uniqueone Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I'm not doing too good today...there's not even going to work to distract me. The weekends I feel lonely and I think about how he's got all those women calling. How come they're able to deal with dating him and I wasn't? Do they just like that he had a lot of status and money? Are they really ok with the situation (him being involved with many) or do they think he'll eventually pick them? WILL he eventually pick one? Why couldn't I be more cool about it? Why didn't I just develop a friendship instead...then none of the drama would have happened. Why does he have so much to look forward to and I don't? I have something that he wants. I feel like writing him and letting him know that I have it. Yes, I want to hear from him.
frd150 Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Mornings and weekends for me. I am fine other than that. This week will suck. My ex is out and about again or so i am told. I know she is not being treated well and it makes me sad. Despite all this she deserves better. She has had so many dissapointments in her life and i guess i was unknowingly one of them. Like your ex I do ok but unlike your ex i am looking for one women. I do not need validation from many women in order to exist socially. This weekend is a big deal in her family. something i was part of for the last three years. Today i will not be there. To her it may not be a big deal but i do not think that she realizes that it ment the world to me just to be there. Thats where i messed up. I did not let my feelings be known to her as much as I should have. Today their will be another in my place (perhaps) and i doubt that he will appreciate everything going on around him like i did. At these functions I used to sit back and think, wow look at this, this is what I want. I lost it, its gone:(. Your not alone today Unique. I am sad with you.
AriaIncognito Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I am right there with you today. I have NO plans all weekend. Usually I'm able to keep myself sufficiently busy, but this weekend I have nothing. I was supposed to see my mom tomorrow but now her husband is sick and she doesn't want me to catch it so that's postponed. I just keep thinking about how he's probably still got his girl (even though he's been logging on to his dating site once a week so he's already having grass is greener syndrome after his typical month time frame) and how he's probably at least having fun or feeling happy from the companionship, and I'm sitting here talking to my cat cuz she's all I've got around here. I mean I love her very much and all, but i miss human interaction. I slept 12 hours last night. Maybe I should just go back and sleep more. I'm so sad and lonely today.
kenfrance Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Hey, I'm new to the coping community. I've been over at divorce and separation. I am feeling better but jut need to cope better. So here I am. Anyways I can related to what you have been saying. My ex came by just a few minutes ago dressed to kill. She came by to see the kids because she will be out of commission for a few days after her night out on the town. It hurts to see her-- to remember the time we shared. I also feel that insecurity-- what was wrong with me? And of course the jealousy. Tonight will be hard and sleepless. I wish you all well in overcoming it all and moving into harmony and peace.
Author uniqueone Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 I just logged on to see that my thread has taken off to 28 posts and was shocked. After I had posted the thread, I had to abruptly leave. I had called this place that does walk in hair appointments and asked them how soon I'd have to come in if I wanted my hair colored today and they said "now" so I left right then. After that I went biking, ran errands and then went to a movie. Just returned now and saw the thread and was glad to see all the posts even though they weren't to me. I'm glad you all were able to keep each other company tonight. I will say that despite all that I did today I still got depressed tonight just thinking about everything, seeing people out on dates, stuff like that.... I had a strange thing occur tonight when I got home though. I went to read my e-mail and got one from a friend of mine (an ex boyfriend that I'm still friends with). He knows of someone who broke up with their GF and now is ready to date again and the guy asked my friend if he knew of any women. My friend showed him pictures of me and told him I was nice, etc...and it seems the guy is interested. It perked me up a little.
AriaIncognito Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Many apologies, we were just trying to make light of some very sad situations. To keep this on topic, at least you kept yourself busy today, unique. You're gonna have your days, believe me, but eventually it gets better. I spent this evening cleaning my stove, cuz it was disgusting, so at least I got something productive done out of my lack of socializing this weekend hehe. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you, and for the rest of us copers.
Tony Posted July 29, 2007 Senior Moderators Posted July 29, 2007 I just logged on to see that my thread has taken off to 28 posts and was shocked. After I had posted the thread, I had to abruptly leave. I had called this place that does walk in hair appointments and asked them how soon I'd have to come in if I wanted my hair colored today and they said "now" so I left right then. After that I went biking, ran errands and then went to a movie. Just returned now and saw the thread and was glad to see all the posts even though they weren't to me. I'm glad you all were able to keep each other company tonight. I will say that despite all that I did today I still got depressed tonight just thinking about everything, seeing people out on dates, stuff like that.... I had a strange thing occur tonight when I got home though. I went to read my e-mail and got one from a friend of mine (an ex boyfriend that I'm still friends with). He knows of someone who broke up with their GF and now is ready to date again and the guy asked my friend if he knew of any women. My friend showed him pictures of me and told him I was nice, etc...and it seems the guy is interested. It perked me up a little. I cannot apologize for others but I am truly sorry that so many people found it convenient to squat on your thread and make simple conversation. I pray that you will find the answers and comfort that you seek. I am sorry that so many people come into a serious thread and lose sight of where they are and just decide to have some fun...at the cost of someone who needs them for advice and support. Let's hope others will come and lend some good content to this thread!
