whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 FF, can you try to make a promise to yourself? To quit thinking about what MM and his wife does, their marriage and the why's? You owe it to your husband now to fix your marriage, TALK to him so he can understand why you chose to cheat on him in the first place. Admit your mistakes, become a better wife, do all that you can to show him that you ARE worthy of his love and trust again. So far, you haven't done that as you're almost obsessed with exMM, his wife and their marriage choices. It's just not healthy and it's preventing you from moving on, healing and living your life with your H and your kids. Once you really decide in your mind it's OVER, MAKE it over for good. Let your H deal with exMM if arrangements need to made when it comes to the kids. Just do your absolute best to stay away from exMM. And his wife.
Author forbidden fruit Posted August 1, 2007 Author Posted August 1, 2007 FF, can you try to make a promise to yourself? To quit thinking about what MM and his wife does, their marriage and the why's? You owe it to your husband now to fix your marriage, TALK to him so he can understand why you chose to cheat on him in the first place. Admit your mistakes, become a better wife, do all that you can to show him that you ARE worthy of his love and trust again. So far, you haven't done that as you're almost obsessed with exMM, his wife and their marriage choices. It's just not healthy and it's preventing you from moving on, healing and living your life with your H and your kids. Once you really decide in your mind it's OVER, MAKE it over for good. Let your H deal with exMM if arrangements need to made when it comes to the kids. Just do your absolute best to stay away from exMM. And his wife. I really appreciate all your support wwiu and I know I sound like I am obsessed, but I am really not. I am just a sensitive and trusting person who gave my heart to someone I thought I could trust above all others and I could not of been more wrong. l allowed him to do it setting an boundariesmy self esteem is in the toilet. He once told me I have to have you emotionally, physically and mentally and boy did he succeed in that. I am just heartbroken and feeling rejected. I know I should not feel like that because if I did not end the A it would of kept going on until we got caught. How come all those times I intiated Nc he coould not see that. However, only until the faux d-day does he finally get how serious I was. Now it hurts me for him to ignore me or just act like I am no better than the bum off the street. Sorry I am just being honest and I am just not where you all want me to be. I really want to be, but unfortunately for some unknown reason I still care about him. Sound crazy?
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 You're welcome. Ok..you're hurting and now you just need to heal yourself. You're not crazy, just need some guidence to get YOU back where you should be in life. That and work on your self esteem. Spend some time with your girl friends, they will make you feel great! Don't appologize, and don't worry about time frames here. As long as you're progressing forward and not backwards, you'll be fine. Give yourself credit though, k. You may always care about him, but eventually that care will lessen and not affect you like it is now. I am just a sensitive and trusting person who gave my heart to someone I thought I could trust above all others and I could not of been more wrong And now you need to forgive yourself so you CAN move on...
norajane Posted August 1, 2007 Posted August 1, 2007 Yes she is a real bitch. I thought before the A and my opinion never changed during or after. She was a arrogant, selfish, and bitchy woman. do I think she deserved to be cheated on no. do I think her husband was the victim absoulety not, do I think I she is the victim no. She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free. They are both selfish and I was caught in the middle. Yes I take full responsibilty for my actions because I allowed it to happen. They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol. I cannot stand people who cannot look in the mirror You aren't taking full responsibility until you look in your own mirror.
PoshPrincess Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 FF, as you say, she doesn't officially know that her H has had an A with you, does she? Although she is quite possibly suspicious of it, I guess she is just trying to convince herself that it isn't true. He's her H, so it's pretty likely that she loves him, isn't it? Only SHE knows the real reason but there are many explanations why BSs take their WSs back. Many BSs aren't told the full story of the A. I know there are some who don't really love the H anymore but are scared of leaving, maybe for financial reasons, especially those who have never supported themselves before (ie gone straight from their parents to the H). You say that your MM is only with his W for her money, well, that can work both ways, can't it? Not because they are greedy but because they are concerned about the financial implications it could have on them and their children. I agree with WWIU. You have to stop caring about MM and his W and stop asking yourself 'why?' There may be no obvious explanation. She totally believed it when she promised to stay with him 'for better for worse, til death us do part'. Whatever the reasons, forget about them and concentrate on yourself and getting your own life back on track!
frannie Posted August 2, 2007 Posted August 2, 2007 . I Yes she is a real bitch. I thought before the A and my opinion never changed during or after. She was a arrogant, selfish, and bitchy woman. do I think she deserved to be cheated on no. do I think her husband was the victim absoulety not, do I think I she is the victim no. She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free. They are both selfish and I was caught in the middle. Yes I take full responsibilty for my actions because I allowed it to happen. They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol. And why are you staying with your H..? Basically as I see it, their marriage is their business, and yours is yours. Is there any other sensible way of looking at this situation..?
