KATANYA Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Here's a question - what if the ow/om relationship is working for both parties without any expectations that the MM/MW will leave their marriage. I have been involved with a MM for over two years - I know his wife, his children and many of his friends and am close to them all. We have been close for almost ten years and I would consider him one of my dearest friends and I know he considers me his best friend. His wife is not an ogre, she is not ugly, she is not vicious - By her own description she is comfortable in her life, does not have interest in his, enjoys the material things her life brings her, wants for nothing and has had her own share of "flighty" moments where she has left the marriage, her kids and her home (and he has always been there when she returned). By her accounts, my friend (as we will call him) was always the primary parent, is an excellent cook who does all the meals and clean up, is copious with completing laundry detail and housecleaning chores, and makes a great living that sees her want for nothing - and I say good for her!!! He is no Saint - she knows about his past affairs and has chosen to stay - she could leave now that the kids have grown and would be very financially comfortable if she did. For me, my Friend is a great companion (when I want one around), is eager to have intellectual conversations (we share the same passions for the work we do and the causes we work for) is a great travel buddy (we both share the same love and adventure for travelling) is wonderful with my children who have always known him as "uncle", makes sure we are not in need of anything (even though he knows I make the same salary as he does and can and do provide for myself) and expects no commitment from me nor me him. The bottom line is I do not want a husband or a boyfriend at this stage of my life - I was not looking to be an O/W either. I don't expect or want him to leave his wife and I like the relationship we have. Likewise, he would not leave his wife because he has made a commitment to take care of her until "death do us part". Are they in love??Of course not! Does he love her? Of course he does. - Over the years we have found love and companionship with each other that fills a void in each of our lives but it is not a love that I expect to lead to him moving in with me, marrying me or being a father to my children. So, I guess after all my rambling I would like to know if there are any other people in this kind of relationship and what the input is on this kind of relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I am in the exact same position as you are except for a few details... With one of my MM, the closest, we've been seeing each other for over a year now... he wants to be close to my friends and wouldn't mind meeting my children... but NO WAY I would do that... I don't think my daughter would appreciate...eventhough she might doubt that I'm seeing a MM, she won't ask any questions. She respects my intimacy. I know he wants to be in my life much more ... but that's not what I want... I am not looking for any kind of commitment... we have fun together, he helps me in any way he can... (not financially) but if I need something done around the house, he helps, he's very handy. We have amazing sex... it's all good. He has no idea I am seeing other MMs... I am cheating on a cheater... LOL I told him about my fling in Cancun last January because he asked me if I had sex while on vacation... and I told him... because I felt that he was too much in love with me...and that by telling him he would back off a bit. I think he did but he's still very very attracted to me... too much in my opinion...but I have no control over his emotions... We text message every single day... every evening... sometimes, while I chat on here, I chat with him at the same time... He's text messages me in front of her all evening on his BB. Right now, he's in Montreal with his family and keeps sending me messages about how much he misses me... he wishes I was in the hotel room with him... blablabla... I wouldn't change anything right now... It's all good.
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