Cheesecake Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I found a very interesting posting from a married man asking for advice on a website called queendom. I wanted to share it with all of you. It's entitled "I care for my wife but I'm in love with another woman." Enjoy. http://www.queendom.com/advices/advice.htm?advice=74
Lizzie60 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 This could have been written by the MM I'm seeing right now (46, manager at work), it is the same story almost to a T... except that my MM is having sex with his wife once or twice a month, he would like more but she doesn't want sex (she's having her period 14-16 days a month)... This guy (my MM) says that he cares very much for his wife, would never hurt her but I know he's totally in love with me... but the thing is... I'm not. I can understand that, in some cases, the MM is head over heels in love with the OW...especially if this other woman is not as much 'in love' with him or is quite independant and seeing other men. They become 'obsessed' with her.
child_of_isis Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I agree with Liz. It is all about him not being able to have her. Usually when a guy can't hook a woman, he gets all emotional about her.
Author Cheesecake Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Aren't most men like that though? In in for the thrill of the chase? I ended things with my guy about a little over a month ago now and stupidly forgot to get my keys back. I told him I wanted no contact and he's respected that. I was away for the weekend and when I came back I noticed that he did a fix up job on my air conditioner that he mentioned way back when he wanted to do. Kind of creeped me out a little. A good friend of mine said I should try to get my keys back from his friend (because I'll be damned if I contact him - that's like quitting smoking after a year then taking that one drag that will get you back into the nasty habit.) What do you ladies think?
outofdarkness Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 This could have been written by the MM I'm seeing right now (46, manager at work), it is the same story almost to a T... except that my MM is having sex with his wife once or twice a month, he would like more but she doesn't want sex (she's having her period 14-16 days a month)... This guy (my MM) says that he cares very much for his wife, would never hurt her but I know he's totally in love with me... but the thing is... I'm not. I can understand that, in some cases, the MM is head over heels in love with the OW...especially if this other woman is not as much 'in love' with him or is quite independant and seeing other men. They become 'obsessed' with her. I have to tell you Lizzie...that I find the fact that you know your MM's W is having her period 14-16 days...deporable and very sad and humiliating for the W...I don't buy into the saying; "what a person doesn't know can't hurt them". Your MM is discussing intimate and personal things concerning another person...HIS W!!..She has not been given the luxery of knowing that the peson that she trusts more then anyone in the world, is betraying her, so that she can make informed choices concerning HER life...Flip the situation..How would YOU feel if his W knew what times of the day you have a bowel movement, or what type of gynelogical problems you've had? Mabey you're the exception to the rule, but IMO most of us would find that thought horrifying!! It was THIS part of my H's A's that I found the most disturbing and humiliating...
PoshPrincess Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Never mind the keys, change the lock... I agree with Lizzie, Cheesecake. Contacting him again may bring all those old feelings flooding back and will end up doing you more harm than good!
woe_is_me Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 i only read 2 or 3 lines of that link ... and couldn't read on.. my exH cheated when our son was 3.. 10 years ago...and exMM cheated when his son was 3..5 years ago.. What is it with the youngest being 3 thing..just coincidence?? (btw cheesecake...LOVE the avatar lol .. stewy is the bomb)
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I have to tell you Lizzie...that I find the fact that you know your MM's W is having her period 14-16 days...deporable and very sad and humiliating for the W...I don't buy into the saying; "what a person doesn't know can't hurt them". Your MM is discussing intimate and personal things concerning another person...HIS W!!..She has not been given the luxery of knowing that the peson that she trusts more then anyone in the world, is betraying her, so that she can make informed choices concerning HER life...Flip the situation..How would YOU feel if his W knew what times of the day you have a bowel movement, or what type of gynelogical problems you've had? Mabey you're the exception to the rule, but IMO most of us would find that thought horrifying!! It was THIS part of my H's A's that I found the most disturbing and humiliating... Of course we discussed his family life and the reason why he's out there looking for sex, since that's the reason why he only gets it once or twice a month ... her periods... I've been through exactly what she's going through... abundant periods... etc. and I didn't use that excuse for not having sex... I went to the doctor to solve my problem... He was soooo 'not into sex' but he knew all about it, cause he watches porn on the computer at home... He's the best oral giver I've ever had. She only has it one position (missionnary), she hates oral sex... she would never ever wear sexy lingerie... He's like a child in a candy shop with me... What's the difference between saying you have abundant and long periods or saying you need a colonoscopy cause you have blood in your stools... this is silly...IMO.
