Mandy5 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 So my exboyfriend broke up with me about a month ago..and ive been NC for just over 2 weeks..i know its not long at all..but im going crazy!!! somedays are better then others..but somedays i feel so horrible, all i want to do is talk to him, and see what hes doing, and know if he misses me too. He broek up with me because he said he wanted to be single, he said he still love sme, but we need to not talk so i can get over him. I just keep wondering if i will ever talk to him again...i really want to call him so bad..but i know i can't... i wonder if this NC is hard for him...or if he has already moved on.. i hate all these thoughts i have!..and i jsut wish they would all go away! I just feel like im not going to meet a guy like him again, he was so good to me, and everythign about him and our relationship was so perfect. I just feel like im not going to find that anymore..i just really want him back.
ruby_gloom Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 hi mandy, aw, sweetheart, i know how you feel. how long were you two dating for? how old are you both? ah, NC is a b.tch, isn't it? i know it's difficult, but try to understand that NC is really for your own well-being. try not to think of it as a method or tool to try to make him miss you so that he can come back. just think of NC as a way to make you hurt a little less, especially given the reason he gave you. he says he wants to be single, right? well, what do you think that means? he probably just wants to live his life without having anyone to answer to and without having to deal with (what he may perceive as) pressures from the relationship. thus, he's probably just about and about doing whatever normal guy things guys his age do--but, do you want to hear about them? probably not. if anything, hearing about whatever he may be doing will only make you feel sadder, so why put yourself through that? just stick to NC and go about your everyday things as best as you can. remember that it's completely normal to feel gutted right after a break up, and that it's okay if you want to take a day to just be by yourself and to try to sort out all that you are feeling. make sure, though, that if you see that the thoughts (of him) are starting to take over so much that they are really interfering with your daily life, then you need to restart and reboot because if you don't you will just fall into a downward spiral of sorts, that can prove very hard to get out of. remember what whatever will be, will be. if this is really it for you two, then there's nothing more to do. but if it's not, then rest assured that life and time will have a way to put things in place as they should be--and maybe you two will be together again. note here, though, that if you are sad, sad, sad, you will be just that: sad. it really won't help you in any way. so, i guess the best thing to do is to take things one day at a time. i know the thoughts are difficult to overcome and that the memories of the better times are really powerful, but you just need to feel them and let them go; if you dwell on them, you will only be harming yourself in the long run. if you want him back, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from him. let him experience whatever it is he wants to experience. if he finds that he misses you, he will come back to you. if and when he does, you will need to evaluate his "experiences" and attitudes and behavior and determine whether you want to give him another chance. i know that right now you are probably dead sure that you will, but you don't know if that may change while he is away. likewise, yes, there are other good guys out there. of course you will never have the same thing with another as you did with him, but that doesn't mean that they cannot be better (or worse, though i hope not). but if all you do is be sad and think of him constantly, then your spirit is going to diminish to the point where it will be difficult to attract and keep anyone else. and also, please realize that things with him were not perfect--to you they may have seemed that way, but obviously not to him. he thought he was missing something, and that is why he left. right now you need to take the focus on him because, really, what good does it do you to wonder if he misses you? it probably only makes you sad, and you don't need any more sadness at this moment. remain as positive as you can in knowing that sometimes things work out in strange ways to our benefit. next time thoughts of him start to haunt you, experience them, take a deep breath, and keep going. it'll be okay, really.
Author Mandy5 Posted July 25, 2007 Author Posted July 25, 2007 Hey Ruby, That relply was a great eye opener, thank you. We are both 22..still young i know. We dated for a year Ya he was really confused when he broke up with me, he said he couldn't explain it, but he just felt like he needed to be single, cuz he has been in relationships for so long. which is understandable. It was just hard cuz it was so out of no where, and i thought everything was going so well. I know i need to not talk to him, and maybe one day he will decide to talk ot me again. It just hard to think about. Whenever im out of the house with peolple i rarely think about him, but it sjust as soon as i get home and try and go to sleep the thoughts are there. I think i do need to be single for a while though, my mom always says you need to be okay by yourself before you can be with someone, and ive been in relationships for a while, and i haven't realy been single since highschool, so i think it will be good for me to be by myself for aw hile:) I guess i just have to belive..if its meant to be then it will work out. Its just so weird because i was with a guy before him for 3 years..and i semed to get over him so much faster..but i guess every guy will be different. I find this site helps though, it feels good to hear that other people are going through the same thing, and that we are not alone. Its nice that people are willing to give advice:) thanks again for your reply:)
Trialbyfire Posted July 25, 2007 Posted July 25, 2007 Try to remember that NC is not a game of power. It should never be used to get someone back. NC is for you alone, that it allows you to get over the other person and get back on your feet. If you're going NC, stay strong, all the way. I highly recommend it.
9Lives Posted July 31, 2007 Posted July 31, 2007 So my exboyfriend broke up with me about a month ago..and ive been NC for just over 2 weeks..i know its not long at all..but im going crazy!!! somedays are better then others..but somedays i feel so horrible, all i want to do is talk to him, and see what hes doing, and know if he misses me too. He broek up with me because he said he wanted to be single, he said he still love sme, but we need to not talk so i can get over him. I just keep wondering if i will ever talk to him again...i really want to call him so bad..but i know i can't... i wonder if this NC is hard for him...or if he has already moved on.. i hate all these thoughts i have!..and i jsut wish they would all go away! I just feel like im not going to meet a guy like him again, he was so good to me, and everythign about him and our relationship was so perfect. I just feel like im not going to find that anymore..i just really want him back. Trust me I know how you feel. i am so crazy about my ex but I am not going to make the mistake of contacting him for nothing. I dont want to see him or anything. I am going to just leave it alone cause anything I do will be wrong so I dont want to make a move...just moving on thru the tears and pain.
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