Author spookie Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Thanks for responding everyone! Rationally I understood that my 5 pound weight gain was probably not the deciding factor when my ex ended the relationship, but for some reason I've felt very insecure about that part anyway. After we broke up I started working out and in two months have lost all the weight and then some, and I feel more healthy and strong. I guess I am frustrated by how EASY it is be in shape, and I'm finding it hard to forgive myself for not doing this BEFORE the breakup. But, he was a jerk. It's for the best. I know that.
Herzen Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Spookie, your thread was well-timed. The Net and newspapers are buzzing about a 30 year longitudinal study, published today in The New England Journal of Medicine, which established that obesity is contagious.When a close friend becomes obese a mutual friend's chances of becoming obese increases by 57%. There's also an increased likelihood of becoming obese if a family member becomes obese, but less so than with a close friend. Fascinating: The Obesity Virus!
Lizzie60 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I heard that on the radio this morning too... LOL Obesity is socially contagious! From now on...I will dump all my obese friend... LOL.. (just kidding I have no obese friends)
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Spookie, your thread was well-timed. The Net and newspapers are buzzing about a 30 year longitudinal study, published today in The New England Journal of Medicine, which established that obesity is contagious.When a close friend becomes obese a mutual friend's chances of becoming obese increases by 57%. There's also an increased likelihood of becoming obese if a family member becomes obese, but less so than with a close friend. Fascinating: The Obesity Virus! Dude...she gained 5 pounds. I'm failing to see the connection here. Spookie, if 5 pounds, which is easily lost in about two weeks, is the reason he broke up with you, he is a superficial guy and you don't want a guy who would break up with you over five pounds. Don't beat yourself up over this! If anything, it helped you weed out a guy who is not right for you.
love necessity Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 If a girl friend (for lifestyle reasons)ballooned to the point where she became obese and lost her figure, and demonstrated little interest or motivation in losing the weight, I would leave. Call me superficial, cold and heartless: But when all desire is gone and has been replaced by a visceral repugnance for a lover's fat and squishy body why continue in the relationship? Nostalgia? Guilt? Fear of being labeled shallow or superficial? Why fake a relationship? Why pretend desire? And by the way, If a woman left me after I allowed my body to go south, I'd understand. If she gets fat, I get out. I wouldn't necessarily call you superficial, everyone has his/her standards to live by. Some people fall out because of weight, some people fall out because of lying or cheating, but that's life. Everyone has their pet peeves, everyone likes to judge, but in the end, no one is perfect. You either except that in people, or you try and dodge (run) from those with issues. I am one of those women whose gained a lot of weight, and my boyfriend did too, but then he had the motivation to lose all of it, and then some. I haven't lost a single pound yet, other than my weight fluctuating here and there as normal, but my SO still deeply cares about me and shows that towards me everyday. He doesn't love me any less, and surely doesn't judge me. Weight gain is a hard battle for a woman, especially now more than ever, because tall, skinny, beautiful women seem to be the center of attention these days. Have you ever had an (ex) girlfriend gain weight? If not, you may think you know what you would do, but the honest truth is that you don't know. My boyfriend is actually very supportive of my weight. He does occasionally express his concerns about my health, but other than that he doesn't press the issue. He always reassures me that I am beautiful the way I am, and that I am still the same person he met on the inside. While "attraction" is a big deal in most relationships, him and I didn't start dating because of our looks. Initially, we were just friends, and he asked me out. In fact when we met, he wasn't even my type. I never in a thousand years pictured us having a relationship, but after we fell in love, the attraction kept getting hotter and hotter. Now, he is the best thing in my world, and I couldn't want more. I am very happy with him. I can understand dumping someone who has no "will power",but that doesn't only have to be when dealing with weight, right? Would you stick around with a woman who was perfect on the outside, but had no motivation to get a job or go anywhere in life?
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Would you stick around with a woman who was perfect on the outside, but had no motivation to get a job or go anywhere in life? There are men on this site who want to be the sole provider and have a stay-at-home wife, so it wouldn't be a problem for lots of them. Herzen is a lawyer so it might suit him just fine.
love necessity Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 There are men on this site who want to be the sole provider and have a stay-at-home wife, so it wouldn't be a problem for lots of them. Herzen is a lawyer so it might suit him just fine. There is a difference between a housewife who "chooses" to stay home and take care of the children, and a woman who because of her looks, can stay home not lift a finger. House wives are hard-working and responsible. They have the duty of taking care of the kids, which to me is harder than getting up everyday and going to work. Whereas a woman who has no children, may only take not work to take advantage of some old geeser who only wants her for "sex". Now, I'm not saying that's always the case, but it more than likely is. Ex. Anna Nicole Smith Now, where's the love in that? She couldn't have possibly been love with his looks! If there was no money involved, would she have married him? Probably not! Take it all away, and she would've been left with a bunch of wrinkles and a sagging arse! Where is the love in that?--->Men only loving woman because of their looks!! It's not fair!! Why do we always have to be the ones to be judged? Why can't we be the judges!! Back to the point! I don't like the idea of "rich" men looking for significantly younger woman to bare stay at home and bare children. What happens when she has 3 children, and has gained liked 30 lbs? What would men do? OoooWW, I got it, I got it!! They should go out and have an affair, watch porn, go to strip clubs or pick up hookers. Is that a solution?? Should woman be self-conscious? I see why most women are! Don't you! Men who need to have a perfect looking woman will never be satisfied and will always look for loop wholes to find what they are looking for. It's no wonder their are so many woman on this site, ranting and raving about how there H's or SO's aren't supportive and how they cheat, lie, etc, etc. I swear it's like a never ending loop! Will there ever be a day where men are on the cover of magazines, and men consume most advertisements? I would really like to see that day, so that they can know what we go through.
