ConfusedDude Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Ok this is a serious thread but at the same time its also a way for me to write and collect my thoughts. Ok well I'm a 21 year old male. For the past several years I've been trying to figure out just who I am, atleast sexual orientation wise. I'm attracted based on looks mostly to women but I've found myself attracted to a male friend of mine and some other men. Also frankly the vagina is just nasty and unappealing to me. Penises on the other hand I LOVE, I can honestly say that If given a choice between the two I would chose the penis. Also when my friends will take me to strip clubs I find them extremely boring, they do absolutely nothing for me. But put me in the same situation with a guy stripping I'll get an erection, even if I don't feel attracted to the guy. I've had sex with several women, and my friends say I'm a pretty smooth person with the girls, but to even get hard to have sex with them I have to fantasize that they have a penis, as if they were a transsexual or something. I've never ejaculated from vaginal sex but I have from anal sex. I also would get really bored if my gf wouldn't do anal. On the other hand I had about a month long casual dating/sex experience with a transsexual I met that was amazing, honestly the best sex I ever had. Ideally I would want a m2f transsexual as a partner. I know it sounds cliché but it would really be the "best of both worlds" for me. Secondly I'm only attracted to gay men, the more flamboyant the better. I don't find any straight man attractive, especially since most dont take very good care of themselves. . Sometimes I think I may be bisexual but frankly being bi is something extremely unattractive to me. I just don't think I could handle both. I would prefer to simply be into one or the other, not both. So what do you guys think? I wouldn't say I'm gay because I visually attracted to women, but others tell me since I prefer penises that makes me automatically gay or something. I'm really very confused. Anyone have any ideas/incite/comments?
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Ask yourself this...Could you picture yourself having a long term relationship with a guy? If yes, then chances are, you're gay. I think you need to follow your gut, where your heart takes you...Maybe you're someone who will fall inlove with someone male or female and sexual orientation doesn't matter... If you're feeling very confused, would you consider counselling?
Author ConfusedDude Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Ask yourself this...Could you picture yourself having a long term relationship with a guy? If yes, then chances are, you're gay. I think you need to follow your gut, where your heart takes you...Maybe you're someone who will fall inlove with someone male or female and sexual orientation doesn't matter... If you're feeling very confused, would you consider counselling? I have thought about that alot the last few months and when I really think about it I would have to say I could see myself having a long term relationship with a guy, but only if he's the type I've been attracted to before. Is the m2f fetish thing gay? That really depends on who you ask. And its more than just a fetish.
Enema Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Sounds like you're gay to me. Just because you find women attractive doesn't mean you've got a strong hetero-streak in you. Plenty of straight women find other women attractive.
sparkie Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 It sounds to me like the problem you're struggling with isn't the fact that you're gay or not (which to me it's pretty obvious you are); it's how to handle being gay. To me it seems like the reason you feel so attracted to transexuals is because out of all the gay... umm... "sub-groups"... they're the ones you could probably most likely pass off and take home to Mom without all those distainful looks and homophobic comments from Dad and Uncle Jim. You obviously sound like you know what you like sexually, physically and emotionally (i.e. a feminine male) but, though I could be completely wrong, I feel as though if you would be honest with yourself and those around you; and ignore any discrimination, you would have no problem dating such a man without them being a transexual. Unless ofcourse that's what you truly desire, in that case, why are you asking us what you already know crazy?
LoveLace Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 I don't think it makes you Bi just cause you like to look at women...even women like to look at other women...and are not necessarily turned on, it's just a visual...I think it's obvious that you desire men both sexually and emotionally, and you even seem to know what you like personality-wise in another man. But if you are somehow struggling with all this, I'd suggest talking to someone you trust weather it's a friend, family member, or another gay friend. It doesn't seem that you feel ashamed of your preferences, so maybe it's just the challenge to really "come out" with it that's making you feel confused; maybe you even wish you were more into women so that you wouldn't have to label yourself as "gay"...matter of fact I was just in a predominantly gay bar a few weeks ago, and I had gay men walking up and telling me how sexy I am....I was the confused one!!!
