Why did she take him back after d-day?

[forbidden fruit]

FF that statement right there should show you what kind of person this mm really is, I think any man or woman who would stay in a marriage or relationship for the purpose of the other spouse having more money is despicable....

 

Justice, I could not agree with you more! FF, he's just like my xmm you know that! My xmm stay's because number one "She let's him do what he want's" and number two she makes the "Bulk" of the money! Soo very sad for Xmm's wife and for him! But what married man would not stay in a situation like this? One with moral's and a true respect for himself and his W? Mabey! but not the kind of Xmm that you and I have come across, that's for darn sure! You know I care about you FF and I only want what's best for you. So, I ask you this. What would truley make you feel closure to this A? I would love to know your thought's here.

 

 

Good question Ap and I have no idea what would bring me closure. Maybe I cannot accept it is over and maybe because it had to end it that is the closure. He would of kept going if I did not end it.

 

The closure is we both are still in marriages and our kids are not going through turmoil and right now I am the only one hurting and that is the price I have to pay for having a A. Final closure. Today I erased his number from cell and e-mail address. Getting closer ........

[forbidden fruit]

Did you have low self esteem when you were sleeping with her husband?

Yes and that mostly came from xmm making me feel like he was better than me. Before that not low self esteem that was one of the things he was atrracted to about me. I was a strong and self-confident, but during and after A I was down on myself and thought I was a horrible person who did not deserve any happiness or good.

[RIDINGTHEBULLS1]

You are both in love with a LIAR and a CHEAT so that same question you should be asking yourself.WHY DO YOU WANT HIM?She built a life and dreams with him and you haven't. So I can see how it is much harder for a wife to dissolve the marriage entirely.Answer what you find so great about this guy and why you think he has the best out there to offer. I don't see why you both are even wasting your time.

[forbidden fruit]

My H even said he would not put with her crap for one minute

 

His wife is still lying to him and he puts up with that??? I'm not sure what could be worse.

 

Maybe I am mad I stopped the A. Maybe I should of kept it going .

 

 

 

To tell you the truth I wanted to find out what xmm was made of and I found out not alot.

 

I am not blaming her I am just saying if everything wa hunky dory in both our marriages we would of not done what we did. For him to go back and act like everything is fine with his now is such a joke. I would really like to tell her the whole truth, but you right it is none of my business.

 

This boggles my mind. Are you not doing the same to a man that you just said stays with you because he "loves" you? How are you not made of the same cloth as MM. You are using someone else, just as he did. Why is it only justified when the betrayal isn't against you?

 

Here is your answer though in your own words...

 

She is as much to blame because she could of stopped him from being so close to me.

 

I am not blaming her I am just saying if everything wa hunky dory in both our marriages we would of not done what we did

 

Well, there ya go! Its everyone esles fault that you are in this situation.

 

FF, I think you're mad cause you would have left and he wasn't willing for whatever reason. Now everyone should hurt as much as you, including the "responsible parties" who you hurt. I can't imagine why you question him staying with a woman who by his actions he admits that he doesn't love, when you are doing the same to your husband. Maybe both BS's should make this situation easier on both of you, course if they leave who will you blame for your indescretions then?

you are 100% right and I thought we were both ready to leave and we talked about it many times and in fact the first time we met he told me how he was going to take care of me and my kids.

 

So yes I am mad because he lied and I believed I loved him enough to make it work even though it would not be easy for everyone involved. In the end he did not have the balls and he was motivated by other factors.

 

Money being one of them. I was never as important to him as the money and nothing is going to stand in his way of that.

 

So yes I am mad that I almost changed my life for him and now all we do is wave at each other like we never meant anything to each other. So you are darn right I am mad and I never once have said I was not to blame for the situation I am in now.

[whichwayisup]

Final closure. Today I erased his number from cell and e-mail address. Getting closer ........

 

That's great! Baby steps and take it one day at a time. You'll get there FF, just give yourself credit on how far you've gone from afew months ago!

 

Get some therapy in so you can fix your self confidence and build yourself up again.

[forbidden fruit]

That's great! Baby steps and take it one day at a time. You'll get there FF, just give yourself credit on how far you've gone from afew months ago!

 

Get some therapy in so you can fix your self confidence and build yourself up again.