woe_is_me Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 okay..i just read the rest of the article... Lizzie..ur unreal..this guy gets sex twice a month!?? and still wants more from you!?? and you give it!!?? I happen to know for an honest to God fact that my xmm hadn't had sex for over 10 months and i still thought maybe he was greedy!?? You give an honest if not 'harsh' perspective on being an OW but thankfully most that post here aren't like you and are actually in genuine anguish... Thankfully our situations ..each and every one of us are different and hell will hopefully freeze over before we are all thrown into the same basket as you.. I can only say from experience (and im a tad jealous of all the OW who post here who are still seeing their one special MM whose wives 'don't know') that D day is the only way an OW will find out where she really stands. I didn't want to know where i stood .. it was Gods choice.. and miss him and all as i do i'm glad he cannot physically use me and is forced to live honestly and own up to his web of lies...because without Gods intervention i surely would've helped him create more..
outofdarkness Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Of course we discussed his family life and the reason why he's out there looking for sex, since that's the reason why he only gets it once or twice a month ... her periods... I've been through exactly what she's going through... abundant periods... etc. and I didn't use that excuse for not having sex... I went to the doctor to solve my problem... He was soooo 'not into sex' but he knew all about it, cause he watches porn on the computer at home... He's the best oral giver I've ever had. She only has it one position (missionnary), she hates oral sex... she would never ever wear sexy lingerie... He's like a child in a candy shop with me... What's the difference between saying you have abundant and long periods or saying you need a colonoscopy cause you have blood in your stools... this is silly...IMO. OMG!!! What's the difference??? You are speaking of extremely personal and intimate stuff that is in most cases, only discussed between a W and her Dr. or her BFF...I don't even know many W's who discuss this sort of thing w/ their SO!!! I know I'm sort of conservative and old fasioned compared to many on LS, but as I said, this part of A's bothers me much more then the physical part!
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 OMG!!! What's the difference??? You are speaking of extremely personal and intimate stuff that is in most cases, only discussed between a W and her Dr. or her BFF...I don't even know many W's who discuss this sort of thing w/ their SO!!! I know I'm sort of conservative and old fasioned compared to many on LS, but as I said, this part of A's bothers me much more then the physical part! If you're not comfortable to talk about your intimate problems with your SO then WOW!!! I think YOU have a big problem... yes I would say you are old fashioned... I have no problem discussing my intimate problems with my MMs... if I have any... in fact we often talk about our health problems when we have some... no big deal.
woe_is_me Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 sometimes i think ur a guy pretending to be a girl lizzie ..honestly.. i was told things by exmm about his wife that i knew at the time he shouldn't have been saying and that i didn't really have the capacity to deal with..i just remember thinking.."im glad im not your wife" I could never even mention in public internet forums the things he told me about his wife..utter disrespect on your behalf ..gosh your disappointing and you do every OW who never wanted to be a long term one..a shocking disservice.. but you're cool with that so carry on *rolls eyes* 1
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 okay..i just read the rest of the article... Lizzie..ur unreal..this guy gets sex twice a month!?? and still wants more from you!?? and you give it!!?? I happen to know for an honest to God fact that my xmm hadn't had sex for over 10 months and i still thought maybe he was greedy!?? You give an honest if not 'harsh' perspective on being an OW but thankfully most that post here aren't like you and are actually in genuine anguish... Thankfully our situations ..each and every one of us are different and hell will hopefully freeze over before we are all thrown into the same basket as you.. I can only say from experience (and im a tad jealous of all the OW who post here who are still seeing their one special MM whose wives 'don't know') that D day is the only way an OW will find out where she really stands. I didn't want to know where i stood .. it was Gods choice.. and miss him and all as i do i'm glad he cannot physically use me and is forced to live honestly and own up to his web of lies...because without Gods intervention i surely would've helped him create more.. Lizzie..ur unreal..this guy gets sex twice a month!?? and still wants more from you!?? and you give it!!?? Of course I give it... We f*ck our brains out when we're together... I happen to know for an honest to God fact that my xmm hadn't had sex for over 10 months and i still thought maybe he was greedy!?? Poor guy! I feel for him. You give an honest if not 'harsh' perspective on being an OW but thankfully most that post here aren't like you and are actually in genuine anguish... Thankfully FOR ME... I'm not like most of the OW on here who are like you say in 'genuine anguish' Good for me!!!! Maybe you should be more like me... LOL You wouldn't feel so miserable. I can only say from experience (and im a tad jealous of all the OW who post here who are still seeing their one special MM whose wives 'don't know') that D day is the only way an OW will find out where she really stands. I don't want the D-Day... I want him to stay with his family... I think I'm much 'nicer' that way... I didn't want to know where i stood .. it was Gods choice.. and miss him and all as i do i'm glad he cannot physically use me and is forced to live honestly and own up to his web of lies...because without Gods intervention i surely would've helped him create more. That's total 'baloney' from my point of view... To each our own. btw... how do you know he's living honestly now that you're not in the picture?
