thelovelythalia Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 My boyfriend doesn't make that much money, and when he does have some, he has to use it to pay for cell phone bills and car payments. I have a good deal of money (I do work for it, but I'm also dependent on my dad who sends me checks once in a while, though that's mainly for rent, ultiities, and food). I like to go out to eat when I'm w/my boyfriend b/c during the regular week, I'm either in school or working, and so I make my own food during that time. I also like to go to the movies, go explore places (and that usually involves having to pay for parking), museums, local events, etc. I've been paying for most of our stuff, food, whatever, for a good 7 months now, and I'm getting sick of it. I suggested to him that he finds a better paying job, but he claims if he does, he'll have to work more hours and have less time to do homework (we both go to college but at different schools)..so he basically still won't be able to see me unless I pay for things. I'm also a good-hearted person and not like having to make my own food while watching my boyfriend eat nothing..and I do like going out for meals, but I always have to pay. We even giggle when the waiter hands my boyfriend the bill. We even try to go to cheap events and eat at cheap places so I don't have to pay for so much. He used to pay for alot of our things, but when he lost in his job last Dec, I've become the main 'provider' in money..I've also bought him a few things (gifts, such as his bday, our anniversary) but I have NOT bought anything personally for him, such as clothes or whatever, I refuse to do that. But since I'm sick of paying..and I've probably spent over $500 dollars on us now, the only conclusion we can find is to not spend time w/each other and avoid going places unless we plan far in advance, so we'll both have some money prepared. It's not that I don't have any money, I do..but I now feel guilty if I spend for myself b/c I feel that it could've been saved for my next meal or whatever w/my boyfriend. There must be a better solution to this, I'm getting frustrated and he feels gulity b/c he can't be a typical boyfriend and pay for most of things. I mean, I'd be willing to switch off once in a while, or split a bill..but we can't even do that. Argh..there must be someone else in this position. What am I supposed to do?? I don't want it to hurt the relationship.
jerbear Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Money will always come up at some point. It can be sour point. Who is who in the relationship? Spenders versus savers. Has he ever tried to pay? What does he do with the money he makes? Spend it on college and living expenses or just thrifty? Regarding getting a better paying job and more hours well his stance is right on focusing on finishing college. No point getting $2 above min wage when you can graduate to $25/hr. Another thing is to cut back on going out to save money. I'm a big proponent of education and money. Spending $500 is not the best idea at times. Not saying you two should be hermits; do go out but spend less and refocus. No matter what a sit down is required to discuss financial matters. It is a good prelude to what life together is like.
Hazy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 This isn't right. A decent man wouldn't let his girlfriend foot the bill all the time and then giggle about it. He's taking advantage of you. Don't men know how to be men? He could take you to a hotdog stand and treat, if he really cared about you. He is not a real man. He is a wimp and he will probably always be that way because his mama didn't raise him right.
norajane Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Save the going out to eat for when you're with your friends. Get together with your bf AFTER dinner, and then stay home watch DVD's and cuddle on the couch and have great sex.
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 If a guy takes you for granted in any way, state your expectations. If he won't meet them, then you decide what you want to do about them. Keep in mind that part of your money comes from your father and since he lost his job, he doesn't have supplemental income. Regardless, I agree that you should try to do things that are within his income ability to pay an equal share. If he starts to complain, you already know what to do about it.
lino Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I haven't met many girls like you. I think you might be getting taken advantage of, but I don't really know your situation so well. I think you should tell him to earn more money.
Hazy Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Save the going out to eat for when you're with your friends. Get together with your bf AFTER dinner, and then stay home watch DVD's and cuddle on the couch and have great sex. I disagree. If he really loves her, he'll make an effort to take her out and pay for it. He can save enough to go to Applebee's or a cheaper place. He shouldn't get out of doing nothing, plus DVD's cost money, too.
roxy_1980 Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 College is a difficult time financially for everyone. You get help from your Dad so that you don't have to work ridiculuous hours and can focus on your studies more. He doesn't have that support, so he has to make due with what he has. You must understand this. You stated that you like going out alot, but truth is that he just can't afford museums and lots of restaurants. You need to start doing low cost dates and saving the fancy stuff for special times. That way he can chip in. Admittedly, it isn't very chivalrous to just let you pay, but I get the feeling that you probably insisted alot during the beginning of the relationship and now he has become complecent and just lets you pick where and pay for it, cause he can't. Start dating like college student. A day at the beach is free. So is skating or going running together at the local park. Most cities have a free summer concert series if you really look for them.
zilverenvlinder Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I don't necessarily think you're being taken advantage of. Are YOU the one who suggests going out to eat/going to the movies? Because if you are, and you are aware of the fact that he doesn't have money to go to these places, I think it's your responsibility to pay for him in the first place. If he is happy eating boxed macaroni and cheese and watching cable movies with you, then I wouldn't be complaining that he's not chipping in. If you don't like his lifestyle, maybe you should find another guy who's father pays for his rent, utilities, et cetera. (If you haven't noticed, it adds up to a LOT of money.) And what it sounds like to me, is your boyfriend has to pay for all of his stuff. That's life! Everything can't be so extravagant, unless you have rich parents who pay for all of your crap. By the way, $500 in 7 months is definitely not very much money to spend on your significant other. That equals out to about $17.85 a week...which isn't much money for someone whose daddy pays for everything.
corazoncito Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Another poster was having similar issues with her BF, but she was in your BF's position of not being able to afford to spend a lot of money with her partner. Maybe it would be helpful to read her threads to understand better how your BF might be viewing the situation? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117439/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t116163/ (this one is long and you might want to skip the first few pages to get to the money discussion) If your BF is sincerely working all he can without jeopardizing his studies, you may have to just find lower cost alternatives to what you have been doing on dates.
Hazy Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I think that a good idea is to cook together...I mean he's poor but he still has to eat, and this is a good way for couples to spend time together, dining. Then you don't spend anymore than you would normally for eating, anyway. And if he states that he can't afford to host you for dinner once in a while, he's full of s**t, you can make a decent lasagna for pretty darned cheap and it will last you several days.
Lizzie60 Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I don't think this is fair for you... and it's not fair to your dad. If I were you, I would either dump him.. or just stay at home, watch TV, play games... go for walks in the park... etc. Like you say, for other stuff, plan ahead, both chip in for the expenses... I mean, once in a while is OK... all the time.. no way!
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