So I feel like I am finally feel lik I am makng progress and yesterday I did not think about him at alll until I got home and saw him. I got a little upset so i went inside. I was reading on one of the posts that most of the time the mm's come back just when they think you are almost over them. Is that true?

I think my xmm will come back around because when I saw him yesterday he looked mad at me because we had people over and it looked like a party that he was not invited too. Any thoughts?

[Cliche]

He will probably come back. And that should show you how little respect he has for you, if you requested NC and he can't stay to it. Someone who loves someone else respects their space.

 

As far as healing, I think you're doing a good thing by reminding yourself of his flaws. Forget about his marriage, if you both were single and available, would this be the type of man you'd want to spend your life with? A guy who is dishonest and who puts money above you? A man who breaks your spirit and lowers your self esteem? Is that really who you'd want for a mate?

 

Just keep asking yourself these questions and just maybe they'll help you get out of that affair fog.

 

Good luck, FF.

[woe_is_me]

i feel for you forbidden fruit .. but i can't understand why you'd want someone else yet expect someone else again to stay totally committed to you while u wanted that other else...how is that fair?

 

i guess there are a few different types of other women here... you have your single ones who really have no crosses to bear apart from helping someone to cheat...then u have ur MW who couldn't give a stuff about their own marriage and spend time worrying about somebody elses..crazy women!... then you have your 'lizzies' which are far and few between thank goodness!

[OpenBook]

i guess there are a few different types of other women here... you have your single ones who really have no crosses to bear apart from helping someone to cheat...then u have ur MW who couldn't give a stuff about their own marriage and spend time worrying about somebody elses..crazy women!... then you have your 'lizzies' which are far and few between thank goodness!

 

Why are you trying to categorize us?

[woe_is_me]

i'm not trying to categorize anyone.. i just find it odd that i could be so at odds with an OW (such as lizzie) when i'm here for the very same reason...i guess i live and learn though.

[whichwayisup]

So I feel like I am finally feel lik I am makng progress and yesterday I did not think about him at alll until I got home and saw him. I got a little upset so i went inside. I was reading on one of the posts that most of the time the mm's come back just when they think you are almost over them. Is that true?

I think my xmm will come back around because when I saw him yesterday he looked mad at me because we had people over and it looked like a party that he was not invited too. Any thoughts?

First off, you're allowed to have company over without having to invite him to your house. That's his problem, not yours.

 

And, even if he does try to come back into your life, why not take the bull by the horns and TELL your husband that MM won't leave you alone. Maybe if your H gets involved abit, becomes active, he can tell MM to F-OFF and stay away from you. Bottomline, if MM contacts you, ignore him and don't let his puppy dog eyes or comments suck you back in. YOU know what's what now FF. Apply that in action and you'll be OK.

[East of Jupiter]

First off, you're allowed to have company over without having to invite him to your house. That's his problem, not yours.

 

And, even if he does try to come back into your life, why not take the bull by the horns and TELL your husband that MM won't leave you alone. Maybe if your H gets involved abit, becomes active, he can tell MM to F-OFF and stay away from you. Bottomline, if MM contacts you, ignore him and don't let his puppy dog eyes or comments suck you back in. YOU know what's what now FF. Apply that in action and you'll be OK.

 

 

Just an observation, correct me please if I you think I am way off.

 

It seems to me that at some point an affair goes awry. It seems to me that it becomes not about love but about ago. The wife doesn't want to lose to the OW even if she knows the skankpenishead of a husband is not worth her spit. The OW doesn't want to lose to the BW even though she knows the skankpernishead of a lover is not worth her spit.

 

And everybody's maturity level takes a dive.

[annabelle75]

Just an observation, correct me please if I you think I am way off.

 

It seems to me that at some point an affair goes awry. It seems to me that it becomes not about love but about ago. The wife doesn't want to lose to the OW even if she knows the skankpenishead of a husband is not worth her spit. The OW doesn't want to lose to the BW even though she knows the skankpernishead of a lover is not worth her spit.

 

And everybody's maturity level takes a dive.

 

Very true. It doesn't happen in all cases, but I have seen it happen often enough. Sometimes both the OW and BS become so compettive that it ceases to be about the skankpenishead and is just about who wins. Other times just one of them takes it to that level.

 

Sadly one or both get so caught up in the competition they lose sight of the fact that they are fight for a skankpenishead.