Author forbidden fruit Posted August 3, 2007 Author Posted August 3, 2007 You're welcome. Ok..you're hurting and now you just need to heal yourself. You're not crazy, just need some guidence to get YOU back where you should be in life. That and work on your self esteem. Spend some time with your girl friends, they will make you feel great! Don't appologize, and don't worry about time frames here. As long as you're progressing forward and not backwards, you'll be fine. Give yourself credit though, k. You may always care about him, but eventually that care will lessen and not affect you like it is now. What if I never stop loving him and the hurt does not go away because our lives are so intertwined. I feel like I have lost my best friend. Even though he was not, but we laughed all the time before the A did things everyday together and at the time he made me the happiest I have ever been. I know this sounds corny, but he really gets me all my moods , all my looks and he taps into this other side of me. It is not easy to forget someone who was such a big part of your life. I know it is easy on the internet to give advice and say get over him, think about your h , but is not that simple. I happened to be involved with two different men who I loved and they could not be more opposite. I know my H is the best one for me, but xmm really got to know the true me and i was myself unguarded around him. It hurts to be that emotionally available to someone and then pretend they don't exist. As you can tell I am having a hard time moving on.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 I know my H is the best one for me, but xmm really got to know the true me and i was myself unguarded around him. I hope that one day you will figure out why you let someone like MM - who treated you the way he did and helped destroy your marriage - be the one who got to know the 'true you' while the man who has taken care of you, trusts you even though you continue to lie to him and your family every day, and wants to be with you only gets the emotional leftovers.
stillafool Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 FF when you look for answers as to why the MM's wife took him back look at your H and why he is still with you. I'm sure their reasons are very similar. So let me ask you why are you still with your H when it is so clear that you are in love with another man?
greengoddess Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 LMAO I love this thread. Why did she take him back after d day. UMMMM let's see because she never had a real d day because you both continue to LIE and DECIEVE. Tell the truth to her then judge her. Without her knowing the truth how dare you comment that she took him back. All she knows is her husband had feelings and DID NOT act on them because he loves his wife too much to screw someone else. Shatter that illusion then judge her. Go ahead and while you are at it tell your husband the truth too. When he finds out all your lies when he thinks you are fixing things you will be kicked to the curb so quick. You have done nothing but lie since your supposed reconcilliation with one another. Gee what a noble and moral person you are.
Author forbidden fruit Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 LMAO I love this thread. Why did she take him back after d day. UMMMM let's see because she never had a real d day because you both continue to LIE and DECIEVE. Tell the truth to her then judge her. Without her knowing the truth how dare you comment that she took him back. All she knows is her husband had feelings and DID NOT act on them because he loves his wife too much to screw someone else. Shatter that illusion then judge her. Go ahead and while you are at it tell your husband the truth too. When he finds out all your lies when he thinks you are fixing things you will be kicked to the curb so quick. You have done nothing but lie since your supposed reconcilliation with one another. Gee what a noble and moral person you are. It is people like you who should not be allowed to be on this website. Do you think I do not know these things. I would love to tell my H and I would love for xmm to tell his wife, but unfortunately their are kids involved that do not deserve this. Yes we are both good parents who love their kids and we made a huge mistake of which the kids should not pay for. So while you are sitting in your ivory tower GG I hope you don't do anything bad in your life because there will be always people like you around to judge them. I don't kow what you are doing on a support forum for ow obviously you are BS so stay out of my business!!
bish Posted August 4, 2007 Posted August 4, 2007 It is people like you who should not be allowed to be on this website. Do you think I do not know these things. I would love to tell my H and I would love for xmm to tell his wife, but unfortunately their are kids involved that do not deserve this. Yes we are both good parents who love their kids and we made a huge mistake of which the kids should not pay for. They already have paid for it...whether they know it or not.
Author forbidden fruit Posted August 4, 2007 Author Posted August 4, 2007 They already have paid for it...whether they know it or not. Goodbye to LS. thank you for all those who have been supportive, wwiu, answerplease37, greeneyedl, wisheswerehorses,tomcat and everyone else who has helped me through this very personal and painful process, but the posts by some have turned so outright mean and vindictive that I do not want to post. I could of not have gotten this far without the above mentioned and I truly appreciate all your insightful advice. Thank you good luck to all of you FF
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