funkify Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 It's been about 5 months since we finally shut the door on my relationship with my ex. He told me there was no hope since he was with someone else etc. It was very hard for me to cope with to say the least. I've had a few blows to the heart this year and so I decided on an overseas trip for a fresh start. I just got back and it was unbelieveable how much it helped me move on, it helped me realise all the possibilities for happiness I never imagined. But, I saw a very dear and mutual friend of me and my ex and we started talking about 'what happened'. She mentioned she met the current gf and she's very nice. Well I got home more depressed than ever, it's like all the happiness the trip brought me undid itself and I was left scarred and depressed. I hate how he has this power over me. I sacrificed a lot of money to take this trip and he's 'won' yet again. The pain is still deep in my heart. What can I do? I don't want to stop seeing my friend but I want to feel happy like I was a few days ago. It's been on my mind ever since, even woke me up from my sleep last night. I hate it
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 He has'nt won, hes just getting on with his life, and its your own emotions that make you feel like that. Like me, your ex has some1 new, but i dont have any mutual friends, so i can do n/c with no fears, but i do still miss her very much, still crying 7 weeks later while she (i guess) is having fun. What im saying is that at the momnet your still not healed, and it will take lots of time to get over it, but you will, and you have to feel these emotions. Its what makes you human. Remember 1 thing people who can walk away from som1 without much emotion cant be a very passionate person, and the ability to feel such strong emotion is one that proves that you were truly in love, and whatever happened why you split, you cant dought that about yourself. You she still see your friend but not talk about the ex. Things will get better, and its like anything, if you try to run away from your feelings, they will come back at some point as your did. Remember that 1 cos any1 in love that can walk away cant be in love with you.
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Remember 1 thing people who can walk away from som1 without much emotion cant be a very passionate person Hi there, I can understand just how you are feeling, this is like being on a roller coaster, you never know from one moment to the next how you are going to feel, and one small thing can just throw you off balance. I too was " replaced within a week " after 4 years and now he wont speak to me or even acknowledge my existance, and I am o.k. with that, because I am a very emotional loving person, I am not afraid to show my feelings, but it is a two way street..........and if the person you are with is emotionally " inable " it is never going to work. For me, it was a case of just having to accept, he is not me, he does not think or feel like I do, he is able to " delete " me from his life.....just like that............and you know, I feel sorry for her, as he will do it again, it is part of his make-up..... As for me it is a case of " damage limitation " and I refuse to let his cruel callous behaviour, effect me and the way I am. I still think of him ( it's only been 6 weeks ) but it's disbelief, more than anything else. I know you hurt, and it's not fair you hurt ......... But if you didn't you would not be a healthy, feeling, normal human being........
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 It seems a lot of people have this ability to walk away and discard the ex with no feeling what so ever. Its like we were never there, and all that we were ment nothing. Sh had 3 kids they were like my own, and she never even gave me the chance to talk to them since. Thats b/c i was in the way of her new toy. Its **** that we get left like this but unlike you, im hurting real bad over the treatment i got in the end. I just cant belive that this person that i love would treat me with such a lack of respect, and make me feel so bad, and yes guilty that i did something wrong. I feel strong today, yesterday i felt crap! But i know i have a strong passion in me, unlike them, its all shallow and frount. Even if they fell out of love, they should still have respect for what was, at least for a little while. It takes all kinds i guess.
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Funky I do hurt..... There have been some days when it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed, and to even function is a miricle...... But I have tried to " sort " this in my head, because if I allow myself to try and work out the mentality of such a person, I would go insane ...... I just have to keep telling myself, not to think of him being the same as me, because I could NEVER treat anyone like this. He is not the same, and it is futile to try and understand how or why he did what he did. But that does not mean it does not feel like my heart has been ripped out with an ice cream scoop..... Suzanne :-)
shockandawed Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I know what you are all dealing with. My ex-fiance and I broke up back in December. She has already apparently remarried. I too could never do the things she did, especially to someone I am supposedly in love with. Trying to make logic of all of her actions has what has kept me hanging on since then. I don't want her back, but I want to understand. I have to accept I never will, just like you guys do. Well said, we are not the same people as our exes.
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 aw, i know you do your human! I really want my ex to be happy, but i feel so angry, i wish i could just stick 2 fingers up and walk. I guess im a senstive chap.crap really! She was loving to me, and i felt she loved me loads, by the way she was, (chekin texts on my phone etc) but now i know that was just it, that was the way she was......make sense? and nothin more.
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Well for me it's my healing time..... It's hard and I still can't believe it, but facts are facts ........... he would not even give me 5 minutes of his time after 4 years.............. I am angry with him, for ruining " us " ............ But Hey Funky as for wishing him to be happy with her........ that may be pushing it a little ............. I look on it like this, I can't speak German, not one word, so I dont understand the language ...... his behaviour is equally as foreign to me .......and I dont want to learn that language EVER !!!! Suzanne :-)
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 ok let me put it this way. I cant give a toss about her new guy, but if shes happy then her kids are. But you know what, im not sayin this to be mean, but she does not know how to be happy, and i know what he has taken on (i dont think he does as yet) so let me put it this way.......good ****ing riddence to him!
tinke Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 aliddy...well said. it has been 4mo. for me (10yrs), and i still think of him daily, at times i am able to divert the thoughts. but, as you, i do not feel the same sadness as earlier, it physically feels different. i too, feel disbelief first. also, i strongly feel those actions will repeat themselves again. with him being non-communicative, i do not see that changing (for long) with anyone..so, the same problems will develop, i would guess. but, i do not feel sorry for her. i am sure she feels she has won the prize!
