chill chic Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 When a guy weasels out of a situation because of self-confidence issues, it's unattractive. I've been known to go the more "bad boy" types and now I understand why. It's because most of them have actual balls, and confidence to have fun and hang out with me. I wouldn't care if they weren't drop dead hot, as long as you have self-esteem and follow through with things, I'm all for it. Just lastnight this guy and I had been talking for awhile and we were talking all heavy and then when I said something back of "confidence" or such, he seemed intimated. So I was confused at why he talked all that talk, but can't even finish his own game. I got so pissed that he was trying to play games with me, and I'm SO DONE with guys & games, you're either in or your out, no beating around the bush because it's really annoying and I don't have time for it. I might add that this guy is more of a good guy but thinks he's the bad boy type, almost to the point of arrogance so I don't quite understand him. So...my question is: Why do (some) guys talk all that talk like they are confident mofos and then end up weaseling out of the situation they started?
halfarock Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Most guys really are wusses. Part of our society, the marketing influenced part of it anyway, and the modern school idea of artificially boosting one’s self confidence leads many guys to pretend that they are cooler/tougher than they really are. Like I’ll see some guy wearing a t-shirt with slogans, something like, “Play with the big boys or go home.” But then I’ll be looking at him and be thinking that the guy couldn’t possibly play with the big boys. Everything is about image with substance often overlooked and insufficient.
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I agree on many levels, confidence or any other trait. Don't market yourself as something you're not, just to get the girl. If you're not what you portray at the get-go, she's gone. Promise less, deliver more.
alphamale Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I might add that this guy is more of a good guy but thinks he's the bad boy type, almost to the point of arrogance so I don't quite understand him. the world is full of frauds
yergawd Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I agree with a lot of what is said. especially HALFAROCK. Guys are told to by society be caring and senstive and blah blah blah. It boils down to "act effeminate and don't be a man" years go by and they realize they strike out more than the Colorado Rockies. So what to do? Put on a front, talk the talk and pray you never have to walk the walk. Sucks, but hey when you don't have a choice... I think a lot of guys realize they are being a wussy and genuinely try to man up. But when they are confronted go pink belly up. Sometimes it just takes a couple of good hard hits to make them grow a thick skin and change their ways.
jcster Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I've found that just about any guy that portrays himself as a "bad boy" has serious self-confidence and ego issues. It's armor, plain and simple. The crush like eggs at the slightest pressure. On the flip side, guys that portray themselves as "nice guys" are almost, to a man, passive aggressive, manipulative egotists. So...what do you do? You find a man that is being himself. No-one out there falls tidily under a category, unless they are pretending.
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Yup, go slow and easy until you get to know them better. Don't heavily invest until you know who they are.
Yamaha Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 We all play games because to expose yourself is to scary and vulnerable. We are very fragile human being where a word(s) can destroy or severely damage the essence of who you think you are. So we hide our true selves and hope no one catches on and calls us on it.
Pyro Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 We all play games because to expose yourself is to scary and vulnerable. We are very fragile human being where a word(s) can destroy or severely damage the essence of who you think you are. So we hide our true selves and hope no one catches on and calls us on it. Not true. Not all of us play games. I have confidence in my true self. I lay it all on the table and if she doesn't like it, then no big deal. There are plenty more to choose from.
Nemo Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I've been known to go the more "bad boy" types and now I understand why. It's because most of them have actual balls, Well, if you put your hands down there too early, it can scare some people off. I'm pretty sure the good boys have real ones too, just that they need a bit more trust before they'll let you roll them between your fingers.
Star Gazer Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 When a guy weasels out of a situation because of self-confidence issues, it's unattractive. I've been known to go the more "bad boy" types and now I understand why. It's because most of them have actual balls, and confidence to have fun and hang out with me. I wouldn't care if they weren't drop dead hot, as long as you have self-esteem and follow through with things, I'm all for it. Just lastnight this guy and I had been talking for awhile and we were talking all heavy and then when I said something back of "confidence" or such, he seemed intimated. So I was confused at why he talked all that talk, but can't even finish his own game. I got so pissed that he was trying to play games with me, and I'm SO DONE with guys & games, you're either in or your out, no beating around the bush because it's really annoying and I don't have time for it. I might add that this guy is more of a good guy but thinks he's the bad boy type, almost to the point of arrogance so I don't quite understand him. So...my question is: Why do (some) guys talk all that talk like they are confident mofos and then end up weaseling out of the situation they started? CC - you know I love ya. You're "talking all heavy" again with a guy you barely know. You do this over and over and over again. When they DO follow through and don't "weasel out," they end up just wanting you for sex....which hurts your feelings. When they don't weasel out, and actually behave as though they'd like a relationship to progress naturally, you get upset. It's these guys who don't follow through right away, and even avoid the "heavy talk" at the very beginning, that you should be focusing on if you really are interested in a healthy relationship.
jcster Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 We are very fragile human being where a word(s) can destroy or severely damage the essence of who you think you are. So we hide our true selves and hope no one catches on and calls us on it. To have that fragile a self-image is to invite disaster at every turn. This is why it's so important to love yourself first - with all of your flaws. No one should be that fragile.
Cobra_X30 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 ROFL... This guy started envisioning all the diseases he was about to catch and went all limp.
electric_sheep Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Yeap, marketing and image are far more important than substance nowadays. Personally, I'm a little tired of all the "self-confidence" crap. I'm suspicious of anyone with an over-abundance of self-confidence and self-esteem. It's a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance, and I like people with realistic views on themselves and the world around them. Besides, life is uncertain, so to me, a touch of hesitation and uncertainty simply shows someone is wise. When I was young and totally f*cking crazy (I'm talking smoking crack till 5 in the morning crazy), I went into this bar not knowing that it was a "punk" hangout. Some of the punks there gave me the eye and tried to pull their tough guy routine on me, at which point I grabbed a poolstick and told them I was going to wack them upside the fu*king head. They could see the crazy look in my eyes and they backed off immediately. I honestly didn't give a hoot if I ended up in the hospital or jail back then. Turns out I was more punk than them.
electric_sheep Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 On the flip side, guys that portray themselves as "nice guys" are almost, to a man, passive aggressive, manipulative egotists. Very observant. I can be passive aggressive as hell at times and it really drives me nuts. I'm much better than I used to be, though. Sometimes being passive aggressive is actually not a bad idea because direct conflict doesn't always work. Like with my boss, e.g. If I had told him what I think all this time I would have lost this job a long time ago. It's not necessarily a good way to be with friends and family though, or with your SO. Have you ever known anyone who "invites" passive aggressive behavior, though? Their reactions to situations can be so over the top that the only way to deal with them is passive aggressively. That's how I learned it... from my dad. He would act like such an ass I just never told him about anything. Then I passive aggressively resisted. Ohh, yeah... it worked for Gandhi too.
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