Reactor Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Hi there, Anyway, the story begins...My ex-gf and myself had been dating for about 4 months (yes, I know a terribly small amount of time when compared with other peoples relationship woes). We were both at Uni, I was a final year, she was a first year (21/19). We broke up officially about mid-June, anyway...As with most relationships when we first met there was a spark and we instantly got on, I could tell she was attracted to me and played it 'cool' - even though I'd never been in a relationship before I knew about the rules of attraction - women hate not being able to get what they want. She had a boyfriend around this time so she was 'taken' in my book and hers, I don't like stepping on other guys toes. I wasn't too sociable with her for the first term (which she knocked me for constantly) mainly because I knew that we would get on too well, I kind of regret it now (as I could've got to know her better). Christmas comes, we all go home and we return 3 weeks later, anyway, it turns out shes called it off with her current boyfriend (they only went out 3 months) and is comtemplating getting back with her ex, ex-bf who broke her heart twice and enjoyed being a jerk to her. I decided to not wait any longer and I made my move - I asked her out and she said yes (this was a very happy day for me). The date comes and I take her out to town for a meal and we went to the museum, then we went to a bar for the night and drunk loads of Vodka shots, needless to say we were slightly tipsy, next thing I know I'm home with her and we're getting pretty close (if you get my gist). Morning comes and everything is good, I'm happy & she's happy, my trail of thought was that even though I'm leaving Uni in 3 months time I'd stay on and spend time with her to grow more attached to her. She on the other hand must've decided that 3 months wasn't enough because since I dated her she was round my flat almost 24/7, I mean I hardly had a moments peace, which because I hadn't experienced it before I liked. However, being a final year student I was working very hard on getting my degree - as you do, so I couldn't spend lots and lots of time with her. We did go out for Valentines day and we did go walking alot, you know 'quality time' I guess. About 2 weeks after we start dating/going out she comes round mine saying her ex, ex-bf is coming to stay the night - as friends, I say thats ok and that I was fine about it (which come to think of it, I was). She's also having about this time trouble with her flat mates, they ganged up on her and told her to do her bit in the cleaning which upset her alot so she stays round mine for a couple of nights. The two weeks come and her ex, ex-bf comes to stay, anyway they have a big chat about their lost love etc, etc but she tells him 'No' and he leaves (she did however kiss him - out of friendship she said). I go round to see her and she's in a right state, crying and miserable. I comfort her (but there was little I could do - I knew she needed some female company) so I told her she might be better off calling a friend who she trusts and letting her feelings out to her. She agrees but we talk alot and then we end up in each others arms cuddling and I comfort her, I didn't stay the night, but I left very early in the morning. Anyway this all passes and everythings going great - up and till Easter when we go home for the Easter holidays. I didn't go home, because I didn't have one! My parents had moved abroad and were kind of living in and out of hotels while they looked for a place. So I'm stuck at Uni, I haven't seen my parents for a long time and can't get a good phone signal to them because of the ****ty connection. I'm also worrying about my degree (I took a double project), so I was working my arse off on that and of course then there was my ex who I had to call to reassure her I wasn't doing no good. Now I admit I didn't call her as much as I should have and this really annoyed her and I was rather rude to her on the phone one evening (even though I did apologise) because I was doing my work from about 12pm to 8am in the morning, I was ill and not feeling myself. The 3 week Easter holidays pass and she comes back (my work still isn't done, I have about another week and a half to finish it all off). I of course know she's coming back but again I pull a really late shift and don't get out of bed to answer the door to her, I am feeling ill and again the stress is getting to me. I evenually get up and open my door and get back into bed (bad move) she comes in and sees I'm still asleep and says 'I'll come back later' I kinda get authoritive and say 'Come here please' in an authoritive way - hey I was ill, stressed and worried. She comes here looks at me and then says she'll be back later. She comes back later and is really off with me, I know somethings up and I know she probably wants to break off the relationship with me. Anyway the next day comes and I goto see her knowing I'm in the dog house, I go and knock on the front door of her flat and her flatmate tells me she's out shopping (my alarm bells start ringing). I go back to my flat (we lived next door) and she comes round later - she says 'We need to talk' I reply 'Why? You want to break up then I guess?'