Author uniqueone Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 Mornings and weekends for me. I am fine other than that. This week will suck. I agree with you about mornings too. I don't know what it is about mornings. Like your ex I do ok but unlike your ex i am looking for one women. I do not need validation from many women in order to exist socially. Is it so easy for men? Today their will be another in my place (perhaps) and i doubt that he will appreciate everything going on around him like i did. At these functions I used to sit back and think, wow look at this, this is what I want. I lost it, its gone. Did you really feel this way while in it or are you just feeling it now because it's no longer there?
Teacher's Pet Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I just logged on to see that my thread has taken off to 28 posts and was shocked. After I had posted the thread, I had to abruptly leave. I had called this place that does walk in hair appointments and asked them how soon I'd have to come in if I wanted my hair colored today and they said "now" so I left right then. After that I went biking, ran errands and then went to a movie. Just returned now and saw the thread and was glad to see all the posts even though they weren't to me. I'm glad you all were able to keep each other company tonight. I will say that despite all that I did today I still got depressed tonight just thinking about everything, seeing people out on dates, stuff like that.... See that, Unique? We do keep each other company on here, because many of us are in the same boat as you. No dates, nothing to do on a Saturday.... but many of us have found great companionship on here. Maybe an "online friendship" doesn't sound like much, but sometimes when you are hurting, it can be the best thing in the world. And sometimes those online friendships develop beyond the screen too.... stick around, it gets fun. Trust an old pro. -tp ok?
kittensmittens Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Uniqueone, I know how you feel. I keep trying to find things to distract myself......but it's especially hard for me on days where I know HE has the day off (often fridays and saturdays). I wonder about all the things he's doing. How he's enjoying his days off and has plenty of people around him to keep him from missing me. How he's mr. free now and doesn't have to waste his days off on me anymore. I wonder if he does miss me, or wonder about me. I wonder if he's out there hitting on someone, sleeping w/ someone, etc. It sucks. And I don't blame you at all for wanting to hear from him. I know the feeling. I don't know what it is about mornings. I think it's the remembering all over again. Over and over again. For me....it's waking up to an empty bed and facing yet another day w/out him. I think though.....the evening is even more difficult b/c that's when he usually gets off work and we would spend time together. As much as the mornings suck....I think, for me, the evenings have them beat.
frd150 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I just logged on to see that my thread has taken off to 28 posts and was shocked. After I had posted the thread, I had to abruptly leave. I had called this place that does walk in hair appointments and asked them how soon I'd have to come in if I wanted my hair colored today and they said "now" so I left right then. After that I went biking, ran errands and then went to a movie. Just returned now and saw the thread and was glad to see all the posts even though they weren't to me. I'm glad you all were able to keep each other company tonight. I will say that despite all that I did today I still got depressed tonight just thinking about everything, seeing people out on dates, stuff like that... Let me be the next to apologize for thread jacking. your thread did do some good today at least for me.Thank you. I guess I have been pretty bummed Since Monday when I found out that my ex was seeing or talking to someone. Even though it does not seem to be serious. I just went out and had a nice time with friends, I forgot for a while but now i am back to thinking. Looks like you had a full day, good work. Ive decided to give myself something to look forward to every day even the little stuff like putting music on the good old ipod helps. Baseball game tommorrow. I hope that when you read this that you are feeling better.
frd150 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I agree with you about mornings too. I don't know what it is about mornings. Is it so easy for men? Did you really feel this way while in it or are you just feeling it now because it's no longer there? I think mornings are bad because we know that we have at least 16 waking hours to think about it. Hun, its not that easy for me. I just do not have that mojo. Like tonight i saw these guys with these great looking girls and I was thinking...How? To answer the last question..... I think it is stronger because it is gone but i always knew what i had .I did have those thoughts for real. I felt like part of all of it ,now i feel so left out. I could of done so much differently with little effort. If I had only zigged instead of zagged I would not be here. Agian thank you for your unknowing generousity today.
