cr8sea Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Ive been dating this guy for two months now. At first i wasnt too sure about him (many posts about that!) but now i really like him and i feel he likes me too. Just last saturday we went out to dance, as we were dancing he says "wanna know whos' my baby?" i smiled and said yes, he said "you are my baby, can you be my baby?" so ofcourse i said yes. He also introduced me as "This is (my name) My( my name)" to a friend of his friend, so i assumed we were officially together. He treats me like a girlfriend ie. calling me, texting me, etc, and even joked about me not cheating on him. Well today i was telling him a story about a guy i dated whom i didnt sleep with because of my rule of not sleeping with anyone else than my boyfriends. to this he looked at me like...huh? (we've slept together), and gave me a smile. I asked him what he was smiling about and he kinda hinted that he didnt know i was his girlfriend. We got into this whole conversation about how he didnt like titles, and how to him the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing sounded childish. I reminded him that i had told him i wouldnt sleep with him until we were in a relationship. He laughed and joked with "we ARE in a relationship! a relationship can be anything! like friend relationship...etc!" Although i knew he was joking i told him thats not what i meant and he just laughed and said he knew that. Now, i dont know if i should be worried that he's so reluctant to give "us" a title. I mean other than that he acts like a boyfriend in every way. His friend knows me as "****'s girl" and even he says i am. So i dont understand why the whole " i dont want the boyfriend title." Its odd to me. Might it be cuz its too soon? or will he always be like that? Do you guys have a reason why you wouldnt call a girl your dating your girlfriend? I dont know. Its just weird cuz to me he seems to like me a lot...which is why im wondering if i should even worry....what do u guys think????
jcster Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 So i dont understand why the whole " i dont want the boyfriend title." This is a real red-flag for me. I've known guys in the past that had this type of response to the whole relationship question, and it seems to stem from an unwillingness to commit. Usually, they wanted some sort of "friends with benefits" situation without having to ask for it.
Author cr8sea Posted July 27, 2007 Author Posted July 27, 2007 I talked to him about it. He got very defensive saying he likes his independence and his singlehood. that he liked how things were going but that he couldnt offer me anything serious, like a exclusive relationship. We agreed to just date, and i told him since we werent exclusive sex was gonna have to stop. He didnt like that one much, but he isnt giving him what i need, im not gonna put everything i got on the line. So then he said that usually this is when things went dowhill with his exs, because he now knew i wanted a boyfriend adn he couldnt give me that and didnt like to fake things. I told him i didnt need him to fake things, that we could continue how we were, but i needed to know where we were. So, he said we are ok, that nothing was gonna change. We'll see about that. In all honesty though, im very proud of myself for standing for myself and not letting get away with it so easily. He wanted his cake and eat it too, so now he's gonna have to really make a decision. We are dating casually, etc, and im ok with that bc i put boundaries, so, be it as it may
AriaIncognito Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 This is a real red-flag for me. I've known guys in the past that had this type of response to the whole relationship question, and it seems to stem from an unwillingness to commit. Usually, they wanted some sort of "friends with benefits" situation without having to ask for it. I dated a guy on and off for 1 year that NEVER called me his girlfriend. I should have walked away the first time we broke up, because he was NEVER able to commit. We broke up 4 times I think, and now he's working on a breakup with someone new. RED FLAG!!!!! Don't waste your time.
Trialbyfire Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I recall a situation like this when I was 15 dating another 15 year-old, who at the time would have been much younger than the college guys I normally dated. I couldn't commit to him so wouldn't allow him to call me his g/f. So...I agree, this is a big red flag...
daphne Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I'm so glad you talked to him again about it. At least he's honest. Now you're free to pursue someone else who isn't an idiot. Have fun, don't sleep with him and find someone better. This guy is a loser in relationships and would only make you unhappy anyway. But he does have my respect for his honesty.
fray718 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 But he does have my respect for his honesty. Bull! Read this: I reminded him that i had told him i wouldnt sleep with him until we were in a relationship. This guy was obviously beating around the bush, and fact that he laughed when you reminded him of this and mentioned 'friend relationship' is very disrespectful towards you. He slept with you knowing that and did not even express remorse over it. A guy I met online told me before we even met in person that he is not looking for a relationship...now THAT is honesty. This other guy, ugh, I dunno. He didn't necessarily do anything bad, but he didn't do anything I find resepctful either.
jcster Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 This guy was obviously beating around the bush, and fact that he laughed when you reminded him of this and mentioned 'friend relationship' is very disrespectful towards you. He slept with you knowing that and did not even express remorse over it. Yeah, he's not going to win any points for honesty there. At least he didn't try and keep the lie going when she talked to him.
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