daphne Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I wrote about a guy that I was seeing for a few months, and have decided to let it go. He came on like gangbusters, tried to sweep me off my feet and act like "you're the one." All of the red flags you know to look out for. Well, the fire has died out, and you guessed it, around the time we had sex. Afterwards he still called a lot but would try to manipulate things to an evening date at the other's house and I just cut him off. I'm not stupid. I tried to break it off with him 3 weeks ago. Told him it wasn't working out. He wanted to know why, I told him we wanted different things. I.e. he wanted a fling with booty calls and I'm not even close to the kind of girl who puts up with that nonsense. And to boot, his interest level took a nose dive. He spent 3 hours trying to reason me out of it. "I really like you, the interest hasn't gone anywhere" "do you really only pay attention to actions?" in response to actions speak louder than words. "I think you overanalyze and can't you give me the benefit of the doubt?" All sounded like a crock to me but it got me when he said he thought i was being too hard on him and that whatever he tried, his best wasn't good enough. Yes, in hindsight this was a clear manipulation. I told him we could see howthings went but I'm not sleeping with him again after how he'd behaved. If he wanted to pursue things he'd have to do it on my terms, on planned outings. Getting to know each other. Having fun. He said he'd try. He didn't realize there wasn't an alternative. 5 days go by and he calls me. The longest time he's ever gone without calling in the time we dated. He was coming back to town (he travels for work a lot) for about 5 days before leaving on vacation out of the country for 2 weeks. He made no visible attempt to make plans, so I went out with friends. He got jealous. The final night before he left, he tried to get me to come over at night. Then kept pushing it back due to other obligations (actually good excuses this time) but I told him it was too late and maybe some other time. He even suggested that since he was looking for a place to live, maybe I'd let him stay with me when he came back if he didn't have a place lined up. I never said yes or no. I meant no. He's been gone 2 weeks. After week 1 of not hearing from him, I made up my mind. The past week I've been solidifying it and trying to make sure I'm not overreacting. I've spoken with close friends and hands down, they believe he's a liar and he was out to string me along and that any more time with him would be a waste. So, to star gazer, who told me you already know the answer, I owe you one. Wish I had listened at the time but it was actually teh seed that helped me make the decision. And for the love of god, why is it that every loser under god's green earth finds it necessary to hunt me down and pursue me like I'm the one?
jcster Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 And for the love of god, why is it that every loser under god's green earth finds it necessary to hunt me down and pursue me like I'm the one? I've asked myself that question many times. I think it's because you're a good person - you give people the benefit of the doubt and are willing to take a chance. To some people, that means "sucker." Sad, but true. There's a reason, I'm discovering, that so many people have such strict rules and guidelines for who they will date. It has nothing to do with personal preference and everything to do with self protection.
Author daphne Posted July 27, 2007 Author Posted July 27, 2007 jcster, So true. The next time someone questions my need to take it slowly and honor my own values, I will run as fast as my legs can carry me. I just can't get past how many men are liars out there. It's disheartening to say the least. I'm refusing to take it personally right now. But it makes me want to be a bitch and give back what I've received. Unfortunately, I'd probably end up hurting the good guy instead of teh guy who deserves it. And thanks for the compliment. He said the reason he was into me was because I was a good person. But he also said he was unable to resist so who knows what it was. lol
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