VIP Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Men only loving woman because of their looks!! It's not fair!! Why do we always have to be the ones to be judged? Why can't we be the judges!! Women are attracted to looks just as much as men are.
Trialbyfire Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I'm trying to understand the weight gain when you have children. Keep in mind I don't have any so that's why I'm curious. Some of my friends and family have had children. The significant difference between the ones that retained weight and the ones that didn't, was their lifestyle. The more sedentary ones who ate more, had difficulty losing weight. The ones that went back to their original eating and active habits, albeit different activities, slimmed down sometimes to below pregnancy weight while breast feeding. This was after the first child. With the second child, the ones that lost the weight after the first child had no problems with weight loss, the ones that didn't, lost complete control over their weight gain.
love necessity Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Women are attracted to looks just as much as men are. That may be so, but in relationships it's more common that the "lady" looks descent.
Hestia Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I really wouldnt mind if my bf put on some weight (he's really thin and i think stronger man are cute). Weither way, his weight would never affect how much i love him. It could affect the physical attraction but not the love.
IpAncA Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Of course I wouldn't fall out of love. That's shallow and proves if I did that, I only loved his physical appearance and not him. That's sad even thinking about it.
ruby_gloom Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 To answer my own question, I know I wouldn't. But the kind of love I give, once I do choose to love some, borders on dementia. It's completely unconditional, which I am thinking is unhealthy as it allows the objects of my affections to trod all over me without repercussions. ditto what you said. 5 pounds is nothing, spook. you're tall and actually rather light for your height. from what i remember, your exbf was a sitting duck, so he had no right to criticize. but then again, he did a lot of ambivalent things, eh? but for what it's worth, at the end of my "relationship," i also wondered if he would have stuck around longer if i was thinner. he never told me i was fat or anything, but he would poke at my stomach and would laugh when i squirmed about. maybe he was trying to tell me something? oh well. too late now. plus he wasn't mr. fitness himself, that alcoholic, drug-addict couch potato, so whatever dude.
Curmudgeon Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I wouldn't necessarily call you superficial... But then again, it wouldn't be the first time.
StartingOver07 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 To a large extent, for me, it would depend on why the weight gain occurred. If there was a medical problem or something beyond my SO's control, it would be much easier to accept than if my SO simply decided to let himself go. Given the health implications of being overweight, deciding to stop caring for one's body by gaining weight and eliminating regular physical activity is no different from deciding to drink excessively or take up smoking. I have to say, though, that I am amazed at how many people here don't seem to see physical attraction as an element on its own. I don't think I am shallow and I recognize that time will change both my SO's physical appearance and mine. But people can be vibrant and fit at any age and that is damn sexy to me.
lino Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Would you stick around with a woman who was perfect on the outside, but had no motivation to get a job or go anywhere in life? If she was respectful & loving towards me I wouldn't have a problem with it. I not really qualified to answer the question by the OP because I've never been in love.
VIP Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 That may be so, but in relationships it's more common that the "lady" looks descent. I would disagree with that, there are a lot more overweight women than men, because women gain weight more easily.
zink Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 I wouldnt leave if she gained weight, I married her heavy anyway - I love Junk in the Trunk.
halfarock Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 My H could look better but then so could I. I fell MADLY and passionately in love with this man. We're not in it for the show stopping scene. I don't compare. This is for those who feel they HAVE TO have the beautiful partner. Are you LOOKING at others? Or concerned with what your friends think? Seems the feelings in this relationship don't matter as much as you once thought. Relationships aren't based on opinions of others. We age and for the most of us we have a good grounded love that we can hold on to for a lifetime. It appears that you aren't looking for that lifetime relationship. Partners aren't accessories. So. What if I'm madly in love with the prettiest woman in all of Oregon?
halfarock Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 The mother of my children has gained probably 50-60 lbs since I was last with her nearly 20 years ago. When I look at her I wonder how I could have ever loved someone like her. But then when she was 19, thin, and quite the looker she wasn’t the same person that she is now.
Hazy Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Well, the point of this thread is that the OP is still in a thin weight range, she is 5'8" and put on 5 little pounds and she is beating herself up over it. It is sad when a woman is feeling guilty for 5 pounds when it's her exbf whose the a** for saying that his thin girlfriend would look hotter if she lost 10 pounds. I've never had a guy I was dating say anything like that, it's unfathomably rude to me and he is just a total jerk. i don't feel that is why he broke up with her however, but he is one of those guys that likes to bring his woman down a peg to make her feel insecure because he is extremely insecure with himself.
Hazy Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 So. What if I'm madly in love with the prettiest woman in all of Oregon? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, though. Another guy might not give your girlfriend a second look if he passed her. The next guy who passed her might think "She's fug." When you love someone, they become more attractive to you. I think the fact that people are not all attracted to the same people is a good thing, there's something for everyone, whether you prefer Jane Mansfield curvy or Nicole Ritchie skin and bones.
Hazy Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 The mother of my children has gained probably 50-60 lbs since I was last with her nearly 20 years ago. When I look at her I wonder how I could have ever loved someone like her. But then when she was 19, thin, and quite the looker she wasn’t the same person that she is now. Actually she is the same person. Only her weight has changed. Fundamentally, people are the same people. Looks are only transitory.
madgun68 Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Speaking for myself, I know I wouldn't fall out of love with someone I loved just because they've gained some weight. (Then again, my weight has fluctuated throughout the years. That would have an impact on my thoughts on the matter.)
tommyr Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Actually she is the same person. Only her weight has changed. Fundamentally, people are the same people. Looks are only transitory. To the extent that her extra 60 pounds is a direct consequence of her lifestyle (daily choices about what to do, what/where/when to eat, preference for outdoor activities, priority of her appearance, etc), she is probably not the same person as before.
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