funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Hi guys, lots know me on here and my story. But to be quick i got involved with a girl, still married but seperated, 3 kids, and at first she was so loving, then a few weeks later alot of issues arose, and i started to distance myself from her i guess cos she had all these issues and never wanted to work on them with me. I only wanted to because i loved her, and wanted a future for us, which she said she did as well. I started getting fed up with her going out, and never having energy for time with me, yet she still seemed very possesive of me, ie, would check my phone, or get angry if i spent time with a mate over her. I lost interest in her , but was still very intimate, hope that we would work together on the many issues, such as her problems with finaces and her kids and marriage. This all plus the long distance took its toll on me, and i was getting withdrawn, and tiered. Anyway she broke it off in april, and wanted to stay friends which i did, a week later got a new guy and i wasnt allowed to contact her, with her saying leave it too me to call you. anyway, i knew that kline, so i sent all her stuff back and not been in contact since (7 weeks) Now that the scholl hols are here, i find myself missing her more than ever, and her eldest daughter has just added me as a contact on msn, which surprised me i guess, but i was close. I really dont want to feel like this 2 months on, and i was getting better fast uop untill the hols started. I was wondering if theres some mental problem with me or something? And also im 41, and i still havent found a sould mate, always in a relationship, many lasting years, but they always seem to fail. i guess i want to be loved and as much as my ex was not ready for commitment with me (i dont think) she really did display love for me up to the last day. I cant seem to put the bad times (and there were many) over the good. Any suggestions, is it me, is it emotional drain that im finding it hard? is it the memories from last year, and the thought of another guy doing what i was with them? The last few days iv had little crys n stuff, it sucks that i tried so hard to make a life and now im just sittin here alone, thinking whats happenong in there life. Im not sure how i feel about the daughter in my contacts list, but im pleased that she added me i guess. Thaks guys Thoughts?
Aliddy Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 You have been a great help to me, and I would like to try for you. But before I do ( as I am/was in the same situation, I was the one with the children and he lived away etc..so maybe I can give you some insight from her side ) ) Could you tell me how long you were together. How long had she been separated from her ex ??? How often did you see her ??? Suzanne :-)
LakesideDream Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Funky, I've read all your posts, it's easy to see you are confused and in a lot of sorrow. Time will help. It's possible that things will sort themselves out. As for not finding your "soulmate" at 41 that can be a blessing, or a curse. I "found" my soulmate at 17. Being a silly and inexperianced kid, I let her go after a year or so. Grass is greener and all that. We moved apart and began living seperate lives. I knew within a year I had really messed up but was to ignorant to know how to reclaim the situation. Pride goeth before the fall. Seven years later I married a nice gal. I swear to you, during my wedding vows I had the thought...."I hope she loves me the way "D" did, and smiled privately thinking she might. That marriage lasted 25 years. In that time I never got over "D". When I (or the family) traveled, I looked in every phone book, in every hotel room for "D's" name and number. In the 90's I even started "looking" with the computer, without success. I never mentioned this to anyone. When my son was 17 he began "screwing over" his long time school sweetheart, who was deeply in love with him. I took him aside for a long talk. It brought back decades old feelings, and caused tears in my eyes. A couple of years later my marriage fell apart. Seems my now ex had been having a very long term affair with her high school sweetheart. By coincidence the day that my now ex dropped the "I love you but am not in love with you" bomb... she also left "Classmates.com" open on the shared computer. My ex had been using their system to communicate with the OM privately. Of course, I typed in "D's" name and up it popped. I literally banged my hip so hard going to the bedroom where my wallet was for a credit card to join the site that I had a yellow and purple bruise the next day. A curious aside, she had signed up the day before. I typed an email to "D" that contained three words, "want to talk?" and pushed the button. What ensued was a torrid six month long distance affair, which saved me from much of the pain of divorce (72 hours where I live!), and changed me forever. Circumstances prevented the affair from being a partnership. The heartbreak was much worse than the divovce. We are still in infrequent contact. The emotional bond between us is as deep as can be experianced. I love her so much that sometimes being apart hurts me physically. Try and imagine how difficult it is to know the person you have loved all your life (I'm now 57) has loved you all her life, and that it's unlikely that you will ever be together. I have more hope of having her in the next life than this life. I wouldn't change a minute of the time we had. but.... Beware what you wish for funky.
