CarolAnne Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Was discussing relationships with a married friend over lunch and was told his wife had threatened that if he ever left her she would kill herself. I wasn't sure how to react to that or what to tell him. Is it a sympathy bluff or is she serious? God forbid, would she take out other people for spite? Her family has problems with addictions and her dad is in prison for child molestation. My impression of her is someone who would most likely OD on sleeping pills somewhere where she was likely to be taken to the hospital and "saved in time." Then use that to guilt him forever. I am not a fan of this woman but didn't want to say so. I said to him, I would have replied "You'd kill yourself? Go for it!" Even more reason to leave. I don't like being guilt-tripped into staying in relationships. If you want to be with someone, be there. If you're unhappy, leave and find what you need. Her problem is that she is making him unhappy almost deliberately with her relentless jealousy obsessions and knows it but wants him to stay around for more punishment. He is so catholic that divorce (I think) is out of the question on religious grounds even though his unhappiness is so obvious his guy friends won't hang out with him any more and he has become almost completely isolated outside of work and the few "safe" people she allows him to talk to. I feel bad for my friend, but didn't know what advice to give. Any ideas?
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Are you your friends OW? Meaning, are you involved with her husband? If you're not, then I'm sorry. Bottomline, people do crazy things when pushed past their emotional limit, and affairs can bring out the WORST in everyone. If she is jealous, is he giving her reason to be? Just remember, you're only hearing ONE side of this, there's 3 sides. His, hers and the actual truth. Anyway, if you are involved with her husband, knowing that she is abit mentally unstable, why not let him be, allow him to get her the help she needs, so he CAN leave her when she's more stable. If you're not involved and really just his friend, then he has to get her evaluted by a professional. Maybe she is depressed or is bipolar. She needs help because if she is abusing him emotionally, and if they have children, it's a very unhealthy atmosphere for them all, esp. the kids.
Curmudgeon Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Decidedly emotional blackmail and abuse. They both need help. Marriage counseling is an imperative for them.
pricillia Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I see this as him trying to get sympathy from you... How long have you known this MM
Author CarolAnne Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 I've known him about 2 years as the lonely married guy who works in the office next to mine. No I am not his OW. I guess the best way to describe our relationship is that every now and then he will bring his lunch over to my desk and talk about his problems and I will hear him out and give my opinion. When I first took the job he was a lot nicer and more friendly, slowly he's become sort of isolated and angry in general. Even to me. Most of the time he ignores everyone and won't even take the time to wave 'hi' or say hello, he has become so rude, and sometimes i suspect he's only nice when he wants something. No one else talks to him at the office but every now and then he'll just walk in to my office sort of unannounced and start talking and he seems so desperate for someone to listen that I just let him talk. I knew he had problems at home but this was the first time I realized how crazy it was and I really didn't know what to tell him.
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 If he was going to ask me an advice (let's say he actually asks me)... I would tell him to not 'succomb' to her threat... if she is suicidal because he leaves her...that's her problem not his. She needs to deal with the separation.. she cannot threaten him to take her life in order to keep him with her...this is ridiculous.
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 If he were my friend, I would insist he take her to a hospital for a pys. evaluation. She is suicidal and acting out, then she needs help. THAT is what he has to do before he leaves her. It is her problem, but because they are married, it becomes his problem too.
Curmudgeon Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I'd go one better. I'd insist he was evaluated as well since it sounds as if he's in a clinical depression.
pricillia Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I've known him about 2 years as the lonely married guy who works in the office next to mine. No I am not his OW. I guess the best way to describe our relationship is that every now and then he will bring his lunch over to my desk and talk about his problems and I will hear him out and give my opinion. When I first took the job he was a lot nicer and more friendly, slowly he's become sort of isolated and angry in general. Even to me. Most of the time he ignores everyone and won't even take the time to wave 'hi' or say hello, he has become so rude, and sometimes i suspect he's only nice when he wants something. No one else talks to him at the office but every now and then he'll just walk in to my office sort of unannounced and start talking and he seems so desperate for someone to listen that I just let him talk. I knew he had problems at home but this was the first time I realized how crazy it was and I really didn't know what to tell him. Well based on what you just said tell him that you have noticed that he has changed since you have known him, and you were wondering if what she is threatening to do is making him depressed. He is still married to her, so if he can not help her because thier relationship is unhealthy then he needs to sway her to get some professional help.
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