ToriJ Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hi well im kinda new to the dating scene, just out of a 3 yr relationship and i need some advice on dating. A few weeks ago i met a realy lovely guy in a pub. I gave him my number and we went to the cinema a few weeks later (he was out of the country with work). Cinema went well, typical first date were both of us were quite shy and nervous. He text me that night asking would i like to do something again and i said i would like drinks maybe next time and he agreed with this. The same week he asked me up to his house to watch a dvd and have a bottle of wine. I declined nicely because i taught this was a bit too intimate for a second date. He had exams coming up so i suggested we wait until he's finished his exams and go for a drink. We text now and again for the next few weeks and he asked me out for drinks the week after his exams were finished. I declined again saying that i wasnt sure because it was so long since id seen him. On saturday nite i met him out and we danced and kissed and had a little chat. He asked me back to his but i wouldnt i taught bit too soon, i told him to text me. We text for the next few days but he has not asked me out for drinks yet and im wondering should i ask him. I dont want to come across as being desperate by asking him out tho. He's a very confident person, has his pick of girls, although id also have my pick of men. Im just not sure if he's interested or not. On one hand i think he is but then he wont text for days and i start to think he's not into me. I also think that if he really wanted to go out with me he would have asked me by now. Any opinions would be grately appreciated. Thanks xxx
Hazy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 No, don't ask him out. He should be asking you out days ahead of time to "book" you, if he's really interested, no meeting up for drinks the same day, forget that crap. You want a guy who's really in it. a guy who calls to hang out or get drinks the same day is not really "in it."
Lizzie60 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hi well im kinda new to the dating scene, just out of a 3 yr relationship and i need some advice on dating. A few weeks ago i met a realy lovely guy in a pub. I gave him my number and we went to the cinema a few weeks later (he was out of the country with work). Cinema went well, typical first date were both of us were quite shy and nervous. He text me that night asking would i like to do something again and i said i would like drinks maybe next time and he agreed with this. The same week he asked me up to his house to watch a dvd and have a bottle of wine. I declined nicely because i taught this was a bit too intimate for a second date. He had exams coming up so i suggested we wait until he's finished his exams and go for a drink. We text now and again for the next few weeks and he asked me out for drinks the week after his exams were finished. I declined again saying that i wasnt sure because it was so long since id seen him. On saturday nite i met him out and we danced and kissed and had a little chat. He asked me back to his but i wouldnt i taught bit too soon, i told him to text me. We text for the next few days but he has not asked me out for drinks yet and im wondering should i ask him. I dont want to come across as being desperate by asking him out tho. He's a very confident person, has his pick of girls, although id also have my pick of men. Im just not sure if he's interested or not. On one hand i think he is but then he wont text for days and i start to think he's not into me. I also think that if he really wanted to go out with me he would have asked me by now. Any opinions would be grately appreciated. Thanks xxx I think that he thinks that YOU are not interested... you turned him down a few times... If I was him, I would do the same... geezz If I were you I would ask him out this time. He might be a confident guy but you sure sound like you're not.
Author ToriJ Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 As i said im just out of a relationship of 3 yrs so im totally new to this. There is 3/4 other guys asking me out but im not interested in them. Its just this one guy that i have my eye on. I keep getting conflicting answers even from my girlfriends. Some say do it and others say he should be running after me. Do guys actually like to be asked out or do they prefer to do that. Im so frustrated. He did ask me out a few times, but im not sure if he is really interested. He seems a bit luke warm, like he wont text back for hours or doesnt text for days that kinda thing. Thats why id prefer for him to ask me out. Although i suppose ill know if he's interested if i ask him out. Sorry if it seems like im rambling its just this guy has really got to me.
Hazy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 If he seems lukewarm, he probably is. Don't settle for the last-minute drink thing, I'm actually proud of you for that. You want a guy who is for real, not just 'hanging out.' IF a guy is really into you, he'll make efforts, you can tell. If you sense he's lukewarm, he probably is.