lonelybird Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I guess your "love tank" in you is not so full, just like many of us. Many people didn't get unconditional love in their lives. So we may seek love from outside--our loved ones. But this cause many problems. "Love" for many people is very hard. Everytime they are in love, they are in big trouble, they feel lost in it. I was in totally wreck if I were in love with someone, but I get better since I walk with Lord these years. If we look our loved one as our love source, we put us in a very vulnerable position because our loved one they are human beings, they aren't perfect, they hurt us, they make mistakes, they go over boundaries. We are destined to fail if we look them as the love source and totally depend on their love and rollercoast with their mood and treatment to us. Sometimes some of us even want to sacrifice our dignity and self value to meet whatever the loved one want us to do, so that we may get their love. but what left to us is bitterness and resentment. We can full us with unconditional love from God, He is perfect. He will give you unconditional love that nobody can give you. Then when you filled with His love, you will be more confident to face your loved ones. You exchange your love with them, not seek love from them. They aren't the love source anymore, they are the target you choose to give love for. You will have healthy boundaries. Love will build you up and build people around you up As long as you open your heart for Lord, and ask him to enter to your heart, read his words, talk to HIM, you will find undying, unchanging, unconditional love. Your love life would be easier. You have rock to hold on, that is Lord. You would be amazed how Lord always loves you, just you didn't see it. Right person will enter your life. Everything is on right time, there isn't "late" And I don't see point you contact with your ex, she is NOT divorced yet, and she is an adulteress. all things around her is drama, drama, and drama. If you involve with her, you probably will have more heardache. But I do understand that we need somebody to NEED us. more involve with her will prevent you from finding the right one or prolong the time that you find the right one. Lord said "ask, you will find", just ask Lord to send a right one into your life. Let Lord take control of your life. Just my two cents
Aliddy Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 And I don't see point you contact with your ex, she is NOT divorced yet, and she is an adulteress. all things around her is drama, drama, and drama I beg to differ on that...... Unless you have experienced the pain of a divorce, which was not instigated by yourself, but by a partner who decided to leave you for another, and then be bloody minded about a divorce, due to the financial implications, I feel you have no right to pre-judge and label everyone as an Adulteress.......
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 You have been a great help to me, and I would like to try for you. But before I do ( as I am/was in the same situation, I was the one with the children and he lived away etc..so maybe I can give you some insight from her side ) ) Could you tell me how long you were together. How long had she been separated from her ex ??? How often did you see her ??? Suzanne :-) Hi we were together nearly 2 years she said that although they were in the house together her and her hubby were seperated 3 years in the house, and 2 outside it i saw her about 10 days a month, much of that tyime she was working, and the 3 kids were there. I never really spent much time with her at lenth on our own, which i told her many times id like to step back a bit and concentrate on us, which seemed impossible, given the circumstance?? eve planing a week away was hard as her hubby would'nt have the kids to spite us i guess, We only had a 4 day break, and about 6 weekends that we were totaly alone. What do you think about the daughter adding me to her msn? Cheers Sue x does that help? Ps for some reason all the big occations (my birtday valentines, mates wedding, she would cause a fight and spoil them)
lonelybird Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 I beg to differ on that...... Unless you have experienced the pain of a divorce, which was not instigated by yourself, but by a partner who decided to leave you for another, and then be bloody minded about a divorce, due to the financial implications, I feel you have no right to pre-judge and label everyone as an Adulteress....... Ok, redefine: A woman who is seperate with her husband, and date funky, and after break up with funky just one week later now find another new guy
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 You have been a great help to me, and I would like to try for you. But before I do ( as I am/was in the same situation, I was the one with the children and he lived away etc..so maybe I can give you some insight from her side ) ) Could you tell me how long you were together. How long had she been separated from her ex ??? How often did you see her ??? Suzanne :-) Ps she wanted to split from him, he was still in love with her, she said he was controlling, he said she was very selfish, and only cared about herself, which makes sense!.
