yellowroses68 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hi on thusday night my husband of 21 years told me he wanted to separate... we had been going through a tough time but i thought we where working through it he told me he doesnt love me anymore and he wants to see other women, because of the finances he is staying at home it will take 12-18months before that will change we have 4 children and we want to be financially sorted for them. He then tells me that hes meeting a new woman and now this weekend he going to stay the night at her house! We,ve been together since we where 16 and neither of us have had anyother sexual partners I cant beleive a week a go he was in our bed making love to me and the following week he will be with someone else. its tearing me apart He keeps telling me to find someone else but i want him i still love him i feel so lost and alone. as of yet we havent told anyone about the separation and thats difficult for me as i need to talk to someone so ive come here for your advise
Melovator Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Dear yellowroses Get him out of your home. He's made the decision to end it now- he should leave now. Otherwise all that is going to happen is that you are going to get screwed over emotionally. He's scewing someone else, mentally if not physically, you cannot believe anything that comes out of his mouth while that is happening. He will lie and then when you catch him out he will say 'I didn't want to hurt you' or some other cr@p. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a bad person. What he's doing right now is not about you; its about him and his selfishness. He is only telling you to find someone else so he doesn't have to feel like the complete f**k-tard that he is. Because if you have someone else then everyone's all moved on and you can play nice. See a lawyer. ASAP. You are not being a b*tch or a horrible person by checking out your legal rights. This is really hard, the hardest thing ever. But get him out of the house if you can because as long as he's there you will not have any emotional space to think about yourself, you'll keep thinking about him. And he's not thinking about you- he thinking about his willy. Get as much space as you can to think about you and what you want.
Ladyjane14 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Hi on thusday night my husband of 21 years told me he wanted to separate... we had been going through a tough time but i thought we where working through it he told me he doesnt love me anymore and he wants to see other women, because of the finances he is staying at home it will take 12-18months before that will change we have 4 children and we want to be financially sorted for them. He then tells me that hes meeting a new woman and now this weekend he going to stay the night at her house! We,ve been together since we where 16 and neither of us have had anyother sexual partners I cant beleive a week a go he was in our bed making love to me and the following week he will be with someone else. its tearing me apart He keeps telling me to find someone else but i want him i still love him i feel so lost and alone. as of yet we havent told anyone about the separation and thats difficult for me as i need to talk to someone so ive come here for your advise Your husband is having an affair, sweetie. It's likely to have been going on for quite some time too. While it's been known to happen, they don't usually screw up the nerve to break up the marriage unless they've got something else waiting for them stage left. Check out websites like divorcenet.com for an overview of divorce law state-by-state. If there's anything to be gained by proving adultery on him... get a PI or whatever you need to do to get evidence of his affair. Get a detailed report of his cell phone usage extending as far back as he's been acting weird. Same thing for bank statements and credit card reports. See an attorney immediately and KICK HIS SORRY ASS out of your home, then freeze your accounts so he can't make off with the assets. Let the OW put a roof over his head and wash his socks. There are books on the market that will help you deal with your situation emotionally and put communications tools in your hands. Try Surviving An Affair and/or Divorce Busting. Consider getting into IC (individual counseling). This will also help you feel a bit more emotionally supported. You're probably scared, caught by surprise, and afraid of making a mistake. That's natural. But... grab the bull by the horns anyway. Take control of the situation. Get educated on the dynamics of affairs as quickly as possible. Get educated on legal matters. Don't trust the guy who has his head screwed on backwards to be in control of YOUR life and YOUR future, nor that of your children's. There's nothing like REALITY to clarify a man's choices. Affairs are based on fantasy and infatuation. But Mr. Reality don't play.
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Sounds like your husband has lost all his marbles. You can’t just declare that you’re separated and announce that you’re off to live the happy bachelor life with your new lover without actually leaving your marital home or filing for a legal separation agreement. What a dummy. Don’t allow yourself to be intimidated into paralysis by the stupid things he says or does. As a matter of fact, he’s just shot himself in the foot with this foolishness and if you can manage to keep a clear head, you can use it to your advantage. I second the great advice you’ve already been given. Set up an appointment to see an attorney PRONTO and fill them in on your situation. They’ll give you the run down of the marital laws pertaining to your state as well as all your options so that you’ll be better prepared to protect yourself and your children. Let him play it stupid ... but whatever you do, don’t let fear of the unknown play you.
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