Author uniqueone Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 Uniqueone, have you ever read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? The very dynamic you described above, in your last post, is described in the book. I think that is definitely something that contributed to our first 2 breakups......he started to want more time w/ his friends, on his own, I didn't understand. He pulled away, I freaked out. And in our situation it was exacerbated by the neediness and clinginess that comes w/ depression, which I had pretty bad at the time. I finally learned, after much frustration and heartache, to give him his space. But we probably could have skipped over all that had he sat me down me down and told me (reassuringly) what he needed and....made some kind of attempt to be understanding of my depression. I realize that's not an easy task, but he did many things that just made it worse....and made me cling more. It was just a viscious downward spiral....that a little communication and understanding could have possibly prevented. I didn't read Mars and Venus but there's a forum on it so you could pretty much say that I know most of what they talk about in the books. But what I find the problem wrong with all of it is....why is Venus doing all the work? We're supposed to know he's withdrawing and why instead of him telling us. Bull Shyte! All this does is just let men off the hook for learning how to communicate. Where are the books that tell MEN what they need to change? Sorry...just a little peeve of mine...... So yes, while the above scenario plays out often enough, I don't think it's up to the woman alone to come up with the solution.
Author uniqueone Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 it is my experience from my last ex, that those who do not communicate, seem to perceive discussions as confrontations and shut down quickly. and again, avoid or run, or both. but, i do believe they do this in all relationships, not just romantic. communication is so essential in keeping a healthy bond, i wanted to know my ex's opinions, etc. time and time again, now i see, that when pressured or faced with issues, or things are simply not going his way...he runs. Yeah and those who do that just keep repeating the same thing over and over again too. They never deal with things so nothing ever gets resolved or changes.
tinke Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 DITTO!!!! but..almost always, it is someone else's fault. and true, the attention is diverted, and the situation is not faced, when pressured...he ran. but i have learned it was this way with friendships, jobs, etc. what an eye opener!!!!!
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