Aliddy Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Funky, Your situation was EXACTLY the same as mine. I also only saw him at w/e and had an Ex that would do eveything possible to make life as difficult as possible. Firstly, you have to understand, that she like me, has two relationships with her ex, one is an ex husband, one is the Father of her children. The two are inter woven and it is a bloody nightmare. As a Father, although we had split, he ( my ex ) was extremely concerned that he would be " replaced " in regard to the children. I can relate to how that would feel. It does not matter, who has done what to who, in a marriage, the children are a tie for life. For the new partner, that is extremely difficult to understand, yes he may of been a complete s**t, but he is their Father. I had endless rows about this with my ex boyfriend, as he could just not understand this. I was ONLY being civil for the childrens sake and nothing more, plus there are numerous other complications, families, they are still the children's Grandparents, Uncles etc.... On to the subject of Divorce, that is one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever been through. Even though you know it is for the best, it still hurts like hell, and it is a grieving process. You said " she said "ask me to marry you and I will " I relate to that, you need an enormous amount of strength. Maybe she needed that security to be able to do it. The court process is awful, and there are very few " amicable " separations. Now on to MSM, my daughter ( aged 14 ) also became extremely close to my ex-boyfriend, they were like " mates " so when we split ( 6 weeks ago ) she was terribly upset. At this moment in time, she is too angry with him to add him to her list on MSM, but if she thought I would be o.k. with it....I think she would. I am very close to my daughter, so I know she would not do it, unless I knew. I can't comment on your ex's relationship. As for this new person, I don't believe for one second, that she would involve her children, with someone new, without some thought, unless of course, it was a decision, based on emotions, where emotions are concerned there is no logic. I am probably the only one on here ( from the comments I have read ) who thinks that if you made some form of contact and you were rejected, it would hurt you more. I dont agree..... You are in constant turmoil now, I read your posts every day, and that I feel is because you have to many things that are unsaid........ You are trying to just allow time to heal, time wont heal an open wound, you need to get a clear and concise diagnosis of what and why ..... I dont know if she will give you that, but I can see no reason why she wont, from what you have said about her. I would just " im " and say Hi........ to the daughter, she knows you know you are on her list, but is she on yours.....?? But thats only my opinion... Hope that helps a little... Suzanne :-)
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 Hi Sue, i did understand how hard the divorce would be, and i told her i would be with her every step of the way, and i would do everything i could. It was'nt only that it was money issues, she would never talk about it, and also her clubbing out and getting chatted up, i found this so hard to take. I always felt torn by the daugter and her, as they were at contant logger heads with each other. As or the new guy, he was in the house with the kids within the first week. Its seems that there was no time between me and him, and the kids. I would have married her for sure and sold my house to be with her and buy him out, but everytime i suggested any issue, not just the divorce, she would say i dont want to talk about it. I dont think she will still talk about things with me. All i know is i just did a set up for a wedding, on the way back i saw a ditch with a tree, i almost drove into it-on purpous. I feel awful, never like this in my life, not even when dad passed away. I so much want to call, but scared of what i may hear. I left a message for her on myspace, that if she looks on my website it will link back to that just saying im missing them all and if she wants to call to do so. I felt that she took my heart and chucked it away. Even to talk just after she would'nt, all she wanted to talk about was how i liked to kiss her, or what i wanted to do to her (for 2 weeks after we split we talked like that) I dont im doing this n/c and its getting worse. I was thinking in asking if the daughter and her boyfreind want to spend a weekend here, i would like to see them, i was great friends with both of them. Shes having fun now with her new guy, and hes now got the kids that i invested so much time and love into, and she took it all away in a heartbeat. I told her how much im missing them all, she didnt seem to care. I dunno maybe its been a few weeks and she may be missing me, i have no idea, but i cant see how you can give so much even on her part, and just walk away from it, with so little emotion, or caring for my feelings. On our last night together i said, seems like your hubby has accepted the situation, her reply, hell never let me go. I had the feeling that she liked it that he could not let go. She even told me that she never cared if her parents died, as they were bad to her. I swear i never saw them do one bad thing to her in all the time i was with her. I feel so confused.
