i feel like a bomb thats waiting to explode

[emmaUK]

well i havent walked away like u have all advised.. still usual telling him i love him n miss him.

 

today it sfriday nite... it was a girl at his work birthday and it was arranged that everyone would go out for drinks after work.

received a text from him at 8pm to say that he wasnt gonn stay much longer and he he would contact me soon after he had finished his beverage as the signal was crap in the bar there were at.

i though the word beverage was a bit funny so i text him "lol beverage... t-ur-wat" (twat somes from a uk comedian in a funny voice and we alwys say it)

he text me saying "yea great, im staing longer now. hope u have fun"

i asked him why he satying longer and he text back that i said twat so he staying longer to cheer himself up... though that was so sad n i told him that i was only messing n it was just wot the comedian we like sais n i wanted him to laugh with me but he not reply.

 

i rang im hour or so later asking we he not reply an he said "cant i have a ****in nite out without you wanting about 4 texts from me" etc

i told him i was only messing and i just wanted some affecion from him but he was angry

i could hear the music from the bar they were in pumpin and people chattin away.

i asked him wot girls were there ... he said "loads of girls" ... he left it a while n then said "but loads of guys 2" IT WAS LIKE HE WANTED ME TO FEEL **** FOR THE FEW SECOND HE LEFT B4 SAYING THERE WERE LAODS OF GUYS.

i started to ask why he handnt bothered with me and why he being so funny with me....... he just said "i dont havta listen to this.... by Emma" and he hung up

 

since then i been feeling like i wanna smash his face in and make him pay for f***ing being this way. im hoping i start to hate him n then i wont keep sting with him n loving hm.

 

dont star slaggin me off like last time please .. im not asking to be told wot a bad person i am or wotever... i jsut wanted to get this off my chest n find out if other people think im over-reacting or not.

 

thanks

[emmaUK]

just spoke to hime on phone n he said.. your crazy emma, your making me feelin liek a peice oh S**T. sort your life out".

all i was doing was crying n askin him why he being like this.. he put phone down.

 

am i crazy

 

please i feel like im going mad.... i feel like im going crazy so bad n he is right... im crying so bad as i type this

 

i feel like im slowy turning crackers... why would someone so badly think im crazy if i want . he trusly thinks im a crazy cow so he must me right. he tells me all the time about things i do and i dont think he wud make it up to purpously twist my mind

i truly feel like im going mad coz i really cant c that the way i am is bad

i dont think im hat bad n i feel that he is a bit mean to me.... but he ass im crazy n im turning him crazy 2

 

please help... im feeling very ver ylow

[allina]

Well he ended the relationship with you so he can do whatever he wants. I know it's hard but leave him alone for a bit, no calls, no texts.

[emmaUK]

after he ended it though he was saying he wanted me n love me... its been ok again until 2nite

[emmaUK]

i am actualyl crazy.. i knnow it now... i am going mad and i cant c it... why wud someone think this if i was normal

 

he jsut text me...

 

i really dont wanna c u 2moro (he was suppoed to be coming over 4 weekend)

i beg u not 2 contact me

yur so ****in wrapped up in your own worries. f**k how u make me feel

im sick of this so fkn much

[Cobra_X30]

no your not crazy. You were correct in your text. He is an abusive twat.

[corazoncito]

Emma, you say you're feeling crazy. Have you ever heard the expression that the definition of insanity is doing exactly the same thing over and over again yet somehow expecting that the outcome will change?

 

You keep giving him "another chance" over and over again. He ends up being cruel and verbally abusive to you each time. But they you get back with him again, hoping it will be different each time. But it never is.

 

That's exactly why you're feeling crazy right now. You're not crazy. You're depressed, stressed, and anxious. Stay away from him and those feeling will start to go away.

[jcster]

That's exactly why you're feeling crazy right now. You're not crazy. You're depressed, stressed, and anxious. Stay away from him and those feeling will start to go away.

 

That's absolutely right. You're making yourself nuts trying to wring love out of a stone. This guy DOESN'T love you! He's horrible.

 

Please, take some time for yourself and sort out your emotions. I know you have a lot going on right now, after moving to this new place. Didn't you have a new job lined up? Concentrate on that and getting yourself put back together. DO NOT CALL HIM ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!

[emmaUK]

i think i must be a nut case coz why would someone truly genuinly think im crazy if i wasnt... i think he can be cruel ... but not that crualk that he'd want me to think im crazy.

 

he just text me this...

 

you should have never brought me down with you 2nite. my nite ended in misery coz of this whole things n i know i dont deserve that. u need proffesional help emma, i think u need it for your daughters sake. some things you say.. no wonder men have used you and abused yuo the way they did. i dont want that to happen again. nite emz. take care. x

[Ruby]

what do u say to him that is so bad?

[Hazy]

I think he is the one who needs professional help. You didn't do anything wrong.

[4peace]

Emma,

Please listen to everyone, YOU are NOT crazy!! Crazy in love but not crazy.

