suzie sweet Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Ive fallen for someone bigtime we met 2wks ago and bumped into each other last weekend and since then weve seen and spoke every day, he has wined and dined me and even borrowed me his car whilst he was fixing mine in his workshop,we have plans for the wk end coming but today in the restaraunt he made it pretty obvious he wants to stay over with me after our night out?? He`s so lovely and very touchy touchy in an affectionate way which i like, but is it too soon to sleep with him, im 38 and worried sick he might have what he wants then dump me, whats the best thing to do? as i really like him, he is constantly ringing me which i find nice too as it makes a change from me running round after a man xxx
Cobra_X30 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 The longer he has to chase and wait the more desire/respect he is going to have for you. Plus, if he dumps you because you dont put right away... he isnt really worth your time. Its wierd but if your too easy a guy is going to think your that way with everyone... if he has to work he enjoys the chase and thinks you value yourself. Just make sure he knows you want him... just not yet. Good luck.
shadowplay Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 If you really like him, you can afford to wait. I think if you have any hesitation, which you obviously do, you should wait. Two weeks isn't a long time to get to know somebody, even if you've been seeing him almost every day. I'd wait another week at least.
daphne Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Suzie, Please please please, heed me when I say make it 2 months not a month. Learn from my screw up of several guys running hot "I know your'e teh one" kind of nonsense and then after 3-4 weeks of dating and they get laid they start backing off big time and eventually it ended. Some guys aren't like this, but from my experience there are a lot that are. If you want to optimize your chances, please wait as long as possible. Don't let him in your house or go to his house until you're ready for sex.
shadowplay Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I agree that she should wait some, but I guess I don't understand why a guy would leav eyou if you had sex with him at one month but stay with you if you did at two months.
Lauriebell82 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I agree that she should wait some, but I guess I don't understand why a guy would leav eyou if you had sex with him at one month but stay with you if you did at two months. I honestly think it's about the guy not how long you wait. I usually wait 1-2 months to sleep with someone, just because i feel that i need to get to know someone better before getting that intimate. I don't think its that you should wait for fear that they will leave you because this is not always the case. I think it's part of it, but the other part is being ready to be intimate with somone..some girls wait, some don't. As for the poster, I think it would be a good idea to wait. Make it perfectly clear though that you are not ready to sleep with him yet, and you will let him know when you are. Don't give him false hope, or "toy" with him, but let him know you are serious. He will either respect your wishes if he truely cares for you, or he will bail because he's not getting laid. If the latter, you know he's a jerk and you can do much better. Good luck!
lino Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 If a girl doesn't sleep with me within a month of seeing each other then I won't stick around with her, only exception being if she has a very good reason for it. No offense OP, but in a month you should know if a guy is with you just for sex or if he genuinely wants to get involved. If your gut tells you a guy only wants sex you should leave him if you're not interested in that. Otherwise you shouldn't make a guy wait too long without a legit reason as he could be a really good man & too mch waiting might make him think its not worth it.
roxy_1980 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 ^^^ Guys like that is why people are telling you to wait! I really don't know what the "appropriate" amount of time to wait for sex is, but it's definitely longer than two weeks. It may feel like a whirlwind romance right now, but that doesn't negate the fact that YOU BARELY KNOW THIS MAN! You can't fall in love in two weeks. Allow you head to catch up with your heart before you start sleeping with him. Make sure he is the man that you think he is.
niceandslow Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 If you are questioning if it is too soon then it is. You guys should get to know each other more to see if you are compatible then think about taking it to the next level...If he is unwilling to wait then he is not worth your time.
lino Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 ^^^ Guys like that is why people are telling you to wait! I really don't know what the "appropriate" amount of time to wait for sex is, but it's definitely longer than two weeks. It may feel like a whirlwind romance right now, but that doesn't negate the fact that YOU BARELY KNOW THIS MAN! You can't fall in love in two weeks. Allow you head to catch up with your heart before you start sleeping with him. Make sure he is the man that you think he is. Ummm I think you misunderstood me, maybe I didn't explain myself well. If 2 people have been seeing each other regularly for a month & they are really into each other then I think waiting just for the sake of waiting could be a mistake because it could make the guy (or the girl) lose interest. I don't think there is an 'appropriate' time either but if they've been seeing each other several times it shouldn't be hard to tell if the guy (or the girl) are in it just for sex. Sure if someone feels it's too soon for them then naturally they should wait but then if the other person loses interest & leaves simply because they were made to wait for no genuine reason it could end up being a shame as they've potentially lost a really good partner. I think it comes down to being able to read a person & relying on your gut feelings. Like niceandslow said if you're questioning it then it probably is too soon for you. And yeah if you haven't seen each other much in those 2 weeks then it probably is.