Aliddy Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Funky, If as you say, you were together for two years, you have formed a " history " and that is made up of lots of memories, memories that only you and her share, and it feels like you have been robbed of those........ That in itself is bound to be painfull............... The children, well obviously you became part of their lives and they yours, so it is hardly suprising that you are missing them...... I would be extremely suprised, if they did not wonder about you. Regardless of what their Mother has done..... So she went out clubbing, and then would come home and tell you she has been " chatted up " well that was to instigate a reaction from you. Why she felt the need to do that, I dont know, but the only reason I would do that would be for attention. Do you think she felt you were not giving that to her ??? You said she was always checking your phone etc... that again indicates, stong insecurity ...... but also, if she did not give a s**t about you, why bother doing that ??? Money, always and touchy subject, you know, if a guy had offered to buy my ex out, I would of been hesitant of doing that, as it would mean the possibility of having to go through it all again, if me and him split up..... Moving the new guy in within a week ..... well there are only two possible reasons for that, that I can see... Either she was already seeing him before you and she split.....you maybe would of noticed something......if that was the case... Or, she is just too needy and dependant and can't be on her own....there are some people like that, they just bounce from one relationship to another, for fear of being alone. What are you scared of her saying to you ?? That she is happy and has moved on etc. etc. ...So if she has what then ?? Maybe you will have to accept the situation, but maybe also, it would put an end to this constant wondering and " if only's " you are trying to live with.................. Suzanne :-)
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 No she was very into herself, always needed attention, she always said she needs alot of attention, i was not with her when she was clubbing, i was here in essex, so would not talk to her till next day. I mean if you take on a whole family, and other stuff, all to be with her, how much more can you do?? i was happy for us both to sell and buy a place together and i think its inscurity, she cant be on her own. I never minded her checking my phone, but i could'nt do anything right for her. If i saw my mate, and came up a day later, i was putting him over her, not true, unyet if i wanted to go out for dinner, im too tierd. Everything had to be on her terms. I loved her so much, and all i wanted was for us to be together and build a future, but i guess she did not want that, although made me feel she did. I have no idea of how or what was going on in her head, b/c she never told me. all i could do was go with the day it was, and her mood she was in. I walked away once, but went back, i shouldnt have. She let meonto her and her kids lives i worked my hardest at my own emotional expence to build a life together taking all the crap from her ex hubby and her, and when i finaly see a space, she ends it, and the new guy has all what i worked to achive. That really hurts.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 No she was very into herself, always needed attention, she always said she needs alot of attention, i was not with her when she was clubbing, i was here in essex, so would not talk to her till next day.She would have a reaction, i would say how much it upsets me that she gets into chat up situs with guys, she knew it hurt me alot. I loved her and showed her so much attention, i would always hold her hand,. kiss her, be proud of her, be there for her, but it was never good enough, i mean how much can i do. I mean if you take on a whole family, and other stuff, all to be with her, how much more can you do?? i was happy for us both to sell and buy a place together and i think its inscurity, she cant be on her own. I never minded her checking my phone, but i could'nt do anything right for her. If i saw my mate, and came up a day later, i was putting him over her, not true, unyet if i wanted to go out for dinner, im too tierd. Everything had to be on her terms. I loved her so much, and all i wanted was for us to be together and build a future, but i guess she did not want that, although made me feel she did. I have no idea of how or what was going on in her head, b/c she never told me. all i could do was go with the day it was, and her mood she was in. I walked away once, but went back, i shouldnt have. She let meonto her and her kids lives i worked my hardest at my own emotional expence to build a life together taking all the crap from her ex hubby and her, and when i finaly see a space, she ends it, and the new guy has all what i worked to achive. That really hurts.