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 The one thing i regreta at the end though was i was so drained, when she told me about the new chap (and his money) I said good for you then. I kind of felt that she thought i didnt care in the end, but the truth was i was just dreined out by it all.
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 What has helped me is a question that I reached deep inside of myself to answer..... The Question: Did I feel lonely within that relationship ? The Answer: Yes So that tells me something was sadly lacking, to feel lonely with someone who is supposed to love you speaks volumes.... Suzanne
tinke Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 funky, don't fool yourself...she knew you cared. she knew you loved her. keep that in mind, that even knowing this, she tossed you aside for something new and shiny(oh, yes, and then there was him, too.)
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 thank you guys. Aiddy, i felt very lonley in the relationship, i felt tierd, and felt i had to do stuff on demand, i felt very uncomfertablewith how things were, and it made me question myself was i good enogh etc. I guess i took on so much from some1 who really should have unloaded her rubbish b4 getting involved with me.....i did my best. (by shiny it take it you mean his car!!) If hewas that rich hed have a ferrari, not a t reg honda!! (ill have my porche soon) whoopie!!
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I had a Porsche Carrera 2 Tagra....... I loved it ..... So you do exactly that treat yourself..... You know, I doubt if she will ever find a person, as loving and giving as you, and maybe one day she will realise that. My situation has no possible " happy ending " because there are only two possible explanations for his behaviour.. 1) He was seeing her all along behind my back 2) He never loved me and was just playing me along... Neither of those would I want to re-create.... So I have to admit defeat, and try to move on with my life, and it is hard, and life is not fair, and he is a complete s**t and I am sure she resembles Shreks Wife.....but thats it, there is no other possible outcome. Suzanne :-)
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 cool! im looking at a boxte or 911, but i love the boxter shape. Iv got the house on the market, wanna get the equity out and have some fun! Relationships really suck sometimes. U know that bob marly song no women no cry!! but i guess people can be selfish. Its amazing how so many people have such different situs and we all end up the same, and it seems to me the ones that end up on here are the ones looking for answers, and have been hurt. I guess thats why we can all relate to each other cos we all know that crappy hurt and it ****in is a **** place to be! You sound ike a tough soul i read your replies to sharp. u will be fine, and you sound like your movin on well. x
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Funky me a " tough soul " are you serious I am far from that, if that was the case I would not be in this bloody mess in the first place.... I am far to forgiving for my own good, I try and see people as I see myself, and am always being let down.. But I will tell you a secret, I have not cried one tear over this whole situation, and the reason for that is I am scared I may drown....... Suzanne
Author funkify Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Well it seems I'm not the only one. As they say, time heals all wounds and I'm sure in time we'll all bounce back from this stronger and happier than ever Hugs
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Funky me a " tough soul " are you serious I am far from that, if that was the case I would not be in this bloody mess in the first place.... I am far to forgiving for my own good, I try and see people as I see myself, and am always being let down.. But I will tell you a secret, I have not cried one tear over this whole situation, and the reason for that is I am scared I may drown....... Suzanne That last sentence was beutiful! i bloody did, more than when my dad died! matbe you should, just let it all out. I never felt let down, just hurt and used i guess. We both learnt alot, i learn in this relationship about failed marriages, jelous ex hubbys a selfish and demanding woman, and an unstable family situation. You know what ill do if i see that again?? Run like bloody hell!!
Aliddy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I have learnt that nothing is ever as it seems, humans have the ability to inflict unimaginable pain, that, it is true actions speak louder than words. I gave my all, to someone, who casually " deleted 4 years " from their life and moved on as if it had never happend. But most importantly, I have a choice, to become bitter and twisted, on an endless journey, looking for answers, that will never come, or look back and see, the loss was his, if you build a house on sand it will collapse, the same applies to a relationship, one that has been built on lies and deceit.....but that is his destiny not mine..... Suzanne :-)
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 it is hard to deal with that sort of rejection. n my relationship, i saw big flags, and have to be honest i had my guard up a little. My god if i would have sold, and bought hubby out (20k) i may have made a huge mistake. We do what we have to do. You gave your all, and theres nothing more you could have done. I would have given more, but she cut it short, she got tierd of waiting, i was'nt ready to move up there. I wanted commitment from her. I dont feel bad, as she was too selfish to respect my feelings, so like yours, its better o move move on, and simpler. One thing i could look her in the eye, she could'nt do that to me, and when she did, it was full of love. She could have let me in to her life, and helped her clear a parth through all the crap but she never wanted that, and choose to dump me. Like your they did what they thought was right for them. I dont think we were even part of the choice. They made it on their own, and left us, without even a backward glance.
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