[forbidden fruit]

Just an observation, correct me please if I you think I am way off.

 

It seems to me that at some point an affair goes awry. It seems to me that it becomes not about love but about ago. The wife doesn't want to lose to the OW even if she knows the skankpenishead of a husband is not worth her spit. The OW doesn't want to lose to the BW even though she knows the skankpernishead of a lover is not worth her spit.

 

And everybody's maturity level takes a dive.

Yes i would agree and it has hurt my ego that he would choose her over me, but also i know for sure my H would never pick over me so yes there is ego involved and it clouds your judgment.

 

I know W thinks she has won, but I know what she has and is not something worth fighting for imo. My H has so much character, integrity and loyalty unlike my mm who was the exact opposite.

 

Maybe that was I was so attracted to him. However the grass is not always greener. I am sure if I was with my xmm I would be a mess wondering who he was with. bottomline I would not trust him....

[forbidden fruit]

He will probably come back. And that should show you how little respect he has for you, if you requested NC and he can't stay to it. Someone who loves someone else respects their space.

 

As far as healing, I think you're doing a good thing by reminding yourself of his flaws. Forget about his marriage, if you both were single and available, would this be the type of man you'd want to spend your life with? A guy who is dishonest and who puts money above you? A man who breaks your spirit and lowers your self esteem? Is that really who you'd want for a mate?

 

Just keep asking yourself these questions and just maybe they'll help you get out of that affair fog.

 

Good luck, FF.

 

It was me who broke NC. So does that mean that he does respect me and love if he was giving me my space and I broke it. He has come back and it is just as a neighbor or so he wants me to believe it. Why is that i feel he has all the control. He got exactly what he wanted .

 

He got to have sex with neighbors wife and suffer no consequences except for a few bad days.

 

So is he off to someone else and I guess all that B.S. about being my friend was just to get me into bed. If all he wanted was sex why did he not just pay for it. Why allow me to get so emotionally attached and they say let's be friends?

[Cliche]

(((hugs))) That man doesn't deserve you, FF. I'm sure you'll recognize that some day soon.

 

As far as why he let you get emotionally attached? I simply don't know. And that is the part I really hate about these affairs. There are plenty of women who will have sex with a married man, no strings attached. Why do they have to throw all this love stuff around to get us if they can have sex with anyone? It is mind boggling and frustrating.

 

I guess the answer is that some of these men are truly self-absorbed a**wipes. And maybe some of them really do feel the emotional attachment as well, even if they aren't strong enough to remove themselves from their marriage. Who knows?

[overandout]

So I feel like I am finally feel lik I am makng progress and yesterday I did not think about him at alll until I got home and saw him. I got a little upset so i went inside. I was reading on one of the posts that most of the time the mm's come back just when they think you are almost over them. Is that true?

 

 

 

I think my xmm will come back around because when I saw him yesterday he looked mad at me because we had people over and it looked like a party that he was not invited too. Any thoughts?

 

 

 

I believe this is true.

They seem to pull and push, in order to control everything they can.

If I came on strong to my mm he would often push me away in quite a callous manner--no explanation given.

Then after a while, if I stayed away and didn't feed his ego, he would panic and come looking for me by hanging out in places he knew I would go to.

I got fed up with this pattern and have walked away when I have seen him there. That is how I know I am moving on and getting over him.

 

However you have to see your chap over the garden fence nearly every day, so there is no escaping him. I would find it really hard to move on especially if I still harbored feelings for him. You can't heal because the pain is still there. I really do feel for you and your situation.

I wouldn't say that out of sight out of mind cures everything--but it sure helps.

 

So to answer your question, if the mm is still involved with the OW, then he does not want to lose her, and this explains why some never say it is over because deep down they do not want it to be over although they are offering the OW nothing.

Some mm get a big thrill knowing they still have an effect on the OW and love getting a reaction just because it proves that they are still within the OW's radar. Their EGO just can't acept that they are now seen as an acquaintance by the OW.

[bish]

I've often wondered if she ever sat back and asked herself why she keeps choosing men that cheat on her or what is she doing that keeps resulting in her men cheating and leaving her.

 

Ya...thats it. Its all her fault. She must have deserved to be cheated on. She must be a real bitch.