tinke Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 funkyb. truly ask yourself, after all this, if she agreed to be with you again...can you honestly do it? do you think that resentment for all the hurt would surface? you CANNOT go back to what you knew, there's been changes. i will be 5 mo soon(n/c) and i can tell you, i know your pain, i can identify. as much as i miss him, lately the feelings have shifted. all this time i wanted to talk to him, etc. but when i finally imagined him here with me, the dynamics have changed so much, he openly disrespected me. i imagined touching him, and to be honest, i wasn't thrilled. i guess what i am saying, is give yourself time to heal. really step away...take a mental break from it all. see if your feelings have changed. you may be surprised. now, i hurt more for the loss, the disrespect in the end, etc. but i think there was too much hurt caused to ever feel again what it was. if you believe you just HAVE to talk to her once more...do it. what is the worst that can happen? you won't like hearing this, but from an outsider, probably the worst is that she would return to you. you are very vulnerable as most of us are now. i have followed your posts and you appear to be a caring person. and i believe you deserve more...more in a relationship, if you allow yourself some true distance (mentally, if possible), you may see things differently. to return to that situation only shows her, she can discard you and treat you poorly with no consequence. (i know, i've been where you are at), he did it again, and again!!!!!!!
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 Tink ijust had a huge cry, more than in my wholelife, the loss of a family a way of life a woman that i loved. But no i cant call her, i have done so well, ill stay off msn till i feel i may be able to chat with the daughter. I made mistakes as well in the relationship, and i truly felt smotered unyet when i ask for commitment, it never came, how can you smother some1 and then feel that you cant give them commitment. I feel i am emtionally and physicly drained by the last few weeks, and i have to start doing whats right for me, not for any1 else. At the moment, i dont really care about me, im insuch a low place, and i still have an emotional attachment to the children, but i cant make contact as much as i feel i want to. I feel i have the devil on one shoulder and an angle on the other and im in the middle with no control. Im at a place where i have never been, where i have no control of my emotions anymore. What has happened to me, what will happen? i try to me myself, i am but inside im ripped apart I see her in the morning and the kids in my head everyday, i forget about how i ould never do anything right for her, but still i would try. Im only a human, and i make mistakes, but i seem to get punshied so serverly, while she just goes and gets another man and carrys on from where i left off, only he wont have the intense emotions from her hubby, to deal with. I have to keep moving forward, i have a new fight to win, and i have to, other wise i wont want to be on this earth anymore. In the last 10 years everything i did was for other people, and once again, i sit here alone, with a huge loss to deal with. I have to fight again, to get back on top. Maybe one day i will be in a better place to call her, or maybe she may call me, but at the moment im so weak in myself that i dont have the strenthh to hear how happy she is. I know thats selfish, but its how i feel. At the end of the day, there is no dought in my mind how much i loved them all, and if the strain of the relationship got too much for me at timea then i was sorry, but i had to carry the emotions for the both of us. I loved her, i see her lovely face and how she used to lean to kiss my lips, i felt a million dollors with her, but she trew me away like the empty tins she trows away in her house.
