BritGirl Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Hi everyone, I just found this place & it looks really cool Ok I am having big communication problems with my boyf & its totally doing my head in He has always been a little difficult to get hold off, he's very busy at work & also he spends a lot of time with his kids from a previous relationship. So I am kinda used to having to wait for him to get back to me. I, on the other hand am available pretty much whenever he calls. So, he went away on business on tuesday, he called me at the airport at 4pm but then I didnt hear from him till wednesday afternoon. Now maybe Im over reacting, but why didnt he call me when he got to his apartment? He got there at about 8pm- why not give me a quick call to say his flight was ok etc etc, just a goodnight phone call? I even texted him twice but he ignored them both. On wed he said he had gone to bed early as was tired from flight. Ok then.. This was a test, he didnt call. We exchanged about 3 texts & I assumed he'd call me when he finished work (6pm) But no. 8 pm I called, 10pm I called, his phone was just ringing and then when I called at 11pm it was switched off! I was so annoyed & worried I couldnt sleep. The next day, thursay, he called me at 9am & said he went out for a drink with a collegue, got drunk, phone went flat etc etc. I had a really big go at him & said if I had done that he would go mad. (which is true) It escalated into a big row, he said I made him feel like a 'naughty little boy' that I sounded like ' a stalker' and that he 'didnt need to check in' with me! WTF? Im sorry but we have been together for 5 years so I think yes he does need to 'check in' with me! As I do with him! Anyway, I said ' ok well shall I leave you to it and call you tonight when we've both calmed down' and he said ' No. I will not be speaking to you tonight, I dont have to check in with you every night, so dont call me' I then just said 'Ok have a f**king good evening then bye' and hung up. I then texted him that evening apologising for hanging up, and saying I had calmed down & maybe we could have a reasonable conversation? He didnt reply. I waited until like 11:30 pm & I texted him saying 'ok I get the message. I thought that by making the first move we would have a reasonable conversation & sort this out. But clearly you dont want to. Im sick of chasing you just to get 5 mins of your f***ing time, well its not happening any more, goodnight' I have not heard from him since. I think its totally ridiculous & cannot understand why he is ignoring me & so making the whole thing worse. How long do I leave it? Hes not back for another week. I will not be able to deal with waiting till he gets back to sort this, its not even like it was a bad, relationship shaking argument! Shall I just wait for him to call? I kinda feel like why should I call? I tried to apologise & I got silence. Im so angry & frustrated, I just want to make up & move on already. Has anyone got any advice/insights/views?
VIP Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I had a really big go at him & said if I had done that he would go mad. (which is true) It escalated into a big row, he said I made him feel like a 'naughty little boy' that I sounded like ' a stalker' and that he 'didnt need to check in' with me! WTF? Im sorry but we have been together for 5 years so I think yes he does need to 'check in' with me! As I do with him! Anyway, I said ' ok well shall I leave you to it and call you tonight when we've both calmed down' and he said ' No. I will not be speaking to you tonight, I dont have to check in with you every night, so dont call me' I then just said 'Ok have a f**king good evening then bye' and hung up. I don't think you should have made a problem, because he had a problem with his phone. Also, it's never a good idea to call a man more than he calls you. I know some men who don't like the idea of talking to their woman every day when they are away. They just don't think there's a lot to talk about, and they are irritated if a woman demands that he talks to her all the time. They feel like they are being controlled. 'ok I get the message. I thought that by making the first move we would have a reasonable conversation & sort this out. But clearly you dont want to. Im sick of chasing you just to get 5 mins of your f***ing time, well its not happening any more, goodnight' I think you shouldn't have written those words. Why write something, that you have to apologize for later? I suppose all that is left for you at this moment is to wait until he comes back. It will be easier to make up when you see him in person.
Author BritGirl Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 ^ Ok. But I am not going to apologise for what I wrote because its true. And I know very well from prior experience that he goes mad if he cant reach me, But I cant get annoyed when I cant reach him? I wasnt expecting him to call me lots of times, just one call in the evening when he's in the apartment & has hours to kill before he goes to bed. Is that too much to ask?
Chinook Posted August 5, 2007 Posted August 5, 2007 BritGal... sorry but you described there several instances in my last relationship when my ex made me feel like I was stalking him. I don't know what's going on here but it seems to me that your gut is screaming at you that something is up. I wish I could tell you that it's nothing but all I can tell you is in my case, it turned out that he was pulling a fade on me (trying to just pull back and slowly disappear and make the situ so bad so that I'd dump him). In the end I was real angry and had a real flamer of an argument with him. After that, he dumped me. It was coming all along and basically all he needed was an excuse. If I were you, I'd sit back and see what happens. Don't text him and don't call him. Just hang back and let him come to you. Five years is a long time and he'll know that it's not as simple as just 'fading away' but for sure you need to back off right now. Otherwise you're going to push him further and further away.
AmorousDelight Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 The more space the guy wants the more awful it is to get bothered. It makes you both mad. Explore your options, as he may be exploring his.
Hazy Posted August 6, 2007 Posted August 6, 2007 He just doesn't sound that crazy about you. A guy who is really crazy about you WANTS to call you everyday because it is a pleasure just to hear your lovely voice. It is the highlight of his day. let this guy fade away. I mean do you really think this relationship is going to go anywhere? A man who is in love with a woman does not treat her as you have just described, and a man who is in love with a woman calls his woman everyday because he loves her. Also, what is up with dating for five years and no engagement or marriage? That's a big telling sign right there of how he feels about you. Please get the book He's Just Not That Into You. It will really help you in this situation to let go of a guy who...well...just is not that into you.
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