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 sometimes i think ur a guy pretending to be a girl lizzie ..honestly.. i was told things by exmm about his wife that i knew at the time he shouldn't have been saying and that i didn't really have the capacity to deal with..i just remember thinking.."im glad im not your wife" I could never even mention in public internet forums the things he told me about his wife..utter disrespect on your behalf ..gosh your disappointing and you do every OW who never wanted to be a long term one..a shocking disservice.. but you're cool with that so carry on *rolls eyes* I am totally 'cool' with that... my my I can't imagine with what kind of MM you were with... geezz... how conservative for someone who had an A. I often think that I have more testosterone in my body.. I think more like a guy I know... but I'm OK with that too. Sex is just no big deal... geezzz
woe_is_me Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 um lizzie .. i have my reasons for knowing why he called me after 4 years of no contact and they're possibly to deep and meaningful for you to comprehend or understand ..you're just the town bike by the sound of it? and i'm far from miserable..maybe you're calling it as 'you' see it huh?
Author Cheesecake Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Now why didn't I think of that? LOL Thanks! By the way, I've been reading this site for the past month. Lizzie, although many women seem to disagree with your choice of lifestyle, I admire your boldness, your independence and the fact that although in the societal minority in terms of perspective, you still will not waver. Its very empowering and progressive. Were you Susan B. Anthony in your past life? LOL. After years and years, I've finally caught myself playing up this victim mentality anytime a relationship went South. I'm sick of playing a victim. I'm sick of women in general playing victims. This is the 21st century for God's sakes. We, as women, can live however we choose - Thank God. Look at all the rights we've acquired in the past century. BS's and OW's should not be having cat fights with each other, although I know sometimes when emotions come into play, its hard not to. We are all adults, are capable of making decisions, and should try to understand and stand by each other. Some men intentionally manipulate and pin women up against each other to get out of the hot seat and quite frankly, enjoy watching and hearing us put each other down. We can't give in to that. When, as a gender, will we get collectively smart enough to realize that we are not each others enemy? That MM or MW can say whatever they want - both the BS and the OW/OM have the option and the power to leave the situation. Comments from the peanut gallery? Or is this post not racy enough for you? Drama, drama, drama......LOL. We are a culture who has an insatiable need for drama. Its like the Unbearable Lightness of Being.
Author Cheesecake Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Now why didn't I think of that? LOL Thanks! By the way, I've been reading this site for the past month. Lizzie, although many women seem to disagree with your choice of lifestyle, I admire your boldness, your independence and the fact that although in the societal minority in terms of perspective, you still will not waver. Its very empowering and progressive. Were you Susan B. Anthony in your past life? LOL. After years and years, I've finally caught myself playing up this victim mentality anytime a relationship went South. I'm sick of playing a victim. I'm sick of women in general playing victims. This is the 21st century for God's sakes. We, as women, can live however we choose - Thank God. Look at all the rights we've acquired in the past century. BS's and OW's should not be having cat fights with each other, although I know sometimes when emotions come into play, its hard not to. We are all adults, are capable of making decisions, and should try to understand and stand by each other. Some men intentionally manipulate and pin women up against each other to get out of the hot seat and quite frankly, enjoy watching and hearing us put each other down (and actually, there are manipulators in both genders - it really is an individual thing.) We can't give in to that. When, as a gender, will we get collectively smart enough to realize that we are not each others enemy? That MM or MW can say whatever they want - both the BS and the OW/OM have the option and the power to leave the situation. Comments from the peanut gallery? Or is this post not racy enough for you? Drama, drama, drama......LOL. We are a culture who has an insatiable need for drama. Its like the Unbearable Lightness of Being.