tinke Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 funkb. what it REALLY comes down to, in the end....is a heightened awareness on your part...to force yourself to move on without her. it is as you've described..an angel, and a devil. this can be associated with life as you want it to be, and what life actually is now...without her. YOU and only you have the work to do. it is good to talk about it, etc. but, in the end it is you that will have to do the work. yes, you miss her, but thinking about her will not bring her back, has it? i don't mean to sound cold, i am only trying to share some very new discoveries of me. i was exactly as you describe yourself...sad, in disbelief, usure of how to move on, etc. i grieved heavily. not to say i will not have set-backs, but the last 2 days, i've been feeling differently. i have asked myself what do you miss....then i intentionally force myself to remember, he is with someone else now..emotionally, sexually, etc. ok, now, if he were standing right here now, would i be able to hold him and feel the same emotions? NOT! that is what i realized, that is what has helped me find some motivation the last few days. again, not that i have the answers, or healed by any means. but..i feel myself now heading in that direction and i just want to share some thoughts. so, i asked myself, why am i thinking of him so much? what do i really want to happen? and honestly, as much as i would like to step back in time and re-create those feelings...too much has happened since. my heart had been broken and he was very unfeeling, almost gloating about his new relationship (as yours, from your description). so, as much as i miss him, if he were here, i could not reach out to him, touch him, trust him again...he has smothered that. so i mourn the loss, but it has helped me with not wanting to contact him. ask yourself what do you want to happen? why do you miss her? just a thought..but do you miss your role as provider? miss feeling needed? you can easily fulfill that need for now with volunteer work. funkyb..just take some time without thinking of HER, but rather what is it you miss.
tinke Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 funkb you've been on my mind today...how are ya doing?
kittensmittens Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 FBP You've given everyone here so much support, I wish I could give you some kind of advice, but I'm still trying to make heads or tails of my own situation. I'm not really of much use atm, except to say I can completely sympathize. My situation makes no sense either and I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling. I was a lot better for a while there and lately I've just felt like crying again. I'm torn between still loving him, wanting him, seeing what a wonderful, loving person he can be.....and being so hurt by him and realizing/trying to accept that he may not be quite as wonderful as I thought for so long. It feels extremely unfair that they can just move on w/out looking back, without realizing or caring about our pain, without appreciating our efforts....while we're left here w/ all this pain and lonliness. I wish I could give you some kind of profound advice....all I can say is that I understand the pain.....
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 thank you both so much, im glad i have been of support, i wish i could follow my own advice. i really dont want to be a pain, and this is not me me but im finding things very hard at the moment. i feel im missing the children so much. I know that every1 here is going to say im this and that but this morning i sent some cash to the mum (my ex) for the kids hols, just a little note saying its for them a little extra money. This aint about im weak in her eyes or about trying to make contact, i know shes with a new guy, but its about giving something to the people that enterd my life, and like it or not, i loved them. whatever happens, i want them to have a good hol, and yes there not my responsiblity, but they were my friends, and i cared for them all deeply for 2 years. I cant just go against all what my body is screeming at me to do, i cant do that. If i did i will never be able to move forward, thats me. I dont mind if ithey dont thank me, i dont mind if the mum spends it on them, but says nothing,, its what i wanted and needed to do. You know the last 10 years has been full of ups and downs, losing my dad, mum getting cancer, buying a house and then my ex b4 last abandond me, and i had this huge (and still do ) morgage to take care of, then meeting this girl, and giving so much of myself to her and her family, trying to clear a parth, taking all the crap her ex hubby through at me, to build a future for us, and i did, i took all he gave, and in the end i won, only for my ex to dump me and give all my hard work to some1 else. that really hurt, and it has knocked the stuffing out of me, but 1 thing that came out were those kids, there not mine, but they were my freinds, and i needed to do something. Every day i hear Ella call my name, saying she loves me. I have tryed my hardest, to walk away from them all, but i just cant, im not going to do any more, but at least i showed i care for them still, and if a few quid cann give them a better hol, then im happy. She knows me well enough to know that i would not do anything like that to cause trouble, and she knows just how much i loved them all. A the moment i trully am at the lowest place in my life, and im hurting with an unbelivable pain. Any one know says be a man, i have been for all my life i took everything and got over it, and moved on, but this time i feel that its that 1 too much, but im fighting it. Im sorry i know im not much use at the moment, and i dont want to sound self centered, but im at a place that i havent been b4, and it scares me.
tinke Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 fb you are hurting because you are a sensitive person. all that you have learned and gained in experience was not wasted. it has better prepared you for future choices, paths, etc. one day you may think...oh, this is why things happened the way they did. i know it is painful with much not understood. do you have faith? sometimes i find it easy to just turn this over to a higher power and try to find some serenity. take care funk. you have to do what you need to do for your own sanity. but remember...don't try to change the things that you can't. you will never find that serenity.
