highsierra Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 allright I'm going to cut strait to it with no frills.. I've been dating this woman for a couple months....It's acctually feeling more like a long range relationship than a local one (even though we're only an hour drive apart)I'm fairly certain shes as crazy about me as I am for here based on daily if not multi-daily phone calls and lots of text messaging.... We deffinatly seem to click as we talk for hours both on the phone and when we're together. Shes shared many deep private things with me, things that you'ld really only tell someone who you wanted a long term relationship with (obviously to get things on the table before becoming heavily vested in a relationship) So the problem is that when we do coordinate our busy schedules to get together, she's got nearly a 50% cancel rate with me (meaning she usually has a good excuse, but sometimes the excuse doesn't seem quite reasonable or more like she doesn't value the chances we have to get together). I think the biggest thing, and it's something I know I can't even compete with (and I don't want to ) is that she is big into hanging out with her family (mom, dad, sis's etc) and puts me at a very distant second, even if it's only one day a week we can connect.....which is hard because it really seems like we both want and feel the great potential for an incredible relationship....at least thats the vies I usualy get... I don't know what to do... Obviouslyy I need to talk with her about this, but I don't want to seem confrontational, and end up giving her a huge guilt trip (which she doesn't handle well), or seem like I'm playing the martyr. The couple of times I've brought it up, really hasn't produced any real answers...more just her agreeing but it never leads to any kind of change. I'm confused to say the least, and the last thing I want to start looking like is an obsessive guy. Any advice?
Lizzie60 Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I might sound harsh..but you like her much more than she likes you... If she was in love with you, trust me, you'd be the first on her priority list... but you're not. From the vibes I get from your post, I think she finds you 'too available' maybe a tad clingy... and it could be a turn-off somehow... it is for me... And the fact that you both shared a lot doesn't mean anything... I am an open book sometimes about some of my life... I tend to talk too much...LOL about my own stuff... and that has nothing to do with me being very interested or into a guy. I just like to have good conversations about just anything... So I think you read a bit too much into that. My advice: back off... don't be available next time... I know games suck but you got to come as a confident, independant guy...which I think you don't come across from her point of view... Just a guess (feeling I have).
Author highsierra Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 I can buy some of that...I guess It seems like mixed signals...with the random "thinking of you" and "you just made me smile, again" text messages I get durring the day...nearly every day... Maybe I'm mis-reading or maybe It's just that she is dealing with lots of temporary family related things going on right now (which I'm not going into detail but health related)......and I'm just taking it too personal...So maybe I am pushing too hard in a time when I probably shouldn't... I think I'll take the advice to reel back and let her come to me....
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Forget the games. To quote another member, you're either a priority or an option. If you're dissatisfied with being an option, find someone who can meet your expectations. Don't continue wasting your time and emotions on someone who can't invest enough to make you happy.
alphamale Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 how can she be so "into" you if she's blowing you off 50% of time? she may have another dude on the side. my suggestioin is that you dump her before she dumps you. also, please refer to "Alphamale's guide to keeping women around" thread which is at link below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/
JCD Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I would ask her what the problem is, whether it's family or lack of interest in you, etc. and get to the bottom of it. If she won't change then dump her. When two independent people decide to be together then it is understood that their independence has to change toward dependence otherwise it's not a relationship. Might as well stay independent then.
Hazy Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Don't listen to Alphamale's advice. Being domineering is not a positive quality, in fact, the women will run for the hills. Alphamale hasn't been on the dating scene in quite a while and it's starting to become clear why!
Author highsierra Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 Well, I thought more about it myself and we talked....I needed to just step back and let here deal with her issues... (last week of her college carrer, big new job starting pretty much the following monday after she's done with school, Family in the hospital, and a few other things stressing her out)... SO yeah a pretty full plate to say the least...I think I was being a little selfish and dare I say it but a hint ofobsessiveness......both things I'm really not and don't want to fall into.... I agree....just dump her is pretty poor advice to give especially after 3 + months of seeing each other... I guess it's only human to overthink stuff way too much and start believing all those thoughts are true.. best advice I think is to just step back and clear the head to see a more clear picture.
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