idea of furthing the relationship our of selfish fear. From our first date she told me about a rare genetic medical condition she had, which didn't really affect her attitude towards how she would live her life, but meant she was in occassionally in pain from doing active things. It hurt to watch her walk like an 80yrold woman, and tell me "It's okay, I'm fine". I was afriad I'd be pushing her around in a wheel chair in 10 years. The condition could transfer through having children. When we talked about it early in the relationship she said she knew that she HAD to deal with it, and understood if I couldn't. I really tried to, but felt horrible that in my head I couldn't see past it. While I still love her, I was never butterflies-in-the-stomach in love. Through the relationship I felt my feelings change from love interest to best friend. We had so much fun together other than the sex, but I felt guilty that my sex drive for her faded. I feel that our short relationship was less that perfect, we had similar but different aspirations which all could be worked out and compromised. However, am I being selfish or a horrible person for being turned off by a genetic medical condition, and not being strong enough to face imminent emotional anguish with someone I only dated for a short time?
Star Gazer Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 you're just being human. I completely agree. If you had been dating her for a long period of time, were in love, planning a future together, etc., and THEN she was diagnosed...well, then I'd reconsider my opinion. But having only known her for a short time, I think you're justified in having these concerns.
LoveLace Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I think it says a lot about you for staying in the relationship after she told you on the 1st date...there's a chance that it's ran guys off fast before you. Sadly this is something that will probably effect her relationships for life. I'm sure you are not the 1st, and won't be the last, man to feel like you do. But it sounds like it could be a great friendship regardless, if she is willing to accept that....and look at it this way, a lot of people don't stay in relationships if the sex is not fulfulling....so it doesn't mean your change of heart is strictly due to her condition... I felt sorry for a patient I had in clinical a few weeks ago, cuz she was only 32 yrs. old with fibromyalgia (chronic joint pain) and auto immune disorder...so to sum it up she lives life in constant pain and always feels like she has the flu. Plus she had 3 small children and what sounded like a helpful husband...I thought wow I can't imagine being him, much less her...and more than likely she won't live a long, full life considering she's so prone to infection/illness. Yet she appeared in good spirits and spunky..kind of sounds like the woman you speak of... Unfortuneatly it comes with the package to have conditions like this and deal with major social conflicts because of it...and you can't stick with someone just because you feel sorry for them...you are not selfish.
high_boost Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 it sounds ok to me bro. just remember YOU must be happy to have a happy relationship. if either person in the relationship isnt happy than your just wasting eachothers time. good call mang!
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