Rowdy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I’m a 27 year old male and wanted a little input/advice. I’ll give a little bit of background on the situation but a lot of details have to be left out or this would be extremely long. I am just going to list the previous essentials and what just happened a few days ago so I can receive some advice. I live on the east coast and about 8 months ago I flew home to the west coast to be the best man for my bro's wedding. The night of the rehearsal I met the maid of honor (she is a year younger than me). The following day at the wedding reception we hit it off pretty well and went out when the reception was over. The day after that I was flying back to the east coast and she volunteered to bring me to the airport (about 2 ½ hours away) because she was heading down anyway and lived nearby. Since then we talk on the phone roughly every two weeks and the conversation is always good. I have been home three times since (including right now). The past few times I have been home we have usually hung out on the weekends when she drives up (she lives over 2 hours away, but her family lives near mine) with more than half the time being in a group. Last time I was home I let her know that I like her but that I didn't know what to do about it due to the situation (nearly 3,000 miles of distance). We both agreed that a long-distance relationship wasn't very realistic, but that there was an attraction there. We have slept in the same bed several times but nothing has ever happened (a variety of reasons why such as people in adjoining room with door wide open) with the exception of a kiss which I basically made happen by asking for it (I know it is a wuss move, but don’t bust on me for that now). That was mid-week last time I was home when I drove down to her area. Several days later I was flying out and she couldn't head up since she had company for the weekend, but she broke away to meet up with me nearby the airport. At that point I jumped in her car and she brought me to the airport. Once there I gave her a hug and was about to go in for a kiss when she said, "I know what you are doing and you are making me uncomfortable." I immediately pulled back and was confused since she went out of her way to see me before I caught my flight. We ended up hugging again and she asked for me to call her when I flight landed to let her know I was safe. A few texts were exchanged and she basically mentioned that she thought I was looking for a long-distance relationship, and that she didn't want that. I let her know that was not the case, only that I liked her and didn't think there was anything wrong with showing it. We had talked about it before, and basically I feel that we are grown adults and I wouldn't mind getting physically involved. So now 2 ½ months later I flew home again to visit the family. This is what just happened a few days ago. She picked me up at the airport Saturday and on the way up our conversation lacked, unlike usual. We usually click very well and conversation is smooth. My sister-in-law did mention that this girl had been very cranky the past few weeks. Anyway, I ended up telling a story that most people find funny about an encounter a friend and I had with a person on the east coast. She did not find the story funny and basically thought my friend and I were jerks for the way we handled the situation (I told the same story to my family a few hours later and they all felt it was funny and that we were in the right). It ended up making the last half of the ride quite tense. She also mentioned that she was going to meet up with a girlfriend that night. We drove to her parents where my sister-in-law met us. Everyone went inside for a bit and then I left with my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law mentioned that this girl was very cranky, that she mentioned she wanted to hang out that night, but my sister-in-law told her we were doing our own thing. Dinner was planned with family where I was staying so I could not invite her because nobody wanted her there due to her attitude. The next day (Sunday) a BBQ was being held at her parents house. I went with my immediate family and we ate, chatted, and played volleyball in the pool with a few people. She kind of avoided me there and literally did not say a word to me. When I was in the pool playing volleyball I actually caught her out of the corner of my eye come out of the house to say goodbye to her parents in a discreet manner and then leave (I know that to a point she is uncomfortable talking with me in front of family because both of our families really like the idea of us spending time together and have made that very clear. However, wanting her to have said hello and goodbye isn’t asking too much). I have not tried to communicate with her or received anything from her since she left. This upcoming weekend she is busy down in her area. The following Sunday evening I fly back to the east coast. So should I be the one to initiate contact and invite her to come hang out the weekend I fly out? Or should I make her be the one to reach out for me? Being a woman, she naturally wants to be pursued so I do not think she will try to get a hold of me. On the flipside, I have been the one to go way out of my comfort zone in telling her how I feel and in trying to get things to happen in the past. As a result I am sick of it and figure that the ball is in her court. Finally, I sincerely enjoy spending time with this girl and we always have a good time together no matter what we do (with the exception of this last ride up). She has one of the most attractive personalities I have ever seen in a woman. In addition, I will see her in the future due to her connection to my family so things have to be good between us. Most importantly, I do not want to fly back to the east coast in a week and a half and remember my time with her for my visit home having been a crappy car ride / argument / and having been ignored for an afternoon. I would like some honest input. Keep in mind that neither of us believes a long-distance relationship is realistic. We both want to be free since we are so far apart. Meanwhile I like to spend time with her when I come home and would like something to develop physically. I have no bad intentions and may move back to the area for work, but not for another year or so. If things did develop and I moved back I would be very interested in dating her then if we are both still single.
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 She is distancing herself emotionally because she doesn't want to be hurt by the restrictions of having feelings for someone 3000 miles away. I say to call her to get together while you are there, with no intentions of trying anything physical. For now, respect that she doesn't want a physical relationship if you want to hang out with her at all. I would respect her wishes, I can understand why she wouldn't want to get too physical with you. Don't ever pursue anything physical with her unless you do end up living in the same area. If and until you do live close to one another, I would accept it as friendship only. Either the above is the case or her feelings have changed and she just isn't that into you.
gfto Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I gave her a hug and was about to go in for a kiss when she said, "I know what you are doing and you are making me uncomfortable." case closed. She isn't interested.
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