AriaIncognito Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I could of done so much differently with little effort. If I had only zigged instead of zagged I would not be here. The funny thing about this kind of thinking is, a lot of the times, we had nothing to do with the other persons reasons for leaving. We only really beat ourselves up when we go back and think "gee, if only I hadn't....". Take my ex for example. He told me that I treated him like a king and that he didn't know how to take it/accept. From that statement I can summize that he left because he somehow didn't find himself worthy of being treated as well as I treated him. So now he's looking for someone that will treat him how he expects to be treated. Does that mean I should say "man, what if I'd treated him a little crappier"? I like to think it doesn't, and that being treated like a king is something most men will appreciate. So, before you kill yourself with "if onlys" try to think about what it is you are if onlying, and see if you really really were in the wrong. It could turn out, that you weren't at all...
Author uniqueone Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 See that, Unique? We do keep each other company on here, because many of us are in the same boat as you. No dates, nothing to do on a Saturday.... but many of us have found great companionship on here. Maybe an "online friendship" doesn't sound like much, but sometimes when you are hurting, it can be the best thing in the world. And sometimes those online friendships develop beyond the screen too.... stick around, it gets fun. Trust an old pro. -tp ok? Thanks.....I appreciate that.
Author uniqueone Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 Uniqueone, I know how you feel. I keep trying to find things to distract myself......but it's especially hard for me on days where I know HE has the day off (often fridays and saturdays). I wonder about all the things he's doing. How he's enjoying his days off and has plenty of people around him to keep him from missing me. How he's mr. free now and doesn't have to waste his days off on me anymore. I wonder if he does miss me, or wonder about me. I wonder if he's out there hitting on someone, sleeping w/ someone, etc. It sucks. Well, I know yours is worse than mine and I really shouldn't be so upset about mine. What I mean is, you're upset over a committed relationship ended. Me...what am I even upset over? I guess because I clicked so well with him. I keep trying to remind myself of the times he didn't treat me well.
AriaIncognito Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Well, I know yours is worse than mine and I really shouldn't be so upset about mine. What I mean is, you're upset over a committed relationship ended. Me...what am I even upset over? I guess because I clicked so well with him. I keep trying to remind myself of the times he didn't treat me well. Unique, Don't try to trivialize your situation in light of someone elses. Your feelings are real, and despite the status of your relationship, you are certainly entitled (and should allow yourself) to feel whatever it is youre feeling about the break up. To be honest, my last relationship was committed on my side, but never on his side, so technically, I shouldn't be upset either. However, we feel what we feel, regardless of labels. So try to not beat yourself up over something like that.
Author uniqueone Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 Let me be the next to apologize for thread jacking. your thread did do some good today at least for me.Thank you. I guess I have been pretty bummed Since Monday when I found out that my ex was seeing or talking to someone. Even though it does not seem to be serious. I just went out and had a nice time with friends, I forgot for a while but now i am back to thinking. Looks like you had a full day, good work. Ive decided to give myself something to look forward to every day even the little stuff like putting music on the good old ipod helps. Baseball game tommorrow. I hope that when you read this that you are feeling better. Thanks...glad you got out too. At least you have people to get out with. Most of the things I did yesterday, I did alone. Then again, I don't really mind that so I guess I'm not complaining. What I mean is, I wouldn't want someone accompanying me to get my hair done or run errands with. Even with biking, I'm pretty content doing that alone too....there are enough people on the biking trail I go to and people usually end up trying to talk to me anyway. But as for evenings....that's when I want someone to do things with. I did go to a movie, but it was with my aunt who's a lot older than me....so, not exactly the same as going out with friends. What's upsetting though is that I enjoy biking but I hurt my knee. I keep thinking it's better but then during the middle of biking it'll start hurting a lot again. So I feel like one of the few things that makes me happy (and gets me out there with people) is being taken away from me.
frd150 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Thanks...glad you got out too. At least you have people to get out with. Most of the things I did yesterday, I did alone. Then again, I don't really mind that so I guess I'm not complaining. What I mean is, I wouldn't want someone accompanying me to get my hair done or run errands with. Even with biking, I'm pretty content doing that alone too....there are enough people on the biking trail I go to and people usually end up trying to talk to me anyway. But as for evenings....that's when I want someone to do things with. I did go to a movie, but it was with my aunt who's a lot older than me....so, not exactly the same as going out with friends. What's upsetting though is that I enjoy biking but I hurt my knee. I keep thinking it's better but then during the middle of biking it'll start hurting a lot again. So I feel like one of the few things that makes me happy (and gets me out there with people) is being taken away from me. I used to mountain bike alot then post breakup i Got my but to my old bike shop and purchased a new one. I now ride most days if i am not in the gym. I know what your saying about knees. I injured mine wakeboarding about a year ago so i do get sore on the bike at times. What helps is glucousimine (im not sure if that is the correct spelling). Try it it takes a couple of weeks for the results to kick in.