outofdarkness Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 If you're not comfortable to talk about your intimate problems with your SO then WOW!!! I think YOU have a big problem... yes I would say you are old fashioned... I have no problem discussing my intimate problems with my MMs... if I have any... in fact we often talk about our health problems when we have some... no big deal. Yeah, I AM conservative and sort of old fasioned...The part that bothers me that MOST is that you and your MM are discussing things about his W!!!!!!! Not you or him!!! I guess it's why I am so anti gossip..I stay away from people that do this and try to fly under the radar...Some of the things that my Mom told ME back in the 70's and 80s when I was growing up seems sooo stupid and old fasioned at the time, but NOW, I realize that some things never change like good old fasioned tact and morals...and discrestion....
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 um lizzie .. i have my reasons for knowing why he called me after 4 years of no contact and they're possibly to deep and meaningful for you to comprehend or understand ..you're just the town bike by the sound of it? and i'm far from miserable..maybe you're calling it as 'you' see it huh? As I always say..to each our own... LIVE AND LET LIVE!
Lizzie60 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Now why didn't I think of that? LOL Thanks! By the way, I've been reading this site for the past month. Lizzie, although many women seem to disagree with your choice of lifestyle, I admire your boldness, your independence and the fact that although in the societal minority in terms of perspective, you still will not waver. Its very empowering and progressive. Were you Susan B. Anthony in your past life? LOL. After years and years, I've finally caught myself playing up this victim mentality anytime a relationship went South. I'm sick of playing a victim. I'm sick of women in general playing victims. This is the 21st century for God's sakes. We, as women, can live however we choose - Thank God. Look at all the rights we've acquired in the past century. BS's and OW's should not be having cat fights with each other, although I know sometimes when emotions come into play, its hard not to. We are all adults, are capable of making decisions, and should try to understand and stand by each other. Some men intentionally manipulate and pin women up against each other to get out of the hot seat and quite frankly, enjoy watching and hearing us put each other down (and actually, there are manipulators in both genders - it really is an individual thing.) We can't give in to that. When, as a gender, will we get collectively smart enough to realize that we are not each others enemy? That MM or MW can say whatever they want - both the BS and the OW/OM have the option and the power to leave the situation. Comments from the peanut gallery? Or is this post not racy enough for you? Drama, drama, drama......LOL. We are a culture who has an insatiable need for drama. Its like the Unbearable Lightness of Being. I agree: I'm sick of women in general playing victims. I have 0 tolerance for women playing victims... We are all 'majeures et vaccinées' so we can make our own choices... I live by my own rules ONLY... I respect the fact that it's not everybody's 'cup of tea' but this is exactly what I want... for now... while I can enjoy the few remaining years of 'youth' I have. LOL
woe_is_me Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 well you know Lizzie..sometimes some of us OW..believe it or not..only fall in love with one married man...and would never do so again..why you do it for practice or kicks is beyond most of us ..but like you said you wrinkled up old prune...each to their own...
PoshPrincess Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I know I'm sort of conservative and old fasioned compared to many on LS, but as I said, this part of A's bothers me much more then the physical part! I'm neither conservative nor old-fashioned but I have to agree with OOD on this one. I would feel more betrayed if my SO discussed details of my personal/health problems, sexual problems within our R, etc than I would if he was purely physical with a OW. I will say one thing in my exMMs favour and that was that he NEVER discussed personal things about his W with me. He talked to me about problems with his kids, extended family, etc and did talk up to a certain point about his W but never bad-mouthed her in a big way and never discussed their sex life (and I wouldn't have wanted to hear about it anyway!) or any other personal problems they may have had. Oh, he was such a perfect man in every way......not LOL!
Shades of Grey Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 ..gosh your disappointing and you do every OW who never wanted to be a long term one..a shocking disservice.. but you're cool with that so carry on *rolls eyes* My situation could not be further from Lizzie's but as an OW I don't feel that she does me a shocking disservice. Rather that she is coming from a completely different perspective. Despite the fact that we are both classed as OW, I don't find myself relating to her experiences on any level. Her lifestyle is also not something that I necessarily agree with (and vice versa i'm sure) but as long as we all remember how very different our situations, views and emotions are then Lizzie gives as good advice as anyone else. From her perspective of course.
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