Author ConfusedDude Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 It sounds to me like the problem you're struggling with isn't the fact that you're gay or not (which to me it's pretty obvious you are); it's how to handle being gay. To me it seems like the reason you feel so attracted to transexuals is because out of all the gay... umm... "sub-groups"... they're the ones you could probably most likely pass off and take home to Mom without all those distainful looks and homophobic comments from Dad and Uncle Jim. You obviously sound like you know what you like sexually, physically and emotionally (i.e. a feminine male) but, though I could be completely wrong, I feel as though if you would be honest with yourself and those around you; and ignore any discrimination, you would have no problem dating such a man without them being a transexual. Unless ofcourse that's what you truly desire, in that case, why are you asking us what you already know crazy? I don't know if me liking transsexuals is just a compromise to me being a homosexual and trying to cover it up. It could be possible though, I know coming out to my father is something I would really hate having to do (he's very homophobic) I'm thinking its just cause transsexuals are essential ultra femme men and thats what I like. Last night I was watching some news show like Dateline and they kept talking to this effeminate gay man and I couldnt help but think how amazingly attractive he was and how that was the type of guy I would like to date. It doesn't seem that you feel ashamed of your preferences, so maybe it's just the challenge to really "come out" with it that's making you feel confused; maybe you even wish you were more into women so that you wouldn't have to label yourself as "gay"...matter of fact I was just in a predominantly gay bar a few weeks ago, and I had gay men walking up and telling me how sexy I am....I was the confused one!!! In many ways I do wish I was more into women, that way I could feel sure and "secure" in who I am. Hell if I was completely into men I would be happy, its just this being unsure and feeling inbetween that really gets to me. It's kinda stressful at time.
Aloros Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 You don't sound confused to me. Just sounds like you're gay with a physical preference towards effeminate men. I know plenty of straight women who think effeminate men are HOT, but that doesn't make them gay!
lonelybird Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 I know coming out to my father is something I would really hate having to do (he's very homophobic) I'm thinking its just cause transsexuals are essential ultra femme men and thats what I like. Hi, do you have a good relationship with your father? do you hate him?
norajane Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Sounds like you're gay. Straight men love pussy, and can't wait to get their penis inside one. As to the rest, transsexual means people who have one physical body type, but feel like they should be the other gender. Some have gender re-assignment surgery and take hormones to become the other gender...which is something you would NOT like, because they would want to get rid of their penis and have breast implants. But I think what you're saying is you're attracted to gay transvestites - in this case, men who dress as women, and try to pass as women out in public, but are perfectly happy with having a penis AND who are attracted to other men. (Some men are transvestites (cross-dressers), but are still straight and are attracted to women and only want to have sex with women.) So you're a gay man attracted to gay transvestites. And you are also attracted to non-transvestite effeminate gay men. And your main problem isn't your preference - it really is that you can't come out to your dad and tell him what your sexual preferences are. You don't have to until you're ready. Give it some time - maybe when you fall in love with someone instead of just having sex with people, you'll have enough strength and the desire to come out.
Mr. Lucky Posted July 26, 2007 Posted July 26, 2007 Give it some time - maybe when you fall in love with someone instead of just having sex with people, you'll have enough strength and the desire to come out. Beyond that, you talk a lot about sexual attraction but very little about emotional attraction. The sex can be good but there are still many hours left in the day. Who are you most comfortable spending time with, talking to and relating to? Mr. Lucky
Author ConfusedDude Posted July 26, 2007 Author Posted July 26, 2007 Hi, do you have a good relationship with your father? do you hate him? My relationship with my father could be better. I don't hate him or anything but he really hasn't been too involved in my life. He's incredibly self-centered at times, when ever we did anything father/son it would always be something he enjoyed. I can't really count on him for anything because he has a tendency to simply forget stuff, or put stuff off, or be incredibly late to things. On the other hand I'm very close to my mother, I suppose since she pretty much raised me herself. Dad was around but only as a monetary supporter, he rarely acted like a father. Beyond that, you talk a lot about sexual attraction but very little about emotional attraction. The sex can be good but there are still many hours left in the day. Who are you most comfortable spending time with, talking to and relating to? Mr. Lucky I should probably explain that when I say attracted I mean "physically and emotionally attracted" for me they are very connected and I really cant enjoy anything sexual with a person I wouldn't see myself dating. As far as who I like spending time with, I supposed I'd have to say the gay men, cause I feel I can be myself around them. For example a few years ago I met a drag performer named Nathan. He was very effeminant and would generally be dress as a woman when we hung out. I wouldn't say we were dating as it was kinda just a casual thing, but it was fun to hang around with him. We would just chill, watch movies, talk, have sex . Even though it was casual and it ended after a while, it was really an enjoyable time and I'd have to say it was one of the strongest emotional connections I had ever had. On the other hand, most of the relationships I've had with women have revolved around sex almost entirely and we didn't seem to have much of anything in common or going on other than sex.
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