I am from the states and not familiar with UK lingo but please follow the advice of get far away from this guy, he is going to F*ck with your head as long as you let him. No matter how long you love him he will still play with you because he can, BUT you allow him. Please let him go and allow another window to open. Otherwise you will be in his perpetual lock. This may NOT be something you will understand completely but you ARE WORTHY OF MUCH MORE than this idiot who is playing with YOU. Of course, I do not knowyou but surely you have a heart that is worthy of someone appreciating it.

 

Have self respect and do not answer his calls even if you have to take up multiple sports, hobby's or passtimes to get away and stay away. I do not care if you are doing crochett just do something that interests you enough to take your mind completely off of HIM.

 

I spent five years on the call, waiting and at the mercy of a complete BS'er who was a complete alcoholic, who never respected me nor respected themself. If he doesn't respect himself then he surely could not respect anyone else.

 

Look at yourself in this, read books, listen or read more on LS about people who string you along because you are willing to pick up the phone. You are worth more than someone who is willing to be rude to you in their comments. His expression to you is mean and caustic, you are from the heart to him. (please think long and hard about this part) If it helps ONLY remember the bad times to get past this.

 

hope this helps, good luck but never devalue yourself because someone you love is unable to accept who you are and is rude or blocking every attempt your send their way.

 

really, really hope this helps,

4peace

[spookie]

Emma.... it literally hurts me to read your posts because I know exactly how you feel. I was in a similar situation (less obviously abusive though) for three years before we broke up for good a couple of months ago. I was CONSTANTLY questioning my sanity, constantly questioning what I was doing wrong, what I was withholding from my partner to cause him to be so unhappy with me.

 

My ex could be VERY affectionate and considerate if he wanted, which was often enough to convince me that he DID care about me and WAS a good boyfriend...but the good was infused with a whole lot of blaming, withdrawal, and accusation. He would pick something small that I had done or said (and EVERYTHING is fair game when you are looking for a reason to dislike someone), and blow it completely out of proportion, insisting that, while he was trying his best to make my life easy and pleasant, I was going out of my way to make HIM miserable.

 

Because he could be so nice, I was convinced that I was to blame for everything that went wrong (and he did his damn best to perpetuate this). It was like walking on eggshells. There was no way to win with him, yet I clung on.

 

There were things I learned not to do in order not to piss him off. Calling was one thing (he didn't like to be crowded). Showing up online was another (didn't like to feel obligated to talk to me). Asking him about the weekends (pressure!), the future (aaah!), etc.

 

Now that he is out of my life, I understand that I WAS crazy... for putting up with what I did for so long. In a life so short and stress, your SO should be your safe place, #1 admirer and supporter, your best friend. You should not have to watch what you say or do around him, and he definitely should not force you to question your self-worth or sanity.

 

What I am trying to say is... you need to leave. As soon as possible. It's going to end anyway (this is NOT how a healthy long-term relationship starts, or even looks like halfway through), it's just up to you how much you lose in all this. You can invest more time, energy, and love into someone who doens't love you back...or you can make a conscious decision to realize he's no good for you and take your life in a different direction.

 

And on the topic of "no good for you".... you seem like a smart, very caring (albeit somewhat naive) gal . Your boyfriend repeatedly purposely stabs you where he knows it'll hurt the most. That's not love... no matter how well he treats you outside that fact. You don't inflict pain on someone you love.

 

(And btw... all abusers treat their victims well on occasion... how else would they get anyone to stick around for the abuse?)

[nittygritty]

Emma,

 

Its really difficult to think clearly when someone is emotionally and verbally popping you in the face. You may not visibly see the bruises but they are there emotionally.

 

If a man were to treat your daughter this way when she is grown, I am sure you would beg her to leave him. In order to prevent that from happening, your going to have to teach her what it means for a woman to value herself. What kind of treatment a woman should expect from a man. If you can't choose to leave an abusive alcoholic man, how will she be able to?

 

When I was pregnant and briefly married to an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic, I was so emotionally beat down. The abusive things he said and did would play over and over in my head, like a broken record. Your being shocked and traumatized and your mind is having difficulting handling the stressful situation.

 

I begged my ex to go to counseling with me and ended up going alone. When I started telling the counselor all of the abusive things he was doing and saying to me, the counselor asked me "If he picked up a 2 x 4 (wood board) and hit you over the head with it, would you leave him?" I literally had to stop and think about it for a few seconds and then my common sense lightbulb went on and my answer was "Yes". Thank God.

 

He's hitting you over the head with a 2 x 4, What is your answer?

[VIP]

I think you probably have never met a man who would genuinely care about you, that's why you think, that this person is fit to be your boyfriend. All that's coming from him is emotional abuse. He probably needs you to feed his ego, because when he puts you down, he feels better, feels more powerful.

[Hazy]

Emma, if that is your photo on your avatar, you are so pretty, you will have no problem finding a man who really cares about you and doesn't make you sad.