mrmaximum Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Okay, here is the deal. I’ve been living with my wife now for the past four years or so and there has always been a little friction between her daughter and myself. She as ADHD and a side ‘disability’ called ODD, which is known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She was hair-raising in the beginning but, due to her poor grades, we decided to get her medicated but would seek other means to control her situation without drugs. Due to her chiropractic care she is on only about half of her meds and for the most part dealing well. Here is the sitch; the biggest problem she has is recognizing the fact that you don’t disrespect authority. Hey, I work in a bar on the weekends and I have actually seen what happens to people (men AND women)that disregard authority, whether by our own doormen or the pay-duty cops that we hire. My goal is that this doesn’t happen to her but this is the one sticking point that she is stuck on. We actually just had a talk about it only three days ago and here it is in the same week she has already relapsed. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I thought about what she has said to me when we had our discussion earlier in the week and that is when I realized that she doesn’t recognize any type of hierarchy, ‘we are all on the same level’ and this seems to be the reason that she sometimes talks to us (disrespects us) the way she would to her friends. Yes she is 13, but I mean some of the things that she says most people would never dream of doing to their parents. It isn’t just to me either; it’s also her mom too.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Any advice is appreciated.[/sIZE][/FONT]
Trialbyfire Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I did find this article on the Mayo Clinic site about ODD. It's probably everything you already knew but if not, maybe there are some tidbits that might help. Good luck. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/oppositional-defiant-disorder/DS00630
luvtoto Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 A very good book that I am currently reading is called "Delivered from Distraction - Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder". There is a chapter called "ADD in Families". There are a few good methods in the book you could use.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 30, 2007 Posted July 30, 2007 Both of my kids have ADD. My son was mistakingly diagosed with ODD at the age of 3. These children do not have the same thought processes as others. They DO NOT understand social queues like most children. I would suggest asking her physician for reading material and making sure that you get some "extra" help from the school system. These kids are mostly completely managable if you have the tools with which to do it. Seek out all of the information that you can find. 13 year old girls are an issue on their own,without the ADD, and ODD, though I often question the ODD piggybacked onto the ADD. May I ask you how well she interacts with other children? Have their been social problems in this area before? Parental involvement, management and understanding are paramount in managing ADD. Its possible. We had to start early with both on the medication but by the time my D was 14 had taught enough coping mechanisms that we could take her off of the meds and she was able at that point to be educated without it. We had her in a special program in a private school that was BIG on remediation as well as educating the parents. Find some support. Had I not given birth to her I might have blind folded her and left her in a strange country! Luckily I have the skills I learned to fall back on with my son so it's been a much easier road.
Author mrmaximum Posted July 31, 2007 Author Posted July 31, 2007 Both of my kids have ADD. My son was mistakingly diagosed with ODD at the age of 3. These children do not have the same thought processes as others. They DO NOT understand social queues like most children. I would suggest asking her physician for reading material and making sure that you get some "extra" help from the school system. These kids are mostly completely managable if you have the tools with which to do it. Seek out all of the information that you can find. 13 year old girls are an issue on their own,without the ADD, and ODD, though I often question the ODD piggybacked onto the ADD. May I ask you how well she interacts with other children? Have their been social problems in this area before? Parental involvement, management and understanding are paramount in managing ADD. Its possible. We had to start early with both on the medication but by the time my D was 14 had taught enough coping mechanisms that we could take her off of the meds and she was able at that point to be educated without it. We had her in a special program in a private school that was BIG on remediation as well as educating the parents. Find some support. Had I not given birth to her I might have blind folded her and left her in a strange country! Luckily I have the skills I learned to fall back on with my son so it's been a much easier road. Wow, I feel for you. There are days that I marvel at my wife. She take the crap that my step daughter dishes out and doesn't do what you suggested. I know if she really where my daughter I would have no patience for it!! This is what we are trying to do but I have to admit that I had no idea that books where written about the subject. I will indeed buy it and the wife and I will read it. I think life would be so much easier if I knew that she would just listen to me but I guess I'm like the trillionth parent to think this way!! I just don't want her to end up like some of the people I have met at the bar (we had a run in with a woman who I swear had ADHD/ODD, had no respect for authority, got into the bouncers faces, all that jazz, she got taken away in a police cruiser, I don't want that for my step daughter!!) and even my nephew in law has ADD. His life is a far cry from hers (in the negative sense) and I want to keep in that way. Thanks again for all the advice, it isn't falling on deaf ears!!
Trialbyfire Posted August 7, 2007 Posted August 7, 2007 Btw, just read this study today about ADHD and the correlation to dopamine. Good to see studies of this nature. Once they've pegged the problem, they can usually find something to offset it. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070806/sc_nm/adhd_brain_dc
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