Author uniqueone Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Unique, Don't try to trivialize your situation in light of someone elses. Your feelings are real, and despite the status of your relationship, you are certainly entitled (and should allow yourself) to feel whatever it is youre feeling about the break up. To be honest, my last relationship was committed on my side, but never on his side, so technically, I shouldn't be upset either. However, we feel what we feel, regardless of labels. So try to not beat yourself up over something like that. Yeah, I know....it's just that I've dealt with the aftermath of the end of a long and very committed relationship and so I know what some of you must be going through and it's worse in many ways. With those relationships, you've developed routines, common friendships, pet names, shared possessions, and future plans. I've gone through that before--a situation where I thought he was the one. And it was even me that ended it....I had to...he cheated on me (amongst other things). So I know what it's like when they are someone you're used to waking up next to everyday...when they're someone you're used to seeing pull up in the driveway at night....when they're someone you're used to curling up in bed with. Who knows...maybe that's why I pick these idiots that I do now....ones that I never can really get too close to.
Author uniqueone Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 I used to mountain bike alot then post breakup i Got my but to my old bike shop and purchased a new one. I now ride most days if i am not in the gym. I know what your saying about knees. I injured mine wakeboarding about a year ago so i do get sore on the bike at times. What helps is glucousimine (im not sure if that is the correct spelling). Try it it takes a couple of weeks for the results to kick in. I've heard of that a few years ago. Not sure if I've tried it..can't remember. I really wasn't sure if it worked. I went and did a little riding today....didn't do too much so it didn't have time to get painful. I hate limiting myself though. I'm usually a pretty hardcore fitness buff. This is making me feel old! Next it'll be knee replacement time! LOL
frd150 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I've heard of that a few years ago. Not sure if I've tried it..can't remember. I really wasn't sure if it worked. I went and did a little riding today....didn't do too much so it didn't have time to get painful. I hate limiting myself though. I'm usually a pretty hardcore fitness buff. This is making me feel old! Next it'll be knee replacement time! LOL Yeah, alot of people swear by it. I get it at costco if you have one by you. Bulk is cool. Like i said give it a couple of weeks to see results. I am going to ride this evening on a really cool cliff trail along the ocean. Well people, we made it through another weekend. Lets all pat ourselves on the back, we lived. I still have to face my dreaded mornings not waking up next to her but hey its almost noon here!! I had a real uplifting night last night. I will not bore you with it but i wrote about it in my own thread below if anyone is curious. Unique, Go and get the stuff. If it does not work send me the recipt;). Everyone, have a good day:). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=117696&page=6
Author uniqueone Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Yeah, alot of people swear by it. I get it at costco if you have one by you. Bulk is cool. Like i said give it a couple of weeks to see results. I am going to ride this evening on a really cool cliff trail along the ocean. Hey, at least you have scenic places to ride! Although the other day a deer almost ran into me. Ok, I'll go get some of that stuff but a couple of weeks to work, huh?
frd150 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Hey, at least you have scenic places to ride! Although the other day a deer almost ran into me. Ok, I'll go get some of that stuff but a couple of weeks to work, huh? Yeah about two weeks. It sorta lubes the joints. My knee would pop everytime I stood up. After about two weeks nothing. so two weeks is a my best guess.
9Lives Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I agree with you about mornings too. I don't know what it is about mornings. can someone tell me what it is about mornings!!! I'm serious!!!Morning are way too much for me. I get up and go to the gym and cry all the way there, then in the shower. I just feel like crap in the morning with out him. I just go ahead and let it happen cause it hurts to hold it in. I feel like crying thru the day but I wont let it happen because I have things to do and I cant look all buffy and sad but deep down my heart is broken. I want him back but it is not good for us to get together right now. Is it so easy for men? That is a good question. I wonder what my ex is doing cause I miss him sooo bad. If he contacted me I would be sick cause I dont know if I should talk to him or not. I'm so confused. I guess if he contacted me that is what I would tell him.
raidsniffer Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 It's just as hard for some men too. I'm going through something similar. There are times i miss her, there are times i want her back. The sad thing is I had things to do with and without her, i have my friends around me and other girls interested in me, yet my mind still wanders back to her. I've kept a healthy balance of friends and family before, during, and after the relationship. Which is why it sucks, cause i made her a part of my life. But i tell myself that I deserve better and know its better off this way even though it doesn't seem like it at the moment. There's no such thing as bad timing or anything in my opinion. There's only that one time, that one chance, cause after a heart is broken its hard to repair. it's their loss not ours. It's these feelings that makes us human. Sometimes you just have to reach that low in order to reach that incredible high.
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