NINja Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 This is my first post so don't go too hard on me! I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months. Actually it was a weird situation, she would always read my texts against my will to 'check up on me'. I had been home (I go to school in Utah where she is and I was home in WA) for a few weeks and after I had returned, she read my messages. Well, I had neglected to delete them before I got back; and she saw that I was going to leave her ( I had told this to a friend since I was seeking help about it) ANYWAY! The last couple weeks, I've been really depressed about it. My mood has been terrible, I've been resorting to unhealthy measures to drown feelings about it. I now wish I never ended it with her. I honestly don't think it was time for it to end, but it has, and we're not getting back together. I just felt like I was being drowned in the whole thing. We took a break in February and saw other people, I thought that that would make things better. It did for a while, but in the end, things came out the same. I'm just wondering if anyone can share in this experience, or has advice for helping me move on.
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I can relate to this, my ex would always read my texts, check up on me, and she was very inscre. I got to the point that i ignored her calls, and she made me feel very pressured, but she was a clubber, which i didnt like, and didnt change for me. So sometimes there are things in a relationship that will not get better, only worse. she ended it with me, b/c i couldnt be the guy she wanted b/c but thats b/c she made me feel like that. Dont feel bad, you felt crap in the relationship, and it only gets worse. Im 41 she was 35 and 3 kids. It would have got worse, and in the end, it would have depressed you. Just go n heal from this, take a break, and some1 new n confident will soon turn up, and you will have a more healthy relationship.
Author NINja Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Thanks dude. Thats exactly what I needed to hear. And yes, she was a clubber too. Inherently I don't have a problem with that. But she would do things to try to make me jealous, and well, they worked. I started to get afraid how far she would take it. But its all in the past now. She was my first real love. So I guess its only natural to still feel attatched.
Alexandra-Girl Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 First, it is absolutely normal to have dumpers remorse. It is common to have remorse on both sides. YOU WILL GET PAST THIS. Second, try thinking of the underlining message she was sending you by checking YOUR phone and YOUR texts. You already mentioned that you were angry over this. Personally, it shouts -lack of trust- on HER behalf. Regardless of outcome from searches. This action of hers could easily spiral and go downhill. Now let your imagination flow about what could have happened in the future... You want to save the relationship so you give into her insecurity, instead of stoping this behavior. So you give her access to your accounts (emails, etc). Now imagine her emailing your female contacts, while impersonating you. Your contacts wouldn't know because it came from your account. She deceives both the person she cares about and those who are in contact with him. She deletes the sent items and begins to monitor your emails more often. She has no reason not to trust you, but since she is patterning herself for suspicious activity, she creates something. Tensions increase and the relationship deteriorates further - towards termination. Her actions speak volume and you should recognize them as a 'Red Flag'.
Author NINja Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Thats just the thing. She did start using my phone to text girls I would hang out with. And it wasn't even one on one hang out with said girls, it would be in a group. She even hated a co-worker of mine just because I would text her bitching about work and figuring out schedules!
Alexandra-Girl Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Good - your recognize this intolerant behaviour. You knew deep down that it wasn't going to get better! Remember this every time you start to feel the longing to reconnect with her - it will send you towards the anger zone again and help you move forward. Just think of the destruction she could have caused, or what she already has caused in terms of other friendships.
funkybassplayer Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 First, it is absolutely normal to have dumpers remorse. It is common to have remorse on both sides. YOU WILL GET PAST THIS. Second, try thinking of the underlining message she was sending you by checking YOUR phone and YOUR texts. You already mentioned that you were angry over this. Personally, it shouts -lack of trust- on HER behalf. Regardless of outcome from searches. This action of hers could easily spiral and go downhill. Now let your imagination flow about what could have happened in the future... You want to save the relationship so you give into her insecurity, instead of stoping this behavior. So you give her access to your accounts (emails, etc). Now imagine her emailing your female contacts, while impersonating you. Your contacts wouldn't know because it came from your account. She deceives both the person she cares about and those who are in contact with him. She deletes the sent items and begins to monitor your emails more often. She has no reason not to trust you, but since she is patterning herself for suspicious activity, she creates something. Tensions increase and the relationship deteriorates further - towards termination. Her actions speak volume and you should recognize them as a 'Red Flag'. My ex did this, i used to chat on this site to people, and she came on and pretended to be a some1 new who wanted to get to know me. She also checked my texts, and i had to call at certain times, and she would go clubbing and tell me about all the guys that would chat her up, while all i wanted was to build a stable relationship with her and the kids. It was hell, and she wanted me to sell my house move in and buy out the ex hubby (who she would not divorce) It was a very hard relationship, but i did love her, she just had a lot of unfinished marriage crap, and selfishness/insecurity. Any way after me, she got a new guy, that was 10 weeks ago, and i havent herd from her, or i havent contacted her since. Im still quite low about the whole thing, but she got into my head.
Recommended Posts