fray718 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I was reading through the official NC threads and it seems to say that NC is not literally no contact, but rather delayed/minimal contact. But my question is, is this kind of NC (I'll call it NC#1) more for those who have at least some desire/hope to get back with his/her ex? Because the other NC (I'll call it NC#2) i have in mind is really...no contact at all. I've tried NC#1 before and I feel that it slowed down the healing process because the hope that he may change his mind was always there. My mind was constantly tortured and it took me longer to move on. Recently I tried NC#2...and here I actually told the person that I prefer to not talk/see each other anymore even as acquaintances as I've developed a policy to not stay in contact with people I've dated (which is true). He didn't dump me per say but it was where I was the heartbroken one nonetheless -- it was one of those things where I called it quits because while he is ok with dating me exclusively he says he is not ready for the expectations/pressures of a relationship. He didn't want us to just cut each other off but after I ignored his IM, we have had zero contact with each other for the past 2.5 weeks. I know I've cut off all hope but perhaps this was one of those situations where there was not much there in the beginning anyway and hope of him changing his mind would take a miracle. But nonethess, I found that absolutely no contact made it much easier for me to move on. When the hope/desire to get back together is gone, there is much relief. What do you all think of NC#1 vs NC#2? I'm sure it depends on the situation, but I think if one really wants to just move on and not live with that hope/desire, then NC#2 is what I would do.
Brownie0915 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I agree with the NC#2 100%, me and my girlfriend broke up a little over a week ago and for the first few days I tried NC#1 and kept in touch with her, she has already found some1 else and that killed me inside talking to her because I always asked about him and her, but for the past few days I switched to NC#2 and it was amazing, time went by faster, i got my normal eating habbits back, i was finally getting happy again. But tonight like an idiot, she called me and I broke the rule and answered. She blabered on and on about how her and her new guy have lots of things in common that me and her didnt, and said all these things that he did that i didnt, pretty much comparing him to me, and that absolutly killed me inside, i cried my eyes out for over an hour. Im strickly staying to NC#2 for now on and will try my best no to talk to her anymore, because i normally would have cried alot longer having talked to her every day so NC#2 is already working! I would recommend NC#2 to anyone who wants to move on and be happy again.
selarom Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 My opinion is that NC#1 is what you should do if your significant other broke things off because they were basically confused or wanted space, but you still want to hang on to a hope that they'll come around. NC#2 seems better if an ex has definitely moved on, or they were more definite about the break up. But obviously it depends on the situation. I would never tolerate listening to an ex tell me about some new boyfriend. I would end the conversation as soon as possible or tell them straight out that I didn't want to hear about it. I think the official definitions of NC would be #2, but its a bit hard to figure out. Everyone has their own opinions.
Hurt & Alone Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 It really depends on the individuals circumstances. I can say that i have tried #2 recently but that for me seems to hurt more and has prolonged the healing process. I cant stand the way things ended eventhough, it was a a rel that should have never been in the first place. I have a difficult time with nc in this circumstance. Actually to think more about that I continue to have contact with my ex-h not in hopes of reconsiliation but because we do have a child togther. We D because he was a sever alc and was not far from death. So each time I hear from him I feel better because I know he is still alive. As far as any other previous rel I still have contact with them, we are still friends. I guess I do not do well in general with #2, if there were true feelings involved then for me it is hard.
funkybassplayer Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I think i would liked to have been able to stay in l/c with my ex, but she moved on to a new guy fast who had a problem with us keeping friends, so i dont keep contact, mainly b/c its her wish, and it really hurts, but then again, i did love her v much, and it may have been 10 times as bad if i did. im hopeing 1 day we will be friends, as i miss her and the kids.
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