Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hi Lishy! So Lishy, you're in the UK right? Is there such a thing as a food bank of some kind there? Can't she get help for her and her daughter there until she can get back on her feet? I mean we have advised her about her b/f but the rest can't be ignored. It's not like she needed the money to go to the movies. She needs it to feed herself and her child. I mean that's BIG. And the other thing, Lishy is that it doesn't matter than he made a promise and broke it. That's really not why she's in this situation. I mean come on. Let's face it...it goes deeper than that. If she's only about $20 away from starving (not sure about how pounds convert to dollars but...) anyway, if she's that close to starving her boyfriend isn't the problem. SHE is though. Do you see?
Lishy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Of course I realise that being hungry is a HUGE problem and food for her daughter should always come first. But in this example she was expecting 20 pounds (conversion $40) to be put in her account by a guy who is supposed to love her. No we do not have food banks here but depending on her circustance she could have gone to Social Security and asked for a crisis loan but only if she is not working. Calling her a bad mum is NOT helpful. She knows food is a priority and I am sure she also knows that her boyfriend is a jerk and I would hope that she decides to kick him to the curb. If she does not make this choice I then hope she never relies on him for anything as important in the future! She is in her position because property in London is extremely expensive to buy or rent - As an example I live in a 2 bedroom flat that costs three hunded and fifty thousand (conversion 700 thousand dollars) Typical rent in London for a 2 bed flat is 300 pounds a week (600 dollars). We dont have trailer parks and cheap housing unless you stay in complete slums. Its hard being alone with a child and doing it alone so to be let down by soemone you love is hard.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 the reason i had such little time to decide it coz i was living in a rented flat but then the council offered me this house. i went to view it and they gave me 2 hours to decide which i think was so unfair as i didnt have a chance to find out anything about the property (they say they do this with everyone they offer a property to). since moving in.. the electricity is so high... i had a set monthly bil at old place but this place has an electric key that eats its way through the electricity. it went through £10 in 24 hours other day. the gas card for hot water/ heating is jsut as bad .. it eats up my money like knowones business .. i am dreading winter when the heating will be on alot more. they even want to instal a pay per use water meter but im trying to ignore thier letters for as long as i can coz i know that i will end up paying so much more. i wish i had never moved in this Fkn place.. the bills are well high.. the nighbours are fkn a-holes and thier kids are little s**ts who are always throwing rubbish in my garden and shouting abuse over the fence. so thats why im skint... i would go to work full time if i had someone to help me with childcare but i really wouldnt be able to afford a propa childminder as its bloody expensive and i just dont know anyone who will have my daughter regular. i do work.. i have been modeling/pole dancing for years .. but since havign my daughter its alot harder for me (especialyl as i dont have a car) and i have had to turn alot of well paid work as i just cant get childcare for the length of time i would be away. i have a job this weekend and one next weekend so it'l sort me out for a while n i will be able to pay off a little bit of my rent arrears to the council to hopefully keep them sweet. jsut for the record.. i am also fully qualified nail technician, have lots of admin, office, customer service experience.. and want to start doing a personal trainign diploma as soon as i can. so it doesnt mean i am stupid and cant get a job elsewhere becuase i do the work i do (i know how u much like to judge). i jsut enjoy it and i can do one job and it will sort me out for a while and i make the same money id make working long hours every day. my mum took my shopping earlier by the way so i have got food to last us till the weekend. as for the BF owing my nothign as i was thinking of dumping him... im