. She nods and we go for a walk. We go on the walk, and theres tears from me and her, and she says that its not me, its her, you know the usual. This was about two weeks before my finals btw. Anyway, I convince her to calm down and de-stress and think about what she really wants, she says ok and I leave her to it. Because we lived so close together however it meant we had to keep seeing each other - sucky. About a week later her birthday is coming up and I arrange to take her out and I get her some nice flowers etc. I go round to say that I've booked a table, etc, etc and she bursts into tears saying she 'Can't cope with this and that she can't stand seeing me getting on with my life.' I say OK, we'll break up then if that makes you happy, I tell her that I'm starting to love her and that we are worth fighting for and that I would stand by her through anything (this wasn't lies), next thing I know shes in my arms and well...you can probably guess the rest. Anyway, the rest becomes a little cloudy, I do know we constantly kept talking about us and I started become very clingy (mainly because of all the stress and pressure I was under, as well as not getting enough sleep or eating properly). The rest of term passes theres a ball, it doesn't go well, I don't socialise too good because of all the problems I had going round in my head - it was like I was in another dimension if you get my drift. The day comes when shes going home, I said I'd go with her, she seems reluctant, and she even said 'Your the most clingy person I know' to me. Which hurt me alot, because I'm not clingy! She was like that from the start then changed!! And all the stress she dumped on me broke me, plus our relationship was about the only good thing I had going for me at the time. She does however take me home with her - she seemed pretty excited at the prospect, like a different person. I go home with her for about 7 days, she gets a job so I spend alot of time on my own or with her other family members. She says to me 'This isn't about us, its about helping you' which is nice I guess, I did need a break I'll admit. Anyway I go home and talk to her on MSN, I say I feel like I'm stuck in limbo (I asked her to make a proper decision about us), next day she rings me and says she wants to break up with me. I take it quite well, I tell her to do whats right for her etc. She says 'God you relax me' I say that she should take alot of space and think about everything and why this has happened. I put the phone down, two days later I get really upset and have to go visit my parents (who now have a place to themselves). For two weeks I don't contact her, then I goto an internet cafe and shes online, she immediatly talks to me and wants to know how I'm doing etc. I say I'm ok and that we'll talk again soon. I get back from visiting the folks (because it was a flat mates birthday) and I'm fine, no problems at all. Then we go out for the day and theres a letter from her under the door, turns out she came back to collect her stuff from her room. She said it was like an omen that I wasn't there, like somebody was telling her something. I get upset about this because she hasn't let me be, just a card would of been fine, she didn't need the letter. I can't cope so I go back to see the folks for two weeks, before I leave she starts talking to me on MSN and I pour my feelings out to her (what did she expect?). I then write her an e-mail and say I have to have NC and that I loved her. She wrote me one just before and sent it saying I could get out of the relationship and that we were just going round in 'circles'. The day I'm about to leave she phones me and says 'I couldn't let you leave with just a text', we talk for about 15 minutes about her and the problems shes having with her ex, ex-bf. I really didn't want to hear about it but for some reason hearing from her made me really happy (and I know hearing my voice made her really happy). I was very upset but I fought on and went to see the folks. I talked to my parents about it, saying she wouldn't leave me be and that I needed my own space to mourn the loss of my first relationship (which I honestly thought would last more than 4 months). The two weeks pass and I return to the UK for my graduation, alls good. I don't feel bad at all and I'm happy (I get a 1st class), but then something hits me, like a rusty shovel to the head I guess. I feel like I'm really missing her, and I mean REALLY missing her. I go back to the parents place and this is where I'm currently at. I wake up everyday wanting her next to me, wanting to touch her, I'd had a month and a half NC with her up and till yesterday when I stupidly sent her an e-mail, she hasn't responded, which I expected. Part of me sees it as closure another part can't accept it and still really wants her! I go running everyday which helps me vent my anger, and I do alot of work around the house (we're doing building work), I've even started keeping a diary, writing down her bad points and why she didn't deserve me. But for some reason I keep blaming myself for the failure of the relationship!!! Somebody help!! Any ideas how to make me stop thinking so negatively? Did I really do anything wrong? ARG! Sometimes I feel like a failure, then I perk up and I'm fine for a while!!! I also feel a fool because I let myself get sucked in, all the stress of my work and other problems got to me and I didn't keep control of my emotions, ARG!!! -Reactor P.S. I think I may have put this in the wrong forum!!
starbuckmacintyre Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 RED ALERT! RED ALERT!! Dude if your woman (or any woman) says something as absurd as: "my ex-bf is coming to stay the night - as friends" show her the door and say "thanks for coming out." Find another woman pal... this one ain't worth it.
Author Reactor Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 True. But shes decided to drop her ex, ex-bf from her life now (as I told her from the beggining & she wouldn't listen) which kind of makes it harder to accept. Also, when she phoned she said her ex, ex-bf had phoned and said he loved her and she went out with him. Needless to say he started snogging another girl right in front of her! Oh yeah, and she said to me on the phone 'He (her ex, ex-bf) stopped me moving on with you and my relationship before you, you should just forget about me!' Even though when she broke up with me she said she'd have 'No regrets' ARG! Its so confusing and upsetting!!
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