Lizzie60 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 If he seems lukewarm, he probably is. Don't settle for the last-minute drink thing, I'm actually proud of you for that. You want a guy who is for real, not just 'hanging out.' IF a guy is really into you, he'll make efforts, you can tell. If you sense he's lukewarm, he probably is. Why is it always the guys who have to make the effort... We're not in 1700 anymore. Last minute thing could be fun too... Let's say he had something.. then last minute, his plans change... he calls her because he would really like to see her... if she says no all the time.. he'll get the impression she's not interested. You have to start with the 'hanging out' stuff first... it's all about getting to know someone... It's not always about well-planned AHEAD dates... Maybe he's very much interested but got the impression she's not. That's MY impression..
Author ToriJ Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 In his text the other night he did say that he's interested in finishing a conversation we started the other night about our past relationships. Maybe that was a hint im not sure. I think im gonna just bite the bullet and ask him, feck it the worse he can do is say no. Ill do it tomorrow I am usually the type of girl that would just say feck him and wait for him to ask me but with this guy i dunno i just really really want to c him and spend time with him.
Hazy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 In his text the other night he did say that he's interested in finishing a conversation we started the other night about our past relationships. Maybe that was a hint im not sure. I think im gonna just bite the bullet and ask him, feck it the worse he can do is say no. Ill do it tomorrow I am usually the type of girl that would just say feck him and wait for him to ask me but with this guy i dunno i just really really want to c him and spend time with him. I guess once you have had a guy you like really want you and pursue, you get spoiled. I guess I want a guy who really pursues something he likes. I would never talk about past relationships to a guy I don't know that well, I find it boring and kind of...I don't know, weird. He must need someone to be the psychiatrist for him and give him all kinds of room to talk talk talk about past relationships.
oppath Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Do girls realize how hard it is for guys to ask them out? Plan it ahead of time! Well, we try, and we are turned down, and the phone is a vacuum, no counter offers. So we try last minute things instead, that way, it is something we are already doing, or our plans changed, so it's no big deal to be turned down. I can see your point that some of the things he's asked you to do feel too intimate for you; why not tell him that? Or, politely say you are busy, BUT say "I'll be free early next week if you'd like to get together then." It doesn't sound like you've hinted your availability to him at all. If I make TWO EFFORTS to see a girl, and she doesn't accept one or outright say "I'll be free this day", I move on. I understand however, that you are just out of a relationship. Most of the girls I've struggled to obtain dates with have been in that situation; most of the ones that have given me their availability have been single for a longer period of time.
Author ToriJ Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Hey oppath thanks for your reply. Nice to get a male point of view. Im only out of my relationship 2 months, im not 100% over him but i know ill never get back with him because he cheated on me. For this reason i am keen to date and its this one guy im interested in. Im kinda used to men texting me a lot if i give them my number and kinda asking me out and making plans with me straight away. Whereas this guy is the total opposite. He text but very infrequently and i just dont feel that his interest level is very high. Maybe its this reason i want him so much, case of i want what i cant have. I know he asked me out twice and i said no, but after spending most of the night dancing and kissing last sat i taught he would have asked me out after that. Ive been told to keep away cause he's a bit of a player. This probly seems very trivial to everyone with bigger problems in relationships but im just looking for some advice cause i dont want to seem desperate to this guy.
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I wouldn't lose any sleep over this, this guy asked you to his place and you had only met him twice, kind of creepy. Watch out and definitely hold off on intimacy for at least a couple months if you do start dating. You want to weed this guy out if he just wants one thing. Seriously. Creepy. It does not matter how YOU appear to HIM, it's is this a decent guy to YOU. Don't give a rat's about what he thinks about you, be true to yourself. I am proud of you for having self-control and dignity and actually wanting to...gee, get to know the guy.... before you get intimate. This is showing him that you are NOT desperate. If he doesn't ask you out again, his loss. Next!
Author ToriJ Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Oh god i am the most conservative girl you could ever meet. Ive never had a one night stand, i only sleep with men when i trust them completly, with my ex that took 5 months. Most guys probly find that weird cause im 24 but ive got very high standards and would never ever have a one night stand. Ive nothing against anyone that does its just not my style. He knows this, its extremly obvious that im this way and everyone in my town knows im like that. So i know that he was innocent when he asked me back to his and over to watch a dvd. We didnt even kiss on our first or second meeting, saturday was the very first time we kissed and i have to say i like a lot he also text the next day to say he had a good night and that im a very very good kisser
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 You go, girl, and keep being you. Don't go changing for a man.
Recommended Posts