always thinking of that lately n he always thinks of dumping me 2.. then we are all sweet again. he knew how i was feeling coz we talked about it. HE made the offer on saturday.. i didnt ask for money and i never do ask to be given money. he offerd off his own back. anything else you would liek to slate me for that i can clear up???? i feel that u think im talking out my backside... i wouldnt come on here and talk lies would i. thats why i come on here so i can tell the truth about things, get things off my chest and be offered helpfull advice... woulda been nice not to have been judged and told how S**T i am (in not so many words) ... but ahhh well.. cant have everything in life can we
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 as for daughters DAD.. he went off ages ago.. havent seen him in months and months. he never helped out with money anyway. I AM NOT NEGLECTING MY DUTIES AS A MOTHER .. IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL THAT YOU ARE ALL THINKING THAT. IF I WAS SPENDING MY MONEY ON DRINK. DRUGS, CD'S, SHOES THEN YOU COULD SAY THAT I WAS .. PLEASE STOP SAYING IT COZ ITS MAKING ME SOO VEXED
Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 If things are so expensive there that she can't provide for her daughter, she should either move, get a roommate, seek support from the father (would love to know how he factors into this situation), get a job or two, etc. etc. ANYTHING is better than relying on a boyfriend for $40 to feed your child. That's just sad. And wrong.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 i cant move, get a roommate get help from daughters dad. i am stuck in this stupid house as i was housed by the council... Someone from the uk please Bloody explain what this means as i am getting more angry as the clock ticks. i canT get a room mate coz the council do not allow you to have lodgers (again someone from the uk please explain).. daugthers dad is a dead beat. AGAIN.. I AM NOT A FKN BAD MOTHER, I MOVED INTO THIS PLACE WITH NO INFORMATION ABOUT IT AND WASNT GIVEN ANY TIME TO FIND OUT. THE BILLS ARE SO HIGH AND I DONT HAVE MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP WITH CHILDCARE SO I CAN WORK MORE... HOW THE F**K DOES THAT MAKE A BAD MOTHER. PLEASE EXPLAIN COZ I CANT WORK IT OUT
Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 as for daughters DAD.. he went off ages ago.. havent seen him in months and months. he never helped out with money anyway. I AM NOT NEGLECTING MY DUTIES AS A MOTHER .. IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL THAT YOU ARE ALL THINKING THAT. IF I WAS SPENDING MY MONEY ON DRINK. DRUGS, CD'S, SHOES THEN YOU COULD SAY THAT I WAS .. PLEASE STOP SAYING IT COZ ITS MAKING ME SOO VEXED You need to get lawyer and go after child support. He has a duty to help with supporting this child. I don't know how it is in your country but here, he could be JAILED for not helping support his child. And I'm sorry but you ARE neglecting your duties as a mother if you can't feed your child or keep a roof over her head. It's a shame you felt pressured into taking a place you can't afford. Can you get a roommate to help out? And I wasn't clear on all that about your jobs? You can't afford childcare but you work as a stripper? And you mention all these other jobs you can do. Why can't you do those? I'd get two jobs for awhile and make arrangements with someone to watch your child until you're ahead. Right now, it sounds like you're one step away from being homeless.
Lishy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Emma calm down hon. People who dont know you are judging you. See it for what it is and dont worry about it. You are NOT a bad mum. you are just down at the moment and all your bills are getting on top of you and to top it off the guy who is supposed to love you, let you down when you needed him most! F*ck Him Em, get rid of his sorry ass! If he hadnt promised you that money you would not have spent the money you did have on bills right? I hate men! lol
allina Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Once again I never called you a bad mother. I do not understand your situation and why you keep saying that you can't do this, can't do that. What is "the council"? I have never heard of someone being forced to move in to a house without any information about it. Are you in some sort of program? Why do you say you can't get child support? Have you tried? Isn't it the law?
Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 i cant move, get a roommate get help from daughters dad. i am stuck in this stupid house as i was housed by the council... Someone from the uk please Bloody explain what this means as i am getting more angry as the clock ticks. i canT get a room mate coz the council do not allow you to have lodgers (again someone from the uk please explain).. daugthers dad is a dead beat. AGAIN.. I AM NOT A FKN BAD MOTHER, I MOVED INTO THIS PLACE WITH NO INFORMATION ABOUT IT AND WASNT GIVEN ANY TIME TO FIND OUT. THE BILLS ARE SO HIGH AND I DONT HAVE MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP WITH CHILDCARE SO I CAN WORK MORE... HOW THE F**K DOES THAT MAKE A BAD MOTHER. PLEASE EXPLAIN COZ I CANT WORK IT OUT You had a DUTY to yourself and your child to make sure you moved into a place that you can afford. You didn't do that. So now, you're in danger of being homeless. If you think that's being a good mother, fine. Let's move past that for now. You absolutely need to go after that father. Don't just accept that he's a deadbeat dad and throw up your hands. You're being a bad mother also by not pursuing him and support that is RIGHTFULLY hers/his. Do you understand that? Maybe someone knows the laws better in the UK, but like I said, here in the US, you'd have free legal help to find that loser you fathered a child with. They would garnish his wages. You need to look into what your options are as far as getting support for your child. If you don't, then you're dropping the ball and not being a good mother in that regard either. I honestly don't enjoy telling you any of this. But I agree with TBF, you seem to have an attitude of self-entitlement...as well as a victim mentality. It's not good. YOU put yourself into this situation and only YOU can get yourself out of it. You owe it to your child to do so.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 I Said I Cant Work Full Time Becuase I Have No1 Who Can Help Out With Childcare.. What Do U Expect Me To Do With Her.. Bring Her With Me And Let Her Watch Me Take My Clothes Off??? I Only Do Odd Jobs... I Cant Do Stripping Full Time .. Do U Know How Much It Costs In The Uk To Get A Registered Childminder To Stay Overnite... You Are Looking At Alot Of Money. If I Had More People To Help Me Out I Would Be Working Non Stop Trust Me... I Dont Enjoy Not Making Alot Of Money.. Especialyl As I Know How Much Money I Was Earning Before I Fell Pregnant. I Never Had Worries Like I Have Now. I Dont Want F-all To Do With Daughters Dad.. He Is A Messed Up, Lying, Druggy Who Spreads Malicious Gossip About Me. The Way He Is Is Not Healthy For Daughter And He Cant Afford To Pay Anyway.. He Got Sacked From His Work For Stealing And I Doubt He Will Work Again For Ages.. If He Changed His Ways Then Maybe But That Will Never Ever Happen.
Chinook Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Touché -- Emma cannot get help from the father because he has disappeared and is most likely not known the the child support agency here who is responsible for collecting money from the father; probably because he isn't working. She cannot get a roommate because she lives in local govenment accommodation - if she does get a room mate all her social support (money) will be withdrawn. It's that simple. She's doing the best she can right now. Unfortunately in the UK Emma is not extraordinary. Families like this have very little social support here, especially in the south where Emma is.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Ok... How To Expect I Could Have Found Out How Much Electricity/ Gas This Place Goes Through Befor I Moved???? Come On Then Explain Coz I Would Love To Know. I Couldnt Ask The People Who Were Here Before Me Coz They Moved Out Long Before I Had Viewd The Place... The Council Who Offered Me The Property Didnt Give A F**k About Giving Me Any Info. I Thought Itd Be Cheaper Here Compared With The Other Place So I Wanted To Move To Save Us Money... I Made A Mistake In Thinking That... Are People Alwyas Called Bad Mothers When They Make A Mistake And Totaly Judge Something Wrong.
Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I Said I Cant Work Full Time Becuase I Have No1 Who Can Help Out With Childcare.. What Do U Expect Me To Do With Her.. Bring Her With Me And Let Her Watch Me Take My Clothes Off??? I Only Do Odd Jobs... I Cant Do Stripping Full Time .. Do U Know How Much It Costs In The Uk To Get A Registered Childminder To Stay Overnite... You Are Looking At Alot Of Money. If I Had More People To Help Me Out I Would Be Working Non Stop Trust Me... I Dont Enjoy Not Making Alot Of Money.. Especialyl As I Know How Much Money I Was Earning Before I Fell Pregnant. I Never Had Worries Like I Have Now. I Dont Want F-all To Do With Daughters Dad.. He Is A Messed Up, Lying, Druggy Who Spreads Malicious Gossip About Me. The Way He Is Is Not Healthy For Daughter And He Cant Afford To Pay Anyway.. He Got Sacked From His Work For Stealing And I Doubt He Will Work Again For Ages.. If He Changed His Ways Then Maybe But That Will Never Ever Happen. Look, who cares about the gossip or what you think of him. You thought enough of him to spread your legs and let him get you pregnant right? So screw that! You NEED to go after him for child support. Would you rather be on the street with your child than to swallow your pride and make him own up to his responsibility here? That's crazy! Can your mother help out on the weekend so you can work? And now that you're a mother, perhaps you should seek another line of work. Can you go back to school? Do they have programs in the UK, where you can get help with that? You really have to pull yourself out of the gutter. And you can. Many women before you have. You just need to stop thinking of yourself of a victim and take control. You're not a victim. You CHOSE this life for yourself.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Ok... How To Expect I Could Have Found Out How Much Electricity/ Gas This Place Goes Through Befor I Moved???? Come On Then Explain Coz I Would Love To Know. I Couldnt Ask The People Who Were Here Before Me Coz They Moved Out Long Before I Had Viewd The Place... The Council Who Offered Me The Property Didnt Give A F**k About Giving Me Any Info Coz They Are Stuck Up Bas****s Who Just Want To Get A People In And Out Of Places As Soon As Poss. Trust Me I Was Under Unbleivable Amounts Of Pressure During The Time Of The Move And I Thought I Was Doing What Was Best For Me And My Daughter I Thought Itd Be Cheaper Here Compared With The Other Place So I Wanted To Move To Save Us Money... I Made A Mistake In Thinking That... Are People Alwyas Called Bad Mothers When They Make A Mistake And Totaly Judge Something Wrong. My Daugthers Dad Has Had 3 Years To Try N Change His Ways But He Is Not To Be Trusted Around Her As He Had Her Overnight Once Coz I Was Starting To Trsut Him And He Went Out N Left Her With Someone Else. He Is A Con Artist Who Will Only Ever Know How To Be Dishonest And **** With People Heads.. I Do Not Want That Happenign To My Daughter
Touche Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Ok... How To Expect I Could Have Found Out How Much Electricity/ Gas This Place Goes Through Befor I Moved???? Come On Then Explain Coz I Would Love To Know. I Couldnt Ask The People Who Were Here Before Me Coz They Moved Out Long Before I Had Viewd The Place... The Council Who Offered Me The Property Didnt Give A F**k About Giving Me Any Info. I Thought Itd Be Cheaper Here Compared With The Other Place So I Wanted To Move To Save Us Money... I Made A Mistake In Thinking That... Are People Alwyas Called Bad Mothers When They Make A Mistake And Totaly Judge Something Wrong. No, they're not always called bad mothers when they make a mistake. But you made many, to be blunt...not just one. Why didn't you ask what the utilities were? I could go on and on but I'm not...you obviously just want people to say "poor you." You don't want real advice. And thanks, Chinook. I didn't know how it is there. But even so, why are you making the assumption that the loser father isn't working? No one knows that. Not even Emma, because she hasn't even TRIED to find out.
allina Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Ok... How To Expect I Could Have Found Out How Much Electricity/ Gas This Place Goes Through Befor I Moved???? Come On Then Explain Coz I Would Love To Know. I Couldnt Ask The People Who Were Here Before Me Coz They Moved Out Long Before I Had Viewd The Place... The Council Who Offered Me The Property Didnt Give A F**k About Giving Me Any Info. I Thought Itd Be Cheaper Here Compared With The Other Place So I Wanted To Move To Save Us Money... I Made A Mistake In Thinking That... Are People Alwyas Called Bad Mothers When They Make A Mistake And Totaly Judge Something Wrong. Please stop with the victim mentality and really look at your situation, assess it, then look at your options. Right now you are a poor single mother, part time stripper, completely dependent on government money who isn't making it. I've never been in your shoes but I see that that's a difficult and horrible situation. Realize that there are MANY of single mothers out there who make it and you can too. Do you have parents? Can they watch your child while you pursue a more appropriate day job? Do you have any friends with children? Maybe you can take turns watching each others kids. Are there any low income day cares where you live? Do you have any relatives at all? By being dependent on someone other than you, be it men, free money, whatever you lose a lot of control. I really suggest focusing on improving your situation. And the bf, he was a jerk to you, let him be, move on.