Aliddy Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Hi Funky, I have been thinking about you since your post yesterday.... You know, if what you have done today, makes you feel better, then it does not matter what anyone else thinks. Where emotions are concerned, there is no logic.... So it is futile to try and look at any actions or reactions logically. I hope your day is a little better, today....................... Suzanne :-)
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 Thank you for those waord, im really not tryong to change anything, but i dont feel i can move on unless i do what my heart tells me too, and not what 99% of people on here recomend. My gut tells me to let her know that i still care, and that i didnt just send her stuff back and walk away from them all, cos thats how it feels to me, and i think being the n/c man helps in some situs, but when there were kids involved and i have massive emotions, and am sensitive, i dont think that can work for me. you know Tink, when this first happend i came on this site, fighting the n/c issue, i thought no you have to say what you think, but i was reading every1s posts and it was n/c n/c i thought it must be right. I did it, i was the man, sent back the stuff and walked, (and of course she asked me to not call) and i never, but i have had thiughts of me just walking out of there lives. I never, it was her choice, but i sent back her stuff and turned my back, and she knew that. This is so not me, and now i feel i have done something positive, for me, i feel i have let them know i care about the kids, still, and i havent forgotten them, even if i mean nothing to her anymore i did to the kids, even if i dont hear from them, i know i did it. I cant go through life not doing what my gut tell s me, even if im wrong. I dunno, she may tell me to stick the cash, but i know i did it from the heart so those little kiddies can have an extra toy or whatever, and if her new guy cant understand how i felt then im sorry for that, but i cant deny my feelings, and what i need to do. Tink you and chinnok have been great to me, and ill always be there for you both, and others, and i will be on this forum for a while, i dont want to date, i dont want anything at the mo, exept to be able to come to terms with this huge loss in my life. Have a look at my website www.bsharpduo.co.uk for somethin to do! I feel over the next few weeks im going to be doing a lot of posting on here, for me, and others, along with trying to keep healthy. Thats all i feel i wanna do at the moment. Gigs are a hard place, as they are weddings, and well there hard to do, but when i get into them, the buisness rich comes out. I guess in time, i would like to be friends with her, the eldest daghter has added me as a contact. I dont rule out anything in life, i keep an open mind, who knows what will happen, and if that means hanging on to a little hope then so be it, as long as it does not affect my future progress.
tinke Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 fb... i was one of those who had suggested calling/writing if that's what you need to do. YOU have to do what feels right in your heart. but....now, try to let it be (so in time you can move on). you've done all you can...now you can say and feel that. you have reached out..that is ALL you can do. i believe the n/c approach suggested is to protect you..as you expressed heartache, and removing yourself is a way to begin a new way...new habits so to speak. hope you are finding peace.
Author funkybassplayer Posted July 29, 2007 Author Posted July 29, 2007 I know you did, today at last i feel i put some demons to rest, i have a calm in my gut, like i have poured water over the fire. I know the fire will start again, but for now, a calm. I hope she takes it in the way i was intendend, im sure she will, but if she does not, i know i did it for the right reasons.
frd150 Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 Hi Funk, You know I read all your threads and most of your responces. When I read them it was like you were saying to me "Boy, snap out of it". I would read what you put here and think "whats wrong with me"? Why is this taking so long? I just wanted to thank you for sharing your feelings. I know now that I am not crazy, Im human! Funk, I want her back so bad we were so good and on top of all this I lost a family I still love so much. Grandma (the head of the family) told me that despite all this I was family and they all loved me very much.This hurts as much as it helps. Another day without her. I wonder what shes up to, I wonder who she is with? I will have a good cry now.
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