cr8sea Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 It actually depends on what you're looking for. If you're looking for a serious, or at least exclusive relationship, wait until you two are exclusive. And by that i mean KNOW, not ASSUME. aka, he TELLS you he's seeing you and only you and is not going to be seeing other people while he's with you. Ive realized that this is the only way where you can disern if the guy is in for just sex, or if he likes you for more than that. If you say no sex until we're in an exclusive relationship, and he bails, you got your answer about what he wants... If on the other hand he sticks with it, gets to know you, etc, even if in the end you dont end up in a relationship, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing he was willing to see if there could be a possibility for you two. And if in the other hand he does decide to be in a relationship then hey! you both win! you dont have to wonder, and he gets what he wants. I honestly, from my experience, believe its the best, not to mention safest way to decide when to have sex. Good luck!
yergawd Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Lino- I agree with what you said and I'll stand by it under fire. If I am dating someone, for a month and we are not sleeping together I will end it. Don't get me wrong I will just file her under the "friend" file. Doesn't mean we can't hang out. I am a very sexual person and make no apologies. ROXY1980- how many times have you used the "friends" line? And why...? because for x,y, or z reason you did not want to take the relationship to the next level. What's wrong with that? Nothing. You are letting the guy know he doesn't meet a standard/qualification of yours. Good, now he moves on so do you. If he has any character you will be friends. I won't jump through hoops and I won't pressure a woman. But I will be blunt. SuzieSweet- keeping in mind you like this guy. DO NOT DO ANYTHING you don't want to or are uncomfortable with. Let him know how you feel. If he pressures or whines about it he is not worth your time. Remember he may say he needs a more physical relationship. Let him persue it If he has any character you will be friends. No character no loss
katiebour Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 My b/f and I became intimate on our 3rd date or so- we had known each other for a few weeks and it was what we wanted. We are both adults, have both had previous sexual experience, and neither of us thought that the other one was bad/stupid/easy for wanting to make love as soon as we did. We just celebrated our 2-year anniversary about 10 days ago I don't like the idea of using sex as collateral for a relationship. "Prove to me that you care for me before I let me sleep with you." It seems rather manipulative. But that's just me- I'd just go with the flow and if I trusted and cared about him, I'd go for it.
lino Posted July 29, 2007 Posted July 29, 2007 I don't like the idea of using sex as collateral for a relationship. "Prove to me that you care for me before I let me sleep with you." It seems rather manipulative. But that's just me- I'd just go with the flow and if I trusted and cared about him, I'd go for it. I agree with you. I think the idea of using sex as 'collateral' could have been practical in much older times but not now. I think cr8sea's method wouldn't be so bad but it would only work if both people are honest. yergawd, I'm not really sure if I'm a very sexual person but I do love sex & if I really like a woman & she likes me back I don't really see the point to wait just for the sake of it. I agree with you.
cr8sea Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 My "method" works, at least for me, because no matter what, someone who is in it just for sex, even if he is trying to pretend, or lie and say he is committed, sooner or later (and usually, rather sooner), once he realizes its for real he'll bail. If nothing else, if gives the other person the right to be pissed off if she got cheated on (ive had an instance where the guy i was "seeing" without commitment, decided he wanted to see my friend too...and i had absolutely no right to say a thing about how grossed out i was because he was sleeping with both of us at the same time since we werent dating exclusively, and had agreed we could both see whomerver we wanted to) And no its not a "weapon" or something manipulative like that. Its just a way to save you from heartache later on. More often than not, women tend to feel they give too much, when men arent giving enough. Most of the time it has to do with sex, and once u stop giving everything up when he isnt giving everything too, you're free to enjoy the relationship on equal footing. But thats just me, and it also depends on what you want, and ofcourse on how you view sex. From what the poster says, it seems to me she puts value on it...therefore my response.
playabum17 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 I waited about a month with the current guy I am with. He was extremely respectful of my wanting to wait and it was a non-issue. And it was worth the wait.
roxy_1980 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Lino, So the girl has to have a "good reason" for not sleeping with you right away? Here's the problem in that logic. Any reason that you would probably find acceptable, the person would probably tell a virtual stranger. Think about: Say she was raped and had problems getting close to someone sexually. Do you really expect someone to share that with you so early on? Your "good reason" approach is just your way of rationalizing dumping girls who don't put out immediately. and as for yergawd, I don't use stupid things like the "just friends" line. I just don't indiscriminately sleep with every guy I've dated for a couple of weeks. I believe in dealing with comfort levels. I only sleep with a man I feel will not put me in undue risk of disease, heartache and other such miseries. It's about trust. Something I feel takes time. As for the OP: I seems clear that he is pushing you toward a sexual situation. Only you can be sure if that is what you want to be doing. If you still have the gut feeling that he's in it for sex, then it's too soon. Simple as that, trust your basic intuition. It rarely turns you wrong.
