LittleEva Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I want everyone's opinion on this....my husband of almost 12 years and I have separated as of 7/6/07. The split was my idea but is amicable. We have 2 small children, (7 yr old and 20 month old). We continue to do things as a family as I consider him a good friend and after all, he is the father of my girls. We had a family vacation scheduled for end of August and we are all still planning to go...together. Now, my husband says he understands that we will probably never get back together but also says he has hope that at some point I will realize I have made a mistake and ask him back. I am getting all sorts of grief from family and friends about this family vacation being wrong...one person even said it is immoral. Am I crazy for agreeing to spend a weeks vacation with my soon to be ex husband? We will not be sleeping in the same bed, nor even the same room on this trip....your thoughts please...
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 It is not wrong to continue to do things as a family with your children. It's been over 2 years for us, and we still do things "as a family". We tell our kids we are still a family, but mom and dad are no longer husband and wife. We don't give a ratsass about what anyone else thinks or says. It's none of their business and it sure as heck isn't immoral. You kids will treasure this special time. As long as the kids get the attention on this vacation, and your stbx isn't chasing you around begging to come back, I'm sure you'll all have a great time.
harleygirl92156 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Do what you feel is right for you and your girls. I personally think if you can have a friendly divorce GOOD FOR YOU. That is the best situation for your children. Don't worry about what others think or say, I repeat, do what is best for your children and yourself. My parents divorced shortly after I married. I was devestated, even as an adult. BUT, after a short time, they started spending time together, going out to dinner together, going on vacations together, mom cooked for Dad, did his mending, Dad mowed her lawn and fixed things for her in her home. They had a much better relationship living in seperate houses than they ever did when they lived together. I live with them when they lived together and it wasn't pretty, but they were fast friends living apart. That was a far better world for me and my siblings. We never had to worry about family get togethers, it was ok to invite both, in fact, they would arrive together one picking the other up......My parents never entertained the idea of getting back together that I know of and they each had other relationships from time to time, but always with the understanding that the friendship with the x spouse would continue and if the other party didn't like it....too bad. They never reunited in marriage, but the friendship was strong and they loved each other. My Dad passed away a few years ago and my Mom misses him terribly. If there is such a thing, they had the perfect divorce, at least from a childs point of view. I always had them both and never ever felt I had to choose.................that is the way it should be. So, from an adult who lived through divorce of my parents, I say go on vacation with your soon to be X and both of you enjoy your children and allow them to enjoy you! I hope you continue the way you are so your children are able to grow up seeing how ADULTS ARE SUPPOSE TO ACT! GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK
Antha Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 I wholeheartedly agree with the other posters. Do what you feel is right. I'd give A LOT to have a civil, working relationship with my ex-H, and not only do you have that, but you are also trying to be friends. I'd be cautious of STBXH's motives, but not overthink it. BTW, harleygirl, that is a really great story. I know a couple who divorced for about 10 years and got back together, but now they sleep in separate bedrooms. I read an article once about how this arrangement can actually help a marriage and give each other some personal space. While its not /exactly/ on the same tact, sometimes you can love someone or have a great friendship with them, but living with them is too difficult. For example, I love my brother...but I would NEVER want to live with him, as he quickly gets on my nerves in that setting for various reasons. I have a good relationship with him, so long as we don't share a living room. Living with someone is really more difficult as than it sounds, as you are required to put up with a lot of different (and sometimes extremely annoying) behavior that eventually turns into resentment and hostility. Antha P.s. I am sorry for the loss of your father, as he sounds like a really wonderful and decent man.
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