Lishy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Emma your electric is far too expensive - Are you sure your neighbours are not tuned into your electric curcuit? Hon you are doing your best. Do you claim social security?
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Its Aint About Gossip.... He Is A Bad Person. I Was With Him For 3 Years N He Bullied Me And Was Voilent To Me When I Was Pregnant, Kicked Me In The Stomach And I Ended Up In A Mum And Baby Refuge Through The Whole Pregnancy. I Have Tried To Give Him Chances To Show He Has Changed But He Hasnt .... I Dont Want A Man Liek That Around My Child. I Was Stupid Enough To Hang Around For So Long. He Went Of A Few Months Back And Havent Heard From Him Since And Dont Know Where He Is And He Doesnt Know Where I Am Either. No My Mum Cant Have My Daughter At The Weekend... She Is A Very Very Busy Person. At The Moment .. If I Did A Normal Job... It Wouldnt Be Enough To Pay The Cost Of My Rent, Council Tax, Water, Gas, Eletricity, Food As Well As Childcare. I Have To Do Glamour Work N Stripping For The Time Being. Please Do Some Research On How Hard Things Are For British Citizens Over Here B4 U Start Speaking To Me Liek Im A Peice Of S**t... The Government Give All The Money , Decent Housing Etc Things To Fkn Refugees. They Get Treated Like Kings Over Here And The People Who Have Been Here All Thier Lives Are Left To Struggle ... The Uk Government Is Fkd Up
hotgurl Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Don't they have daycare centers in the UK? Is the Council like government aid? And if so can't you get help going to school? What about your mother can see watch you daughter at all? Would if be cheaper to move outside of London? I would say screw the BF he is clearly a jerk and focus on yourself. You can do it.
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Google is your friend. It took me less than a minute to find these two potential food bank suppliers. Get off the internet and get busy calling around. http://www.swindonfoodbank.co.uk/whatis.asp http://www.gccinfo.co.uk/html/food_bank.html
Chinook Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 And thanks, Chinook. I didn't know how it is there. But even so, why are you making the assumption that the loser father isn't working? No one knows that. Not even Emma, because she hasn't even TRIED to find out.Actually, I think she said he was fired for stealing. So it's an easy assumption to make that his work record isn't good and so he'd not be employed readily.
Art_Critic Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Ok... How To Expect I Could Have Found Out How Much Electricity/ Gas This Place Goes Through Befor I Moved???? Come On Then Explain Coz I Would Love To Know. In the US the power company will provide the last years use to you for free and all you have to do is call and ask them.. give them the address and tell them you want to know how much the previous bills for the last year were.
allina Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 emmaUK, why are you flipping out on us, no one is talking to you like you're a piece of sh*t. Look at my post on the previous page, it is filled with honest, reasonable SOLUTIONS. It seems like people here are honestly trying to HELP you get out of this situation.
Author emmaUK Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 there on NO ONE who can have my daughter.... i was placed in this house far away from friends.. my family all live in malta. my mum works full time and is very very busy. she can only have my daughter once a month. my friends are all very busy and work full time... the friends i have who do have kids live far away so its not suitable for them to have my daughter. do u think that if i could be working more i would... i have tried everything beleive me. i think u think i havent thought of everything there is to think of. to make money you need to start off with some money. all i want is to be able to work more... its like u think im deliberatly putting obstacles in the way of making money. im not that stupid... i love money too much. once my daughter goes to full time school then things will get better.. but that not for about a year yet... so i can then start diploma for personal training... but i cant go to school or anything now as again... where would be daughter go????
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