Goodin Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Hello everyone. This is my first post. Me and my girlfriend of 8 months split about three weeks ago on not-so-good terms, at first, but now we are in this weird limbo/trying to figure out if we can work it out stage. I'll give you the details on what happened. She was in the process of moving into my house and I basically freaked out and about had a nervous breakdown. I guess I felt smothered, like it just didn't feel right. So I called off the move in. The timing was real bad for her because she had half her stuff moved, cancelled her lease, changed the mail,etc. And she was extremely pissed becuase I admitidley F-ed her over. She got her apartment back so thats all ok now. She pretty much said that was the end of our relationship, which was very painful for me, but after a week she calmed down and says she doesnt want to break up and wants to see if there is a chance. So the past two weeks we have been in limbo...I just dont want to go back to her unless I am really sure how I feel. She is the best girlfriend I have ever had, and I am convinced I will not find a better one. We are completely compatable in every way. I have always had doubts about my true feelings for her, however, but I thought since she was so great and everything seemed so perfect, that those doubts would go away. Well, they didnt and now it has come to this. I am still trying to figure out the doubts, but I think it comes down to lack of physical attraction (although the sex is great...i dont get it) and the age difference and pressure on having kids (I am 28, she is 34). Also, when we met I didnt have as much those giddy feelings of lust, or desire when we first met like I have for other women. I really want to be happy with her but for some reason right now I can't do it. I really don't know what to do and I am slowly losing her. If I think about getting back with her at this point I get anxiety and fear. If I think about losing her I feel like I have lost the best woman I have ever known, a great friend and companion, and the loneliness is unbearable. This is really hard for me and I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate some input;).
brockdarock Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Hey Goodin, If you're willing to listen, I know I can help you out. Basically, what I understood out of your writing was..."I need more fulfillment in my life". Would I be right in saying that? Here are some of my suggestions: #1 - Create a social life that you love. Meet new people and make it a point to interact with more people. Why? Well, you seem almost worried that you'll be lost & lonely without this "one" woman. I realize you have feelings for her, but don't let it turn into something that negatively impacts you. #2 - In your article you mentioned "I am slowly losing her." Now, what you need to do is find your purpose in life. I know this is deep stuff, but stick with me for a moment. Women are far more attracted to men that are on their own path and that aren't needy. Women are always looking to follow a man - and that's exactly why you need to find your own path. This woman should be an addition to your wonderful life already. Most men go into relationships unhappy thinking that a woman will fix everything. This isn't the case...you need to sit down with yourself and find what YOU can do to make your life more pleasurable. Hope this helps & post if you have any other questions. Brock
squeak Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Hello everyone. This is my first post. ..I just dont want to go back to her unless I am really sure how I feel. She is the best girlfriend I have ever had, and I am convinced I will not find a better one. Then why do you think you can't make a decision? Your logic tells you she is the one, the animal side is not so sure. If you feel like this now, so early, it will only get worse for you as time goes on. But you are afraid to let her go because your reasonable/logical side is compatible with her. [quote}I really want to be happy with her but for some reason right now I can't do it. I really don't know what to do and I am slowly losing her. If I think about getting back with her at this point I get anxiety and fear. If I think about losing her I feel like I have lost the best woman I have ever known, a great friend and companion, and the loneliness is unbearable. This is really hard for me and I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate some input;). You are more worried about losing her than actually wanting to be with her. I think you may freak out again and keep yo-yo'ing her. That part about the physical side....not so good. I think you already know how you really feel. Mostly, I am just worried for her, as something is lacking for you in regards to her and she is still willing to give it a go. I would advise to let her go, it sounds like you are mixing up not wanting to see her with another for actually wanting a relationship with her, as she is.
Author Goodin Posted July 27, 2007 Author Posted July 27, 2007 Thanks for the input guys. It really helps to get your opinions which help me see things more clearly. Brock are you a counselor in training or something? haha. I have been honest with her. It seems at this point we are having minimal contact on the condition that we are going to get over each other and move on. I think we both still have hopes that things will work out though. Who knows what will happen as time goes on. Do you guys ever feel like your other is lurking through this site and might come across your thread, realize who it is and then all the beans are spilled?!
frd150 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Do you guys ever feel like your other is lurking through this site and might come across your thread, realize who it is and then all the beans are spilled? Oh all the time but honestly i do not think she would come here or much less anywhere like here for answers. I Wish she would. there are some wise people here.
brockdarock Posted July 28, 2007 Posted July 28, 2007 Hello again Goodin, Am I counselor? No, but I like to write in a way that gets the point across. Anyway, I added you as a buddy to keep in touch with you in case you have some more questions or issues come up. Brock P.S. You're worried about your girl lurking this website? Man, BE PROUD of who you are and what you're doing. You're stepping out of your comfort zone to improve yourself and evolve as a person.
Author Goodin Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 thanks for adding me as a friend Brock. Your advice is really helpful. I will let you know how things go. Right now we have decided to take a break from the talking and seeing eachother so we can both decide what we want and have some time to think about it for a long time, then make a decision on what to do. We are meeting up next thursday and maybe we can come up with something. I guess what we are trying to decide is if we (mostly I) want to start slowly/casually dating again just to see if it will work. That's where we stand now. The hard part is wondering what she is doing at night, and who she is with. Missing her and being alone is hard too. Still trying to deal with that. any suggestions would be great.
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