extra-ordinary_guy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Please read. My relationship with my ex-girlfriend has ended a month now and it's been a total mess. After no contact for a week, she rang me and I told her contact was a bad idea and that was that. Then, when I was on holidays with my family the following week - I contacted her and we acted like friends and talked about the breakup and how hard we were finding it,etc,etc. When I got back from holidays, she rang me and I rang her, each time ending with me staying the night. The last time it happened, we had sex - and we were ike two people that didn't know each other. This really hurt me and I realised that her feelings for me had gone, and she was just using me as a temporary comfort. I told myself not to contact her again. She contacted me to apologise for her behaviour, and to tell me that I meant a lot to her. She told me that there had been many problems in the relationship and that it wouldn't work and she wasn't prepared to give it another try. This broke my heart. I told myself that I needed to let go, but found myself driving by her house everynight just to see that her car was in the drive. I was feeling a lot of pain over this as I knew I was just tormenting myself and prolonging the pain, but I found it hard to stop. It was like I was on automatic. I ended up calling in to her on one of these nights, and she asked me to stay. I didn't want to get hurt again so I didn't stay with her. I arranged to meet her the next day and pleaded with her for us to try again, and that I couldn't imagine my life without her. We have been friends six years. She said she was very confused, and said she needed no contact for six weeks, and she would give me an answer. How do I wait for six weeks? How do I stop hoping it's her everytime my phone rings or everytime I hear a car pull up outside my house. I can't stop checking my phone and my email. I can't live like this. In my heart I feel that the relationship is lost and I need to let it go, but I'm having great difficulty with this. Can someone please give me some advice?
beachgrrl Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I feel your pain but you have to let her go. I think you already know what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway...she doesn't mean to hurt you but the "six weeks" is just an attempt to put time between both of you. She wants to give you a chance to adjust and maybe find someone else. She doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you to your face that she doesn't want to reconcile. Sleeping together is not helping you at all. I went through the same thing and it took me months to realize that sex with an ex only prolongs the breakup process...it never leads to reconciliation. You and she are just longing for some connection and it is leading you to disaster. I know you love her but you have to think about your own feelings and care for yourself right now. You can't be concerned for her...you have to tell yourself that she is not concerned for you (even if you don't believe it). I know you feel terrible. I am going through a similar situation right now as well. I want to call him every five minutes to see if he's changed but I know in my heart that he hasn't and that contacting him will only hurt me in the end. I tell myself that he is not concerned for me and it does help me overcome those urges to pick up the phone. I've been doing everything I can think of to keep myself busy and trying to keep my mind off of him. I have found that exercising has not only helped my mindset, but it actually allows me to release a lot of anger and resentment (plus it's helping my figure!). There's nothing better than letting all your pent up frustration and anger go on a punching bag. It is better than therapy! I truely hope everything works out well for you...
brockdarock Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Hey ordinary guy, You sound like you need a little tweaking on your "inner-game" right now. In other words, you should be working on creating some personal boundaries. Let me explain... You're "hung" up on this one girl and you're letting it control you. Yes, it's difficult not to have feelings, but you need to realize that there's more than just that one girl in the world. Here's a suggestion to help you out: #1 - Go out with the guys for one night. Make it a point to have a good time and do things that YOU enjoy. Make it about you and nobody else. No, this isn't selfish, it's enjoying your life. Tell me how it goes. Looking forward to staying in touch... Brock
FC801 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I understand your pain and wish you the best. I am in a very similar situation. I am so sad, I'm missing him every second, and am devastated that our relationship could turn from love into distance and anger and pain so quickly. I keep thinking, as you probably are too, that he/she will wake up, will realize how great we were and come back. But it's been a month, and he's not coming back. And I've realized these thoughts and desperate hopes are just making me feel worse and dragging everything out. I wish I had an answer for you on how to get over it and stop being so hurt. If you find a good way, please let me know too. Just reading other stories on this website has helped me feel a little less alone though. Good luck.
NINja Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Hello, Let me set myself apart from the other replies. I have gone through this. Almost exactly About five months ago, my now ex girlfriend and I separated for an indefinite amount of time. We didn't think we would get back together; but one evening I ran into her in a friends college dorm. We got talking and I invited he back to my dorm down the hall for some coffee (big mistake). Long story short, we got to flirting and fooling around like when we first met. We made out for a bit then wound up sleeping together. That night we had a real heart to heart. We both wanted to get back together, but, like in your situation, she wanted to wait a little while. Around 2 weeks later, I went on holiday and she said she would give me an answer when I got back. I would call her almost every day I was gone to talk. Ultimately, she let me back; even after a one night stand I had while we were apart. Now we are apart again, and now it's going to be forever. Bottom line. Don't obsess over it. It's probably going to end before long. You both have differences, that isn't going to change. It's better to quit while you're ahead. Go out for a night. Start dating again. Thats what I had to do. Now I know I'm the kind of person that needs to be in a relationship, not just date around. But you could be different. What I'm saying is to get out there and learn about yourself and others. -Andrew
Author extra-ordinary_guy Posted July 28, 2007 Author Posted July 28, 2007 Thanks for all the replies. They were helpful (if painful!). I'm feeling a little better today, and I'm trying to move on. I hadn't felt pain like that since my mother died. I couldn't imagine my world without her. It felt just about unbearable at times, but I'm trying now not to even get into it. I've found that I've turned my pain into anger - it seems to hurt alot less. She emailed me today. It really caught me for six. Rather than get into anything, I just replied that I wished her well but not to contact me again. I feel better that I'm looking after myself. My heart is a delicate thing.
brockdarock Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Hey extra-ordinary_guy, Glad that you feel at least a "little" better, things will improve with time. Brock
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