[East of Jupiter]

Yes i would agree and it has hurt my ego that he would choose her over me, but also i know for sure my H would never pick over me so yes there is ego involved and it clouds your judgment.

 

I know W thinks she has won, but I know what she has and is not something worth fighting for imo. My H has so much character, integrity and loyalty unlike my mm who was the exact opposite.

 

Maybe that was I was so attracted to him. However the grass is not always greener. I am sure if I was with my xmm I would be a mess wondering who he was with. bottomline I would not trust him....

 

I don't think you yet realize that every time you put down the BS, you are in effect putting down your own husband. When you speak badly of the MM, you might as well be speaking of yourself.

 

He could be saying ... "Her husband may think he has won, but I know what he has and it is not something worth fighting for imo. My wife has so much character, integrity and loyalty unlike the OW who was the exact opposite."

 

Do you see what I mean? I think when you are able to see the situation from all sides more clearly, you may start to move away from it. What he did to his wife, you did to your husband. He's wife forgave and stayed. Your husband forgave and stayed.

[whichwayisup]

I know W thinks she has won

 

FF, how can you say that when she doesn't know that her H has had an EA and a PA with you? This isn't a competition. It's her husband and her marriage.

 

Yes i would agree and it has hurt my ego that he would choose her over me,

 

She has a life with him though, and children. Just like you have with your H.

 

So is he off to someone else and I guess all that B.S. about being my friend was just to get me into bed.

 

How do you know that?

 

And, him being your friend? Well, maybe at first you two were friends, but as soon as the affair happened, he wasn't your friend anymore. NOT a friend that was going to be there, and look out for you.

[forbidden fruit]

Ya...thats it. Its all her fault. She must have deserved to be cheated on. She must be a real bitch.

. I

 

Yes she is a real bitch. I thought before the A and my opinion never changed during or after. She was a arrogant, selfish, and bitchy woman. do I think she deserved to be cheated on no. do I think her husband was the victim absoulety not, do I think I she is the victim no.

 

She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free. They are both selfish and I was caught in the middle. Yes I take full responsibilty for my actions because I allowed it to happen.

 

They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol.

[stillafool]

Yes i would agree and it has hurt my ego that he would choose her over me, but also i know for sure my H would never pick over me so yes there is ego involved and it clouds your judgment

.

 

And the thanks you h gets is your still thinking and worrying about the other guy. If MM had chosen you, you wouldn't have shown your H the same respect.

 

I know W thinks she has won, but I know what she has and is not something worth fighting for imo. My H has so much character, integrity and loyalty unlike my mm who was the exact opposite.

 

You say this but you still want MM so obviously what the wife is fighting for you want or you'd stop worrying about them already.

 

 

I am sure if I was with my xmm I would be a mess wondering who he was with. bottomline I would not trust him....

 

Maybe the W feels the same way about you and wonders how your H can trust you or even want you anymore. I don't understand how you can put your actions of cheating on your H so far above MM and him cheating on his W. You are both in the same boat right now.

[stillafool]

She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free. They are both selfish and I was caught in the middle. Yes I take full responsibilty for my actions because I allowed it to happen.

 

Didn't you say in an earlier post that you did not feel love for your H like MM. Then shouldn't you divorce your h and set him free?

 

They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol.

 

Weren't you and MM toxic for each other also. Are you staying with your H because you don't want to be alone?

[whichwayisup]

She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free.

 

He could have divorced her, she could have divorced him, yet together, they've chosen NOT to divorce. Whatever their reasons are, ARE their reasons.

 

They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol.

 

Never know what goes through someone's mind or behind closed doors.

[East of Jupiter]

. I

 

Yes she is a real bitch. I thought before the A and my opinion never changed during or after. She was a arrogant, selfish, and bitchy woman. do I think she deserved to be cheated on no. do I think her husband was the victim absoulety not, do I think I she is the victim no.

 

She should of divorced him if she did not love him and set his miserable ass free. They are both selfish and I was caught in the middle. Yes I take full responsibilty for my actions because I allowed it to happen.

 

They are so toxic for each other , but yet stay together each with their own selfish agenda. His for the money and her because she does not want to be alone and she needs someone to contol.

 

FF are you selfish with your own agenda? Are you staying with your husand for money? Or because you don't want to end up alone? Or do you just need someone to control?