lost4ever Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband?2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that.....
quankanne Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 1.) probably my husband, if it were to happen. However, human nature is that people tend to shy away from taking action in which they'll be blamed for something, even if they're culpable. 2.) if you're sincere about ending the affair and you want her to know that you'll have nothing to do with him. Otherwise, I imagine she's just gloating or trying to push buttons by starting up shxt. Because again, that's human nature when someone "one ups" someone else .... 3.) what would I want to know? • how long this has been going on • how it got started, and if you knowingly entered into a relationship with him or if he lied about being available • if you to have been physically intimate • an offer for a note from your gynecologist saying you don't have a communicable disease, nor have you had one in the time that you and my husband have been together • that you are willing to confront hiim together and have an agreement that if he says "I want X," the other person will step out of the way. • the promise that if he tries to continue the affair and you've already told me you're going to end things AND you're truly sincere, you'll immediately let me know so I can make some decisions of my own. (Which most likely would be to kick his butt to the curb, because he is in no position to be screwing around with either of our hearts – or health – like that.) And you'd have my promise to return that favor ... apologies are always nice, but it's less about saying sorry and more about giving me an honest chance to heal from a broken marriage by respecting my needs. Because even if I don't like what you've done with my husband, I'd have a hell of a lot more respect dealing with someone who treats me with respect, whether you like me or not, or whether you think I'm the evil witch with my claws so tightly embedded in my husband. another thread talked about the "sacrifices" women make for their married lovers, but they forget that the wife is also sacrificing the same, she just hasn't been made aware of it.
Lizzie60 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I can only speculate, since I'm not a BS... 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband? I would say being told by my H... (his confession) 2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, NO, there is no point in calling the OW. 3.) what do you really want to hear/know? I would want to hear the truth... but I know this is impossible and unrealistic... he will never ever say it like it is/was really.....
bish Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband? Doesn't matter...as long as we are told. But if there was a preference, I'd say by the other person's spouse....you'll get more of the truth that way. 2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that..... Your last 2 sentences would be desirable.
Darth Vader Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband?2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that..... Read your other Thread, I just posted a possible way of letting OM's wife know.
silktricks Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband? best to be told by your husband. 2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, My husband told me. I called the OW, she hung up on me. I didn't try again. 3.) what do you really want to hear/know? The truth. and That you are sorry for what you did, not because of the pain that YOU are in, but because of the pain the BS is in.
Lynna Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband?2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that..... 1) prefer to hear it from my husband himself, would definitely want to hear it from someone however, I don't want to be living a lie - however, in my case I knew something was up and I discovered it on my own 2) I talked to the OW yes 3) I wanted her to see the pain I was in - be prepared to answer everything quankanne mentioned for this one, those are really good points! 4) no, you should not comment on the H's feelings, you are right, you really don't know them; yes, you should honestly answer anything she asks you but do not offer information unless she asks for it (there will be things she does NOT want to know); yes, you should take anything she says to you and tell her she is right to say it; yes, you should apologise and admit that what you did was terrible and selfish; yes, tell her that is is over completely and you never want to see or hear from him again
East of Jupiter Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 I agree with all said. Except ... I did not get the whole truth from the H. I got more details from the OW who was all to willing to try and hurt me with the finer points. As I have said before, this was a gift, not a punishment. I agree that the BS needs to know and it doesn't matter how they find out. I encourage the OW to tell the wife because this is helpful to the wife. It finally snaps the BW's stupid arse husband out of affairyland. And... as and added bonus, the MM gets burned by his own OW. Sweet. I don't know stats or pay attention to them but of what I know I would say that 8 out of 10 men end the affair and get to work on their marriage.
jj2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband?2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that..... 1. My H told me what was going on after I had suspicions and asked him. 2. Yes I called the OW because she would not stop calling my house and hanging up when the person she wanted to talk to didn't answer the phone. 3.Was it PA or EA? WHY?
outofdarkness Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 1.) what is better, being told by H, OW, or other womens husband?2.) Do you call the OW, no matter who told, 3.) what do you really want to hear/know?I kind of got it planned out, no matter how she finds out (pretty sure it will not be from me), I'm just going to tell her that I made a huge mistake getting involved with her husband, I hurt My husband and her family for selfish reasons, and I am truly sorry. I will tell her that any details she would like to know I will answer, however I will not comment on her H's feelings, b/c I really have no Idea....Or should I just state that I am sorry for hurting her family, But this is between you and you H...let her vent and that be that..... I really like the idea of an apology...I never really got one from the main OW, but she did seem remorseful..I would have liked to have been told by ANYONE and believe me....LOTS of people knew, but I would have preferred that my H told me..I was asked in the D day letter that the OW sent, that I call her to "compare notes"..So of course I did..Their stories were almost identical...As far as details, I didn't get many details until she realized that he was not leaving me, then she was all to eager to provide them, and they were VERY painful...I don't feel like I needed to know the dirty details...THAT just put me over the edge and they are forever etched in my mind...As far as feelings, I was told the same thing by OW and H..Just "friends", no REAL sex just o---...blah blah blah...Now, the other OW that I spoke w/...not by choice...was a real b----and let me know in no uncertain terms that she had no intention of stopping her "friendship w/ him"....She provided NO details or apologies, not even a hint of remorse...To this day they will both say that they never even actually met each other, he doesn't even know her last name and it was just an online/phone R...I didn't believe it then and don't now...Hope that helps.
East of Jupiter Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Now, the other OW that I spoke w/...not by choice...was a real b----and let me know in no uncertain terms that she had no intention of stopping her "friendship w/ him"....She provided NO details or apologies, not even a hint of remorse...To this day they will both say that they never even actually met each other, he doesn't even know her last name and it was just an online/phone R...I didn't believe it then and don't now...Hope that helps. Yep, yep. That's hurt. In her confession letter (how sweet is that? I still have it) she explains her logic = you hurt me I want to hurt you, I hurt your family. NO apology for that. It seemed rational to the pin head.
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