Author suzie sweet Posted July 30, 2007 Author Posted July 30, 2007 Well guys i refused to let him stay over last sat night i told him this whilst we were out dining, AFTER the restaruant we were suppose to be going drinking round the town BUT NO, driving back he kept saying he was tired so i told him to take me home so he could get off home himself to go to bed.Later that night my mates rang and he was out on the town, how awful was that to take me home and go off without me pretending he was tired, ive never heared from him since, and he is egnoring my texts xx
roxy_1980 Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Well, I know this is not the overcome you were looking for. But at least you found out what kind of man he is before you got too involved with him.
shadowplay Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 When you guys say one month how many dates are you typically talking, because I hear one month and think 4 dates. That seems too early to expect sex and dump a girl if she doesn't put out. I guess I just don't understand why you'd do that. Are you only interested in entering a relationship for sex? Why can't you wait if being with her is worth it to you?
cr8sea Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 . Are you only interested in entering a relationship for sex? Why can't you wait if being with her is worth it to you? I totally agree with you.
lino Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 Lino, So the girl has to have a "good reason" for not sleeping with you right away? Here's the problem in that logic. Any reason that you would probably find acceptable, the person would probably tell a virtual stranger. Think about: Say she was raped and had problems getting close to someone sexually. Do you really expect someone to share that with you so early on? Your "good reason" approach is just your way of rationalizing dumping girls who don't put out immediately. and as for yergawd, I don't use stupid things like the "just friends" line. I just don't indiscriminately sleep with every guy I've dated for a couple of weeks. I believe in dealing with comfort levels. I only sleep with a man I feel will not put me in undue risk of disease, heartache and other such miseries. It's about trust. Something I feel takes time. As for the OP: I seems clear that he is pushing you toward a sexual situation. Only you can be sure if that is what you want to be doing. If you still have the gut feeling that he's in it for sex, then it's too soon. Simple as that, trust your basic intuition. It rarely turns you wrong. Roxy, Let me 1st of all say that I completely respect your opinion on this matter & also after re reading my posts I can see that maybe I come across as an a*shole but that isn't me at all. I strongly agree with you in trusting your basic intuition. Let me also say that I've never dumped a girl for not having sex with me soon enough infact I've never dumped any woman! I've only ever been a dumpee If I want someone for sex only I make this clear from the start & I don't put any sort of 'nice, caring & understanding' act on just to get her in bed. I'm a very up front guy so any girl I only want sex from will know that from the start without any bullsh*t & I'm only ever like that with women who want the same from me. Now when it comes to someone I genuinely want a relationship with I dont expect a girl to sleep with me 'straight away' or 'immediately' ( to use your words ) what I'm saying is that if a woman & myself have been seeing each other regularly for a month & we are both very into each other there is really no need to hold out on sex without a good reason. What's a good reason in my opinion? Well 2 times I have happily waited for girls I cared about & was interested in because one of them was ill & another had a broken leg. To wait simply for the sake of it or to 'test' a guy is a turn off for me. Why? Because I'm someone who makes it very clear whether he just wants sex or is genuinely interested in a woman. I never lead girls on or act fake with them to get what I want so I feel almost offended if I need to be 'tested' like that. And in the case of a rape victim, I personally don't know anyone who has been a victim of rape nor have I ever been involved with a rape victim ( as far as I know! ) so I can't comment on that scenario at all. Now I realise a lot of guys aren't like me & do put on an act of some sort to simply get laid but if you've been seeing someone regularly enough it shouldn't really take more than a month to sort the bastards from the genuine guys. Suzie, I'm sorry things turned out for you like that but atleast now you know he wasn't worth it. Be happy that you held your ground & haven't really lost out on much of a guy Shadowplay, I can't speak for others but for me after seeing someone 6 - 8 times in a month you should know if they're genuinely interested or there just for sex, especially in the case of someone like me. As I said above if I only want someone for sex I make it known from the start, I don't behave like this particular guy the OP is talking about
Trialbyfire Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 I haven't read the previous posts so forgive me if I repeat something already stated but...I would advise that you wait until you're ready. Don't let someone pressure you into something you either don't want to do or aren't ready to do. If you lose him from the delay, he's not worth it. He should be adult enough to be able to wait for something he wants. If you lose him from sleeping with him too soon, he's not worth it. He isn't interested in you as a person so it's best that he dash before you invest in him.
Nemo Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 You people call one month "waiting?" Waiting? Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Try going 32 days without sex. You might not die.
highsierra Posted August 3, 2007 Posted August 3, 2007 Good one Nemo... Like allot of people said... a month aint sh*t..... especially if you look at it las one date a week..4 dates... that is if you're looking for some kind of long term, possibly fall deeply in love type relationship, it's way to early to have sex (Coming from a guy, if he's really into you and has visions of what you do, he's not going to leave because there's no sex)...If you're just looking to screw and really have no desire for any kind of loving relationship, I'd say go hump. Truly it is different for everyone as there are many schools of thought, so you're just going to have to go with your gut and really think about what you want....It's about you
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