Chamari Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 So I was on IM last night talking to my ex and somehow we got talking about the things that had annoyed us about each other while we were dating. Anyways, so I told him that one of the things that had really bothered me was that he very rarely had planned time to spend with me. I think we *maybe* went on about a date a month. Now, we did spend lots of time together, but 90% of it was spent hanging out with our group of friends, or cuddling and watching movies. I mean, it was fun and all, but not so great for really getting to know someone, you know? Anyways, it had bothered me that I didn't seem to be any kind of priority in his life--he'd just stop by and spend time with me (and everyone else) when it was convenient for him and didn't initiate much by way of one-on-one time with me. So anyways, after I told him about that he seemed kind of stunned and said that he just hadn't really thought about it that way and hadn't realized that actually planning out dates could be important. And that just got me wondering how many guys out there are thinking along those same lines. So, guys--and girls too--how imporant to you is it to plan time to spend with your SO?
niceandslow Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 It is definitely important to have a date night every once in awhile, just the two of you. However, when you are in a relationship with someone, it also shouldn't matter what you do together. For some, they are perfectly content not going out on dates all the time because they just enjoy the quality time together. Just a side note, if you were unhappy during the relationship, why didn't you communicate it then?
Author Chamari Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 I think the important word there is quality. I didn't mean full out dates--just even planning to take a walk together or something as opposed to having someone show up on your doorstep and say, so what do you want to do? I wasn't unhappy per say, just a little discontent at times. I should have said something to him at the time, but I have a hard time communicating sometimes--I get nervous about things, choke up and start crying which is highly embarassing for me. I'm getting better at it but it's not exactly an overnight change I can make. As it was my first relationship I had a lot to learn and I think I did learn alot from it. As it was, although my ex didn't plan much time with me, we did spend a fair amount of time together and he always made it very clear that he was happy to spend time with me and really did treat me well. I appreciated that and didn't want to seem ungrateful or anything I suppose. Anyways, I have realized that I need to be more willing to say what's on my mind and it is something I'm working on.
niceguy27 Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 chamar, I read your other post about needing to get to know yourself...That was back in May. Have you and your SO made amends or patched things up? I would like an update...BTW, i added you to my buddy list as my girlfriend and I are going through the same as you.
Yosef Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 It's very good to look at yourself the way the guy hadn't. I'm always wondering, "Could I stand talking to someone for 6 hours on the phone? Or chatting for 3 hours at the ice-cream parlor? Or an hour just sitting under the moonlit stars?" Not all guys are romanticly evolved yet, and your ex? boyfriend is one of them. They can't adapt further to the environment until they are confronted by nature, AKA Loss or Pain.
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